HAPPY SHABBAT ~ GROWTH & FRIENDSHIP BLESSINGS

My outside garden area is completely put to rest until Spring 2021 … and I have pinned baby strawberry plants to take root overwinter in a soil-filled planter: they will be transplanted to a permanent planter, later on.

Staking baby strawberries.

My indoors gardening area, has for the moment, been transformed into a nursery for rooting Christmas Cactus slips; I noticed several cactus pads with roots dangling from them, so I separated those from the mother plant and potted them for the upcoming Bazaar I will be doing the end of this month – this is the only Bazaar I will be doing this year. Hopefully, there will be customers, but if not … it will be a ‘get-out-of-town’ day with good chit-chat-company at the Grange.

Budding Christmas Cactus slips. $1.50 Bazaar item.

Pink buds – Perennial.

White budding Christmas Cactus. Bazaar item – Perennial.

Creeping Stonecrop sedum clippings. Spreads quickly. Spruce green leaves, yellow flower stalk. $2.50 Bazaar item – Perennial.

Pigsqueak. Cabbage leaf leaves, burgundy-pink flower stalk. $5 Bazaar item – Perennial.

I noticed Christmas Cactus slips of 1 or 2 single potted slips, selling for $5.25 on Etsy; so, at my low price, I am hoping all of my propagations find new homes October 31^st 😉

On another topic … I noticed when I logged on to FB this morning, that a ‘Memory’ post I had posted this time last year, was about Riverside Park. Bob and I had walked that Park much of the past 3 decades – almost daily for the past 15 years, after we had moved to the West Side Highway area; where we had bought, remodeled, and sold 2 homes before moving here: where I now live alone.

Seeing that memory pop up on FB, made my heart happy – and hurt, at the same time.

We had many years of happy memories there.

We had 1 year of heartache memories there.

Bob’s doctors kept insisting he walk every day – at least a mile. That was ludicrous given his weakened condition, but he was game to give it a try.

These pictures were taken October 1^st, 2018; the last Park walk Bob and I would ever take together; Bob really did do very well on this particular walk.

It took all his strength to do it, but he did it.

Beautiful fall day in Riverside County Park, in Lexington.

Little furry beggar. 2018, Oct. 1st.

Pouting – we had been so excited to get out of the hospital, and out of house … forgot the peanuts.

Beautiful Fall day in the Park: it was the last time Bob would walk here, or anywhere, with me ever again this side of Heaven.

The following week after this enjoyable walk, his illness flared up and he went back into the local ER, ICU, and a permanent hospital room … until he was transferred to OHSU across the river … and never came home alive again.

Every few months I drive to Riverside Park and walk the dike trail, but it is a very difficult thing for me to do now.

This Park was {our} Park.

We walked here together, for 30 years. We walked here with our children/grandchildren, we walked here with our Pomeranian, and later our wolf; we walked here for the last time, 45 days into Bob’s last 106 days on Earth. Maybe someday it will be easy again, but for now it is a struggle.

Bob went back into ER the 2nd week of October ... and never came home alive again.

In OHSU waiting for his heart to stabilize so the exploratory surgery could take place, Bob was asked by an ER/ICU attendant, “What would you like to do if the surgery is successful and you are released to go home?”

Without hesitation, Bob reached for my hand, and answered, “Walk with my Baby in the Park, and feed the squirrels.”

I hope there are squirrels in Heaven.

December 1^st, 2018: Bob spending an easy, restful day doing a Word Search page; 13 days from Heaven’s Gates …

Speaking of Heaven, the Hargand’s are, 1 by 1 gaining a good portion of celestial Real Estate up there as family and friends relocate from here to there.

We lost our lifelong friend, David, in 2014. That loss was hard for us; we loved him like a brother. David was ‘family’ since 1986; and he was ‘Uncle’ to our daughter and granddaughter. He knew about Azariah’s approaching birth … but never got to see him because he died a month before Aza made his appearance.

2010/Memorial Day at the beach. Dave & Bob with ‘the girls”; Dave’s 2 rottweilers, and our wolf.

Bob’s Dad passed in 2015.

Bob's Dad. Died February 10th, 2015

I believe Bob had a young 2^nd cousin passed the same year from a long illness; we last saw “little John” at Bob’s Dad’s funeral – he passed shortly afterward.

Bruce, Bob’s High School/young adult life friend all through his 1^st marriage and into our marriage, died in 2016.

1972. Redpath, Kelso – where Bob lived at the time with his first wife and toddler son. Bruce is cooking on the grill; Bob is in the blue shirt, and Alan is holding the beer.

2 of Bob’s Uncles, Fred and Herbie, passed in 2016 & 2017; in that order.

Frieda, Bob Sr., Herbie, Cliff, and Fred sitting.

And, of course, my Bob passed in 2018.

1976. Bob – Christmas Eve.

2 more of Bob’s relatives passed recently.

Brian, first in 2019 … then his mother, Marie – a few weeks ago; Herbie’s wife and son.

I’m just really ready for things to slow down, in the cemetery department.

Death, and the healing of- is draining.

It’s been a steady yearly drain for years – with little rebound time.

In the midst of the death drains … both kids have been energy vampires, sucking the life out of the little charge left in our backup battery, until both Bob and I were punch-drunk; having taken so many sucker-punches from both of our self-centered children.

Rebounding from Bob’s physical death is taking me the longest because it hit me the hardest: and then the kids moved in for their 1-2-punches in my weakest moment before removing themselves totally from my life.

I miss Bob.

Greatly.

Every second of every day.

I don’t miss the kids’ brutalizing interactions.

But Elohim was faithful.

He placed people in my life that enrich my life with kindness, friendly interaction, gentle and appreciative help, patiently aiding me in unfurling my wings and teaching me to fledge with confidence, and love – the kind of philia-agape-love that includes a sharing of lives with no hidden agenda or arranged outcome.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCyIxWrRPNc).

I like that.

I am mindful … and thankful, everyday … of the friends, Elohei has sent me these 22 months.

I have a good God, Who greatly loves me/highly favors me/faithfully provides for me (on every level).

So, this Shabbat, I am thankful for Friends.

Shabbat Shalom.

Thankful for my Friends.

I consider my friends, ‘Godsends’ because they are 😉

I am in a strange place in my life right now …

Genuine friendship, love, and kindness.

Like the budding cactus slips, my life’s which seemed to have no purpose separated from the life I shared with Bob; new growth is beginning to show.

Budding with the promise of full flowering, is also putting in an appearance.

Growth is taking root.

Friends have been the environment in which growth was possible.

So, this Shabbat, I am feeling blessed.

Growth and friendship: both blessed gifts from Yeshua; my Husband, Who understands more than I do about my life, and knows what He revealed to Bob for 44 years …

A happy wife = a happy life.

An emotional and spiritual romance (relationship, involvement, adventure, enthusiasm, association, saga) 😉

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I8jVET0B0w)

I am blessed.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOF2T0Md0DU)

L'Chiam! To life - mine here ... Bob's there.

I’M NOT A RICH WIDOW

When people hear ‘widow’ they envision a rich life of luxuries.

That is not my life.

Yes, I have a car that is free and clear.

Yes, I have a house that is free and clear.

But the car and house require maintenance … maintenance requires money.

I have just enough income to ‘get by’.

No more than that.

One burp at any time in any month and my finances takes a hit.

So far, since August, it’s been several burps a month.

Each burp has been an expensive ‘hit’.

I’m tired of crying.

I’m tired of counting pennies to scrape by every month.

I’m tired of the never-ending “man-stuff” that needs to get done … with no man in-house.

I miss MY man!

Bob was my Mr. Fixit: he could fix anything; and he did. While he was still here, on Earth. He maintained the car, tinkered with things around the house that needed righted, and every year – like clockwork – he cleared the gutters and checked the roof … and looked the other way when I hired a window cleaner: 1 person at a fair price.

Anything I need done now, will need hired help with a BIG price tag.

2004 – Bob changing oil filter in his truck.

2006. Bob laying baseboard in our 1^st Longview house; in our 2^nd house he remodeled the whole thing, displaying carpentry skills his father taught him … and that I wasn’t even aware of until 8 years ago.

2009. Bob realigning patio blocks at our 1^st house in Longview.

2009. Bob built me a Hen House & Hen Pen. Every Spring he rototilled my garden area.

2010 – Bob fixing an oil leak in my KIA.

2017 – Bob’s last love gifts for me, so I could garden here, where I live now. Alone. He built 13 of them – the last one finished before that horrible day in August 2018.

I miss my man.

1974. Our 1^st Date.

2006 – Bob.

2017 Family Reunion at Cliff’s; Bob and his Uncle Cliff.

I miss my life.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7sX9BSaSOU)

I miss the sanity before biased covid mandates destroyed the economy and turned everyone into money-grabbing morons.

August: I had to have my windshield replaced – insurance picked up the bulk of the bill, but I had a $250 deductible that had to be paid out-of-pocket.

I also had dental work done, and though I had faithfully saved every month of 2020 for the dental visit and had the monies available, there was an unforeseen $300 increase to the dental quote due to covid restrictions and the want to “get it all done now because I won’t be back”: I can’t go back to a business that treats me like a criminal.

A $550 ‘hit’ to the monthly budget. I shifted some funds from the Tire Money in savings to cover the difference: now the tire fund is weak. And the tires concern was what was pressing on Bob’s final thoughts.

Bob’s final words to me were, “I love you, Honey”, “make sure you always have $2,000 Tire Money at hand”, and “keep the house, Val”.

The tire money being short is worrisome; I feel I have let Bob down by dipping into that … and I do have a leaky tire, that is concerning.

September: It was time to get the car into Dick Hannah for scheduled maintenance. The mileage warranties are quickly wrapping up, and I am paying more and more out-of-pocket for things I have no way of knowing for sure even needs to be done – Bob would know; I am not Bob. If I am told the work needs to be done, I have no choice but to take them at their word.

September was a $100 ‘hit’.

By far, the softest hit.

I buy groceries in bulk, so the freezer and pantry are still holding up pretty good, and I am still eating healthy.

October: This month, I needed to buy new glasses – gotta have ‘em; they are not optional. But because of covid mandate madness, I have had to switch optometrists … with a ((((surprise)))) $300 hit to my finances. New doctor, new pay scale.

Also, in October, it was time again to replace the car license tab at $108: grand total, another $408 increase in my monthly budget tally.

The rainy weather made it easy to sit it out, and cool my heels at home … but the budget got washed down the drain along with the rainwater.

When November rolls around, again due to covid mandates, I will have had to go with a new window washer/gutter cleaner outfit because my original fella has moved; and the person he set his customers up with (me being 1 of them that he introduced him to), has pulled a ‘no-show’: no appearance, no phone call, no text … nothing. Very bad business route.

The new outfit sent their people out this afternoon to look my house over and get back to me with a quote: $400 for 45 minutes work! Double what I normally pay. I mean, window washers clean the windows with a spray solution, and whisk it off with a squeegee, for Pete’s sake – the gutters are sprayed out and the debris sent down the drain pipe. If my regular fella had 1 customer every day for 1 month, his net income was $6,000.00. Pretty good pay. If he had 2 or more customers in a day, it was a very good month.

But this new outfit is double that for the same amount of work. Forty-five fricking minutes = $8.90 a minute! WTF

A series of serious burps in a short 4 month span of time has cost me a $1,458.00 drain with a poverty wage income; I have had to seriously cut back on gas and groceries since August.

People seem to think that because I am a widow, I have money to set fire to; but I don’t.

It TAKES ALL YEAR LONG to gather a meager savings against necessities and unforeseen happenings.

Yes, I go on daytrip drives; but the car Bob bought 3 years ago, gets very good mileage, and I can do my daylong escapes on less than ¼ tank of gas most of the time. I pack a bagged lunch and carry a cooler full of choice beverages in the car – when the month is tight, I drink bottled water.

I don’t need much to make me happy and keep me balanced.

Lately, I’ve been sticking close to home (maybe a 5-mile radius) because the wiggle room in the monthly budget has been severely drained.

I really need all this unscrupulous covid-crazed-money-grabbing to slow down! I can only rob Peter to pay Paul for so long, before there is nothing left for anyone.

I had hoped, this month, to be able to start replacing the money I shifted from the Tire Money Savings in August – I need to have that safeguarded in case the slow-leaking tire starts seriously hemorrhaging air. I don’t like to feel like I have let Bob down: in anything, at any time. I know Bob is no longer here; and I also know that Bob, in his final days stressed to me the things he knew I would need to know after he was no longer with me.

Every second of every day I rely on his forever love for me: I need to draw on that just to make it through each day. Thank God, Bob loved me richly! His love is still paying productive dividends.

I have finally, after 18 months, begun to sink my roots into the life Bob setup for me in the town he loved: it is not my choice for locale, but it is what it is. And the house is paid for free and clear; and I have made the final decision to remain where I am at, as long as I can. I am making our home MY home, and I am trying to carve out some kind of happiness as best I can, given all the circumstances, and situations that have occurred over the past 22 months …

22 months; 2 days ago.

The car is paid for, free and clear too, and hopefully it will last as long as I will – when the maintenance warranties are ALL up in 2024, I will take the car to Les Schwab for maintenance work/tires, like Bob always did with the other vehicles: Bob always trusted Les Schwab, and there is no reason I shouldn’t.

I am trying, Babe; but sometimes I get so fricking tired of keeping it together all by myself.

I MISS you!

I miss US.

I love you.

Forever ~ OX

1974. Wedding Pic