It’s Friday night, and I’m home alone.
I’m alone … yet, not.
It’s me, Yeshua, and thoughts of Bob.
And I’m okay with that.
Since we stopped bar hopping 4 decades ago and started
walking the straight and narrow, Friday nights have consistently been quiet
nights. In fact, the entire weekend has been pretty laid back, concluding with
a leisurely Sunday drive in the country – any county, either side of the River
was fine with me: and Bob knew every backroad like the back of his hand (I
rely on road maps and GPS). I miss that comfortable routine I enjoyed with
my husband.
So – that’s how I’ve decided to kick off ‘My New Life’:
kicking back around dusk to usher the Shabbat Rest in; relaxing the pace
of life, and surrounding myself with peaceful vibes.
Come Sunday, hitting a backroad for a Sunday~Funday Daytrip, and letting myself
unwind completely before facing another manic Monday leading to another hectic
week. 1 thing I a going to fit into the Sunday~Funday adventure … at least
once a month … is a sit-down restaurant meal: in a locale that is not
local; does not have to be fancy, just a different location. Bob & I
often did that – and I need to be comfortable doing things like this on my own.
Solo. It is not my friends’ responsibility to entertain me; they have been
great about including me in their lives, and I appreciate the love; but ultimately,
I have to try my wings like every other fledgling: alone.
And, I’ve started a 2020 Bucket List: I don’t know if
this will be my last year on Earth, or not (only Elohim knows that); but
there are challenges I’d like to accomplish, things I’d like to do, and places
I’d like to visit – hence the 2020 Bucket List. For the time being, the
notations are fairly simple and basic … but the thought process that is
generated sparks the brain cells, which activates the memory bank, prompting the
motivation that physically activates me; and that’s a good thing ;-)
Next year’s list may be more detailed and more adventurous,
but for starters, 2020’s simplistic activities outline, will do very well.
I'm working real hard to have more on my List than this ...
There’s more to senior life that watching time pass …
I’ve begun an “every-other-day” exercise regime …
geriatric, because I am 63 now, and I don’t want to throw my back out or
pull a muscle: I’m home alone now. I have to take care of myself: and be careful
about it. Wisdom is the principal theme in every endeavor I embark on now. The Senior
Centers have scheduled exercises too, but I’ve never been very coordinated (necessary
for group exercises that involve ‘1-2-3’ animated steps) and yoga doesn’t interest
me. Curiosity may propel me to go see if they have stretching activities –
those I can do without stumbling through a disjointed 1-2-3 animated
process. It will also prompt me to get out of the house more often. Some widows
have suggested I join them for Senior Center dances, but I couldn’t do that: I don’t
want to dance with anyone but my husband. I may, come Spring, go just to watch
from the sidelines, but I really do not feel like being cajoled into doing
something I am not comfortable doing, so ‘we’ll see’.
I don’t want to fill in every day of the calendar, just
maybe 1 or 2 days a week – if even that. I am comfortable being a solo lobo: I need
periods of solitude, at home. Alone. But, I do know, that in order to reestablish/rebuild
a new life – I have to HAVE A LIFE to look forward to enjoying.
And people in my life are going to have to work around the
proposed Bucket List notations.
2020 is going to be about doing what is BEST
FOR ME.
And I don’t care if that is selfish or not …
