I SAID WHAT I MEAN

Oy!

Adulting is hard.

Dealing with people is even harder ☹

Today was Fellowship Potluck. I have been avoiding potluck Sundays because there is a couple, I really do not like being around – they are controlling. They are gossips. They are cruel.

Every time they come to mind … this song pops into my head:

The Undisputed Truth – ‘Smiling Faces’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oLl8NLtels)

This couple is old enough to understand “No.” They are old enough to understand that {no} is a complete sentence – it does not need to be expanded on. I have, more than once, asked her not to speak about my family as though she is a blood relative (she is not, praise the Lord), and I have asked her not to suddenly grab me and hug me against my will. I have told him to leave me alone (he’s pushy in his opinions concerning me, and he’s too touchy-feeling for my comfort). I have made it clear to those speaking to me on their behalf, that I do not want either of them touching me or forcing their opinions on me. Having gray hair and wrinkles on the face does not give anyone carte blanche to overstep boundaries: any boundary; no matter how “insignificant it seems to them”.

Both give off disingenuous vibes … and have on several occasions proven to be a two-faced lynching duo when faced with opposition to their pet agendas.

I really do not like them. And seriously go out of my way to avoid interaction with them.

But there are other people I really enjoy spending time with: the event was a dicey crapshoot.

So, I decided to put a smile in place, and ride the storm out; dealing with issues as they arose, in the moment. I mean … I’m teaching a class where the discussions are similar to this very topic, every Monday and Tuesday, for Pete’s sake! I guess it’s time (once more; God help me) to test where the rubber meets the road, on a personal level 😉

I pulled jeggings, and a lacy top out of the closet that looked to fit the holiday mood of today’s potluck (a precursor to Thanksgiving) 😊

I like the color of the top. I like the lacey material. I got a lot of compliments on it … but, it will not be a repeat.

Glittery 'Gentle' for brow, & 'Illusion' for eyelid; sparkly 'Navy' for top 'liner' & 'Lt. Blue' for lower 'liner'.

A spot of accent color ...

'Auburn' Brow Gel, Rose-tinted Creme Blush, & Black Mascara.

1 coat of glittery Nail Polish ... and black furry boots to keep my toes warm.

 

My favorite lip gloss, 'Pink Quartz' - so glittery! And, my face is ' place'. LOL

This top will not stay in my closet ...

Looking at these pics of that pretty top, it looks like I am wearing a cutdown tablecloth! I’ve worn it – and now, someone else can wear it next year.

On my way to the front door, I took one look out the front window at the frost-iced car across the street, and grabbed my heavy coat.

My stomach was pitching a fit thinking about the tiger couple – so, I stopped at Baker’s Corner and grabbed a quick bite to calm it down some 😉

Neighbor's frosted car plainly told me the shape the roads were in ...

I grabbed my Carhartt jacket; 'just in case'.

Ready for today’s Holiday Kickoff festivities.

A Breakfast Casserole & a flavored Coffee; I'm 'good to go!'

Fellowship went well; the message was good, and the atmosphere was warm.

I met some more new people … not new to the area, just {new} to me.

And of course, they showed up, and started right in with the overstepping high-stepping ☹

So, I spoke my mind: clearly. Distinctly. And firmly. In front of witnesses (they are the ones that staged it that way, to put me on the spot – I just cashed in on the listening ears surrounding us).

They acted surprised, offended, and miffed at my {candor}: but I remained unmovable in tone or meaning; repeating twice: “I meant what I said. Stop crowding me. I don’t like it; and I’ve asked you politely for months to “please stop.” And if you think I am {offensive} now, keep pushing on me and you will find out how “offensive” I can really be. Back off.”

I don’t like being a bitch … but if people continually push that Bitch Button, I have no qualms at all about leveling both barrels, and letting the scatter shot fly.

They eventually moved on to pester some other poor soul, and I moved on to enjoy the company of those I truly do enjoy. The rest of the day went smoothly, thank God.

I was invited to three Thanksgiving Suppers on Thursday, but I politely declined each one, stating, "Holidays are for Families; thank you, but I'll just stay home and watch 'Alice's Restaraunt' on YouTube if it's available - if it isn't, I'll finish my latest Cluve Cussler read." Every one of them assured me, "You are Family, Val", and I know they mean it; but I still declined. I really do appreciate those who love me enough to ask me to thier home (they are good friends) ... but every one of them are also football fans: and I am not. Thanksgiving & Christmas are football-madness-holidays. The Seattle Seahawks do not "thrill" me.

Later on, at home, I engaged in some more future thankfulness activity:

Tomorrow looks promising 😊

FEBRUARY 14th ~2022

The month of Love.

The day love is universally celebrated.

A difficult day to get through, for those of us who have had our days of wine and roses cut short; no more blissful, passionate Loveuary mornings – no more loving phone calls filled with sweet nothings for our ears only. No more exchanges of Love Cards, thoughtfully chosen and hidden until Loveuary morning.

No more overt expressions of love – that ended with our loved one’s last breath.

For the past three years, I’ve avoided this Day … however, this year I decided to treat myself.

And I thought of Bob as being very much alive (which he IS) in the Spirit; walking alongside me: his body gave out, his soul did not. Knowing this, encourages me every day to keep moving forward. To keep engaging in daily life, in ways that both my Husbands (Yeshua and Bob), can see – in ways that make them both feel happy for me, and proud that I am doing as both want me to do.

Thank you for the love ~ OX

I also thought of the many ways Bob and I valued each other; and showed our love in the small ways that matter in big ways (it’s the little things that lead to big passionate moments): and I did not cry this year.

I enjoyed my treat – and did not make a pig of myself: I wrapped the remaining servings, and put them in the freezer (to be enjoyed later this week – and figured into my calorie counting routine).

I’ll never be young and svelte again … but I can be a slimmer/toned version of myself than I was this time, last year 😉

... broken down into serving size.

And I thought of all the loving throughout previous generations that resulted in my having a life – without those ancestors, I would not exist to have experienced Bob’s wonderful love: I am thankful for all the love that got me here 😊

It rained today, so I stayed inside and did laundry … and worked on designing and crafting another Angel baby blanket.

MOD Blue Angel baby Blanket; 21-in. x 21-in.

All in all, it was a pretty good, low-key day without Bob’s physical presence in it. I miss Bob, but life is treating me well 😊

HOME BENEFITS

Christmas 2021 … and tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve, are 4-year markers of those holidays that I did not get to share with Bob.

I used to tell Bob that I really hoped my ticket was punched before his, because “I could not live without you, Babe.”

And then.

Bob’s ticket number was called; and he went before me.

And over a period of 36 months, I’ve come to the realization that I somehow, incredibly, could live without him. I woke up that first morning of widowhood – I woke up every morning for that first week of solo loboing.

For a month.

For 2 months … 4 months … 6 months: 1 year.

For 36 months (3 years, and 16 days – today): 1,111 days and nights have come and gone, and I have learned to live without Bob’s physical presence in my life.

In the Spring, Summer, and Fall months the missingness is easier because I’m out of the house most of the time: country drives, daytrips, road trips, hiking, social gatherings, ect.

But in the Winter months, when the weather is dicey and driving is tricky; I’m stuck pretty much at home. Admittedly, “stuck at home” is relatively short – but it’s still a stuck period, where I’m housebound.

I never could stand being cooped up … and that feeling intensifies now that Bob is no longer here. So, I have to make those cloying housebound days count to pull me out of a {missingness} mind-slump.

The months of 2021, I broadened my horizons and ventured further afield in adventurous daytrips; learning new roads, and retracing remembered loop-routes I made with Bob throughout our 44 years together. Those backroad drives were looooong drives.

I ate out … a lot.

When I got home, I had just enough time to change from day clothes into p.j.’s; and fall into bed. I exercised in a hit-n-miss pattern – and it was showing.

Now, it’s time to knuckle down again – and rein the laissez faire attitude in: toning up, and slimming the curves 😉

Exercising is a home benefit.

I actually like exercising, so it’s not a hardship.

I exercise every other day … and like switching out the exercise regimes 😊

This is what I did today:

Fit & Toned Arms for Ageless (Mature) Women

15 Minute Senior Pilates Chair Class- to build Core Strength in a Safe and Gentle

I’m planning on wearing sleeveless tops, shorts … and the straight-leg jeans I bought this year (the only type of jeans selling in stores): I need toned arms, and a slimmer physique by March 2022.

These ‘home benefit’ exercises will accomplish that 😉

CHRISTMAS DAY 2021

Well … Elohim granted me another day of life: I woke up this morning after last night’s harrowing asthma attack.

Last night I had gone to bed drained, sore, and still struggling to breathe after I was finally able to use my inhaler; and I honestly did not believe I’d make it through the night – even with my fancy electrical bed that rises my upper body to allow easier breathing.

But Elohim apparently thinks I have more to do, here on Earth; and has granted me a stay with the Grim Reaper in my life’s timeline.

This is the second serious asthma attack this year; and the most serious one - I literally could not suck air in. I felt like plastic wrapping had been placed over my face: I could feel blood vessels popping on my face, chest, and in my throat. It lasted longer, was very severe, and nearly gave me a heart attack on top of it (my left arm, as well as my rib cage, was still aching when I went to bed).

Christmas Eve Asthma Attack: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/12/christmas-eve-asthma-attack.html

I am glad I was able to talk with our oldest granddaughter from the East Coast, yesterday – before the attack.

My niece-daughter, in Nevada, texted me this morning, bright and early 😊

And, she called before noon: my throat was sore/voice was hoarse from the strenuous coughing last night; and when she asked why … I told her. I also told her to enjoy her holiday and not worry about me, as I am breathing easier this morning – and I am alive.

She told me that I “need someone” in my life … and I told her I’m thinking about it.

Bob will always be my man – but he wanted me to get on with life; and he understood that I would need someone I could count on to be with me in times like last night. Bob knew I would never love anyone else like him: but Bob also knew I’d need a friend in my life who cares if I live or die; someone who would help me get over the hump of bad times like last night. When one is literally suffocating … it helps to have another person around who can think clearly and step into the gap.

I made light of the possibility of my dying, and no one would know until the stench made it obvious to anyone passing by my house.

That is a real concern.

No loving husband; a real helpmate.

No kids who care enough to care.

No grandkids who live nearby; they care, they just aren’t readily available to help.

No friends who are “close friends”.

I did make arrangements shortly after becoming a Widow – I informed family members on both sides, of my heart and lung issues, asked a few of them if they’d be my contacts (they said yes) – and I made extra housekeys … and handed them out.

All the people who should be calling daily to check up on me (those with house keys for that specific reason), have not called. AT ALL; 2019 was 2 years ago. The ”networking” is not working. Communication is full of static; and the links are broken.

I do have friends. But, they have families of their own. When it comes to “hookups”, they think of getting together for coffee, and occasional lunches/suppers – they are not thinking of checking up on me to make sure I am alive day to day; I am a friend – I am not their family member.

None of these people understand what it is to be totally alone; I am not faulting them - by and large, they are good people who have embraced me - but, they have people in thier lives 24/7/365: they cannot comprehend that I am quite literally a.l.o.n.e. in life with life threatening issues, on a daily basis (weak lungs/faulty heart). They all joke about needing to be alone (jokingly wishing away thier hubby and kids "that annoy them"), but they don't understand the seriousness that a solo lobo life entails.

And then there is the 24/7/365 covid hysteria that has people (even some of those mentioned above) too scared to risk getting involved: making a house call to see why I am not answering my phone will not be happening from scaredy-cats.

And if I cannot breathe; I cannot call 911.

If I die, no one will know but me and God.

All that said …

I saw through phone notifications yesterday, that snow would be arriving around 5 AM this morning, so – when I stumbled off to bed last night, I set the alarm clock ‘just in case’ I actually woke up: this snowbaby likes to watch the first flakes of snow falling 😊

However, snow did not make an appearance this morning.

As of yet (12:42 PM), snow still is not on the air. There is snow on the KM (about 45 minutes away); there is snow on Beaver Creek (a few miles up the road; maybe 10 minutes away); there is snow up Rose Valley (maybe 10 minutes the opposite direction); there is snow up the Toutle (about 25 minutes away) … but no snow locally (in immediate vicinity; town).

Snow on the KM, early morning today.

7-inches of snow on Beaver Creek today; noon posting.

While I wait for the “ify” snow predicted; I’m going to snuggle under Bob’s comfy recliner blanket, drink peppermint flavored coffee (coffee is good for asthma – peppermint is good for my holiday mood 😉), and finish reading my last Christmas novel.

Coffee & Asthma: https://allergyasthmanetwork.org/news/coffee-and-asthma/

All three stories in the novel are based around a town named Mistletoe, Texas.

Last Christmas novel in my book cache.

Backstories.

It finally started snowing a little after 4 PM 😊

Big, FAT, fluffy flakes – I love a snowy Christmas 😊

FLYING SNAKES

‘Silver Bells’

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0HB0dhSyHA)

Before I left the house for my lunch date in town, I texted my granddaughter and her husband a Happy Anniversary message: their second.

Downtown parking was hard to find, but we both managed to find a spare space and zipped into it after several passes around the block 😉

‘Remember/Christmas’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TisqJTlSQgs)

We enjoyed a nice, relaxed 2-hour lunch, in which several topics were touched on … but mostly we talked about our lives in the moment. My friend wants to retire – but it doesn’t look like that will happen any time soon. Children were discussed, and Grandchildren were bragged about, and ooohed and awwwed over; and when I was asked if Alyna stays in touch with me (my friend remembers Alyna from 4 years to graduation time: my friend only knows about my grandson in conversation) … I said, “not much: we text on occasion, but that’s about it. And I don’t know anything about Azariah, at all – nothing is shared when I ask. I miss them – but, they have to miss me too. And want to spend time with me: right now, that is not happening. Bob's death changed everything.”

This is confusing to my friend because my friend knew how close Alyna and I were: and knows how excited I was about Azariah coming into our lives so unexpectantly. My friend knows, that next to Bob, my grandkids are the stars in my life.

It is confusing to me also; but this is how my life has turned out. I don’t like that – but, I’ve made peace with what is.

So, our thoughts and convo gravitated towards more in the moment topics: my summer daytrip adventures, my planned 2022 road trips out-of-State, covid madness, and the recent tornado that struck the USA. These are ‘safe topics’ that don’t squelch the Holiday Spirit.

As soon as Chinook Pass opens up for safe travel … I’ll be locking the house and heading into the great wide open 😉

My friend said, “that will probably be around the time rattlesnakes are out of hibernation and active – and some don’t have rattles.” I figured the time right, but ...

Rattlesnakes without a tail rattle? That, was news to me!

I knew that rattlesnakes go underground, and slip into a hibernating type of Winter mode: and I know that they slither back above ground in the Spring when the weather warms up … and are a serious concern in the Summer months; and I always assumed their tails were rattle activated.

I’m still interested in gravitating towards ‘The Center Of The Universe’; it intrigues me. I hope I do not bring a hitch-hiking creepy crawler back home with me.

It will be a long trip, but worthwhile.

The obamanites are already screaming 'climate change!' when speaking about the recent Kansas tornado cluster.

Flying snakes entered the convo ... there are a LOT of venomous snakes in the Midwest region: it’s a concerning thought!

Rattle-less Rattlesnakes: https://rattlesnakesolutions.com/snakeblog/science-and-education/are-rattlesnakes-evolving-to-rattle-less-or-losing-their-rattles/

Rattlesnake facts: https://www.livescience.com/43683-rattlesnake.html

There is actually a snake that does fly … but it lives in Asia.

Snakes in Your Car: https://altdriver.com/country/snake-got-in-car/

Flying snakes (especially venomous snakes) was not anything I had even considered when thinking about hurricanes and tornadoes. But obviously my friend thinks about it: I’d rather those things had not been said!

I hope I do not have nightmares tonight ☹

Obviously, we were overthinking.

When my friend went back to the job site, I left downtown behind and drove home via Olympia Way – and smiled when I caught sight of Nutty Narrows Bridge: Bob always glanced at the little squirrel bridge suspended between trees flanking the street - he was the first to point it out to me, shortly after we were married in 1974; and it has become habit to me too, to glance at it in passing, over the years.

The Nutty Narrows Bridge has the titles of “World’s Narrowest Bridge”, and “World’s Narrowest Animal Crossing”: it is decorated for seasonal holidays 😉

I also noticed a chain link fence surrounding the Campus Towers Sign; with torn up ground … and no tall building. That made me sad because Bob’s grandmother has lived there after she became a widow in the 1981. I could not find any information about demolition concerning the building – but the fence is present, the ground looks like a construction site, and that tall building was not seen.

Christmas Tree & Electricized Snowflakes on Nutty Narrows Bridge; Olympia Way & 18th Avenue junction.

Nutty Narrows Bridge – the Campus Towers Building, also in the pic, may have been demolished.

The iconic 'Nutty' the Squirrel – Longview's lovable Mascot, wearing a santa hat.

I came home and got comfy: pj’s on … and Christmas lights lit 😊

And received an incoming text: lunch with my friend is now a scheduled ‘thing’ 😉

‘Wish You The Merriest’

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BthDnxNd7Zk)