I WON'T BACK DOWN

Friday, July 26, 2019

DON'T GIVE AWAY CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE


This is so spot on.
And a real word of cautionary wisdom.
When December 14th, 2018 dawned and I found my life seriously altered from 'wife' to 'widow' ... I was initially grateful Bob's son stepped up to help me.
I remember thinking, "I wish Bob were here to see Alex behaving like a son
he could be proud of."
He was attentive.
He called to check up on me.
He drove up to help me do what needed to be attended to.
But THEN, in March, he started acting like his old self.
He reverted back to manipulating situations to benefit himself.
I started hearing things like, "I'm doing this because I may need to ask you a favor" (he was setting the stage to move me over, and move himself into my home - that way he could take charge and take over: he had tried to do that for 35 years); "better save that money - we may need it" (I mentioned the house needed to get painted this year: he was planning on quitting his job and having ME spend my meager SSA check on him!); ... and saying other things that were raising a red flag.
The familiar Alex was back with a vengeance - he thought that now his father was no longer in the picture, I was easy prey.
I'd been down that rocky road with him for decades.
And then he said what I knew he would eventually say to me: "This is my dad's house."
BOOM. He was making a stand, thinking that I was oblivious to his staged coup attempt.
But I was ready to meet him on the battlefield he set up.
He had thought I was so grief stricken he could manipulate the situation
It was sad.
It was infuriating.
It was arrogantly ignorant - as usual.
He was putting me on notice, and putting me in my place.
But, I had known it was coming.
Bob had known, before he graduated to a higher level of life, that it would come: it ALWAYS came.
And now, Bob was not here to defuse the situation.
So ... I defused the situation.
Alone - and with a bite he was not expecting; because before, I had Bob's feelings to consider: I loved Bob.
I still love Bob, but Bob is not here now.
And I do not have to be considerate anymore when dealing with his bullying son.
"No!" I said. "No, Alex; you cannot move in with me" (he was already telling me the changes that would have to come - I would become a stranger in my own house!); "No, Alex; you cannot take another thing home with you (he had already filled the back-end of his car with things from the shop, as well as the antique rifle from our bedroom closet) - you have a sister, and a niece and nephew to consider when it comes to dividing the spoils" (in his mind, EVERYTHING was his because he "is the son: the legal heir"); "No, Alex; ((((I)))) will make decisions concerning the things your father & I jointly owned during our marriage: you do NOT get a say one way or the other"; "No, Alex; you cannot take over."
I admit, my mind was foggy the first few months of widowhood.
But NOT to the extent of losing a grip on who was going to run MY life.
I have never, EVER given control of my life over to anyone else - not even to Bob: and I loved him.
I ALWAYS was in ... and AM IN ... CONTROL of MY life.
I hope you will retain control of your life too.

HOMEMADE COCOA MIX



I like a nice hot, soothing cup of cocoa before bed sometimes; and though the mix is very easy to make, it is ridiculously priced in the store for a watered down, and pretty tasteless drink.

So today, I made my own … and it was very good :-D

Here is the recipe:

HOMEMADE COCOA MIX ~15 cups Mix

10 cups Powdered Milk * 4-3/4 cups Powdered Sugar (sifted) * 1-3/4 cups powdered Cocoa * 1-3/4 cups powdered non-dairy Creamer (I used French Vanilla powdered creamer) * 3 cups Mini Marshmallows

Combine first 4 ingredients thoroughly:


Add marshmallows, and place in container (I opted to use large plastic baggies):


TO USE: 1/3 cup cocoa mix to 3/4 cups hot water.

SECOND SIGHT


Earlier this morning, I was asked by someone what a dream might mean; I try to stay away from that. Ramona dinks around with dreamscapes – I don’t.

That said, I DO, on occasion, have visions shown to me that apply in some way to MY life: and I pay careful attention when that happens.

I was born with what some call “second sight” … but I don’t actively chase after it like Ramona does.

In my own, personal life, it has been both a blessing & a fright. And I do not actively seek it.

BUT, my second sight does occasionally kick in and I am helpless to stop the slideshow until it plays out.

Thankfully, these instances are far and few between.

One morning, after Bob had left for work and I was a new Bride, I was shown a vision concerning him. I had gone back to sleep after he left – I was getting tired easily because I was newly pregnant too, and not even aware of it yet; so this would have been September sometime – anyway … I remember a dream-like fuzziness came over me, and I sat up and looked towards the bedroom door, and I SAW with my inner eye (second sight) a vision of Bob standing before me with his head wrapped in gauze, his right arm in a sling (crossed over the left side of his chest – kinda high up – not off to the left like a regular slinging would be), and a cast on his left leg.

It scared the hell out of me; I loved Bob, and seeing him like that concerned me.

I remember I started to jump out of bed to run to him … when I realized he wasn’t really THERE; this was a vision.

I also knew that it was a warning – these things I needed to be aware of.

But I didn’t WANT to think about these things happening at some point!

But I paid careful attention to what I was being shown.

And, when the vision dissipated; I thought on it.

And I prayed like never before!

And Elohim was faithful.

ALL those things DID, in fact, happen during our 44 years together: he had surgery on his right hand/wrist for carpal tunnel syndrome brought on by his heavy machinery operating days when he worked for Durrah & Martin Logging Co.; he had surgery on his left leg, which put him in a large plaster cast from the hipbone to wrap around the heel of his foot – knee section was left free with a hinge worked into the plaster cast, so he could carefully bend the leg for flexibility while it healed (he passed a blood clot during this time too; that shot through his lung and heart that caused him to die in front of me in the hospital Visitor’s Room, during a visit to the hospital with our toddler daughter before he was eventually released to come home: if an orderly had not been passing by when that happened & quickly rushed him back to his room calling Code for the paddles, I am not sure what the outcome would have been); and I am thinking the gauzed wrapped head part of the vision was to highlight what Bob & I went through this past Fall/Winter months in 2018I am not going to go into detail, but I will just say this – it fits.

So, the total time from the viewing of vision until the completion of the vision was 44 years: the vision was shown to me when I was a newlywed.

It is not the first time visions I saw came true. It got to the point that I actually pleaded with Elohim to take them away. It is not fun to KNOW something is going to happen, and there is no way to stop it from happening. I have {seen} some pretty scary things play out before my eyes – one of them was a death happening … I was on the back porch reaching for a piece of wood to take into the house and place in the wood stove, when again, that dream-lie fuzziness came over me and I turned to look towards the sky over the Columbia river in the near distance: I watched a small passenger plane wobble – then wreck (didn’t actually happen in front of me – but I “saw” it happening with my second sight: I didn’t know who or why; but that wreck was later confirmed in the day – and I found out who died, and why: I knew the fella. Kinda unnerving.

Usually I get visions of addresses, or phone numbers – and later meet the people those addresses & phone numbers belong to: I pay attention to those meetings – they were brought about for a reason.

Bob got used to my second sight.

But it always unnerved me.

It can be useful – but when it centers around people you know and love, it can be downright frightening.

My sister, Ramona, also has second sight. But she takes it too far – she puts her trust in the visions more than she trusts God. Ramona plays with spiritism, and THAT is dangerous. It is also forbidden by God: God WILL send us visions; but Christians are NOT TO SEEK visions on their own: THAT is taboo. Ramona play at being God by playing with spiritism.

THANK YOU, BABE!


Got a phone call around 7:54 a.m., this morning that jolted me out of a relaxing sleep to annoy me about the car warranty.

Groggily I turned the phone off, rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep.

No go.

Pissed, I got up and made the bed; and then the thoughts started …

And I got to thinking that maybe NOW would be a good time to shake the brain fog, dig those Highlander Operating Manuals out, and READ them from cover to cover.

Not a very appealing thought.

Not only are those booklets b.o.r.i.n.g. – but they make absolutely NO sense to me, whatsoever.


My brain was overwhelmed at this point.

Little sleep.

Scattered thoughts following little sleep.

Unwanted & unwelcome worries that keep knocking on the door of my groggy consciousness.

So.

I decided to call Toyota and find out where to go from here …

When I was finally connected to an actual human being on the other end of the phone line, I was told “Toyota doesn’t make those kinds of calls. You probably were contacted by a 3rd party who got your name and number from the DMV, which sells information to 3rd parties that will try to get you to buy their warranties.”

I don’t want that … and I was really pissed then to think that the DMV is GIVING OUT PRIVATE INFORMATION TO PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW!

WTH?!

Unscrupulous behavior that should be against the Law.

But …

I was happy and thankful to hear, “Your warranty is good with us until October 2024. It looks like your husband purchased the Extended Warranty which is good for 7 years, or 100,000 miles: whichever comes first. He took care of you real good.”

((((THANK YOU, BABE! ~OX))))

That warranty does not cover wear & tear, brakes pads, oil changes, or anything like that; but that’s okay – the warranty covers the major stuff like electrical and operating mechanisms that may tweak out and need fixing.

I can live with that ;-)

And then I called Twin City Dental and made a September appointment to have a tooth yanked: have to wait that long because North Star, on Wednesday decided to f*ck with me, and I told them I don’t appreciate their attempt to f*ck me, so I decided to pay the contract off and drop them: that decision on both ends, ate up the extra $$$ this month.


Brain overload.

Good thing I bought this little day planner when I was in town last week; it's been a decade or so since I had one of these, but since my brain is now shrouded in Widows Brain Fog, I thought it might be a good idea to get one again ...


It should help keeping my scattered thoughts organized ;-)