A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN 4 DAYS!
I didn’t
want it to happen.
I
fought it.
I
denied it.
I did
everything in my power to ignore his advances … and make it go away.
But,
Fate won’t be denied.
Everything
came to a head when Holland was in the hospital with kidney stones, a few days
ago. I have known for a year that he has been flirting with me … but I wasn’t
ready to let go of the memory of Bob. About two months ago, Holland got
bolder in his attempts to catch my attention – and I kept shutting him down.
Gently. Firmly. Two weeks ago, Holland
actually texted me, spelling out clearly what his intentions were:
I pulled
over to the side of the road and stared at the text for a good 15 minutes
before responding. I cried. I did not want this. Friendship – yes; romance
leading to marriage – NO.
I even
flat out told him to “look elsewhere – I’m not interested in romance; I still love
Bob”: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/11/it-aint-me-keep-searching.html).
Mr. Complication was persistent.
I don’t even know when things changed on my end!
All I know … is that things did change … from my adamant denial on Thursday – (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/think-pink-breathe.html) – to agreeing to a “coffee date” on the following night (he had released from the hospital around 1 AM Friday morning). I got a text simply saying, “I’m home. We have to talk.”
Things spiraled into {official dating} in turbo speed.
The
past three evenings … sandwiched between small-scale home Christmas décor,
hiking, my Monday & Tuesday Life Coaching Meetings, and Sunday Fellowship …
have been enlightening, exciting, informative, and moving quickly towards
building a permanent life together (not sure when that will be ‘official’).
We’re not rushing into anything, but permanency is being discussed. We’re
Senior Citizens – there’s not a whole lot of time to pussy-foot around 😉
We have
a lot in common.
I find
myself smiling when he calls, or texts; we are friends – I like spending time
with him. Though he is very different from Bob … there are similarities of
character. Friends think it’s cute when they hear him call me ‘Baby’ (they don’t
know that’s Bob’s pet name for me; and I didn’t cry when I heard Holland say it
to me). I didn’t pull away when he touched me, like I thought I might:
Bob’s the only man that has ever held my hand, or hugged me, in 48 years; 4
of those years, I’ve been a solo lobo widow quite content to remain single –
Holland has changed that. The kisses are quick and tentative pecks, and Holland
is understanding. This dating thing is unfamiliar territory to me. He gives me
space to breathe and get comfortable with these quick paced changes; he is not
rushing me. He is allowing me to set the pace. I appreciate that.
Holland’s
been on fire for 15 months – my feelings are sparking.
I never
expected anything like this. I never encouraged it. I’ve been blindsided by the
Love Bug.
I called my kids and got their input on the situation; I heard, “Go
for it!”
I feel that
if Bob is watching this thing unfolding, he is smiling and applauding this next
step forward in my New Life.
My
laptop has been on the fritz since Friday evening: the router needed to be
replaced. Holland came by tonight to see what he could do; and got it up and
running 😊
And because my laptop background pic is of Bob … he got a closeup
view of the man he has been competing with for ownership of my heart. He didn’t
say a word. He didn’t appear to be uncomfortable. He knows there is room in
my heart to make a space for him; he knows because I have told him that.
He also
heard me say (one Sunday Fellowship Day), when I went forward for
prayer, “I am asking prayer for direction in my life. I want e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
God has for me.”
Holland
knew something I did not know. Holland waited for me – he will still wait for
me, as long as it takes (which, all of a sudden, is a short period of time).
I did
not want this. I did not sit around waiting for it. I actively discouraged any flirting.
But Holland waited 35 years for this … and my heart is softening, and ready to
take the plunge with all the complicated risks. This is a new experience; and
yet I am totally comfortable leaning into it 😉
I am comfortable with Holland; and more than a little surprised that I am totally comfortable
with the love he has just for me.
Thank You,
Father, for the divine provision.
Thank
you, Bob, for making me hear your approving encouragement when I didn’t want
to.
Thank
You, Yeshua, for Your peace that passes all understanding.
Thank You, Ruach HaKo’desh, for the tie
that binds.
I am no longer denying the inevitable.
Fate always has its way 😉
2023 is going to be very interesting.
