I WON'T BACK DOWN

Monday, October 7, 2019

CHANGES



Lots of changes taking place.

I’m planning a trip into the interior of Oregon the end of this month – really stepping out of my comfort zone big time; but it is a necessary leap.

Major change.

Mike & Cheryl stopped by to drop off a bag of Chanterelle mushrooms Mike had picked …

Bob loved mushrooms – he would have loved to sample these. They are very fleshy, and the smell is pleasant too. I’ve never eaten these type of mushrooms, but they look interesting.

… and I asked Mike to demonstrate to me how to put the faucet covers over the outside spigots – and he showed me 1 … I did the other: now I am pretty confident I can do it on my own from now on ;-)


They are good friends to me, and for me; and I really appreciate them. They are good people to know. I hope I am as good a friend to them; I am trying. Making and keeping friends does not come naturally to me, but they understand that I am by nature a lobo & trust doesn’t come easy to me: and that is okay with them – they are moving slowly with me as they come and walk alongside me. In this way we don’t crowd each other, but we can still enjoy each other’s company. Seems to be working for all of us :-D

Changes.

Bob would be proud of me in this leap of trust.

I had 2 minor upsets after mail delivery that led to a mini cryfest (I hate crying! I hate feeling vulnerable on any level, about anything), but they got straightened out speedily, so I think everything will be alright now. But I am really getting tired of dealing with the same crap over and over and over again. So, I enlisted help: another big step for me. I normally fight my way through most issues, but I am just too tired to fight anyone anymore about anything: being a 62 year old widow drains the fight right out of a person. While I can still get my own licks in, on occasion when necessary; with major issues … I am learning to let the bigger and younger dogs deal with the prevalent assholes in life – personally removed from the issues, they can bite asses with much more tact.

Changes.

After that upset, I had my hair shagged; Bob always liked my hair long and shagged. It was long and shagged when we met, and would almost turn silver when I spent a lot of time in the sun; weird, but true. Now, I am getting so much gray in my hair, that is starting to look ‘silvered’ again. Bob would have liked my hair today if he were still around to see it, touch it, admire it. Bob waited a loooong time for my hair to start turning a prominent gray. LOL

 
It may not look like it, but trust me: my hair IS graying up - quite a bit more since Bob left earth ...

Changes we both like ;-)

Then, I came home and made a hot cup of flavored coffee:


Pumpkin Spice fits the changes happening in the air, and in my life. Bob used to always get me Pumpkin Spice lattes when October rolled around …

Not really a bona fide ‘change’; but a familiar change from the regular coffees I have been drinking lately.


So, I am counting it as a change today :-D

And, a few minutes ago, I got this picture texted to me: my younger sister. Carla is a riot!


We are back in touch with each other; Bob’s graduation brought that change into being.

This is a bittersweet change.

Bob wanted his death to bring healing to family relationships. In the case between my younger sister and I, whose lives are HUGELY different, that change is happening – a healing is being wrought.

This is a good change.

I just wish the healing change didn’t require such a steep price.