A LOT OF THINKING TO DO

 

GOOD things are happening 😊

It’s been a few days since I last posted: I’ve been busy turning pages in this new chapter in my new life – and filling them in/fleshing them out, with daily happenings.

Friday, I received a notification from Bob’s old Logging Union that there were finds waiting for me to claim. I was confused – we thought we had heard the last from TOC Woodworker’s years ago; so, I called them. I was told that the funds had been placed in trust for me decades ago by Bob (he was always a loving, thoughtful, and providing husband to me), and were definitely waiting to be claimed by me: and I will receive the Beneficiary funds every month for the rest of my life.

So … after I hung up, I smiled through tears as I filled the papers out – and set them aside to be notarized, and mailed off Monday.

I was sad to get the funds: they would not be in play if Bob’s physical body had not died.

I was happy to be receiving the funds: they are bittersweet reminders of Bob’s loving care for me, and my secure provision/protection without his physical presence in my life.

It’s complex.

This happy unexpected surprise gives me a bit more breathing space in the budget after the house is sold and I start a new chapter in my new life in a new locale, with a new house – and all that will require.

((((THANK YOU, BABE!)))) You may have hated living in the country; but your love is going to get me there, just the same 😉

Saturday, I surfed the internet looking at houses for sale – I didn’t see anything that appealed to me.

Sunday, I went to Fellowship; and drove the loop home … veering off at Pe Ell and coming back to Longview via Wildwood and Vader: I didn’t see any houses for sale – just plots of land.

Monday morning, I ate breakfast with David, and enjoyed a 5-hour chat session (I was surprised the waitresses that switched shifts didn’t kick us out). We talked about past times, high school days, the kids, his current family, Bob – we talked about our friendship over a period of 56 years of time! And he gave me tips on getting help (handyman services, ect.) and getting things (a riding lawn mower, ect.), that I’ll need for my new country life.

I told him what I had told Pam Sunday afternoon … I’ll still be making trips to Longview for this and that; and I’ll still want to spend time with them – they’ll just have to call me the night before to set the day and time, because getting together for Breakfast, and Supper, will take a little longer than the 5 minutes from my current house. Depending on where I kick my shoes off in the near future, it could take half an hour to an hour and a half.

Tuesday, I cleaned house like a whirling dervish – taking a brief break to drive into town to notarize my claim, and mail it off.

An honest-to-God 'horseless carriage'.

Half a tank of gas ... gas prices.

The Highlander gives me good mileage – 22 mph in town/in city, and 27 mph. on open roadway/freeway. I’m going to need that extra mileage when I move to the country; a trip “into town” will take a little longer than the 5-minute hop it is now.

The Highlander should see me well through 15 or 20 more years (or my lifespan): it’s good for 300,000 miles & it hasn’t even racked up 30,000 yet, since we bought it in 2017.

HAPPY SURPRISE & BLESSING; Bob is still providing for me 😊

As I was finishing up the floors and dusting Tuesday afternoon, I happened to glance out the kitchen window and saw a U-Haul parked in front of the pigsty next door. Apparently, tessa is finally moving.

I have been waiting for this day.

This woman, like ron cook, made our lives miserable since the day we moved into this Park, in 2017: it was constant drama that was malicious … and baseless.

Since the day ron finally moved – and I sang Hallelujah! – I have been waiting for the day tessa would also move. Now that the day has arrived, I find it to be ‘a little too little, a little too late’.

The excitement I expected to feel isn’t there.

Bob is never walking back into my life: her move won’t change that. Her finally moving, can’t assuage the emptiness to my life that her malicious immaturity and spiteful behavior has caused.

I just want to leave this Hellhole Park.

I do not want to continue living in Longview.

I want to get away from rotten people; with as much peacefulness, as possible.

I have lived in a lot of places, but I have never lived in such a mean-spirited place as Longview.

tessa is moving.

Today, I had a couple hours free before house pictures were taken this afternoon; so, I went for an early morning walk around the Lake – and did some thinking while relaxing my body.

Cooler, early morning walk; due to hot weather later today.

Very early morning - now, or not at all, today.

The Lake hike is a mile shorter than the Dike Hike.

Lake Sacajawea Trail Hike; 4 miles the way I walk it.

Dike Hike/Pacific Way Trail - 5.2 miles round trip from 48th to 30th - 2.6 miles 1-way.

Mama Duck and baby duckling.

Early morning Hen Session on the Lake mainline; LOL

Early morning Party Crashers.

Party Crashers causing a ruckus.

I have a lot of thinking to do - a new home means a lot of handyman work.

Thinking about the heating situation ...

Wood-wood; or sawdust pellets. I don't know yet.

There are going to be LARGE expenses on the new home upgrades.

The carpet debacle.

I'm hoping and praying for a 'Bidding War' that will boost my sale price.

I'm looking for a new home in 3 Counties ... a lot of footwork may be in the details.

Longview & Castle Rock; are in Cowlitz County.

Cathlamet, Skamokawa, Graysriver & Rosburg; are in Wahkiakum County.

Naselle, Bay Center, Menlo, Lebam, & Pluvius; are in Pacific County.

Pe Ell, Doty, Napavine, Boistfort, Winlock, & Vader; are in Lewis County.

Wahkiakum, Cowlitz, & Pacific Counties: are familiar to me, in regards to daily living.

Lewis County is unfamiliar in regards to daily living.

The Loop Route I drive twice a week ... and I hope to find a new home along the route.

Thinking, and walking along, I happened to catch glimpse of something hanging high, in the tree limbs: what on earth?

It looked like someone had hung a speaker from a limb.

I walked over for a closer look.

It now resembled a large bug catcher box.

What the heck is up in that tree ... it looks like a speaker; but isn't; it’s some sort of bug catcher. What kind of insect is the County trying for? This cardboard thing is HUGE.

Passing by the Lion’s Building, I noticed a garden area in the back … so I walked over to see it.

I was glad to see that some kids are learning to garden: it’s a basic life skill that will successfully enrich their lives, all of their lives.

A Teen Life Skills Garden at the Lion's Center Building.

I also noticed, as I walked along, back to the car … that 20^th Avenue was closed to traffic.

The roadway is needing repair work.

It looks like a minefield with all the ratty, pitted blacktop, and ragged potholes.

20th Avenue Overpass Closed.

It reminded me of life – my life of late.

My life needs repair work.

My life has been undermined – and on occasion, sabotaged – by destructive minefields that pitted the landscape and left ragged potholes.

But, I’ve done the best I can to patch the ratty, pitted surface of my widow life … and I’m restructuring, and resurfacing, the potholes: no cheap chip-seal job for my life! No sir!

I’m going to do a top-notch patch job that will ‘go the distance’.

The pictures were taken today: late afternoon.

The paperwork will get underway on Friday 😉

MOVING INTO MY NEW STORY

Yesterday I made plans to get the listing paperwork for this house sale underway: pictures will be taken sometime this coming week.

I am very happy with the listing figures 😊

I want to strike while the iron is hot (so to speak) … and the interest $$$$ on mortgage payments is as low as it currently is. I can get a fixed ‘locked in’ figure at a good deal.

I’d rather pay mortgage on a home that (((I))) have the final say on (what I do with my yard/who can visit – and what time they can visit/how long I can sit on my porch – my own ‘quiet time’ hours; ect), rather than continue to pay yearly escalating monthly rent on the small parched earth my current home sits on, with little to no freedoms to actually live the life I choose to live: MPO is that locked in mortgage payments makes much more sense.

‘It’s My Life (And I’ll Live It)’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qr5hB99B3U

Some people like restrictions (told what to do, how to do it, why to do it, and who they can do it with) placed on their lives: I do not.

Some people like living in congested, frantic paced, cities: I do not.

Some people like living in crowded suburban communities: I do not.

Some people, like me, like wide open spaces with plenty of elbow room to live, and breathe, in.

So, the process of moving on, is moving forward.

I don’t have much to do in preparation of selling and moving: I’ve twice downsized considerably since becoming a widow 31 months ago. There isn’t much to pack up. Just the same, I will probably have to hire a moving company to load the bulky, heavy items since I have no family men to call on to help load and reload a U-Haul. A moving company will be expensive … but it’s their job to lift and haul.

Dovetailing their schedule to match mine will be the tricky part.

Today, and tomorrow, I will be dusting surfaces and mopping floors, to get the house ‘showroom ready’ for the picture taking session next week.

I admit I had a little cry this morning.

We had bought this house 3 years ago, with such high hopes – looking towards a happy, relaxed retirement life together.

There was never a single moment of happiness here.

The neighbors on both sides of us made sure of that.

And a fallout with the nastiest neighbor resulted in catapulting me from Wife to Widow; just 18 short months of living here.

Though I will be glad to be shuck of this place – packing up and moving forward without the love of my life is a major undertaking.

It’s not such a life shaking experience as adjusting to widowhood was.

It is an adjustment, just the same.

Hence the tears.

I believe this move will be a healing balm to my wounded soul.

And I believe I will find some sort of happiness, again.

Just the same, this move will be different than all the other moves.

There is no Husband to consider.

There are no children to consider.

There are no grandchildren to consider.

No one will be moving forward with me.

Family members won't be visiting.

The new house will not come to vibrate with the thumping of running feet, or the belly laughter of overnighting grandchildren.

Moving further along into my new life’s story … the new home will only shelter me.

It is a mental adjustment with which I will be gauging my new home.

I’ve never been down this path, solo, before.

It’s exciting.

It’s scary.

It’s liberating.

It’s bittersweet in all its emotional yo-yoing.

I don’t know yet where Elohim has planned for me to relocate and settle in for the next chapters of my new life.

I want out of Longview.

I am hoping for Graysriver or Naselle … but I am not limiting myself to those areas of preference. Finding a home there is not easy. Homes for sale there are as rare as finding hen’s teeth; and when they are available, people already in that area that have had their eye on them, snap them up as soon as they are posted, either on the wind, or by a family member realtor. Everyone is related to everyone there: and they like to keep the houses in the family – one way, or the other.

So, with that is mind, all open country between here and there is open for speculation and browsing: Graysriver, Rosburg, Naselle, Menlo, Pe Ell, Winlock & Vader.

My thoughts concerning Vader are on the fence. I really want to get further away than Vader … and most houses for sale there have been horribly ‘remodeled’ by self-labeled ‘carpenters’; those houses for sale there, really need a total overhaul by someone who has the $$$$$ and knowledge of real carpenter skills – like Bob. But Bob is no longer available. And I do not want to rebuild a house from the foundation, upward, at the material costs the demonrat covid-obsessed-debacle has foisted on contractors/buyers.

I don’t mind manageable move in costs – like a new roof, or new flooring; but I can’t afford to correct a clueless DIYr’s costly mistakes.

I want an affordable home.

But I also want a home I will not be ashamed of … or that will put me in the Poor House with upgrades.

I am living on 1 paycheck now.

I do not have the backup resource monies that were available before.

Any and all home have to be viewed with an “as is” eye, now; because repairs, upgrades, and personal perks, will take a bit longer to accomplish with one limited funds paycheck, than they were with the flexibility enjoyed previously.

Getting this house ready to sell, I’m juggling a lot of emotions right now.

‘Good Things Are Coming My Way’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEYcRsuUy-Y

If I didn’t know Elohim was “already on it, Val”, I’d be a basketcase.

STANDING ON MY OWN

Slipping into bed last night, I got to thinking about the distance from Kerry’s home in the foothills of Mt. St. Helens … to my house here, at Heron Pointe: until I drove that highway myself, I didn’t fully realize the distance.

And I also got to thinking about how self-sufficient I will become when I get my new home in the country.

So, I decided that I’d start standing on my own – starting with hanging that foyer mirror 😉

The trouble is not with hanging the mirror, itself: it’s more to do with finding the studs behind the wall, and securing screws in place to hold the weight of the mirror.

Kerry, like Bob, knows how to do that by tapping on the walls and listening for the sound vibrations that tells where the studs are. Also, Bob would automatically just know by determining how the house was built – that would tell him exactly where the studs were placed.

I don’t know any of that.

So, I asked for help: and would watch, to learn.

But, last night, I decided that I would just have to cut Kerry some slack in his Good Samaritan mercies, and learn by jumping into the fire and hoping I don’t get burned 😉

Reroute for Naselle Coffee Hour; canceled Friday plans.

Beaver Creek Road from Heron Pointe; via WA-4 W - 19 mins.

Beaver Creek Road drops onto the Elochoman Road.

Naselle from Beaver Creek Road, off the Elochoman Road; via WA-4 W - 48 mins.

This morning, before pulling out of the carport on my way to Naselle, I called Kerry and told him I’m grateful for all his help … but “I need to figure this man stuff out for myself”.

And I do.

When I get to the country, I’ll have to be self-sufficient.

I need to figure this 'man stuff' out, on my own; if I plan on moving to the country.

I want to be self-sufficient: I once was.

I do not want to do what other widows do: get married to have a man on hand to get things done.

I am capable of getting my own stuff done.

My confidence was crippled, and my gray matter was sputtering with misfires all of 2019. I missed Bob so much I lost sense of who I was without him. My life and body missed Bob so much, my brain was running interference with the missingness, by shutting down my thought process when the missingness was overwhelming.

Widows and widowers got that; others didn’t.

I appeared addle-minded.

But I was really in survival mode.

My life started getting on track all of 2020.

My confidence was strengthened, and my brain didn’t have to run interference with my thoughts anymore: I was more engaged in the moment to moment happening of a daily life unfolding.

I wasn’t asking for help so much.

My life was making a comeback 😊

With the dawning of 2021, I was back in the swing of things.

Life is humming along – I like that.

I want to keep up that momentum.

So, last night, I decided that I needed to up the ante in getting back into the swing of things. I am not a stupid woman – if I don’t know something, I can learn: and using a stud finder is just as good as tapping on the walls.

I gave all Bob’s drills and drill bits to Alex and Kerry because they were just too darned heavy and bulky for my hands and wrists. But, I can buy smaller drills; heavy enough to get the job done – yet light enough to use, without causing pain to my wrist joint.

I’m pretty sure I can get both at Lowe’s, in town.

By leaving early, and driving over Beaver Creek Road, I made good time in getting to Naselle 😊

The day was a beautiful blue-sky-day, despite the smoke on the breeze: though everyone coughed a little now and then, it wasn’t enough to hurt the lungs or make breathing a painful burn.

On my way back home, I made a detour to Eden Valley.

Eden Valley from Naselle; via WA-4 E - 25 mins.

I’m not carrying on a convo at the cemetery anymore; but when I have big decisions to make, or weighty things on my mind … I will drive out there, and just sit.

I’m not going there as often as I was – that’s a bittersweet growth in my forward movement.

‘Til I Can Make It On My Own’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHycUpawWh0

It comforts me – I know he’s not there; but there is a connection of sorts, there.

I miss Bob’s calm and soothing presence; his cremains are there. That knowledge, is enough to help me sort my emotions.

Everything was manicured nicely.

I miss his voice; I miss our conversations – though I cannot hear Bob’s voice anymore … I can remember what he sounded like. I can recall the advice he gave then – and would give now if he could.

It’s oddly relaxing to just sit there: it is helpful at times.

Leaving Eden Valley, I turned onto Barr Road. It’s a nice country drive. As I was driving along, listening to Bad Company, a sign caught my eye as I passed it …

Barr Road from Eden Valley; via Eden Valley Road & Altoona-Pillar Rock Road - 14 mins.

This was not on Barr Road on Sunday, when I drove through.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!

I braked – and backed up, to be sure I saw what I thought I saw.

I snapped a pic, and jetted it off to my realtor to be checked out.

Turning off Barr Road, and onto the Covered Bridge Road, I had to brake and back up again!

Again, I snapped a pic and jetted it off to my realtor; to see if we can learn more about it and find out how available (as in price range) it is.

These houses won't last long, so we gotta strike while the iron is hot.

It's been 3 years since the last one was posted.

This one is on the Covered Bridge Road ... both are surprising; real estate here is very rare.

Covered Bridge Road from Barr Road; via Barr Rd & Covered Bridge Rd - 5 mins.

I glance at this house on the hill every time I drive through – I’ve never seen it for sale before; the locale is perfect: I’m waiting on a price quote.

I was feeling pretty excited, and hopeful – houses for sale here is pretty rare. Graysriver is the area I hope to relocate to, but seeing house for sale is rare: most people sell privately to people they know. Outsiders (aka: not born there), like me, find finding a house there very difficult.

But, I have been praying.

And hoping.

I am standing on His promises.

And Elohim is showing me He is listening 😊

Even if neither of these houses pan out for me … I know that Elohim is hearing me; and if it is His Will for me to live in Graysriver, He will make a way for me to purchase a home there.

There is no doubt – on my part – about that.

Before I turned the Highlander towards home, I decided to drive to Aunt Frieda’s home and ask if she or John might know anything about these houses: who they belong to, where exactly are the flood areas when Winter arrives (both houses are on hills, so the house itself, would be safe). The houses listed surprised her too, so she went on a driving tour with me. We agreed the house on The Covered Bridge Road would suit me best, if it’s meant to be.

If not, she’s agreed to keep her ear to the ground for other possibles.

And I know I can count on Elohim to clue me in when the right one comes along 😉

Beaver Creek Road from Covered Bridge Road; via WA-4 E - 30 mins.

Heron Pointe from Beaver Creek Road; via Beaver Creek Rd & WA-4 E - 27 mins.

I followed a motorcycle all the way from Mill Creek Road to Longview. My heart was in my throat because there was a kid on the back; looked to be about 7 or 8 yo … and very active. He kept wiggling around to look at my car – and the cars behind me: I mean, he was turning his whole body around, not just his head.

What was the driver thinking????

Kids riding in cars have to wear seat belts!

Other than the flimsy helmet the kid was wearing, there was no protection for him at all if that bike tipped, due to all his constant crawling all over the seat.

It was stressful to watch.

This made me nervous - the kid was fidgety; I stayed waaaay back away from them.

I was glad to get away from that disaster waiting to happen, and park in the carport.

I made a salad from garden gleanings: tasty greens (salad and beet leaves), crisp carrot slices, scallions, cucumber, purslane, parsley; nasturtiums, violets, and homemade salad dressing.

Supper Salad.

SO YUM 😊

After Supper, I reviewed my monthly household budget; crunched the numbers, and though I don’t have an accurate quote yet on what I can realistically sell this house for … I am relatively confident that I can buy a decent home in the area I am aiming for.

On my own.

Standing on Faith; and praying for a hefty down payment.

Today was a good day; full of love, hope, and encouragement.