I WON'T BACK DOWN

Saturday, October 19, 2019

TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON ~ A TIME TO BE


We are definitely into the Fall season here in the PNW – the rain is falling fast and furious:


So, I am holed up in the house ...


Since I won’t be going anywhere any time soon, I decided to dust off the Grief Share ‘Loss of A Spouse’ booklet and give it another peek; it really wasn’t very helpful earlier this year:


But now, I think I can concentrate better ...


So, I will give the read another {go} ;-)


Some things my eyes lit upon when cracking the book open this morning were:



Do something that you can enjoy yourself. Pick an activity that might become a new tradition for you. I can do that. I’m okay with that too: it’s a whole new world now, and I have to be comfortable in it.


Spend some time reminiscing with people who shared a love for your spouse. I am already doing that; our friends have been great! And they have become family to me – including me in their couples’ time (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/06/going-up-to-country.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/blueberry-picking-time-in-oregon.html, & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/09/i-can-do-it.html). I appreciate that: and I am careful not to rely too much on them: they are willing to be my new family & willingly offer to help when I need help, but their husbands are not my husband: I must learn to do on my own all over again. And I am :-D

Try to get proper nutrition. Make sure to drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily. I can do that. I have cookathons when my freezer supply of meals runs low (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/06/getting-stuff-done.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/4-make-ahead-freezer-meals.html); that way if I find myself in a mental funk, I always have balanced meals to eat ;-) And I make sure to drink sufficient water too – not just coffees, colas, or teas: WATER. I pee a lot, but at least I will not end up in ER because of dehydration. LOL Gotta find the humor in the small stuff that is so necessary :-D

Try to get enough sleep (7 to 8 hours a night); in addition, try to lie down 2 or 3 times a day (30 minutes), even if you don’t sleep. I am doing that. And the strange thing is … I NEVER did that when Bob was still here on Earth, with me! Before, I was ALWAYS A NIGHT OWL – I was lucky to get 4 hours of sleep any given day or any given week. All my life! Bob was an understanding man – Bob was a good husband. Now, since Bob graduated to a better and higher level of living … I somehow got HIS SLEEPING habit and pattern <:-O I am up at the crack of dawn (where before I was finally stumbling off towards bed) and in bed around 10 p.m. IT IS STRANGE TO ME. I am definitely getting enough sleep. And I find that I am incredibly tired some days – even days I don’t do anything more stressful or straining than pouring coffee. LOL – so I am also getting periodic cat-naps.

Try to take a 10-to-20-minute walk each day. This is hit and miss, due to the weather. When the weather is accommodating, I get out and walk (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/06/walkin-loop.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/vitamin-d-day.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/halloween-already.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/09/sunday-funday-2.html, & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/09/me-you.html) – but when it rains, freezes, or snows … I hole up: as I am doing today. Can’t afford to get sick. I walked everyday last Winter, regardless of the weather, and ended up laid up in bed for months. I am inclined, though, to think it was not getting wet feet that was the real culprit; but rather, being in the hospitals for months on end sitting death-watch with Bob: I really had influenza, not a cold. But, I am being wise and not taking chances – I can’t afford to get sick: I am letting the Peace Health Financial Assistance go the end of this month because it is more stressful to keep it than to save towards medical “what ifs”. I NEED to stay healthy (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/coping-with-angina.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/05/low-impact-workout-for-seniors.html, https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/04/simple-exercises-for-seniors-building.html).

Understand why you cry. This is a biggie for me. I rarely ever cried – even with Bob. Crying, to me, always meant weakness. IF I cried at all, I did it where no one could see or hear me. I always had to stifle my emotions growing up – always had to be the strong one: the one others looked to for strength and direction. I think I cry more easily and readily now because there is no one in my life now who can see or hear me. But still, it is strange and uncomfortable for me to suddenly find myself crying because my heart misses Bob. It happens without warning – even when my thoughts are not even on Bob at that particular moment (but something I am looking at will trigger an emotion connected somehow to Bob). It is strange to …. at this point in my life, be acting like a girly-girl. It is weird. It is uncomfortable. It is uncontrollable. I am learning to accept it.


And Alyna & Liam have moved to a rural part of Oregon and want me to move closer to were they are so they can keep closer tabs on me and be readily available if and when I need them to be: they want family cohesiveness. Bob would want that too. I am thinking about it: seriously. But it is a big step with a lot of considerations: there is a LOT I would have to cut loose and leave behind. Primarily the gardening boxes Bob designed and built for me, & rain barrels (that directly led to his death), the home we remodeled – where Bob refashioned everything specifically for me, and the freezers … there would be no place for them. The kids are thinking I would be comfortable in my own apartment in the same Retirement Community Liam’s grandma is in – I am not so sure I want to be “old” yet! I am not so sure I want to give up my personal freedoms just to have them pop in whenever they can. I vacillate between agreeable boldness to do it … and bulking at the exchange of freedoms it would cost me. It is a complex situation. I will need to seek Elohim’s wisdom and The Ruach’s guidance.

And this is about all I can deal with today …

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

No comments:

Post a Comment