What a roller
coaster ride this year has been. Reflecting on posts from this time last year,
I am thankful that though I was suddenly alone and cast adrift on this
widowhood journey, Elohim never left me alone.
His grace was …
and still is … sufficient for me.
By His strength I am
upheld, supported, prospered, and sanctified. When I am at my weakest point, He
lifts me up and places me in the safety of The Rock (Isaiah 28:16
& Romans 9:33), where life’s tempests swirl and howl around me; but
cannot touch me. When sudden, unexpected emotions overwhelm me and my knees
buckle with the onslaught, He comes alongside me and lends His shoulder for me
to lean against as we walk together through the turmoil (Isaiah
41:10-11). And I hear Him whisper gently as He hugs me tight against
His supportive shoulder, “It’s okay Val: I have everything under control. You
just lean on Me; everything will work out. You’ll see. In these days of
uncertainty and economic crisis, don’t worry about tomorrow; I will meet all
your needs according to My riches in glory: I am well able to do immeasurably
more than you can ask or even imagine.” (Matthew 6:25-34, John
14:27, Hebrews 13:5)
What a blessing!
What promises!
What wonderful
expectations to look forward to.
I am a Daughter of the
Most High God, a joint-heir justified in Yeshua, and can rightly expect the
fulfillment of these promises (Hebrews 2:1, Hebrews 12:14, 1
Corinthians 6:11, & Ephesians 1:13).
When I stay in Him, He
stays in me (1 Chronicles 16:11, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 3:9 & 1
Thessalonians 5:23).
When I find myself harassed
by life’s stressors and seek His strength, and seek His presence continually; I
find Him immediately beside me, comforting me and rejoicing over me with
gladness as he quiets my soul, exulting over me with joyous singing (Zephaniah
3:17). I have in the past, clearly heard that singing … and it is
beautiful and comforting.
Since my husband
stepped off this planet, I have weathered many of life’s storms as I came to
terms with my husband’s physical death; financial upheaval; the total loss of
family as siblings/in-laws/and children abandoned me (all documented in my
2019 Blog posts) – but, Yeshua remained my constant and faithful 24/hr.
companion.
I didn’t even know
how to pray: ME! A Prayer Warrior couldn’t
dredge up more than a pitiful ‘Help me, Yeshua! Please!’ plea during those first
6 tumultuous months. I would walk through my days like a zombie and fall into
bed every night wondering what I actually did during the day besides cry. I
would lay there, in the dark, ignoring the empty spot next to me where my
husband had lay for our 44 years together. I would lay there, staring at the
ceiling with tears running down the sides of my face, wetting my pillow, and
silently cry, “Help me, Yeshua! Please. Help me!”
And He did.
Yeshua sent familiar
comforters to me: Bob’s younger brother, Kerry to help me … and to help me learn
how to do man-things on my own. Yeshua sent Mike and Cheryl, and Pam, to me. Cheryl
called every day for those first widowhood weeks; she still calls weekly. Mike and
Cheryl came by frequently – and later, when I was able, asked me to join them
just as frequently when they were out and about: Mike’s help – and explaining
to me – in man-things that needed doing, was invaluable. About this time,
last year, Pam also started coming with Cheryl when she came to visit me. They
all helped me in ways that words simply cannot express. And I found out
recently that they were ALL dealing with personal hardships of their own too:
though not as hard as the loss of a spouse, it is still very hard to go through.
I am grateful for the time they took to love me back to the land of the functionally
living: and I hope and pray I can be as worthy a friend to them.
Enjoying a bowl of frozen
blueberries, I picked with Mike and Cheryl this summer. I could hear bees all
around me – large colonies – but never got stung once. Good thing too, as I didn’t
have an EpiPen. Elohim was faithful to keep me safe. "Oh, taste and see that The Lord is good".
Keenager’s, a weekly
Senior Meet-n-Greet that Bob & I enjoyed … and I now attend alone; is also
a familiar comfort to me; I have been adopted by a group of 5 friends who have opened their arms of friendship to me. I am blessed. And I since December of 2019, have joined 2 local Senior
Centers to engage in periodic activities there.
I still have moments
– and I am sure I will always struggle with Bob’s absence in my life, but I am
stronger today that I was this day last year … and every day I get a little
stronger. In my human weakness, His grace is sufficient for
me.
Today,
as I look forward to what 2020 will bring into my new life, I look back at the
adventures I shared with Bob, and hold them in my memories where they will forever
remain as I look forward to new adventures: the things Bob and I
enjoyed together is no longer safe or prudent for me to do as a solo lobo;
things like taking mini vacas at the
spur-of-the-moment; shoestring local vacas, but a blast just the same ;-) We
enjoyed time in the different mountains in both Washington and Oregon: we had,
throughout the years, hit ALL of them before Bob left earth :-D We
enjoyed nature and enjoyed it weekly; and counted the money spent on those
weekly and often overnight jaunts to far-flung places in the 2 states to be
worth the cost; sometimes we revisited special places again and again. Bob
liked surprising me with impromptu trips too - like the time he couldn't wait
for me to wake up and whisk me off to Mount Baker and make a leisurely trip
back home via Leavenworth: we dragged the trip out for a week; what a trip! What
a thoughtful and loving man. We drove across America to Vermont; I had
always wanted to make the drive across America and Bob had never been west of
the Rockies: another memorable experience. And we, and our granddaughter with
us, went to Vegas to see our newborn grandson when he joined our family 5 years
ago, and came back home along the pioneer trail his ancestors had traveled
during their pioneer days (what fun!) before settling in Eden Valley, which is
also the final resting place for Bob's cremains in the family cemetery. All
those things I wanted only to do with Bob; it would not be the same –
nor would it be safe at all – doing them alone.
My
new adventures won’t be quite as adventurous now that my adventuring partner is
no longer here, but there are still things I can do fairly local and
financially doable – and those things are what I will be doing ;-)
It is enough.
Elohim has been very good to me – giving me the strength and power
to get up, over, under, around, and through the hurdles thrown across my path
throughout 2019; and I am content that His grace is sufficient for me.
Tonight’s sunset seen from where I
sat in Bob’s recliner. The skyscape changed significantly as the clouds moved
across the sky before total darkness fell.
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