Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Monday, January 31, 2022

ALARMED ~ But, Not Fearful

A 2:45 AM text woke me up.

The text alarmed me … and I pushed fear out of my immediate environment.

Brain surgery is dicey; this is alarming.

The rest of the texting did not end on a good note; Sara’s mother (my youngest sister) is not being rational, on any level. This situation is not about anyone else, no matter who they are: it is about Sara - period.

I am glad Sara's mother reached out to me – that she reached out at all tells me how scared she is; but I didn’t feel like butting heads at 3 AM, so I responded to the last self-absorbed text by shutting the phone down; and going back to sleep.

Sometimes the best response is no response.

Seven hours later I woke up crying.

I miss Bob; especially in situations like this one. I miss his soft, soothing voice. I miss his long arms reaching out and pulling me into his chest, in a big bear hug while he kissed the top of my head. I miss his large, comforting hand, reaching out and enveloping my small hand with an assuring squeeze that told me her shared my concern; and felt my feels.

As my eyes started focusing in the morning filtered light, my thoughts also turned to thinking of Sara: alone, in a Nevadan hospital. In isolation. Scared with a life-altering surgery hanging over her head.

When I talked to Sara a few days ago, she was scared – but also being brave: she was considering her situation rationally, and making logical decisions.

I indulged the tears for a few minutes … then went for a drive. Sitting at home crying won’t change the situation. Rehashing the AM text wouldn’t help anything either. Driving doesn’t change the situation either – but driving relaxes me, and gets me out of my head: spinning wheels on pavement is better for me than spinning mental wheels.

I know Elohim is in control, no matter how dire situations are: He has the final say.

And He gives rest in times of unrest.