I WON'T BACK DOWN

Friday, August 9, 2019

ALL DAY ON THE KITCHEN


When I woke up this morning, I thought that maybe I would finish re-tagging my Bazaar cache items … but I need more poster board to make more tags, so that will have to wait until I get back downtown to grab some.

So, I went outside to check the veggie beds (they are SO stunted this year because of the wacky weather) – and came back inside with more gleanings:

Golden Globe Turnip. Only 1 in usable ... the other was wormy and hard as a rock.
Morning gleanings. Blueberries, Carrots, 1 Cabbage, Tomatoes, and Turnip. I ate the blueberries with my Supper pot pie ;-)

I washed these things and set them to dry.

Then I pulled yesterday’s gleanings from the ‘fridge and got them underway dehydrating …

Yellow Onion, Cucumber, & Cabbage.
Cabbage & Zucchini
Walla Walla Onions
Pumpkin

And while that was underway, I got busy making the Turkey Pot Pies I have been hungering for (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/homemade-turkey-pot-pies-recipe.html).

I was literally in the kitchen all day long.

The house smelled wonderful all day long.

I wanted Bob’s essence around me today – so I went to Youtube and pulled up this song, and I danced around the kitchen; seeing in my mind’s eye Bob dancing with me: he had some pretty cool dance moves – they were unique to him, and it took me some time to learn them so we were in sync ;-)

Bob liked this song – I liked Kenny. LOL

And in his 'long hair'/bearded days, Bob looked a little like Kenny - he even had the big framed amber tinted lens, too.

When the dehydration was complete, I liked how the dried food stuff look so colorfully bright:

Dried foods. Walla Walla Onion, Katrina Cabbage, & Jack-Be-Little Pumpkin

Thank you, Babe for the garden boxes.

I love you,

Always.

OX

HOMEMADE TURKEY POT PIES Recipe


This pot pie was SO delish! A handful of fresh picked blueberries was also welcome.

I have been in the mood for a homemade turkey pot pie for weeks, but have been procrastinating because it would use up the last of the turkey meat from the turkey I baked in September … between the constant trips to ER and when Bob went into the hospital for good – never to come home alive again.

That turkey meat was another ‘last remnant’ f our precious time together, that I was not wanting to use it up.

But, today, I broke down and baked the turkey pot pies.

The original recipe – which I am posting first – makes a regular 9” sized pie.

I made **pot pies, because I like pot pies … and because it is easier to break the recipe down, and freeze for later meals.

This recipe is delicious – and the pastry dough is wonderfully flaky.

Bob loved my homemade pot pies.

The recipe comes from my old Betty Crocker's 'Dinner In A Dish' Cookbook.

TURKEY POT PIE – 6 servings

Two-Crust Cheese Pastry (recipe following) * 2 Tablespoons Butter or margarine * 2 Tablespoons Flour * 1 teaspoon Sea Salt * 1/8 teaspoon ground Black Pepper * 1/8 teaspoon ground Thyme * ½ cup Turkey Broth * ½ cup light Cream * 2 cups cooked, cubed Turkey meat * 1 cup Peas * 1 cup Carrots, diced * 1 Onion, diced * 1 large Potato, diced

FOR LARGE PIE: Heat oven to 425-degrees. Roll pastry out 1/8” thick. Fit into 9” pie pan. Trim the pastry, leaving a 1” edge. Roll out remaining pastry 1/8” thick into a rectangle shape, about 10”x6”; cut into 12 strips – ½” wide.

Melt butter over low heat. Blend in flour, salt, pepper, and thyme. Cook over low heat, stirring until mixture is smooth and bubbly:

Making the gravy sauce …

Remove from heat. Stir in chicken broth and cream – heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil 1 minute. Stir in chicken and vegetables:

Filling ready to put in crust.

Pour mixture into the pastry-line pie pan. Place 7 strips of pastry across filling; arrange remaining strips crisscross fashion to make a lattice-type top. Trim; turn edge of bottom crust over strips. Seal & flute.

Bake 35 to 40 minutes, or until nicely browned.

==TWO-CRUST CHEESE PASTRY: 2 cups Flour * 1 teaspoon Sea Salt * 2/3 cup + 2 Tablespoons Shortening * 4 Tablespoons Water * 1 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese

Mix flour & salt. Cut in shortening thoroughly; add cheese and blend:

Cheddar grated for pie crust.
Making the pie pastry crust.
Cheddar added to the pastry mixture.

Sprinkle water gradually over mixture, a tablespoon at a time – tossing lightly with a fork after each addition. (If dough appears dry, a few drops of water may be added). Gather dough into a ball. On a lightly floured surface, roll out dough as directed in the meat recipe.

**TURKEY POT PIES: Prepare filling and dough as above, BUT continue as follows …

If you opt to make pot pies, be aware that you will be at least 4 hours in the kitchen from start to finish.

But it is worth it!
 
OPTIONAL: I line my foil pans because I am frugal – and plan to use these pans over and over again. I also cut out some Turkey Templates for crust embellishments.
I divided the dough into 6 pieces - then halved those pieces again (12 ct) ... so I would have enough dough for lower & upper crusts equally proportioned.
Lining the pans with the Cheddar Pastry dough.
Pot pies ready for the upper crust topping …
Turkey embellishment on the upper crusts - I made a pinky-sized hole in the center of the turkey to allow steam to escape, so the crust would not crack.
Pot pies ready for the oven; I placed them all on a large cookie sheet to slip into the oven.
Pies cooking. And smelling divine ;-)
Homemade Turkey Pot Pies: I can't wait to eat Supper tonight!
Pot Pies packed and labeled for the freezer ;-)

U.N.F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G.B.E.L.I.E.V.A.B.L.E!


I am so pissed, I could slam heads together.

Bob's mother and sister, rosie.

Mind you ... these are THE SAME TWO who could not be bothered to come see Bob when he was in the hospital dying - but NOW they WANT TO RUN HIS FUNERAL!

In August, when I called rosie to tell her Bob was in ICU, DYING, she said, "John wants me to wait a few weeks; we have a business deal we're working out." And his mother didn't want to come see him unless there was a funeral following.

U.N.F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G.B.E.L.I.E.V.A.B.L.E!

BUT! They found the time to come up and see him when they staged a coup to kidnap him and hijack him to Emanuel Hospital in Oregon. That earned them a freeze-out for a month and a half. Bob forgave them in November because he wanted to meet Yeshua with a clean slate - hard feelings had to be laid to rest at that point.

They carved out time to come see him December 13th, 2018 FOR 5 MINUTES - all I could think was, "Why even bother coming at all?" HE IS DYING! They could at least have stuck around longer that 5 fucking minutes! But, all they did was come in the room, pat his hand, AND WALK OUT. It pissed Stacey off. But it was so typical - Stacey had never seen that side of them ... but then, how would she KNOW? She never saw much of them all her life: Bob & Rose would stop at Ralph's to visit and spend time with his girls ... but couldn't be bothered to walk the extra 10 steps to see Bob, or Stacey: it was ridiculous behavior - and a total snub. Alex was ALWAYS included in birthday parties, holiday celebrations, and grandma babysitting - but Stacey was never included in the grandkid days ... and Rose refused to babysit her (she conveniently had a "bad back" when Bob would ask her if she'd watch Stacey for half an hour - the OTHER grandkids were there: WE COULD SEE THEM; often Alex was even there!). It HURT Stacey. It hurt me. It hurt and embarrassed Bob that his mother would treat his wife and daughter so indifferently. When rosie was getting married, the OTHER nieces were asked to be in the wedding party - Stacey was asked ONLY AFTER Bob found out about the slight (again … Ralph, rubbing salt in the wound) and brought it up to his mother ... and Rose was quick to let us know that she was "put upon" by having to include Stacey, and make a matching dress for her to wear with the other girls. Bob, Stacey, and I felt the heat of his mother’s ire. I, personally, wanted Bob to tell his mother that since it was such a belated inclusion, Stacey wouldn’t be joining the others after all; BUT Bob insisted that she be included with the other girls. It was misery.

And NOW, they are planning "a memorial" ... WHICH IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. It is not theirs. It is NOT about THEM! It is not about what THEY WANT!

It is ABOUT BOB; AND WHAT HE WANTED - IT IS ABOUT WHAT ((((I)))) DECIDE HAPPENS IN EDEN VALLEY ON AUGUST 30th!

DAMN IT!

WHEN WILL THEY STOP INTERFERING????

I swear I am ready to cancel the whole thing and just go celebrate Bob's life BY MYSELF in Eden Valley on the 30th; and give everyone else the 1-finger-salute.

Yesterday, I got a call from rosie, asking me if it was okay if she did an obit and posted it on FB - and then she said, "come to my page and read it. And what about flowers?"

So, right then, I KNEW it WAS ALREADY A DONE DEAL! Why even bother asking?

I had already TOLD EVERYONE IN DECEMBER THERE WOULD BE NO OBIT! Bob did not want one.

But his mother & his sisters do - so he will get one whether he wanted one or not.

IT IS DISRESPECTFUL.

TO HIM.

TO ME.

TO HIS DAUGHTER AND GRANDCHILDREN.

Bob did not want a big deal made out of his death: NO OBIT - NO FLOWERS.

HE IS NOT IN THE GRAVE!

HE DID NOT WANT TO BE MOURNED AS THE WORLD MOURNS!

He wanted HIS LIFE TO BE CELEBRATED WITH HAPPINESS AND JOYFUL REJOICING!

But his mother and sisters INSIST on mourning as if he were dead ...

What could I say? She put me on the spot - and I HATE being cornered. I said, as politely as I could, "do whatever you want to do." It was already done when she called me.

Then I came home to check her page to see what she posted ... AND I COULDN'T SEE HER PAGE - so, I sent her a Friend request so I could gain access to her Page to see what she posted ... totally ignored. Again, it was expected. She really didn't want me to visit her Page - she was just notifying me in a passive-aggressive-bullying way that she was steamrolling ahead with her wants ...

Bob's niece, Michelle, asked me to Friend her, yesterday; so I did - and finally saw what rosie had posted.

I WAS INSTANTLY PISSED.

Bob was called "Bobby".

HE HATED THAT pet name!

And there was NO MENTION AT ALL OF ME - or that he was even married!

None.

Nada.

This is what was posted: {{MEMORIAL NOTICE:
Robert Allen Hargand, better known as “Bobby”
August 30, 1949 ~ December 14, 2018
On August 30, 2019 at Noon a Graveside Memorial for Bobby will be held at the Eden Valley Cemetery. Family and loved-ones are welcome to share memories of him and scripture to honor his life. A Potluck Style meal and gathering will be held following the Memorial at the Rosburg Hall. Please feel free to bring food, memories and share time with us as we honor and celebrate Bobby’s life.}}

One would THINK the WIDOW would at least GET A MENTION.

But, then again, THIS Widow has never gotten a mention other than "Bobby's wife" UNTIL Bob put his foot down and INSISTED they recognize me as such.

So, I posted a CLARIFYING OBIT on MY Page to counter the bully tactic of the interfering Hargand women.

And I called rosie around 9 p.m. tonight to tell her, "no flowers - Bob did not want flowers." The response I got, almost made me add ... "And tell everyone to cash in their plane tickets - the 'memorial' has been called off."

I am at THAT point.

I have a raging migraine and a stomach ache.

I am dreading August 30th in Eden Valley.

I hate showdowns - especially when I have to show up with a bazooka gun to make sure my gentle giant peacenik is placed at the front of the line ON HIS DAY.

Bob's Celebration of Life IS NOT ABOUT his mother.

Bob's Celebration of Life IS NOT ABOUT his siblings.

Bob's Celebration of Life IS ABOUT HIM!

Bob's Celebration of Life is ABOUT HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY: HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN!

And the joyful celebration I had planned is already ruined with stressful bad feelings before it even begins 22 days from now - ((((I)))) don't even feel like attending!

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I will go ahead of everyone - spend time with MY HUSBAND before the family arrives - and leave before the family arrives. That way, they can do whatever the hell they want to do, since they are not considering me or Bob. They are, as usual, totally self-absorbed.



Bob was never considered when the family got together anyway - in fact, 9 times out of 10 they didn't think about him UNTIL the event was over; then his mother could be heard saying, "Oh! I forgot about Bobby!"

WEEKS OR MONTHS LATER BOB WOULD FIND OUT THAT A HAPPENING HAD HAPPENED at Merry's.

HOW THE HELL CAN a mother FORGET her FIRST BORN????

The other kids had been notified - EVEN THE OUT OF STATE ONES - that there would be a gathering at Merry's ... and Bob had to hear about it weeks - or months later AFTER THE FACT; when everyone was sitting around TALKING ABOUT IT!

Ditto for cribbage nights. Ralph couldn’t stand to lose to Bob – therefore, Bob was not invited.

Or golf days. Ralph could not stand to lose to Bob – therefore, Bob was not invited.

Or fishing days. Bob would have just gone to spend time with his father … but Ralph’s jealousies kept that from happening.

Ralph was always in attendance at family gatherings - but Bob was noticeably snubbed.

And Ralph LOVED TO RUB THAT SNUB IN.

How do you think that made Bob feel?

They remember him when it is convenient to remember him ... like racking up the "sorry for your loss" condolences.

IT’S MY FRICKING LOSS.

I KNEW BOB BETTER THAN ANYONE – certainly better than his family, who never took the time to get to know him. Or me. Or Stacey.

The whole thing PISSES ME OFF.

Like I said in my video earlier this week - when August 30th comes to an end, so will my ties to his family: I am already being phased out and out-voted ON IMPORTANT ISSUES – LIKE MY HUSBAND'S FUNERAL.

But Bob KNEW this would happen.

He knew that when he went Home, I would be set afloat ... and alone.

It is a sad commentary to Bob's life, that even in death, his mother and sister TOTALLY DISREGARD HIS WISHES - and they DISHONOR him with their bully tactics.

And the joyful celebration I had planned is already ruined with Alex's bitterness overload, July 4th, that led to his banishment; and now this passive-aggressive maneuver to have their own way, come hell or high water - ((((I)))) don't even feel like attending!

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I will go ahead of everyone - spend some peaceful time with my peacenik, rejoicing that he is now ... and will forever BE loved beyond measure in that Celestial City beyond the clouds; and remembering the love we shared and enjoyed 'til he took his last breath, before the family arrives - and leave before the family arrives.

Fuck it.

I'M D.O.N.E.

BRIGHTENING A DREARY DAY


The day started out feeling like a Fall day – cold, damp, and a low-lying-gray-clouded sky.

So, I decided to brighten the day up by drying colorful vegetables I had gleaned the other day:

Dehydrating veggies.

I had enough vegetables on hand to load every tray in the dryer ….

Green & Yellow Zucchini set to dry.
Yellow Zucchini & Red Onions.
Red Onions & Yellow Onions.

… and there is more in the ‘fridge to do the same tomorrow; different vegetables, but just a brightly hued ;-)

Today’s dehydration only took about 6 hours to complete:

The book says 5 to 10 hrs. drying time; it was done in 6 ;-)
Dried Onion's & Zucchini.
Dried veggies stored/labeled in jars: more will be added to fill the jars.

While the vegetables were dehydrating, I also de-iced the upright freezer: it collects water on the lower level and holds the pull-out basket hostage, so every once in awhile, I have to grab a butter knife, and work at “freeing it”. Today there was a more solid ice build-up than usual, and it had me a little concerned – but it eventually broke free. I think I’ll have to be more diligent in checking the situation.

I also outlined and cut out another 100 ct. Bazaar items tags; I’ll start re-tagging & re-stacking the remaining items in Cache Bin 1 tomorrow. My hands ached this afternoon, so I decided to give them a rest: hopefully they will feel better tomorrow. I need something to keep my mind off the building family hostility with Bob’s mother & sisters; and re-tagging Bazaar items “just in case” I decide to do the Bazaar Circuit this Fall/Winter will help with that, I think: it will keep me occupied for a few hours and will redirect my thoughts.

I am SO stressed right now with all the family drama Alex, and Bob’s mother and sisters, create; that I am seriously considering calling off the family gathering at the Cemetery in Eden Valley the end of this month, and just going there alone to lay Bob’s cremains among family members there.

And, right now, I don’t give a rat’s ass if the family gets pissed or not. I AM PISSED. I really don’t want to deal with any of them at this point … this whole thing is hard enough without their continual disrespectful interference and hidden landmines.

His family is really working my nerves.

And I am thinking that after August 30th, I will never hear from any of them again.

I need to make other arrangements for check-up phone calls: Tiffany hasn’t really been calling to make sure I am okay (as agreed) – neither have the kids (as agreed): I mean, it's only A 5 MINUTE "how're you doing?" call! I could be seriously injured in a fall; or just die (I am at ‘that age’), and NO ONE would know about it … or care, because the Wednesday night calls aren’t happening. 

How’s that for the {"The family is here for you - we love you"} they all profess?

I never asked anyone for more than they could give - surely 5 minutes is not asking too much from my kids, or from Bob's siblings.

If I am phased out of the family, Bonnie won’t make sure my cremains join Bob’s in Eden Valley when that day arrives! I have to go back to Steele’s Chapel Funeral Home, and make sure they have it on their file that THEY are to TRANSPORT my cremains to Eden Valley Cemetery when it’s time to do that.

And, I suppose, I will have to remove Tiffany, Merry, and Alex from my ‘Emergency Contacts’; if I am phased out, THEY FOR SURE won’t want to be notified in any emergency I might have. Alex removed himself from my life July 4th … and I am pretty sure the rest will follow after August 30th. They don’t have anything to do with me NOW, unless I contact them first – and then it is awkward for everyone.

They don’t know what to do with me.

I am the frustrating jigsaw puzzle piece that no one wants to deal with.

So, while I ate one of my homemade pizzas for Supper, I pulled up some filed videos of the last overnight road-trip Bob and I did together last June, and listened to Bob’s voice – his voice always did relax and soothe me.

Hearing his voice again brightened up my dreary day :-D


I love you, Babe.

Always.

OX