PLEASE COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

Bob was wanted by both Elohim & me in 2018 – he answered the call from on high.

Bob was doing much better last year, this evening, at 8:10 PM: I know because I was there with him, and taking notes to be shared as soon as FB recognized me as me, and allowed me back on to our Page.

Bob had agreed to 3 blood transfusions, in preparation for the scheduled surgery. The plan, that night – tonight, last year – was that if everything went as it was hoped it would, he will be out of ICU tomorrow and back in a ward room. His heart tempo had been holding in the low/mid 90’s since early afternoon, and he had even been up in the recliner playing his games on the iPad; and even did a word search book page. These activities were very encouraging for him to do – and for me (and the ICU attendants) to see him doing. A lower degree of stomach pain means that he will also be able to eat a soft food diet this week. I was really hoping because he had not been able to keep anything in his stomach for months – that was alarming me.

He couldn’t get better if his body couldn’t be nourished. He was literally starving to death.

Bob doing a Word Search Puzzle; he liked doing those, and I had bought him several. Now, those books are in his nightstand here at home: Bob no longer does them … and I can’t bring myself to do them. Eventually, I will; but I can’t just yet.

The nurses searched floors to find a recliner to replace the hard, plastic, folding chair I have been sitting in and sleeping in; I was thankful. I kept a duffel bag with me, stuffed with juices, snacks, my laptop, and a knitting project to work on when Bob slept.

Everyone at OHSU had been very good to Bob; and very accommodating to me. We are grateful and very thankful.

Bob's heart monitoring stats was looking good (holding steady in the mid-90's), and Bob had been prepped for surgery.

In just a few short hours, things would change drastically …

This day & evening, this year, I am limping through this new life of mine, dodging foul balls and well-aimed missiles designed to cripple and seriously injure.

It’s always 1 step forward … 2 steps back.

Always. Without fail.

I can drop people out of my life when they prove to be more of a handicap than a help: and I have.

I can avoid people and situations that trip me up, and try to mislead me in this solo journey of mine: and I have.

But, I need the car. And, it has to last me a very looooong time.

And I need the Bank.

AT & T, I can do without … but, for the time being, I am still bound to that hellish company by a phone contract.

So.

There has been a little yellow triangle thingee popping up on the car dash when I start it …

Yellow triangle thingee

Driving into the sun at 7:45 AM; nearing Baker's Corner.

Sunrise at Baker’s Corner – hell on the eyes, but pretty to see, just the same. I am still seeing spots. LOL

… so, I took it to Toyota today to find out what the heck it is and why it is coming up. Apparently, that is normal according to the mechanics there, and part of the new software upload. I hate it: it is confusing and worries me when it comes up. But, I am stuck with it until enough people bitch and they remove it. But, while I was in there, I was told I was due for a maintenance check: $101.83 out of pocket. While the Warranty Contract is still valid, the Maintenance Contract expired in October – NO NOTIFICATION. I had the $$$; but it still irked me that the car did not notify me it needed to be taken to the Shop (THAT feature lost in the new software upgrade!), and Toyota did NOT notify me that my Maintenance Contract was ending. Aren’t they supposed to let people KNOW these things?

Leaving Toyota, I decided spur of the moment, to hop across the river to Scappoose to do a little clothes shopping; I’ve lost 35 pounds and my clothes are hanging loose, so I needed to get some things that fit a little better – I bought 1 pair of pants and 3 sweaters this morning.

The 2019 Thanksgiving video I sent to my granddaughters a couple days ago.

On the way home, leaving Scappoose, the clouds parted long enough for me to catch glimpses of Mt. Adams & Mt. Hood in the distance. I did get a little weepy looking at them, and remembering all the years Bob took me on daytrips to the mountains:

Mt. Adams; the 2^nd highest mountain in Washington State. Mt. Rainier is the tallest … and my favorite ;-)

Mt. Hood, in Oregon.

And when I got home, the P.U.D. bill was waiting for me in the mail, so I paid it – and saw ANOTHER LATE NOTIFICATION FORM AT& T! This is beyond ridiculous: and neither AT & T OR the Bank will take responsibility for the continual harassment: AT & T for constantly funneling the monthly payments to my dead husband’s account … and the Bank for messing around with our joint account and throwing it into payment chaos. It may be time to get a Lawyer. I am d.o.n.e. with the bullshit. I don’t need the frustration: I am still trying to get past the widow’s-brain-fog: shit like this seriously sets me back when it happens.

Tonight, this year, I could really, really use Bob’s open arms and manly chest  to burrow into about now. I wish Bob could've "come home for Christmas; or at least by New Year's Day" last Winter. But, wishes are not riches, and I do not have rings on my fingers or bells on my toes :-(

And, he did actually "go Home" & he was healed: a much better location, in a much better body. I am happy for him; truly. But, I miss him, just the same. His presence in my life while he walked with me and loved me like a man, was comforting - I miss that.

Steaming over the unfairness of what I have to continually deal with through no fault of my own, I got busy making bread; I need fresh bread, and I needed to pummel the hell out of the dough, working my frustration out in a positive and productive manner ;-)