Shabbat Shalom š
This Shabbat, I’m thankful for my health; my friends, and my life. I have a good life, all things considered.
My health is where it needs to be, at my age – and my friends are good people.
I have a lot to be thankful for.
And I never take any of it for granted: I am aware that all of that could change at any given moment. But, for the time being, I’m good with all of it – and I’m thankful for all of it.
Tomorrow is the first day of Spring; and as soon as the weather permits, I will start my day-tripping again … and some road trips.
I am planning some new road trips this year.
They aren’t cross-country ventures, but some of them will be lengthy 8-hour drives. An 8-hour drive (4 hours each way, and roughly a 4-hour exploratory visit) constitutes a road trip’ status. I’ll be leaving at 7 AM, and getting back home around 7 PM.
I am planning one specific lengthy road venture for sometime in July because the weather will be favorable then: the winds off the ocean won’t be so strong, or so bone-chilling.
I believe I can handle that š
I’ll probably plan that trip for a Monday, to avoid the weekend frenzy; and it will give purpose and direction to a Monday – that day won’t be a dreaded Monday, it will be enjoyable. There may be frustration at some point, but in general, it will be an exciting day full of adventure.
I’m looking forward to that š
And on that trip, I’ll have a duffle packed with overnight necessities stashed in the car before it leaves the carport; just in case I need to hole up at some point and spend the night.
Though I am fairly healthy, my left leg is still not where it needs to be – it’s not bad, but it’s not 100%. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it may never be 100% again. I don’t really know what’s wrong with it, except that it hurts like there is arthritis in the lower bone. Some research suggests that the pain may be sciatica related: maybe. I’m not sure. All I know for sure is that the pain never lets up, even when the intensity abates.
But, I’m also 64 years old; so, I figure aging plays a part in that, too.
And that’s okay. My leg still serves me well … I’m still able to get out and do things I want to do. I just have to take things easy and make necessary adjustments. Instead of a steady 8 to 12 hours in the driver’s seat – I’ve cut the mileage in half with breaks to walk and stretch the kinks out: and have begun entertaining throwing an overnight stay into the mix now and then, when needed. Instead of 5 to 8-mile hikes – I’ve cut them back to half of that distance; and that seems to be working for the time being.
And, in all honesty, I was told about a decade ago, not to hike more than 1 mile each way … I’ve been pushing the envelope for years, and my body is now telling me that I need to pay attention, and slow my motor down š
It’s not easy for me to give way to aging restrictions.
It’s not easy aging alone.
But, I’m not really alone: I have Elohei with me always – and I have good friends in my life. And I want to stay in my house, fending for myself as long as I can; that means I have to start thinking long-term-adjustments that lead into the future; I can do that. When the time comes that I can no longer stay in my house, I have asked Elohim to just take me Home, rather than consider a Nursing Home. I have every reason to believe Elohim will honor my request to go Home, instead. I don’t anticipate that happening any time soon, but at some point, it will.
But back to the road trips …
I want to get out and about as soon as I can; for as long as I am able to do so.
And I am not going to allow egomaniac governors, fearful family members – or delusional and incoherent fearmongers, dictate to me how I am to live my life. No one has the right to do that. People can make suggestions, but they cannot dictate. They are trying with the mandates, but I will not allow them that satisfaction. America is still the Land of the Free … and I am still a free Citizen.
No one, but me, knows what is BEST for ME. I have always done what is best for me. And I will continue to do what is best for me. I will consider suggestions of family and friends – but, ultimately, I will do what is best for me. When Bob was still walking the Earth as a flesh and blood man, I took his wants and desires into consideration and adjusted my sails when needed: but, Bob is not here now; and no one else knows what is best for me. Bob and I melded our lives together – every decision was a joint decision, even if we did not necessarily agree with each other: we were 1 … our life together exampled that.
I am no longer 1 with anyone else There is no longer a 24-hour human contact as there is in other homes that choose to barricade themselves in their homes, quaking with hyped covid fears: in my home, there is no more husband to share life with, there are no more children/grandchildren to converse with – there is no longer anyone in my home, but me. And the walls in my home echo with memories.
Those memories, while good ones, cannot sustain a healthy environment; they can trip me up in life when they cripple my heart. I love Bob, I miss him – but I cannot live healthily on memories … and I do not want to be stuck in a never-ending-cycle of missingness. I need, at times, to put distance between myself and those memories. Hence the daytrips/road-trips.
My friends understand that about me – and my very good friends encourage me to get out; they know me – they knew me with Bob, and they know I need to escape once in a while. So, they supply me with solo lobo venturing tips: and they explain all the fancy car dodads that make life easier (which the car manual does not explain in plain language, for ‘dummies’ like me š).
This Shabbat, I am really thanking Elohim for everything He’s gotten me through, for everything He’s getting me through, and for everything He will see me through.
I am still working on my ambition job of getting as many items, as I can, finished and to the Caring Pregnancy Center before the Spring Daytrips pick up speed. I have quite a few things put aside now, to be dropped off; but I would like to get a few more things done up.
And my Ambitions Jar is full of slips of paper with names, addresses, and information concerning places to visit and experience from now until September 2021. These are places I have never been to (not even with Bob); I was careful this year, to fill my Ambitions Jar with new places to experience every weekend – places Bob would not have wanted to do with me, if he were still here: County Parks in different counties; State Parks in different counties; Park picnics; County Museums in small towns; small hole-in-the-wall Shops & laid-back Restaurants in different counties; browse Flea Markets; explore off-the-beaten-track things.
Bob didn’t mind going on road-trip Daytrips with me, but he wanted to get there – and get back home, with little dilly-dallying. That worked for me, as long as Bob was with me. But, Bob isn’t here now, and I like to dink around when I’m out and about: now, I can spend time taking time to savor new environments away from home.
And I’m not going to apologize to anyone, anywhere, for getting out and about. I’ll be in my car 95% of the time … and when I am out of my car, I’ll be in places with little to no foot traffic: perfectly ‘safe’ for fearful strangers, as well as for carefree and footloose me.
Elohei has not given us the spirit of fear, but a spirt of life and freedom: and I intend to enjoy life and freedom to the max š
No comments:
Post a Comment