This day, last year, was my first social outing as a widow: Cheryl and Pam had visited me at our home a couple weeks earlier, and decided I needed to get out of the house and engage in socializing again – they didn’t know that I had never really ever socialized solo without Bob. Ever. I don’t make friends easily (I’m too much for some, and not enough for others; so, I stick pretty much to myself. Solo Lobo). They planned a day at Pam’s house out Coal Creek Road – a day of laid back schmoozing, endless cups of coffee, lots of laughter (some tears I couldn’t halt), talks of their husbands and kids … and reflections all the way around about Bob, and how he had affected all our lives at some point
And I was asked how I was doing.
I heard myself replying, "I'm doing okay - it's getting better."
I was surprised to hear those words come out of my mouth.
And I was asked how I was doing.
I heard myself replying, "I'm doing okay - it's getting better."
I was surprised to hear those words come out of my mouth.
And today, this year – just a few minutes ago, I talked to both gals via the air waves since they are hunkered down in their homes obeying the ‘shelter-in place’ mandate. They do get out for walks, but they stay in their own private spaces. I’m the rebel of our small tribe … I jump the threshold on occasion and expand my horizons. I do this wisely; I do this in secluded places. I am using common sense in directing my own life’s actions.
And I respect my friends’ choices – we may not be meeting at our homes at the moment, but we are meeting weekly at noon; with our phones ;-) We are friends. We love each other. We are sisters.
Again, husbands and children were discussed - normal stuff in normal days, in normal families.
Again, I was asked how I am doing. Cheryl and Pam are friends from waaaay baaaack … and they have become my closest confidants now that Bob is no longer here to share my trials, my joys; my struggles, my successes; my opinionated opinions, and my secrets.
Again, I told them “I am doing okay – it’s getting better; I’m getting stronger.”
Am I?
Yes, I believe I am speaking the truth; despite some resurgences of emotional setbacks during this pandemic which makes me feel vulnerable again with memories/emotions I’d rather not deal with at the moment – and bouts of frustrated anger at the restrictions slapped on my life I chafe at having to deal with at this particular time in my life.
I am a firm believer that spoken words have power.
In the early months of my widowhood life, I never thought those words would ever escape my lips.
Missing Bob with a ache that went bone deep, I never thought I’d feel those words ever again.
But, they must be true; or I could not have said them: I am healing.
And I respect my friends’ choices – we may not be meeting at our homes at the moment, but we are meeting weekly at noon; with our phones ;-) We are friends. We love each other. We are sisters.
Again, husbands and children were discussed - normal stuff in normal days, in normal families.
Again, I was asked how I am doing. Cheryl and Pam are friends from waaaay baaaack … and they have become my closest confidants now that Bob is no longer here to share my trials, my joys; my struggles, my successes; my opinionated opinions, and my secrets.
Again, I told them “I am doing okay – it’s getting better; I’m getting stronger.”
Am I?
Yes, I believe I am speaking the truth; despite some resurgences of emotional setbacks during this pandemic which makes me feel vulnerable again with memories/emotions I’d rather not deal with at the moment – and bouts of frustrated anger at the restrictions slapped on my life I chafe at having to deal with at this particular time in my life.
I am a firm believer that spoken words have power.
In the early months of my widowhood life, I never thought those words would ever escape my lips.
Missing Bob with a ache that went bone deep, I never thought I’d feel those words ever again.
But, they must be true; or I could not have said them: I am healing.
