I remember when the movie, 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' came out – my brother Mahlon, and his family, was all gaga over it: I hated it. It was dark. It was stupid. It was morose. It was NOT Christmasy.
I never watched it: I have no
interest in ever watching it; mocking the cheerful, life-giving joyfulness of Christmas is not my thing.
But, tonight – last year, Bob & I were
living through our own nightmare before Christmas scenes … and there was no
escape because we were the main characters.
September 1st, 2018. Bob in ER as a direct result of candy scott's screaming on our front porch on ron cook's behalf August 30th – Bob’s Birthday
He ended up in ER the following afternoon, and was held overnight in the ICU Ward after the morphine they gave him - AFTER BEING TOLD BOB WAS ALLERGIC TO MORPHINE - sent his entire body into shut-down mode: we were then told, “Your husband is dying.” I called the kids and told them to come to the hospital because their Dad was dying … no one expected him to make it. He surprised us all, and rallied.
October 2018. After exhaustive and extensive testing, exams, imaging, hospitalizations and medications that did more harm than good, Bob came to terms with impending death and insisted I listen to his talk of cremation. That was hard for me to do; but I did it because he was dying and I needed to know what he wanted done – then I went into the ER hallway and cried. An orderly called the hospital Chaplain to come talk with me.
November 24th. Afternoon. Finally made OHSU in Oregon ... we dubbed it ‘the Hospital Hilton’ because his room seemed so fancy compared to his previous hospital room back home, in Washington. We knew being here was the 'end of the road' - if he couldn't be helped here, there was no hope.
November 30th. Bob in ICU/ER Ward at OHSU. His team was trying to get his heart stabilized for the scheduled procedure. Bob agreed to blood transfusions.
December 1st, 2018. Bob on the ipad – nose tube later removed because the liquid ‘food’ was making him vomit. His body was so malnourished at this point it was concerning to me. He underwent another blood transfusion.
It was nightmare scenes I would not wish on my
worst enemy.
It was horrible to watch; worse to experience.
To add more drama trauma to the nightmare we were
stuck in; Bob had been prepped for … and had been taken into surgery, Wednesday
evening. And it was called off while in process. Because it was “too
risky to go further.” I couldn’t believe it when I was told – and poor Bob couldn’t
believe it either when he finally woke up and the breathing tube was removed:
after all the months of waiting to finally make it to OHSU, and the anxious
anticipation of the failed surgical procedure, everything was halted because
the cysts did not behave as expected.
December 5th, 2018 (which was the 4th this year). Bob on breathing tube.
The surgical team had planned another procedure for
today, last year … but that fell through too after imaging came back
that afternoon – and we saw the imaging results and agreed with the
professionals: TOO RISKY. It was pointed out, and we could both SEE that
the cysts were indeed “in a very bad place”.
TODAY, LAST YEAR. Bob played Solitaire on his laptop that I brought back with me from home on Tuesday. We are disappointed that yesterday’s procedure was halted and today’s procedure was canceled due to the riskiness of going forward with it; word was 'another 3-week-wait'. We needed divine intervention at that point.
We had been at OHSU since November 24th;
we were tired of the yo-yo-ups and downs with no relief in sight due to the nature
of that fickle illness.
We wanted out of our nightmare scenario.
In 208 short hours & 6 fleeting minutes; all participation, in any and all roles of our specific nightmare before Christmas, would come to an end
…
Same time, this year, the slideshow memories of today, last year, continue to play
out during my healing progress – but, thankfully, I did not cry today.
Instead, I dusted and wiped all surfaces down to keep the dust bunnies from
proliferating: that used up a couple hours; the house is small in comparison to
the others we’d owned, but stuff like house cleaning takes time.
I was
thankful.
I was too busy to give in to crying.
I added
some more festive touches (nothing fancy): more ‘girly stuff’ – so out of character for me,
but it seems that in this new life of mine, more and more ‘girly’ things
keep happening:
Master bathroom; greenery I brought back from Eden Valley a few weeks ago.
Reindeer Basket in the Master bathroom
A few Eden Valley greenery snippets in the Spare bathroom.
A woven bamboo basket in the Spare bathroom.
And I
baked some yummy holiday cookies, too :-D (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/coconut-cranberry-chews-recipe.html)
