I woke up this morning around
4:30 a.m. feeling there was something left undone. What that ‘loose end’ was I
did not know. So I began to pray. I prayed for the people I know and love; who
I have recently learned are struggling with serious illnesses and did not want
to burden me with their sad news in the midst of my recent sorrow: 2 are
suffering bouts of pancreatitis and didn’t want to mention it to me because of
our recent struggle with it – and probably because they have recently seen how
serious pancreatitis can get and where it can lead. Though their situations
were clearly brought on by alcohol, and my husband’s was not … well, they need
prayer: so I prayed for them, hoping they will do what needs to be done
medically and seek Elohim for salvation. The other 2 have been told they have
cancer. Well, again, they need salvation. So I prayed; and I prayed hard and
for results.
And then I realized that Elohim
was dealing with me also.
I don’t need salvation, that is
already secure, but what I did need
was a clearing of accounts – a complete
wiping clean of the wrongs done me and my husband. Though I had forgiven
verbally and on paper in writ because I know I have to do that in order to
successfully move forward and not get lost in mourning, I had not really
forgiven in my heart because my sorrow is so great, so raw; and my feelings of
righteous anger is so valid. But I listened to Elohei this morning as He spoke
a soothing balm to my wounded soul. My desire is to be the woman He created me
to be, to be His example and His ambassador as I finish out my walk of life on
this earth before I join my husband in that glorious celestial home that waits
me. I cannot be the woman He desires me to be, and I cannot be His example or
His ambassador, and I may even jeopardize my entry into His celestial kingdom
if I refuse to submit to true forgiveness: I must truly forgive and stand aside
to allow Him to work in the situation – and as He works, I will stop feeling
anger or bursting into tears every time I think of/catch a glimpse of those 2:
I may even, through the grace of Elohei stop feeling anything at all towards either
of them over time. He has already begun doing that, and Candy’s letter the
other day was a start in the right direction (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/dreads-justice-and-cutting-ties.html) – her recent
actions on my behalf will not change the disastrous facts, and my husband will
not miraculously be coming back through the front door, but she is contrite and
wrongs are being corrected as humanly possible. Yeshua is looking out for me
and He is gently prodding me with His Shepherd’s staff to get out of life’s
weeds, back on track, and stay on the straight and narrow path that leads to
life. And I am thankful for that gentle prod.
The simplistic understanding of
the dictionary definition of “forgive” is “to stop blaming”: but forgiveness
actually goes deeper than that. To forgive someone means that you release them
from the weight of the penalty they deserve for the hurt and harm they have
caused you; harmful hurt done either knowingly or unknowingly. The benefits of true
forgiveness are gifts to both the giver and receiver. Because to stop the blame
and grudges … no matter how valid … and to forgive, ultimately releases us from
resentment and allows us to experience freedom and peace; and it lifts the
heavy weight of recriminating burden off the shoulders of the oppressor. Yet
knowing this to be true, we still struggle with forgiveness (1) because we want
our tormentors to know that we want them to suffer for what they have done to
us (2) we feel righteously vindicated in any punishing action we take towards
our oppressors. But, if we claim the Name of Yeshua as our banner, and if we
claim kinship with Him as sons and daughters of the father, then we MUST forgive – not so much for the
sakes of those that have done us great, and oftentimes, irreparable harm, but for our own sakes; for the simple reason that God has forgiven us when we did not deserve
forgiveness. And living in His forgiveness is where peace is found.
for·give/fərˈɡiv – verb; stop
feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Synonyms: pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve
