A 2:45 AM text woke me up.
The text alarmed me … and I
pushed fear out of my immediate environment.
The rest of the texting did
not end on a good note; Sara’s mother (my youngest sister) is not being
rational, on any level. This situation is not about anyone else, no matter who they are: it is about Sara - period.
I am glad Sara's mother reached out to
me – that she reached out at all tells me how scared she is; but I didn’t
feel like butting heads at 3 AM, so I responded to the last self-absorbed text
by shutting the phone down; and going back to sleep.
Sometimes the best response
is no response.
Seven hours later I woke up crying.
I miss Bob;
especially in situations like this one.
I miss his soft, soothing voice. I miss his long arms reaching out and pulling
me into his chest, in a big bear hug while he kissed the top of my head. I miss
his large, comforting hand, reaching out and enveloping my small hand with an
assuring squeeze that told me her shared my concern; and felt my feels.
As my eyes started focusing
in the morning filtered light, my thoughts also turned to thinking of Sara: alone,
in a Nevadan hospital. In isolation. Scared with a life-altering
surgery hanging over her head.
When I talked to Sara a few
days ago, she was scared – but also being brave: she was considering her
situation rationally, and making logical decisions.
I indulged the tears for a
few minutes … then went for a drive. Sitting at home crying won’t change the
situation. Rehashing the AM text wouldn’t help anything either. Driving doesn’t
change the situation either – but driving relaxes me, and gets me out of my
head: spinning wheels on pavement is better for me than spinning mental
wheels.
I know Elohim is in control,
no matter how dire situations are: He has the final say.
And He gives rest in times of unrest.
