Tuesday, January 15, 2019
Sunday the Grief Support Group coordinator and his wife stopped in after church let out; they wanted to introduce themselves, find out where I lived so they could pick me up for Thursday’s Meet, and no doubt check me out to see if I am a ‘loose bullet’ concerning the grieving process. They were very friendly and informative people, they found our house with no problem, and apparently I passed the inspection ;-) My grief is not handicapping me; and my only real issue with my husband’s passing from this life to the next is learning to deal effectively with Candy and Ron – in other words, learning to get past the sudden and heated anger that rises up in me every time I have to personally deal with Candy in the Park Office; or every time I catch a glimpse of next-door-neighbor Ron. That my husband is dead, and I am now alone and doing what I can to make this alone journey as easy and as content as possible ... with the tedious burden of wading through uncertain financial situations, and having to daily juggle and face serious economic crisis because of petty ridiculous stupidity brought on by paranoia and egomania, rankles. And I need to get past that. Hopefully these grief support meets will help me with that.
The one thought that popped into my head and stayed since my husband passed December 14th, 2018, is that Elohim’s grace is sufficient for me.
By His strength I am upheld, supported, prospered, and sanctified. When I am at my weakest point, He lifts me up and places me in the safety of The Rock (Isaiah 28:16 & Romans 9:33), where life’s tempests swirl and howl around me; but cannot touch me. When sudden, unexpected emotions overwhelm me and my knees buckle with the onslaught, He comes alongside me and lends His shoulder for me to lean against as we walk together through the turmoil (Isaiah 41:10-11). And I hear Him whisper gently as He hugs me tight against His supportive shoulder, “It’s okay Val: I have everything under control. You just lean on Me; everything will work out. You’ll see. In these days of uncertainty and economic crisis, don’t worry about tomorrow; I will meet all your needs according to My riches in glory: I am well able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or even imagine.” (Matthew 6:25-34, John 14:27, Hebrews 13:5) What a blessing! What promises! What wonderful expectations to look forward to. I am a child of the Most High God, a joint-heir justified in Yeshua, and can rightly expect the fulfillment of these promises (Hebrews 2:1, Hebrews 12:14, 1 Corinthians 6:11, & Ephesians 1:13).
When I stay in Him, He stays in me (1 Chronicles 16:11, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 3:9 & 1 Thessalonians 5:23).
When I find myself harassed by life’s stressors and seek His strength, and seek His presence continually; I find Him immediately beside me, comforting me and rejoicing over me with gladness as he quiets my soul, exulting over me with joyous singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I have heard that singing … and it is beautiful and comforting.
Since my husband stepped off this planet, I have never been alone though we are now 1 instead of 2. Yeshua was and is a constant 24 hr/every day close companion. My BIL and SIL’s were a great comfort in the first days of my alone journey. Cheryl and Mike have continually been present during this time – if they are not visiting, they are calling: daily. They have helped me in ways I cannot put words to, while dealing with the recent deaths of their own parents. That is real love in action, and I hope I will always be worthy of it. My husband’s son came up from Salem every week for a solid month to help me with a couple things around the house I needed help with … and will come again around tax time to help me get that squared away: it is a 2 hour drive one way; a sacrifice I am appreciate of it. Alex does not have to do this – he is not bound to me by blood, and during the 44 years I have been married to his father we have not even really been friends because he has resented me much of the time. But now, I think he realizes that I am really the only family he has. And he is trying to make amends and do what his father would like him to do. I am thankful. Keenager’s – a weekly Senior meet and greet my husband and I enjoyed, and I attend alone now, is a familiar comfort to me. I have worked out an agreeable check-up schedule and routine with our niece, Tiffany, by which a specific phone call at a certain time during the week will be made: if I send a message that I am okay before that day is over, fine; if that call is not made, she will call me; if I do not answer, she will come over immediately to see what is happening. She has nursing experience with the elderly (I can't believe I am using that word to describe me!) and will be a help if I need help. She picked up the house key Saturday afternoon. Most every day I walk around the perimeter of the Park - a mile distance from our driveway and back again: that is what my husband and I walked nearly every day at various places around town, or throughout the county on scenic day-trips when he was still with me. And I am hoping the upcoming Grief Support Group starting on this upcoming Thursday will help me during this period of adjustment I now face.
Monday Elohim sent close friends to me, Cheryl and Pam – 2 women I love, and appreciate more than words can tell. I have known these women most of my life and they are gracious and thoughtful women who are godly examples of compassionate love while going through their own worrisome struggles: when the daughters of Elohim gather together to support and encourage one another, He is there. His presence is strong. And we are thankful for all that he does for us – things we are aware of, and things that are yet unknown. It is good to praise the Lord together.
In my human weakness, His grace is sufficient for me.