It’s raining. The weather forecast says to expect
waking up to snow in the morning – snow will start falling around midnight, and
continue through 7 PM Monday. Supposedly, it will only amount to about an inch
… and be gone with the rainfall that follows.
A friend came by this morning to pick me up and
take me to fellowship with her – she didn’t want to go alone, and I didn’t mind
accompanying her. It’s a fellowship I was not aware of until recently. As of
this morning, I was out of the house for 4 hours; and I did enjoy the
fellowship. We’ll see where it goes.
After I got back home, I got to thinking about
the snow that will be coming our way, down here on the valley floor, and
decided to tear one of my plastic canvas snowflakes apart and make some new
ones – the yarn on the ones I have are looking a little dingy with time wear on
them; and a few are broken where the plastic wore out, so I want to replace
them with fresher looking ones. Last time I was in town, I bought 5 sheets of
plastic canvas; so, this afternoon I marked the plastic canvas, cut the pieces
out/washed & rinsed them/and set them to air dry ...
While the pieces dried, I knitted a dishrag to
match the kitchen towel I designed and finished last night. I like doing
handcrafts … and I like designing most of what I work up – I find it
therapeutic, and crafting has really helped pull me through the hard times of
2019:
MOD Knit Kitchen Towel/Dishrag Set
This plastic canvas snowflake is an old pattern –
I am not sure what year I made the first ones (decades ago), but they
make up fast and are easy to assemble. Replacing the damaged, time-worn ones, is
hand work with healing proprieties …
Old Snowflake. Front side
Old Snowflake. Back side.
Old Snowflake being dissembled.
Old Snowflake; the way it joins together.
Old Snowflake’s 2 pieces.
Sitting here tonight, working on these
snowflakes, my mind wanders to this time last year, when my 27th day into the
dark and scary widowhood journey was new and raw. I am so thankful that Yeshua
wrapped me in His love, and gave me the strength and grace to get through those
first weeks without losing my mind … or ending up in prison.
I never prayed so hard in my entire
life! I had to see my husband’s killer every day – and he tormented me every
day: he was the next door neighbor; and he
would trespass across our front yard every day. One day he even walked up our
sidewalk 6 feet before looking me full in the face as he cut across. And
Park Management refused to curtail his blatant activity. I was eternally
grateful Elohim took mercy on me, and a ‘for sale’ sign was posted next door.
This time last year was not a good place for me
to be.
In the months that followed, I had many painful
moments where I wanted Bob here to give me a hug and some encouragement. But
the reality is that I had to go through it alone: Bob will never be here, with
me again: he will never hug me again – he will never speak words of
encouragement to me again. I can draw on his past encouragements … but
the hugs are gone forever. MAN! I miss my man! With the advent of the 1
year ‘anniversary’ (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/1-year-since-bobs-been-absent-from-my.html), the grief was not so raw – was not
so overwhelming. But the pain of missing my husband never leaves me. I still
have moments where I just cry because I want him here.
And that’s okay. I’ve made peace with that heart
wound that will never fully scar over. There is a liberation of sorts that
comes with the knowing that I’ll be crying because I miss him for the rest of
my life. Not heart-rending crying like this time, last year – but a quiet
missingness that sometimes runs down my face in the form of tears. Tears
like I felt this morning during fellowship while singing about Heaven and those
who await us there, beyond the clouds, with Yeshua.
Damages with healing proprieties.
It is liberating to know that I am free to miss
my husband for all of my days … without apologies. Yeshua understands the
injury done to my heart. Yeshua understands the damages done to my life with
cruelly added insult to injury; and the strengthened growth to my new life that
resulted despite the cutting damages. Yeshua’s healing grace has turned my
grieving process into a blessing, on every level; so that enlarging my journey
to include rebuilding new life, there is a space in time along the way, to
enjoy the view of my old life on occasion.
As I work on these snowflakes tonight, I am
thankful that Bob now wears a robe of white – and because Yeshua, with his
blood, washed me whiter than snow – I will someday join my husband in our
home beyond the clouds.
RH Pompadour Baby Yarn – Bob found this yarn for me at an estate sale 5 years ago. The fingering yarn has shiny thread wound throughout the strands. It was part of a big bag of fingering baby yarns not available anymore: his find was a direct answer to prayer as I had been saying that I wish the yarn was still being made … Bob spotted it, and I bought the whole lot :-D I’ve been hoarding it for years hoping for great-grandchildren to make layettes for; but the granddaughters have made it clear that there will be no babies from them, and I doubt I will live long enough to see Azariah’s children, if he decides to catapult Bob’s DNA into the future.
New Snowflake all finished. 4 hours yarn work. I have 5 sheets of plastic canvas, and I can mark 15 snowflake pieces on each sheet. I should be able to make enough flakes to hang in each of my home's windows next December ... and have a couple to sell at bazaars too ;-)
When I am not remembering Bob as I knew him in the flesh ... this is how I see him in my mind's eye now: wearing a brilliant white robe - he always looked GOOD in white - and wearing a Crown of Life.
