SHABBAT ~ Changes

My life is changing.

Shabbat  thankfulness for Changes.

It is evolving; being restructured.

It is becoming something new – a reconfiguration of the past molded and shaped by the present to become something that will survive the move into the future.

Little, by little, bits and pieces of my past life is being discarded as my new life is taking shape and being reorganized.

Yesterday, the windbreaker jacket Bob bought 26 years ago (and I have been wearing), went into the trash can: it was wearing thin, and I had bought a fleece jacket to replace it the other day on my shopping venture across the River. I felt a pang of loss pull at my heart when the windbreaker slipped off my fingertips, and fell into the garbage bin under the carport … but I didn’t fall to pieces, and my heart wasn’t shattered.

Honestly, the windbreaker should have been discarded months ago, but I tend to procrastinate doing things that have pain attached to them.  I am a wuss when it comes to pain; physical or emotional – so I prolong the ‘letting go’ as long as I can drag it out.

Last year, this time I was making monthly trips (sometimes, weekly) to Eden Valley, to visit our cemetery plot: I am deliberately cutting those trips back this year. I will still visit our plot occasionally throughout the year – but I won’t be spending so much time there: life cannot be lived fully in the present in a cemetery. And Bob is not there, anyway. Going there was solely for my benefit; and it was, I believe, necessary for my emotional healing.

The sorrow of missingness is still with me …

… and probably always will be. But it is subdued, and easier to rein in now. I am healing.

Yeshua is doing patchwork repair on my life – lovingly removing the bit and pieces that no longer serve … and gently replacing the worn parts with a smoother end.

Necessary changes have been beneficial to my life.

This Shabbat, I am thankful for the new work Elohei is doing in my new life.

I am thankful I have reached this point in my ongoing life where I can agreeably go with the flow, and allow new purpose and direction for my solo lobo life that will complete my life in another way, shape, and form than the one I shared with Bob.

I need that difference to successfully move forward solo loo.

I have never lived my life alone before.

I married into a ready-made family ... and added 1 more.

Solo Lobo living took time to get used to.

Despite all the change and upheaval these past 27 months, I am still here – holding it together, and thanking Elohim every second of every day for all that has been blessing my life to date.

I am thankful for Elohim's lovingkindness.

So, when the past memories call to me, and I feel my thoughts slipping into melancholy with the missingness of the life I knew before it all got skewered … I will lift up my head; and focus on the love, faithfulness, provision, and securities of Elohim, my Father.

I'm in a good place in my life, right now.

I will welcome the ministering hosts of angels – messengers of the Prince of Peace – as they come to bless my home with Sabbath rest.

Moon Rising; tonight.

Bob loved this song, sung by Jonathan Settle …

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX9WTKsUGmk)

The day has been prepared for the arrival of the Shabbat hour. I do my household tasks early in the day so my evenings are free to honor Elohei in a restive manner. Sometimes I get fancy with my appearance … other times, I just wear jeans and a nice top. My Shabbat’s are pretty low-key now. I read, I listen to music, I sing, I eat a light meal, I do light hand work that keeps my mind free to think on the week’s blessings.

Bok Choy Soup – 1 to eat tonight; 1 to eat later in the new week.

Purple Baby Blanket. MOD

In all I do these 24 hours; I will adore, and praise Yeshua, my Husband in my new life.

And I will thank Yeshua for leading us to a Messianic fellowship, where I sang these songs with the husband of flesh He blessed me with, for 44 years; my Bob … who now, sings/dances/and worships Yeshua in the heavenly Courts above the clouds.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALetVR1kk5g & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVD96-cQds0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcbuibgVH1Y)

I know Elohim has a purpose and direction for my solo lobo life; I just have to be open to it, and be willing to bend to that newness.

Tomorrow is Passover; I am glad I have a life of freedom in Yeshua. Exodus: Someplace around 1440 B.C.; Calvary 33 A.D. Yeshua FREED ME a very LONG time ago! No one in this generation is going to enslave me … no matter what banner they fly.

The sun is slowly slipping over the horizon, almost reaching its ‘rest’ here in the PNW. The candle is lit, the blessing sung … the Shabbat has been ushered in.

Sundown tonight ...

L’Chiam!

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-eHCxMM3PI)

SHABBAT THANKFULNESS ~ Health & Friends

Shabbat Shalom 😊 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl-hXiXa8QU & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQMVLJMXn84)

This Shabbat, I’m thankful for my health; my friends, and my life. I have a good life, all things considered.

Shabbat Thankfulness - Health & Friends.

My health is where it needs to be, at my age – and my friends are good people.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

And I never take any of it for granted: I am aware that all of that could change at any given moment. But, for the time being, I’m good with all of it – and I’m thankful for all of it.

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring; and as soon as the weather permits, I will start my day-tripping again … and some road trips.

Trips planned are places I never went to, with Bob.

I am planning some new road trips this year.

They aren’t cross-country ventures, but some of them will be lengthy 8-hour drives. An 8-hour drive (4 hours each way, and roughly a 4-hour exploratory visit) constitutes a road trip’ status. I’ll be leaving at 7 AM, and getting back home around 7 PM.

I am planning one specific lengthy road venture for sometime in July because the weather will be favorable then: the winds off the ocean won’t be so strong, or so bone-chilling.

A first for me - my first solo overnight trip scheduled.

I believe I can handle that 😉

I’ll probably plan that trip for a Monday, to avoid the weekend frenzy; and it will give purpose and direction to a Monday – that day won’t be a dreaded Monday, it will be enjoyable. There may be frustration at some point, but in general, it will be an exciting day full of adventure.

I’m looking forward to that 😊

And on that trip, I’ll have a duffle packed with overnight necessities stashed in the car before it leaves the carport; just in case I need to hole up at some point and spend the night.

Though I am fairly healthy, my left leg is still not where it needs to be – it’s not bad, but it’s not 100%. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it may never be 100% again. I don’t really know what’s wrong with it, except that it hurts like there is arthritis in the lower bone. Some research suggests that the pain may be sciatica related: maybe. I’m not sure. All I know for sure is that the pain never lets up, even when the intensity abates.

But, I’m also 64 years old; so, I figure aging plays a part in that, too.

And that’s okay. My leg still serves me well … I’m still able to get out and do things I want to do. I just have to take things easy and make necessary adjustments. Instead of a steady 8 to 12 hours in the driver’s seat – I’ve cut the mileage in half with breaks to walk and stretch the kinks out: and have begun entertaining throwing an overnight stay into the mix now and then, when needed. Instead of 5 to 8-mile hikes – I’ve cut them back to half of that distance; and that seems to be working for the time being.

And, in all honesty, I was told about a decade ago, not to hike more than 1 mile each way … I’ve been pushing the envelope for years, and my body is now telling me that I need to pay attention, and slow my motor down 😉

It’s not easy for me to give way to aging restrictions.

It’s not easy aging alone.

But, I’m not really alone: I have Elohei with me always – and I have good friends in my life. And I want to stay in my house, fending for myself as long as I can; that means I have to start thinking long-term-adjustments that lead into the future; I can do that. When the time comes that I can no longer stay in my house, I have asked Elohim to just take me Home, rather than consider a Nursing Home. I have every reason to believe Elohim will honor my request to go Home, instead. I don’t anticipate that happening any time soon, but at some point, it will.

But back to the road trips …

I want to get out and about as soon as I can; for as long as I am able to do so.

And I am not going to allow egomaniac governors, fearful family members – or delusional and incoherent fearmongers, dictate to me how I am to live my life. No one has the right to do that. People can make suggestions, but they cannot dictate. They are trying with the mandates, but I will not allow them that satisfaction. America is still the Land of the Free … and I am still a free Citizen.

No one, but me, knows what is BEST for ME. I have always done what is best for me. And I will continue to do what is best for me. I will consider suggestions of family and friends – but, ultimately, I will do what is best for me. When Bob was still walking the Earth as a flesh and blood man, I took his wants and desires into consideration and adjusted my sails when needed: but, Bob is not here now; and no one else knows what is best for me. Bob and I melded our lives together – every decision was a joint decision, even if we did not necessarily agree with each other: we were 1 … our life together exampled that.

I am no longer 1 with anyone else There is no longer a 24-hour human contact as there is in other homes that choose to barricade themselves in their homes, quaking with hyped covid fears: in my home, there is no more husband to share life with, there are no more children/grandchildren to converse with – there is no longer anyone in my home, but me. And the walls in my home echo with memories.

Those memories, while good ones, cannot sustain a healthy environment; they can trip me up in life when they cripple my heart. I love Bob, I miss him – but I cannot live healthily on memories … and I do not want to be stuck in a never-ending-cycle of missingness. I need, at times, to put distance between myself and those memories. Hence the daytrips/road-trips.

My friends understand that about me – and my very good friends encourage me to get out; they know me – they knew me with Bob, and they know I need to escape once in a while. So, they supply me with solo lobo venturing tips: and they explain all the fancy car dodads that make life easier (which the car manual does not explain in plain language, for ‘dummies’ like me 😉).

I am thankful for my helpful friends' encouragements and help.

This Shabbat, I am really thanking Elohim for everything He’s gotten me through, for everything He’s getting me through, and for everything He will see me through.

I am still working on my ambition job of getting as many items, as I can, finished and to the Caring Pregnancy Center before the Spring Daytrips pick up speed. I have quite a few things put aside now, to be dropped off; but I would like to get a few more things done up.

And my Ambitions Jar is full of slips of paper with names, addresses, and information concerning places to visit and experience from now until September 2021. These are places I have never been to (not even with Bob); I was careful this year, to fill my Ambitions Jar with new places to experience every weekend – places Bob would not have wanted to do with me, if he were still here: County Parks in different counties; State Parks in different counties; Park picnics; County Museums in small towns; small hole-in-the-wall Shops & laid-back Restaurants in different counties; browse Flea Markets; explore off-the-beaten-track things.

Bob didn’t mind going on road-trip Daytrips with me, but he wanted to get there – and get back home, with little dilly-dallying. That worked for me, as long as Bob was with me. But, Bob isn’t here now, and I like to dink around when I’m out and about: now, I can spend time taking time to savor new environments away from home.

And I’m not going to apologize to anyone, anywhere, for getting out and about. I’ll be in my car 95% of the time … and when I am out of my car, I’ll be in places with little to no foot traffic: perfectly ‘safe’ for fearful strangers, as well as for carefree and footloose me.

Elohei has not given us the spirit of fear, but a spirt of life and freedom: and I intend to enjoy life and freedom to the max 😊

I'm okay in this stage of my life, to date.

L’Chiam! ~ To Life!

LOOKING AT 2021 THROUGH REFLECTIVE LENS

 

I am eagerly looking forward to Spring. 

For many reasons.

But specifically, because I can start enjoying daytrips again; discussed over the phone this afternoon with an agreeable traveling companion 😊

That is the plan anyway … if DC enforces documentation of the vaccine to travel, I will need to figure out other ways to get out of house/out of town. I will not be getting the vaccine. Ever. I do not put poisons into my body; for any reason.

I do, however, enjoy a very active life when an active life can be enjoyed. I limped through the tail end of 2018; and crawled through 2019. My brain and feet picked up some speed in 2020 – and I’d like to be at cruising speed in 2021: I’ve made plans to broaden my horizons with an overnight mini vaca at some point. I’ve not done that yet, since becoming a solo lobo. I think that is important for me to do, so I am aiming towards that accomplishment.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/magic-moments.html & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/01/adventure-awaits.html)

Everything depends on the obama-biden crazy train being divinely derailed, and parked.

Every morning I wake up praying the downward spiraling obamanite nightmare wildfire, which is a toxic blend of islam, nazi tactics, communism, socialism, and satanism … burning through the populace and destroying America; will be drowned out with a fresh dose of reality that will slap sense into the DC stoopids/their lemmings, and tilt things back upright.

I have to hang onto the hope that there are still rational thinking people in America that haven’t sold their souls. I know I am a rational thinking person, and my soul hasn’t been snatched by that snake, Lucifer: I have to believe I am not alone. To think otherwise, would be depressing – and I don’t make a place in my life for fear.

I know Elohei is a firm foundation that is unshakable; a rock on which I stand.

When Bob and I spoke our last words to each other, those last 12 hours before December 14^th, 2018 severed our Earthly connection – I assured him that I would live and rebuild a new life (as he requested). We both knew that the kids would drop off the familial radar; but neither of us has any idea the entire life we had built together for 44 years, would go so spectacularly up in flames: contractual legalities burned through 2019 and erased all our joint holdings/the kids set fire to the thin strands that bound them to us, and they were permanently gone from my life sans Bob – by the end of 2020: and the 2020 DC “scientific” bullshit surrounding covid hysteria reduced everything else to ash.

2020 was a door closing frenzy ...

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/monday-monday-cant-trust-that-day.html & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/my-calendar-is-full.html)

There is literally nothing at all left of the 44 years of our life together (except memories, that now feel like a distant dream) to bring into the new life I need to engage in, in 2021. That is a hard reality to face.

I actually had a premonition type of dream last year, that left the impression upon waking … that my new life would be truly disconnected from Bob. At first the dream really disturbed me; but now I can “see” with clarity what I missed of the message, last year: things in my life, connected to Bob, spiraled out of control for 24 months; the memories aren’t enough to sustain stability.

In the last 2 months – even with the Election Year upheaval – things in my life, seem to have found a holding pattern: I have been breathing easier, and getting more comfortable in my solo lobo life.

I did state two days ago, that I am bummed out about the communist obamanite leadership in DC and across this land … but, I know that all things work together to bring about Elohim’s Grand Plan – and I rest in that knowledge.

I am looking at the view of 2021 through reflective lens, cocooned in the love of my Father and my two husbands (Yeshua and Bob); they all know exactly where I am. Whether I toot the horn, or not – I am never alone, though I may be walking through this life solo lobo 😉

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/disturbing-dream.html)

The dawning of 2021 birthed a new world; with an antagonistic new world order carried forward on the back of ancient History. There is nothing new that has not already been done … it is just “new” to our place on life’s timeline.

I will have to try to build a new life for myself … in a new world, with a new world order, that has no place for me: a new world order that has erased common sense along with male/female genders and Elohim – both, are viewed as useless in the obamanite world that is being set in place by the obama’s puppet tools, dementia boy biden and spotty hyaena harris.

There are a lot of messed up people today ...(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/old-dinosaurs-refuse-to-die-out.html)

I am a female: an elderly female – born an honest-to-God female, and unapologetic about that distinction. I am definitely considered “irrelevant”. I have actually been told this, to my face.

I am a Christian – totally unmovable in my Faith; again, I have been told I am “irrelevant” … as well as being labeled by DC obamanites, as a “domestic terrorist” (obama declared this in first coup, the military agreed and implemented that labeling in their warfare manuals, and obama’s third coup through biden, is reaffirming that labeling).

Trying to build a life in 2021 will not be easy for me to do; every avenue for a successful rebuild has been hampered with obamanite roadblocks that stretch into 2022 – some demonrat politicians are even going so far as to state “this is here to stay”: meaning the obamanite encouraged/applauded street violence, and covid lockdowns will never end!

The landscape of my life has drastically changed in the past 26 months; the ground I have gained was hard won. And I weathered those battles & celebrated those victories pretty much solo lobo; because most everyone else has been hiding in their houses afraid of covid, for the past year.

There’s been no fellowshipping – churches shut their doors: I don’t think I will walk through those doors when (or if) they reopen; the leadership there does not walk with God … and I make no place for fear in my life.

There has been no friendly gatherings – senior centers I had joined in hopes of making friends following the onset of widowhood, closed their doors. The hiking club I hoped to join, pulled notices and has stopped all activities … even though all activities would be outdoors. Over the months, as the doors stayed barred, and the notices ceased to be reenacted, I’ve lost interest in all of it. These things interested me because of the social interaction – without the interaction, they are pointless; and I do not want to be hammered with covid themed talk when (or if) the Center or Club picks up again.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/home-alone.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/making-bank.html, & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/shabbat-ponderings.html)

Friends that were in my life 26 months ago have tapered off … some have totally fallen off … and I’m not sure those bridges can be rebuilt: their minds, have by and large, been seriously affected by the covid nonsense and the political hostility coming from DC. I’m not interested in any of that – and I don’t want to pulled into a biased argument doomed to hostilities.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/pieces-of-april-in-january_10.html)

And the Widow Groups I had joined went off the rails; ‘widows’ who weren’t actual widows were joining: homosexuals, common-law unions, girlfriends, parents mourning children, people mourning siblings and parents … some even including mourning for pets; all the groups gave special attention to those who had a covid death lament. All the Groups started becoming dating sites. It got to a ridiculous point. So, I left all of the groups – I had nothing in common with any of those people. I am not interested in being treated special … or treated with kid gloves because of a political label being slapped on my life. I am not interested in mourning 24/7 for the rest of my life. I’m not interested in online dating sites. The Groups were helpful until covid hit; and by then, I had outgrown them: it was time to leave when I left.

Negativity happens - but you don't have to court it.

Like I said, my life has drastically changed the past 26 months.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/the-word-for-2020.html)

But Elohei remains the same solid foundation on which I stand.

I know Elohim is for me. 

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/01/his-grace-is-still-sufficient-for-me.html)

I know Yeshua stands with me. 

I know there is a Plan for my life 😊

I know that things will eventually work out 😉

SNOWY SHABBAT

I thought the rain last night would melt the snow we got yesterday; but instead, I woke up to another 3 inches gathered throughout the day 😊

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/02/and-snow-came.html)

So, I stayed put.

Anything that has to be done in town will just have to wait until next week – word is the snow will be gone by then, as a warmer temperature and a rainstorm is rolling in Sunday evening.

I watched the snow fall all day long while I finished up a new kitchen towel design …

Skylights shaded with falling snow. Bathroom

Kitchen skylight.

Oriental Maple flocked by Mother Nature; and snow covered daffodils/hens-chicks sedum. Dining room window.

Birdhouse, birdfeeder with snowy roofs - little chickadee eating wet seed. LV window.

I put a handful of raisins and crancherries in a baggie of bird seed, and refilled the feeder for my feathered friends.

I couldn't resist making my mark ... LOL

Flocked evergreen. Livingroom window.

Around 11:30 AM, I glanced up from my knitting, and noticed the Iris planter at the street end of my garden area, was losing it’s 2-inch ‘collar’ – it was too top-heavy and couldn’t stay atop the thin lip of the planter.

By 4 PM, it had slid to the snowy ground.

Snowflakes are quite a bit bigger now ... quarter size; 11:44 AM.

Coming down pretty steadily, and adding inches; 11:47 AM.

MOD fnished Mallard Kitchen Towel Set.

Finished just before Shabbat kicked in 😉

I’m going to stop all activity now until Saturday evening; and spent tonight snuggled in Bob's recliner & blanket; to finish the novel I put aside 3 days ago to get my kitchen stocked with newly designed/worked up kitchen towels (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/02/mod-denim-tulip-kitchen-towel.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/02/mod-vandyke-spring-kitchen-towel.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/02/mod-shortie-in-pink-valentine-kitchen.html & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/02/mod-mallards-kitchen-towel-set.html).