Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Sunday, December 6, 2020

CHRISTMAS STAR

A wondrous event will be taking place in the heavens on December 21st, this year: a star, not seen in 800 years will be shining brightly.

Star of Bethlehem

What a wonderful birthday gift from my Husband, Yeshua 😊. 

I am marking the day on my calendar.

I will be looking for it.

The Star of Bethlehem is a Star of Promise.

I want to feel the promise.

I want to know that 2021 has a hope and a prayer of promise, despite all the forces of Hell gathering in DC to thwart hope and promise.

I want to feel hope that I can get back to some semblance of normalcy on every level of my life.

Hoping my prayers will be answered, soon.
The missingness of Bob adds to the bodily pain: spiritual and physical health is intertwined – I know this.

I’m a lot better today than I was yesterday.

But I can be a lot better tomorrow.

I am actively pursuing “betterness” (is that an actual word?): doesn’t matter – I am moving toward it. And as soon as I can stand/walk on my leg without pain, I am going to run after it 😉

I want to embrace all the promises Elohei will be unfolding for my new life momentum with the dawning of 2021.

Meanwhile, today … my niece, who is like a second daughter to me, texted me early this morning to ask how I am doing; that’s a tricky question – I am doing better than I was in 2018; and I’ve grown on many levels of my new life throughout 2019 & 2020. But, I'm a long way from "there" yet.

This afternoon, I peeked back at how I was dealing with today, 2 years running:

TODAY, LAST YEAR (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/trying-to-be-festive-in-nightmare.html)

Thinking on those 106 days that led to this particular week of 2018, also prodded me in another direction for my own life in 2020 and forward – I’ve got to start being more careful with my body. Not in a paranoid manner of thinking; freaked out about “what if”s, but in a realistic and logical manner. Generally, I am pretty careful, but this episode with my back and leg is prompting me to be a little more careful.

My hip and leg are still not up to speed.

I still cannot put my full weight on it for any significant length of time. I have got to be able to drive into town and take care of business once I get there – that will take longer than 45 minutes

In town, grocery shopping/paying bills in a time crunch/standing in line at the Post Office … ect. … will take a significant amount of time.

The thought is concerning.

Laying flat on my back; except for those painful excursions around the house to keep my hip and leg in motion so it stays flexible, has kicked my thoughts in play; regarding what options are open to me if I fell and injured myself. There are times, like this morning, when my leg muscles spasm and I feel like it really could give out on me. That had actually happened with Bob more than once – and I was there to help him back up.

But I am alone here. 

There are people who do come when I reach out and ask for help – but they go back home, to their homes: they cannot stay until things even up and pick up.

It is not the same as having someone who has made a commitment to stand by you through thick and thin; someone who is fully involved, and interested in my personal welfare 24/7.

Bob was my someone: and Bob is no longer here.

I am, once again, on my own – and totally reliant on my own means.

3 weeks may not seem like a long time, but it is a long time to be unable to do much on my feet for more than a half hour. This lay-up has made me feel the full depth of being alone – and semi-helpless.

There was comfort, and safety, in knowing that Bob was at hand for me (as I was for him); to give comfort in times of limiting physical suffering.

There was the serene security of knowing I did not have to face difficult situations totally on my own.

Young people don’t have to think so hard about stuff like this.

People my age, do.

I have a life ahead of me to live.

I will live it with courageous confidence.

I will be searching for the Christmas Star shine 😉