Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Monday, March 23, 2020

I LOVE YOU


First thing this morning, when I logged into FB, was a ping notifying me that I had a message waiting – I clicked on the link, and received this picture of Bob, from a fella he went to school with: I did not know Bob at this time.

This picture would have been taken either before Bob’s first marriage, somewhere around 1968, after he graduated High School … or somewhere around 1969-1970 while he was married to Gloria (before or during one of their many separations before his son, Alex, was born). I do know that it is a picture showing him working while Durrah and Martin Logging, Inc. logged the Mt. St. Helen’s area. In this picture he is checking the log wrappers to make sure they are secure – and making sure the undercarriage and tires are what they need to be to safely haul those logs. I am not sure if he is driving his Dad’s truck … or driving a truck his outfit rented at the time from Weyco Camp Baker:

My life misses Bob. My heart hungers for Bob. My eyes are starved for Bob.

Only Bob would know for sure – and Bob is no longer here.

Getting a glimpse into a part of Bob’s life I wasn’t a part of then, is like a love note dropped into my life, now; Bob had told me about working Mt. St. Helen’s … and getting hit with a July snow storm one day when they hadn’t dressed for snow that morning as they headed off to work. He always laughed when he told me that story – and I never really believed it until one summer day, 12 years ago, we drove through a freshly plowed mountain backroad with snowbanks piled high, covering road signs with only their tops showing: a summer snowstorm ;-)

This picture gives me a glimpse of what Bob looked like back then.

My PM chat box alerted me there were messages from my friends and from my cousin. Affirmations of love.

My phone buzzed, telling me I have texts waiting to be read from a granddaughter, a friend, and a niece. Confirmations of love.

My phone rang with friends’ calls … checking on me to see how I am doing. Reminders of love.

“I love you’s” are coming through loud and clear, today :-D

Those “I love you’s” were as much for their comfort, as for mine. They wanted to let me know they are thinking of me … and they wanted to hear me alleviate some of their fears – they know I do not panic easily: fear does not rule my life. People are rattled at the moment; they don’t know what to believe. The televised media is scaring them with political hyperbole.

They had heard that the National Guard has been deployed to WA State: I had expected that. It is concerning, but hopefully it will not become a new ‘norm’ – we do not need a military presence permanently in our populace. I think politicians have made the coronavirus a campaign tactic and are going into hysteria mode. It is what it is.

They heard that coronavirus is mutating, and that the incubation period has now been pushed further out than the estimated 14 days, due to the mutations and instances where some people have been reinfected after being ‘cleared’ by medical staff. Coronavirus is a virus … viruses are living entities; and this one is not behaving how scientists, doctors, and governments think it should/want it to behave. Scientists and doctors do NOT KNOW what to do because they do not know what is going on. How can a vaccine seriously be made that will effectively work on a continual mutating virus? People are going to have to use their own common sense – they cannot, in reality, be held a government hostage in their homes … and businesses cannot logically be shut down … indefinitely. Will there eventually be a revolt if this thing drags out the 18 months worst scenario? It’s possible. Anything, at this point – focusing on a depressing projection, is possible. That’s why it’s wise to turn off the back-to-back-fearmongering televised {updates}; and get outside once in a while.

They heard that doctors are telling people not to use paper money – use plastic instead, because plastic can be wiped down with disinfectant. The Feds are already disinfecting public monies that have been handled, and have touched solid surfaces. Could this play into the NWO moneyless era? Christians are understandably very concerned about that possibility. Already plastic cards have been chipped; we do not want the chip in our bodies. I understand: I am a Christian. But, I also understand that I have always known that at some point in my life, the possibility of a moneyless society has always loomed. Freaking out will not change anything. No matter WHAT happens, Christians need to trust Elohim. In e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

My friends, who have been expecting medical procedures before coronavirus struck, have heard that hospitals are now suspending “all unnecessary surgeries” – what, exactly does that imply? I don’t know … I choose not to have surgeries of any type: I’ve never had a surgery – I’ve had stitches in my childhood, and I delivered a baby girl … and I have had dental work done (referred to as oral surgery): but I’ve never had a surgery done for broken bones, internal adjustments, or joint replacements. And I don’t intend to. Meanwhile, abortions wholesale will continue. Ironically, saving lives is postponed for the fear of contacting the coronavirus; but ending lives is sanctioned ‘necessity’ and fears of contacting the coronavirus is pooh-poohed in that regard. It’s political correctness insanity on steroids. Personally, I believe this global pandemic rides on the shirttails of global baby murders – kind of an ‘balancing of the books’, if you will: a life for a life.

They heard the demoncrat party wants to raid Social Security monies to fund the {free} coronavirus kits for tent cities, sanctuary cities, and illegal aliens ‘who are afraid to come forward’. That is thievery, pure and simple – it is an outright theft of savings Seniors have put aside their entire working lives, so they would not have to end up on the streets at the end of their lives – and it is paltry enough, without having pelosi, schumer, aco, waters, and the other demoncrat blackhearts ‘tapping’ it: let them tap their own personal savings to pay for their political screwups. Elections are coming up – Americans will remember e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. the demoncrats have done these 3 years.

They asked if I had started my garden yet – I said not, but I hope to get seedlings started on the windowsills soon; to go into the garden sometime in April, in the garden boxes Bob built for me – and placed down the length of the side property line ...

Garden Boxes Bob built
Last Spring - 2019, I filled the last 6 boxes Bob had built and placed in line (4 small up front; 2 large out back) before the neighbor, and the Park manager here, killed him with their ridiculousness. I hope to get a good bounty this year. Last year, grief kept me from gardening effectively.

Currently, the only thing keeping me indoors at the moment is the pollen in the air, and the scattering blossoms blown off the trees by the river winds:

Right alongside my carport.
Outside my livingroom windows - down both sides of the street.

It will be nice to get outside to plant my garden, and sit on the front porch on the beautifully carved/finished Coho bench, Bob’s brother Kerry designed and built: to relax, and look over the garden area with Bob’s love in my thoughts 


That didn’t get to happen last year because ron cook was still living next door, making my life miserable after he killed my husband with his paranoid nonsense. But, ron is no longer living next door blowing cigarette smoke in my direction, boldly walking up my sidewalk to cut across my front yard into his carport (while looking straight at me!), or hurling ‘fuck yous’ at me ... or telling me to go back inside my house: because he was candy scott’s pet, and could, literally ... get away with murder and overt harassment. Thank you, Yeshua, that that murdering moron is gone!

I trust Elohim with my life; I have for 54 years … no matter what, He gives ‘peace that passes all understanding’; worrying steals joy in the moment, and it accomplishes nothing by the end of the day. That is why I don’t live my life hamstrung by fear.


That assurance calmed a lot of frayed nerves throughout the day.

I choose not to live in fear.

I choose life.

I choose love.

I am glad my day, today, was started with love – and continually filled with love. I am glad those who love me were comforted by the love I gave to them :-D

I love You, Yeshua.

I love you, Babe.


Always ~ OX