Sunday the
Grief Support Group coordinator and his wife stopped in after church let out; they
wanted to introduce themselves, find out where I lived so they could pick me up
for Thursday’s Meet, and no doubt check me out to see if I am a ‘loose bullet’
concerning the grieving process. They were very friendly and informative
people, they found our house with no problem, and apparently I passed the
inspection ;-) My grief is not handicapping me; and my only real issue with my
husband’s passing from this life to the next is learning to deal effectively
with Candy and Ron – in other words, learning to get past the sudden and heated
anger that rises up in me every time I have to personally deal with Candy in
the Park Office; or every time I catch a glimpse of next-door-neighbor Ron.
That my husband is dead, and I am now alone and doing what I can to make this alone journey as easy and as content as possible ... with the tedious burden of wading
through uncertain financial situations, and having to daily juggle and face
serious economic crisis because of petty ridiculous stupidity brought on by paranoia
and egomania, rankles. And I need to get past that. Hopefully these grief
support meets will help me with that.
The one thought that popped into my head and stayed since my husband passed December 14th, 2018, is that Elohim’s grace is sufficient for me.
By His strength
I am upheld, supported, prospered, and sanctified. When I am at my weakest
point, He lifts me up and places me in the safety of The Rock (Isaiah
28:16 & Romans 9:33), where life’s tempests swirl and howl around
me; but cannot touch me. When sudden, unexpected emotions overwhelm me and my
knees buckle with the onslaught, He comes alongside me and lends His shoulder
for me to lean against as we walk together through the turmoil (Isaiah
41:10-11). And I hear Him whisper gently as He hugs me tight against
His supportive shoulder, “It’s okay Val: I have everything under control. You
just lean on Me; everything will work out. You’ll see. In these days of
uncertainty and economic crisis, don’t worry about tomorrow; I will meet all
your needs according to My riches in glory: I am well able to do immeasurably
more than you can ask or even imagine.” (Matthew 6:25-34, John 14:27, Hebrews 13:5)
What a blessing! What promises! What wonderful expectations to look forward to.
I am a child of the Most High God, a joint-heir justified in Yeshua, and can rightly
expect the fulfillment of these promises (Hebrews 2:1, Hebrews 12:14, 1 Corinthians
6:11, & Ephesians 1:13).
When I stay
in Him, He stays in me (1 Chronicles 16:11, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 3:9
& 1 Thessalonians 5:23).
When I find
myself harassed by life’s stressors and seek His strength, and seek His
presence continually; I find Him immediately beside me, comforting me and rejoicing
over me with gladness as he quiets my soul, exulting over me with joyous
singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I have heard that singing … and it is beautiful
and comforting.
Since my
husband stepped off this planet, I have never been alone though we are now 1
instead of 2. Yeshua was and is a constant 24 hr/every day close companion. My BIL
and SIL’s were a great comfort in the first days of my alone journey. Cheryl
and Mike have continually been present during this time – if they are not
visiting, they are calling: daily. They have helped me in ways I cannot put words
to, while dealing with the recent deaths of their own parents. That is real
love in action, and I hope I will always be worthy of it. My husband’s son came
up from Salem every week for a solid month to help me with a couple things
around the house I needed help with … and will come again around tax time to
help me get that squared away: it is a 2 hour drive one way; a sacrifice I am appreciate
of it. Alex does not have to do this – he is not bound to me by blood, and
during the 44 years I have been married to his father we have not even really
been friends because he has resented me much of the time. But now, I think he
realizes that I am really the only family he has. And he is trying to make
amends and do what his father would like him to do. I am thankful. Keenager’s –
a weekly Senior meet and greet my husband and I enjoyed, and I attend alone
now, is a familiar comfort to me. I have worked out an agreeable check-up schedule and routine with our niece, Tiffany, by which a specific phone call at a certain time during the week will be made: if I send a message that I am okay before that day is over, fine; if that call is not made, she will call me; if I do not answer, she will come over immediately to see what is happening. She has nursing experience with the elderly (I can't believe I am using that word to describe me!) and will be a help if I need help. She picked up the house key Saturday afternoon. Most every day I walk around the perimeter of the Park - a mile distance from our driveway and back again: that is what my husband and I walked nearly every day at various places around town, or throughout the county on scenic day-trips when he was still with me. And I am hoping the upcoming Grief Support Group
starting on this upcoming Thursday will help me during this period of
adjustment I now face.
Monday Elohim
sent close friends to me, Cheryl and Pam – 2 women I love, and appreciate more
than words can tell. I have known these women most of my life and they are
gracious and thoughtful women who are godly examples of compassionate love
while going through their own worrisome struggles: when the daughters of Elohim
gather together to support and encourage one another, He is there. His presence
is strong. And we are thankful for all that he does for us – things we are
aware of, and things that are yet unknown. It is good to praise the Lord
together.
In my human
weakness, His grace is sufficient for me.
