My luv hurt me.
I hurt him.
These hurts were unintentional.
Thankfully we both know this, and the zing is subsiding.
We are still learning about each other: triggers, body language, emotional depths, ways to read unspoken/unknown expectations, ways to willingly sacrifice parts of ourselves that do not benefit the totality of "US", ways to soothe each other while remaining true to our own selves; ect.
We only been married for 50 days. You don't really know someone until you spend serious time with them - dating is fun, you put your best foot forward. Marriage is the commitment plunge, scary but embraced happily. Living together for extended periods of time under one roof gets a bit more dicey ... the fun is still there, but it can get mangled in the day to day scary plunges of exposing a bit more of yourself - your inner self - to someone who is still basically a stranger in many ways.
NF - 'Time' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw0tno1iAL8)
Unintentional hurts happen.
One of my ways of dealing with hurts is to withdraw; either by shutting myself off in an other room; or jumping in the car and taking a soothing drive - before talking {it} over after I've had time to think the situation over, and cool off.
One of Holland's way of dealing with hurts is to blow {it} off, withdraw, and eventually make his way to the river, watching the lapping water and running things through his thoughts. He prefers to escape, calm down, and never discuss {it} again ... unless he feels {it} needs to be interjected into a convo a week later.
This annoys me. I wanted to discuss {it} when it happened, work it through, and bury it. Rehashing it a week later breathes life back into {it}, rips the scab off, pokes the subsiding pain ... and renews a healing process all over again.
We both want peace at this stage of our lives.
We both seek peace in our own way.
Love is strong. Love is passionate. Love is messy.
Unintentional hurts happen: usually over small things that seem bigger than they actually are when dealt with individually.
Getting out of the house gets us out of our heads and activates our retired bodies - we are finally coming out of the winter blahs (draining and constant colds, gray weather, inactivity funk, ect.). So, this morning we looked out the livingroom windows and saw that the predicted {severe winter storm} apparently bypassed us; but it was nippy and the river winds would be downright cold ... we bundled up and went to the river.
Talking Heads - 'Take Me To The River' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RHZEzVUBPk)
My throat hurt, but I was glad to get out of the house; I was glad we were doing something together.
Holland's shoulder still hurts (his driving arm), so this was a love act on his part that we could both benefit from.
We enjoyed the fresh air.
We talked. I like the sound of Holland's voice.
We laughed. I like the sound of Holland's laugh - I haven't heard it much lately.
We watched the wildlife: sea lions, seagulls, ducks, and fishermen ;-)
We relaxed and enjoyed each other.
Unintentional hurts happen ... but love overrides hurts ;-)