TRAGICALLY HORRIFIC

This crap would be laughable, if it wasn’t so tragically horrific …

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtN3kDA8cZY) 

The murderous islamic-marxist terrorist black panther organization (aka blm/antifa) lauded as hero’s? 

School children forced to celebrate “black communism” and simulate a black power rally?

No black person should ever be arrested?

Biology f.a.c.t.s. are false, and irrelevant?

Equality is racism?

Required “educational” re-education?

WTH???

The obamanites are raising Hell, and forcing devilish mindsets and activities on our children … while claiming they are against child abuse.

Reality no longer exists in America.

SELFISHNESS = HEALING

On the surface, the very word ‘selfishness’ looks very negative – and it appear to be out of step with Spring.

But those who care to scratch the surface of my life … know that I need the freedom selfishness allows, in order to survive – and keep in step with Spring.

Literally.

Undertaking the restructuring and remodeling a new life … 27 months/6 days/10 hours & 21 minutes after being bumped from Wife to Widow – and a little over 1 year of covid isolation/blm-antifa riotous destruction/demonrat Anti-American madness … my new life demands selfishness to boost me along the solo lobo journey I currently find myself on.

I cannot allow the hysterical fear of other people to cripple my life.

I cannot allow strangers to “manage” my life according to their ideas of what is “best” for my life.

At no other time in one’s life must a person think ONLY of themselves; at the cost of losing and/or upsetting many people.

Just as one prunes and tidies their outdoor surroundings with the arrival of Spring – so must one prune and tidy the environment in which their life thrives, grows, and matures.

So yes, I’ve been selfish, these 826 life-altering days.

And yes, my life-saving selfishness has upset people – and I even lost family members, and a friend over it. Many widows lose more than one friend.

Clueless people, who have not yet experienced significant loss (and herd-minded people, with robotic tendencies) do not … cannot … or will not … understand the very thin rope that widowing people are trying to grasp/hold onto. 

And so, they leave your life.

Which, in most instances, turns out to be a very good thing.

There’s nothing like a life altering situation to open your eyes to who your friends really are. 

Friends who know what love means.

And what “hanging in there” means.

No.

Matter.

What.

When I permit myself to look back over the initial 24 months of widowhood (which I don’t do often anymore), I am amazed that I am still here: healthy in body, soul, and spirit.

Totally amazed.

And very thankful to steadfast family members; and good, newly acquired friends, who loved/encouraged me through every moment of it – who didn’t expect me to “be there” for them, knowing that I couldn’t even “be there” for myself the first 12 months of my new life status: and many of them totally disagree with me on the covid issue.

Yet, they have not ditched me.

I have been blessed abundantly.

The people in my life know, that for the time being, my dance with selfishness is working a healing in my fractured life.

That shows the caliber of friends that I do have.

I owe so very much to them: they will never know the depth of my gratitude.

Yet all I can do in the moment – and all they care that I do, is to love them for the gentle/caring souls they are.

And I do.

So.

Very.

Much.

SHABBAT THANKFULNESS ~ Health & Friends

Shabbat Shalom 😊 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl-hXiXa8QU & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQMVLJMXn84)

This Shabbat, I’m thankful for my health; my friends, and my life. I have a good life, all things considered.

Shabbat Thankfulness - Health & Friends.

My health is where it needs to be, at my age – and my friends are good people.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

And I never take any of it for granted: I am aware that all of that could change at any given moment. But, for the time being, I’m good with all of it – and I’m thankful for all of it.

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring; and as soon as the weather permits, I will start my day-tripping again … and some road trips.

Trips planned are places I never went to, with Bob.

I am planning some new road trips this year.

They aren’t cross-country ventures, but some of them will be lengthy 8-hour drives. An 8-hour drive (4 hours each way, and roughly a 4-hour exploratory visit) constitutes a road trip’ status. I’ll be leaving at 7 AM, and getting back home around 7 PM.

I am planning one specific lengthy road venture for sometime in July because the weather will be favorable then: the winds off the ocean won’t be so strong, or so bone-chilling.

A first for me - my first solo overnight trip scheduled.

I believe I can handle that 😉

I’ll probably plan that trip for a Monday, to avoid the weekend frenzy; and it will give purpose and direction to a Monday – that day won’t be a dreaded Monday, it will be enjoyable. There may be frustration at some point, but in general, it will be an exciting day full of adventure.

I’m looking forward to that 😊

And on that trip, I’ll have a duffle packed with overnight necessities stashed in the car before it leaves the carport; just in case I need to hole up at some point and spend the night.

Though I am fairly healthy, my left leg is still not where it needs to be – it’s not bad, but it’s not 100%. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it may never be 100% again. I don’t really know what’s wrong with it, except that it hurts like there is arthritis in the lower bone. Some research suggests that the pain may be sciatica related: maybe. I’m not sure. All I know for sure is that the pain never lets up, even when the intensity abates.

But, I’m also 64 years old; so, I figure aging plays a part in that, too.

And that’s okay. My leg still serves me well … I’m still able to get out and do things I want to do. I just have to take things easy and make necessary adjustments. Instead of a steady 8 to 12 hours in the driver’s seat – I’ve cut the mileage in half with breaks to walk and stretch the kinks out: and have begun entertaining throwing an overnight stay into the mix now and then, when needed. Instead of 5 to 8-mile hikes – I’ve cut them back to half of that distance; and that seems to be working for the time being.

And, in all honesty, I was told about a decade ago, not to hike more than 1 mile each way … I’ve been pushing the envelope for years, and my body is now telling me that I need to pay attention, and slow my motor down 😉

It’s not easy for me to give way to aging restrictions.

It’s not easy aging alone.

But, I’m not really alone: I have Elohei with me always – and I have good friends in my life. And I want to stay in my house, fending for myself as long as I can; that means I have to start thinking long-term-adjustments that lead into the future; I can do that. When the time comes that I can no longer stay in my house, I have asked Elohim to just take me Home, rather than consider a Nursing Home. I have every reason to believe Elohim will honor my request to go Home, instead. I don’t anticipate that happening any time soon, but at some point, it will.

But back to the road trips …

I want to get out and about as soon as I can; for as long as I am able to do so.

And I am not going to allow egomaniac governors, fearful family members – or delusional and incoherent fearmongers, dictate to me how I am to live my life. No one has the right to do that. People can make suggestions, but they cannot dictate. They are trying with the mandates, but I will not allow them that satisfaction. America is still the Land of the Free … and I am still a free Citizen.

No one, but me, knows what is BEST for ME. I have always done what is best for me. And I will continue to do what is best for me. I will consider suggestions of family and friends – but, ultimately, I will do what is best for me. When Bob was still walking the Earth as a flesh and blood man, I took his wants and desires into consideration and adjusted my sails when needed: but, Bob is not here now; and no one else knows what is best for me. Bob and I melded our lives together – every decision was a joint decision, even if we did not necessarily agree with each other: we were 1 … our life together exampled that.

I am no longer 1 with anyone else There is no longer a 24-hour human contact as there is in other homes that choose to barricade themselves in their homes, quaking with hyped covid fears: in my home, there is no more husband to share life with, there are no more children/grandchildren to converse with – there is no longer anyone in my home, but me. And the walls in my home echo with memories.

Those memories, while good ones, cannot sustain a healthy environment; they can trip me up in life when they cripple my heart. I love Bob, I miss him – but I cannot live healthily on memories … and I do not want to be stuck in a never-ending-cycle of missingness. I need, at times, to put distance between myself and those memories. Hence the daytrips/road-trips.

My friends understand that about me – and my very good friends encourage me to get out; they know me – they knew me with Bob, and they know I need to escape once in a while. So, they supply me with solo lobo venturing tips: and they explain all the fancy car dodads that make life easier (which the car manual does not explain in plain language, for ‘dummies’ like me 😉).

I am thankful for my helpful friends' encouragements and help.

This Shabbat, I am really thanking Elohim for everything He’s gotten me through, for everything He’s getting me through, and for everything He will see me through.

I am still working on my ambition job of getting as many items, as I can, finished and to the Caring Pregnancy Center before the Spring Daytrips pick up speed. I have quite a few things put aside now, to be dropped off; but I would like to get a few more things done up.

And my Ambitions Jar is full of slips of paper with names, addresses, and information concerning places to visit and experience from now until September 2021. These are places I have never been to (not even with Bob); I was careful this year, to fill my Ambitions Jar with new places to experience every weekend – places Bob would not have wanted to do with me, if he were still here: County Parks in different counties; State Parks in different counties; Park picnics; County Museums in small towns; small hole-in-the-wall Shops & laid-back Restaurants in different counties; browse Flea Markets; explore off-the-beaten-track things.

Bob didn’t mind going on road-trip Daytrips with me, but he wanted to get there – and get back home, with little dilly-dallying. That worked for me, as long as Bob was with me. But, Bob isn’t here now, and I like to dink around when I’m out and about: now, I can spend time taking time to savor new environments away from home.

And I’m not going to apologize to anyone, anywhere, for getting out and about. I’ll be in my car 95% of the time … and when I am out of my car, I’ll be in places with little to no foot traffic: perfectly ‘safe’ for fearful strangers, as well as for carefree and footloose me.

Elohei has not given us the spirit of fear, but a spirt of life and freedom: and I intend to enjoy life and freedom to the max 😊

I'm okay in this stage of my life, to date.

L’Chiam! ~ To Life!

WOKENESS LULLS PEOPLE TO SLEEP

I’ve never read anything …

(https://pdfhost.io/v/MSUTbDaqD_GCS_Inclusive_Language_Guide_21pdf.pdf)

… so patently stupid, in all my life.

Wokeness parrots of a fringe religious order continually sides with whatever twisted, and delusional, agenda barak hussain obama pushes forward. This is a Biblically ignorant religious order that stood with obama, and “damned” actual Christians that adhere to traditional marriage and family realities. This is a religious order that has arrogantly taken it upon itself to “police language used” (https://www.christianpost.com/news/grace-church-school-defends-inclusive-language-guide.html). The episcopalian order – as well as the NWO beast, barak hussain obama – may call themselves Christians … but neither Elohei, nor real Christians know them: the order, and the beast, are bastards in the truest sense of the word.

Who, in their right minds would want to live in a world where nothing is realistic?

Babies are being murdered wholesale.

Toddlers are being assigned gender mutilations.

School children are being coached to deny their birth sex, their given names, told their parents/grandparents no longer exist, and that marriage is a perverted joke.

And they can’t even turn to the Church … because 99% of churches in America are government owned organizations, denying God – and the 1% real Christians left, have been cowed into silence and labeled by obama and the US Military as ‘domestic terrorists’.

No wonder kids are being driven to suicide!

Their identities (names, skin color, lineage) have been erased by demonrat political assassins; and their parents are allowing it, because they are afraid of being labeled ‘uncooperative’.

They have no where to turn … and hope for life based in reality, has been snuffed out.

We, in America, are living in a politically-instigated-twilight zone-nightmare scenario; ignited by a fledgling NWO in the 1960’s, flamed into a perverted rampaging wildfire; when barak hussain obama was illegally seated, in 2009 (and again 4 years later) – and that has become a delusional raging inferno in 2020, with obama’s 3^rd coup: the majority of House seats of our Congress – AND MILITARY BRANCHES -  have been seated with cancerous obamanites who have been rendered mad with the political maggots eating away at what little rotten gray matter they ever had.

It is blatant craziness being displayed. 

Openly. 

From the highest seats in our Nation. 

Blatant “people of color” racists, and brazen islam embracing communists, eroding the foundation of America!

The wokeness culture has lulled people into a deep sleep state. 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi-_VqYODLw)

And if Americans do not wake up, shake off the poisonous effects of the woke culture, and turn again to Almighty God and the Judeo-Christian-Faith (Messianic Faith) of our forefathers … and rein this obamanite insanity in; it will destroy America, and inevitably, the world, at large.

PLANNING 2021 ADVENTURES

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnLnwWjrIyk)

The morning was cold and frosty; so, it was another day indoors, for me.

I started on another preemie baby blanket … and ended up pulling the entire skein of yarn apart to untangle the factory tangled mess:

It took me hours to untangle the skein of knotty yarn ...

Because the yarn had been so mangled in the factory when it was spun into the skein, there were a few broken bits of yarn along the length of the wound yarn – and those were the culprits. But, I did have to snip the yarn in two places to unravel it successfully; and those snipped ends will have to be spliced into the blanket as it progresses, so it will not be finished smoothly.

And that annoys me. 

I like my work to be completed nicely.

After the yarn was thoroughly untangled, and rewound … I decided to unwind myself by going online and doing some research on places of interest I hope to visit this Spring/Summer. At least one road trip jaunt will be an overnighter – and maybe another, also.

Low key St. Patrick's Day.

As I researched, worked a route out, and figured milage … I was getting excited for the day-tripping kickoff date 😊

Online researches for Spring-Summer Daytrips.

Planning a few overnight Road trips, too.

Feeling energized with optimism, and emboldened by encouragements, I smiled as I worked on the 3^rd preemie baby blanket, I am making for charity donation.

MOD Preemie baby Blanket. Blue & White.

I can’t wait for Spring to arrive! 

New hope. 

New babies. 

New adventures. 

And nothing, nor anybody, is going to trip me up.

Those thoughts followed me all the way down the hallway to the bedroom, where I am going to start reading another enjoyable Sackett novel … while waiting for the Sandman’s star dust to lower the lids of my eyes 😉

New read & backstory.

SNOWFLAKES, RAIN, & BLUE SKIES

Yep – that’s the kind of day it’s been today: 30-degrees in the early morning hours, with frosty rooftops; snowflakes (teeny, but they were visible) around 10 AM, and sporadic rain … all making an appearance, with a blue-sky background.

I guess this last Monday of a quickly fading Winter wanted to go out with a bang 😉

Woke up to 30-degrees and frost after a 70-degree weekend.

There were other snowflakes showing themselves, too; the kind of snowflakes that drift through life on two legs.

They aren’t as pretty as the snowflakes Yeshua designed and created for necessity; but they do always show up when they sense a change in the air … and they ride the chilly undertone of the environment.

These kind of snowflakes are basically worthless. 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05uc0AfUjdE)

They serve no viable purpose; other than to muddy the landscape of life, and stir up icy chaos.

It’s a good thing I am warmed by my Father’s love, and sheltered by my Husbands’ love, and grace.

My Faith is my blue sky 😊

On another note; Friday, I bought a new pair of jeans … but because of the demonrat nonsense concerning covid, there were no dressing/fitting rooms open. The size was right: the pant leg length was not.

This style jeans, is pretty much all there is to buy - I did, but I don't like it.

Apparently, this is all that is available on the shelves – jeans with shortened legs length.

This “style” of jean may appeal to younger people; but it is not very flattering on a curvy Grandma. I don’t like the style … and I am sure, even in my youthful years, I would not have bought them. But, I am stuck with them, so I will wear them.

Unhappily ☹

The only other alternative is; to fork out more $$ to replace them, and have the store trash them because under “covid rules” returned clothing has to be destroyed – it can’t be placed back on the shelves to be resold.

I hope, that at some point, before the Grim Reaper comes for me; life will regain some sense of normality.

I’m just done with all of the political snowflake madness.

Really d.o.n.e.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdhRhGX3AG4)

SLOW MORNING MINDSET

I am ready, Lord. Swing that window wide ... my hands and heart are ready to receive.

It's raining here - and will be raining for the next few days.

So, I am just kicking back in Bob's recliner, watching black-n-white oldie movies, cooking bird feed seed – so it doesn’t sprout ... and finishing up the baby blanket I started a few days ago.

Cooking birdseed.

And I’ve moved all the clocks, in the house, forward. All I have left to switch out is the car clock - and that is going to have to wait; because I am not budging outside the house today.

I've been in the car every day the past week.

Except today.

The car door is staying closed - and the car parked.

All day, today.

Done ... and d.o.n.e.

Yesterday was a fun day – I had just finished switching shoulder straps from my old back pack purse; to the new, colorful one, I had bought across the river Friday afternoon …

Adjustable straps removed from the older backpack purse.

I had bought the older backpack purse in October of 2018.

One night after I had left Peace Health Hospital after visiting with Bob, a strap broke loose. Seeing as how there was no way I could repair it; I bought a new one before going home. The new one was noticed by Bob the next morning when I walked into his hospital room – the other one was brown, the one replacing it was black, and I am not one of those women that need a different purse for every day of the week.

In fact, I never even had a purse until I married Bob and started carrying a checkbook: everything I needed to that point could be carried in the back pocket of my jeans, or the pockets of my jacket. Then the kids came along, and Kleenex, wipes, hairbrush, small toys, ect., was added … and a backpack purse was necessary to keep things on hand, and my hands free.

That backpack purse I had bought in 2018 was showing wear-n-tear. So, I replaced it the other day with a colorful yellow one (I like color 😉); but I didn’t like the straps. They needed what the older purse had: adjustable straps.

Seam Ripper used; straps removed.

Adjustable straps transplanted onto new backpack purse; this works for me ;-)

… when I got a call from a friend out Coal Creek Road, inviting me to an impromptu outdoor grill Supper. I spent a couple hours with her and her family … sharing laughter at the kids’ antics, and congratulating them on the great-grandchild they are excitedly anticipating. I will never know the joy of a great-grandchild (all my adult granddaughters; 31, 25, & 23 … are forgoing the passing on of our genes), but I am excited for my friend’s happy anticipation. 

I am thankful for every single person.

It will be fun to hold a new baby again, and watch the baby grow.

It is good to be part of a family – even if that family is not blood-related.

We are heart-related 😊