GRAY HAIR DAYS

1 Year Ago, TODAY: {{But before I left, I leaned over to kiss Bob’s hand that was holding mine and he said, “I’m seeing more and more gray in your hair Luv.” And I quickly said, “For sure. And you are the one putting it there, Babe. It’s been a rough 9 weeks.” We laughed.}}

Bob had had gray hair for decades ... started graying after his 2nd death in 1981 ... and he was waiting for the day my hair would gray. He would be tickled pink to see how much it has grayed up now! :-D

  

Got my hair shagged, and slipped into one of Bob’s old tees. Bob liked my hair long & shagged … and I like wearing Bob’s tees and polo's ;-) The upper layers of my hair is a silvery gray – the bottom end of my hair is still that dull battleship gray. I like the silvery gray.

On second thought - HE CAN SEE how gray my hair has become now. But, I wish ((((I)))) could see his face while he is looking at it. There is still some – very little – of my natural hair color, but it has significantly grayed over these past 10 months/13 days/23 hrs. & 56 mins.

I love you, Babe.

Always.

OX

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Last year, on this day, this is what we had been dealing with at the local hospital; and what I had posted to FB:

We have been at the hospital since Thursday afternoon (I leave around 8 p.m. only to get home and crash until morning visiting hours). Today was pretty much the same as yesterday with many conflicting diagnoses with the “need to see a specialist”, and a serious indication again today – about 3 hours ago – of being sent to OHSU or Vancouver for surgery; this time on his pancreas because CT imaging showed pseudo-cysts. That was upsetting to both of us: the looming {immediate} need for surgery as well as the daunting ordeal of me dealing with city driving.

SO, WE PRAYED ABOUT IT! Openly, and confidently – not showy, but determined to get this settled once and for all.

We (and the kids) waited on tender-hooks for a decision to be made. As of 3 hours ago it appears the {immediacy} of the impending surgery has been put on the back burner and the medical staff here is brainstorming for alternatives to stave off surgery knowing that is not a preference for us if an alternative can be worked out. The kids went off to their various jobs, Bob settled in for some overdue sleep after being allowed to drink some broth and agreed to overnight monitoring and a meeting with a personalized dietitian tomorrow (hopefully he will know by release time what foods he is allowed to eat so he CAN eat safely and I can confidently prepare meals that won’t cause a flare up) … and I came home to get some much needed rest. Emotional strain will drain you quicker than a physical tiredness!

But before I left, I leaned over to kiss Bob’s hand that was holding mine and he said, “I’m seeing more and more gray in your hair Luv.” And I quickly said, “For sure. And you are the one putting it there, Babe. It’s been a rough 9 weeks.” We laughed. And I do believe that before this ordeal is over, my hair will resemble the white streaked hair of Frankenstein’s Bride. LOL!

On a brighter note … concerns for the gall bladder have been permanently shelved: that was a misdiagnosis and every surgeon who consulted with us said they did not understand why that was even a concern as the gall bladder looks fine to them – it is the pancreas that is causing all the trouble. And that looks like it will be a life-long issue (unless Elohim steps in with merciful favor and heals it as we know He can) BUT it can be controlled with diet, stress relief measures, and a serious change of lifestyle. So we will be working on all those things to get this thing under control as soon as Bob realizes that he needs to get serious about life changes (aka diet changes, how he deals with stressors, and the ‘want to’ to DO what needs to be done to alleviate the excruciating flare-ups) … THAT will be the major issue in all this upset: the changes are severe and so far Bob has not been keen with them. According to this internet search, the pancreatic pseudo-cysts can go away on their own with the measures mentioned above; that is what I, personally, am praying towards.

Yesterday after all the various tests and scans to try to pinpoint what was causing the pain, the overwhelming consensus is that Bob’s gall bladder, kidneys, and heart ALL look as good as they can at 69 yo, and there is no real concern about them at this point even though surgery was strongly pushed to remove the gall bladder even last week; and docs are still concerned about the arrhythmia – but meds have been ditched because of the recent seizure-like/black-out fall-downs (they even unhooked the IV bag last night because there was indication THAT was making his heart race … they are finally wising up to the reality that the IV ‘water’ is not good for Bob); and everyone had us believing he was a candidate for kidney dialysis in the near future! But our God is greater!!! And HE did what HE does best – supernaturally went to work to heal what the doctors could not: ((((THANK YOU YESHUA!)))) for taking care of those issues; now we just need the pancreas to start behaving ;-)

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There were SO many misdiagnoses. Bob’s pancreatitis was not the normal pancreatitis upset – it didn’t fit “the pattern”: Bob’s flareup was strictly due to stress: which is a rare cause for this disease. Apparently that is hereditary. And those saline IV Bags exasperated the situation; they should not have been used with Bob’s medical condition - the nurses hooked them back up after that 1 short reprieve: the saline IV drips added to the edema situation that literally crushed Bob’s internal organs and eventually killed him. Bob was dying – but, he should have been able to die at home – like he wanted to do – with a heart attack that would have taken him sooner with less traumatic instances. I STILL get angry when I think about HOW his body died. It was all so unnecessary. And too prolonged. He should not have had to suffer the way he did towards the end.

Bob’s spirit eventually left this Earth over the river at OHSU. Even knowing he was dying, Bob was upbeat, positive, encouraging to the medical staff & teams there, and concerned for and sorry to be leaving me behind. Bob, never once, got angry over his situation; he DID briefly get angry with his mother & sisters when they tried to override his DNR order & my upholding of his decision, but he forgave them too in short order. Bob didn’t waste time and energy on anger. Bob was love personified: some real love left this world with Bob last December.