It’s hard to get excited about the day when
the day isn’t exciting.
2020 is wrapping up in a few months and there
has been little to look back on with enthusiasm.
The last 6½ months have had the tails of too
many people twisted into a tight knot of fear as they hunkered in their houses,
afraid to go out of it … afraid to invite people into it.
2020 taught a lot of people how to be afraid
of everything/everyone: and that fear has made them bitter, resentful, and
warped with hyped paranoias.
Life in America has become a
real-time-reality-show that is worse than the kardashian freak-show that played
out every week for 14 years.
I get bored real easy with stupid and aimless
nonsense.
I’m not like everybody else: I rebel.
I rebelled because I don’t live my life in
fear; and I don’t allow anyone to tell me what to do, how to
think, what mindset to adopt, and who’s agenda to get behind: I never have,
and I never will.
I rebelled because while I can – and did –
turn the kardashian reality show off when the weekly ridiculousness morphed
into a weekly toxic psych floor trauma drama … there
is little I can do to avoid the toxic psych floor trauma drama playing out in
American streets for the past 3½ months. My phone {updates} the newsfeed I
apparently cannot delete – it’s a fixed feature of the phone. FB is rife
with biased {team} “updates” I do not want, did not okay, and outright reject.
And friends/family that watch their boob-tube-noise-box are chomping at the bit
to {inform} me of the day’s current ridiculous madness.
Even if I do get away for home, away from the
city … and as far away from mainstream life as I can; there is really no way to
avoid hearing about any of it at some point, during my day. Waitresses
talk back and forth in tone of mock horror when they share their thoughts; and
other patrons, sitting in the booth or at the table next to mine, talk loud
enough to be overheard clearly.
It is heavy in the air: like an oppressive wafting shroud – waiting
to settle on, and ensnare, whoever/whenever.
What the Spring & Summer of 2020 taught
me, was that I have to paddle my own canoe if I plan to enjoy my life.
I have to determine the course I want to take
… and make a beeline in that direction.
It appears that covid is going to be the
battering ram the demonrats will employ forever, without end; in light of
gazillion governor mandates designed to keep people from enjoying life in full
on a daily basis, I have to adjust my life; and further simplify my already
spartan lifestyle. I’m starting with my hair – I think I’ll just forget about
shagging it, and just let it grow out; probably with shaggy ends because I am tired
of dealing with hair salon nonsense:
And I’m tired, too, of dealing with every
other business that goose-steps to heil inslee …
What is going on in America is not okay.
And the demonrats have stated they have no
intention of ending the madness.
Life in America has significantly changed
with the 2020 demonrat powergrabs: people will be shut in their houses indefinitely
until obamanite demonrat governors’ agendas are forced through, according to
party dogma; and businesses will be harassed constantly until the obamanite demonrat
dogmatic agendas become “law”. pelosi and schumer will constantly impede and “impeach!”,
holding government and The People hostage every month … because they can (they
have nothing of value to impeach on; as was proven earlier this year, but they
will do it anyway because they have nothing of value to offer America. They are
shameless politicholics) – this is the future as well as the present.
I don’t have time for mindless nonsense.
I don’t make time for aimless nonsense.
So, I am pulling back from the ‘mainstream
life’ that left me behind, and makes no room for me. I’m starting to set my
life up for what works for me. I’m a simple person, living a simple life with a
simple lifestyle – in a world that is anything but simple.
2020 has taught me that I need to stand on my
own in a world that is breaking down, because no one else will stand with me: fearful
people don’t reach out, they don’t talk anymore (they’ve been out of
circulation – they have nothing to say: they don’t talk); they shy away,
their eyes look haunted – the sound of their own voice makes them jumpy.
Fearful people, trying to make sense in a topsy-turvy world, quickly become
depressed scampering down aimless rabbit trails.
I’m including churches in that fearful realm
too. I can’t fellowship in a church that is run by the government’s mandates,
instead of Elohim’s Word:
I’m not like everybody else.
I’ve always been my own person.
I’ve always had a healthy sense of
individuality; possibly because I’ve been a Christian 75% of my life – my
strength lies in my relationship with Elohei.
Life in America – and abroad, since obama’s
coup 11 years ago, changed everyone and everything. People are lost in a
freak-show world. Thoughtfulness, compassion, creativity, connection … humanity
… has fallen by the wayside. The obama years ushered in racism, selfishness,
bitterness, destruction, division … and a freefall spiraling into political
madness.
I have to distance myself from all that …
I can’t afford to be sucked in the global vortex.
I can’t afford to be drafted into the local
maelstroms.
In fact, I can’t take on any big stuff right
now. My life, right now, is just too complex; my energy is low and the
extremities of day to day living run high.
When Bob was still here, I tolerated stupid bullshit
better because Bob was my anchor – his peaceful persona grounded me. Now that
he’s no longer here, my bullshit meter is mostly in the red zone: I’m not so
tolerant of stupid bullshit.
I used to be the woman who had her finger on
several different pulses during the course of the day – the woman, too, who had
turbo jets on her heels.
Now, I’ve slowed down considerably … and
things get done when they get done. I’m lucky anymore if I stay focused on 1
thing throughout the day, and it actually gets done before the day ends.
I’ve learned not to ask more of myself than I
can reasonably give to have my days run smoothly.
2020 put an end to optimistic thinking.
Thinking positively, and wishing and hoping,
only goes so far when it continually butts up against cold realities. There are
different kinds of deaths – and I’ve suffered all of them in 21 short months. I
serve myself better if I stop hoping, wishing, and focusing on a different
outcome. Some things just never return.
The world I want, no longer exists. I need
to adapt a new way to live in the circumstances.
I can create environments that
help me step forward and enjoy life in the moment, rather than isolate myself in a comfort zone that hamstrings me
and leads to frustrated tension and stress.
I can actively build protected
islands of sanity, by being intentional about how I
spend my time and energy.
I can live each day as if it is my last day
on Earth – with an appreciation of every minute I breathe/see natural
beauty/know that I am truly blessed.
I can do this solo lobo, if solo lobo is the
only option left.
None of this can be attained without a new attitude (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7hz27gZTSE).
So, with those thoughts running through my
mind, I got dressed and got busy.
I washed the car.
I cut the corn stalks down; and chopped them
down to a size that works for the garbage can.
And I watched a brownish-orange butterfly,
when I took a break in the breezeway-carport.
And I prepared to make more snowflakes for my
windows this Winter 😉 I like snowflakes … I am a snowbaby.
2019 taught me to survive.
2020 taught me to grow and thrive.
2021 is an unwritten chapter – and everything
is in play.
With a new attitude 😉
