This Mother’s Day afternoon I received several texts, wishing me a ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’ Each text came at just the right time (and saved me from a tear-soaked day).
The last 2 Mother's Day days, I've been able
to escape the house and lose myself in a looooong drive, and a hike ...
bypassing a tear-soaked day. But today it rained most of the day, and my wings
were clipped by intermediate rainfall.
Memories threatened to undo me all day long: they're good memories, but the emotional overture they bring with them, drains the energy out of me while I'm sidestepping the loneliness. The loneliness isn't a feeling of having an empty life ... my life is actually pretty busy with activities and friends; the loneliness is feeling the loss of my special someone.
Particularly when that special someone is directly responsible for what today represents.
So, all day long I've been doing a quick sidestep shuffle around memories.
The texts were welcome bright spots in an
otherwise dreary day. In all honesty, it would not have been easier if I'd
been with friends (I begged off - I know me; I would not have
been good company).
Tonight, while setting the racoon trap in place a.g.a.i.n. (I wish that racoon would get his furry butt into that thing!), I noticed the darkening sky was highlighted with a beautiful reddish-pink undertone - my vid does not do it justice! The sky actually looked like it was backlit by a slow-burn under the heavy gray cloud cover.
The song, "The Sky Is Burning" popped into my thoughts.
The Sky
is Burning: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3CfvXnawOo)
And I did almost cry with that one thought ...
but managed not to.
Bob and I were dancing to that song at a dance
club just off Commerce, in May of 1974.
By
May of 1975 I was a Mother.
My daughter, and grandchildren were raised
listening to Bad Company songs 😉
Visions of seeing my pretty newborn red-headed
baby girl with black eyes (her hair and eyes lightened up eventually)
being held by her proud Daddy; danced before my eyes. My bio-father had
strawberry-red hair: I have red tint to my hair, Bob had red tint to his hair
... Stacey has red tint to her hair; and Alyna has beautiful dark auburn hair
when it is not dyed. Even Azariah has red tint in his hair.
Visions of Bob carrying Stacey draped over his long right arm, with her tiny head nestled in his large hand (cradled so gently), as we walked through stores on paydays; we had a stroller, but he liked holding her. Him so handsome - her so tiny and delicate ... instinctively trusting in that strong arm and tender, work-calloused hand (just like her Mama). Me proud of them both; and feeling lucky to have them blessing my life.
My
heart ached with missingness.
By the time I got back inside the house, dusk was moving in.
Tomorrow, if the predicted weather forecast is
correct, I am going for a drive: putting distance between thoughts -
sliding the sun roof open - cranking the music up ... and making fun &
laughter the goal of the day.
