This is my 4th September, without Bob.
As I dressed to spend the
day away from home, my thoughts were redirected to last year’s colorful Fall
leaves, and I laughed aloud – because dressed as I was, I represented every
colorful leaf in last year’s leaf fall 😉
‘Spectrum’ Post: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/10/spectrum.html)
I spent the day with friends
– new friends; friends I made this year. Friends who never knew Bob. Friends
that only know Bob by what I share about my life with Bob … and some
only know Bob through his recorded testimony, by which they hear in his own
words about his life.
As
I forge ahead in this journey, I am not walking alone; not only do I have a “great
heavenly host surrounding” me … but I have the very real, very present presence
of friends spread over two counties, who have opened their lives to meld with
mine. No matter where I am, at any given time – I am surrounded by the spirit
of these people I share this journey with: whether alone in my home or the
highlander; or actually sharing face-to-face time.
I
am also constantly and continually, surrounded by the love my husband showered
on me – the essence of Bob is in the confidence his love imbued me with; the
love I steadily pull on as I am learning to take care of myself in all the
areas my husband took care of me for the 44 years we shared together. I
don’t mean that Bob treated me like an over-grown-baby, because he didn’t … what
I do mean, is that he tempered my life in areas it needed balance: now, I
am learning to find that balance, solo lobo. I am leaning into confidence
without a verbal backup agreement. I am learning to trust the decisions
I make – I can trust those decisions because Bob trusted my decisions while
he walked this Earth with me; and he told me he trusted me to get on with
living after he was gone. My husband, in his final days on Earth, was
positively instilling me with the confidence I would need to move forward after
I was pushed into this New Life of mine unwillingly.
I didn’t
know then … and I wouldn’t feel the full effects of his wise instillment, until
recently … it turns out (and Bob instinctively knew – and impressed
on me) that I can survive the worst life has to offer: and I
can still find parts of life to love and to be thankful for.
I am learning in the waning of 2022, to value every minute – and
every person – I’m afforded.
Love
and loss, pain and beauty. Never one without the other. Always bright and intense.
