Today would have been our 46th
Wedding Anniversary … instead, it is my 2nd solo acknowledgment of
that Day; so, today I decided to get out of Longview – and as far away from Heron
Pointe as I could. I decided to drive to Aberdeen, and back home again to kill
the hours while eating up the highway.
Last year, I was new to widowhood, so I stayed
more local (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/amber-alert-nearly-ruined-my.html); this year, I am spreading my
wings and getting a little more adventurous.
I drove to Aberdeen via Naselle because it
adds an extra 1½ hour; and I don’t like driving the freeway. I like the scenery
of backroads – I saw a beautiful white egret standing in the swamp waters along
the highway the other side of Naselle, towards the Raymond turnoff …
Naselle from Longview. 1 h 11 min (57.3 mi)
Aberdeen from Naselle. 1 h 15 min (60.2 mi)
This is a pic off the internet: my white egret flew away before I could get a picture of it.
Holidays and Life Event Celebrations are not
very much fun when you are a solo lobo.
Today should have been a joyous occasion –
and for 44 years it was: today, it was not; it was just another day on the
calendar.
So, to make it kinda special, I curled my
hair and slipped a fancy blouse on; those things helped lift me out of the slumps
…but they couldn’t bring Bob back. The blouse did kinda remind me of Bob though, when my long hair would tickled my bare back – sometimes Bob would give me his
sexy grin and playfully dance his fingertips lightly down the center of my bare
back; and my hair, blown about by the Highlander’s air conditioner, kinda mimicked
that.
A little – just enough to prick a memory.
I had Bob’s igloo cooler filled with
beverages to drink along the route, and I stopped at Johnson’s in Naselle to
grab 2 maples bars and a little paper deli box filled with BBQ Swedish
meatballs to snack on. I planned on having Pepperoni Pizza later on, back at
home.
But I really wanted Bob.
And Bob will never be with me again: there
aren’t enough hours in the day, or enough miles along the road to ease that
fact.
Nevertheless … I was doing my best this
afternoon to burn up the hours and eat up the roadway.
Just out of Artic, I pulled over to eat my
tailgate lunch in a turnout along the highway:
Aberdeen from Artic. 15 min (8.9 mi)
Eating lunch; just out of Artic.
Judging from this video, I’ve aged 10 years
in 20 months’ time: my hair is significantly grayer, and I am wearing my mother’s
face. When Bob died his second death in 1981, he had visibly aged: it is
reported that medical traumas can age a person 10 years – Bob had died twice in
the first 7 years of our married life, so he had aged 20 years by the time he Was 31 years of age; he was still very handsome to me, but it bothered him
when we’d be at a checkout line and some stupid cashier would refer to me as
his daughter (I am only 7 years younger than Bob); I’d coolly reply that
I was his wife.
Though we laughed people’s ignorance’s off, Bob
couldn’t wait for me to start “graying up” and looking my age. I still
looked pretty youthful into my late 50’s with grandkids in tow. So, when he
went into the local hospital 24/7 in November of 2018, the stress of facing
life without Bob in it … and being brave in letting him go, was wearing on me:
and one night when I bent over his hospital bed to kiss and hug his hand (I’m
a shortie, and the bed was too high for me to reach his face), I lifted my
head to see him grinning at me; and he said, “I’m starting to see a lot of gray
in your hair, Honey.” And I playfully quipped, “Yeah – and you’re putting it
there!” We both laughed; but it was a bittersweet moment. I cried all the way
home knowing Bob would never see me with a full head of gray hair. I hope that
if Bob was looking down on me today, he was very pleased with how gray my hair
is now; since he left Earth 20 months/13 days/13 hours & 53 minutes ago –
and how fast my face is aging.
I am looking every inch of my 63
and three quarters.
And I’m okay with that.
Making Aberdeen, I carefully drove through
the streets because vacant-eyed-guys (eyes open: not seeing anything)
were just aimlessly walking through traffic when cars stopped during light
changes; they were weaving their way through cars like needle and thread
through fabric. It was unnerving … someone could have been clipped with a
bumper when traffic started moving.
Entering Aberdeen.
I was glad to leave Aberdeen behind – I enjoyed
the drive there on the backroads … and I was glad to leave the chaos behind,
and find another backroad. It was the lengthy 2½ hour drive that interested
me – not Aberdeen itself.
Leaving Aberdeen, and following the highway
towards Elma (where I wanted to turn off to the Rochester exit), I saw a
road sign near the Lake Sylvia area that said ‘Montesano and Raymond’, I thought
to myself, “Hmm … I don’t remember ever seeing that sign – why not go
that way?”
So, I turned off on it.
Apparently, it has been there quite a long
while; judging by the old green steel bridge. We just never went that way: we
always turned off a bit further on, towards Rochester: but, I really did not
want to attempt the freeway today. There would have been a little scenic
enjoyment, but eventually I would have to drive the freeway for quite a
distance before finding a backroad exit.
I’m not up to attempting the freeway chaos yet:
I have enough going on, without having cars and trucks – and big rigs
frog-jumping other cars zipping past me on all sides.
No – I definitely am not up to freeway driving
yet. Especially not during emotional times; like a solo lobo Wedding
Anniversary Day full of all kinds of emotions.
I was thankful I spotted the
alternate route road sign …
Lake Sylvia to the Left - Raymond to the Right: I took Raymond ...
Bridge work. The open travel lane was barely wide enough for my car. I was scared of scratching the paint on both sides - I inched my way forward ...
The road was a loop road that took me back to Artic – which backtracked to Raymond; and eventually to Pe Ell.
Raymond from Artic. 19 min (15.8 mi
Trying new things while remembering past
things is okay.
And I need to DO new things – I can’t keep
living in the past.
I’ve mentioned before that I enjoy the Pe Ell
drive. I like it because it’s all farm land backcountry and backroads. If I can’t
get into the mountains; I want to get into the country 😉
Pe Ell from Raymond. 36 min (28.8 mi)
Vader from Pe Ell. 37 min (25.9 mi) via Pe Ell McDonald Rd and Wildwood Rd
One of these days, I’m gonna drive Lost
Valley Road (off the Pe Ell-McDonald Road) – it has always interested
me, but Bob & I never took that turn:
Lost Valley Road, on Pe Ell Road before Wildwood junction.
Lost Valley Road off Pe Ell Road ties into Boistfort Road - 5 minutes driving. 3.2 miles long. Boistfort Road connects to Wildwood Road. Easy-peasy 😉
Passing through Vader, I saw that there is a
Dollar General in Vader!
That thing went up quick – it wasn’t there
when I drove to Frosty’s in Napavine – via Vader/Winlock, last month. If it
had been, it would have been mentioned in my post because I went up West Side
and through Vader to get to Napavine.
When I meandered myself back to Heron Pointe
this evening, I stopped and collected the mail. I saw an envelope with U.S. Department
of Treasury Header – inside was a check for pretty much what my gas from Raymond
home cost me …
U.S. Department of Treasury sending me an Interest Check Refund for filing my Income Taxes.
This is something new – I don’t remember that we ever received one before. The piddly amount is hardly worth the expense of mailing it, but it will repay the gas I used today :-D
It really was an enjoyable drive and a
relaxing day – I only had one emotional moment when tears did flow the closer
I got to home: KUKN played Diamond Rio’s ‘What A Beautiful Mess’ song, and
it touched every nerve of what a wedding anniversary is all about. It’s a
beautiful song about a beautiful love that reduced me to a beautiful mess in a
touchy road project spot on Delameter Road, where the County is making a real
tricky mess out of a beautiful scenic drive.
Delameter Road from Vader. 19 min (13.8 mi) via Westside Hwy
Heron Pointe from Delameter Road. 16 min (9.6 mi)
The summer of 1974 when we fell hopelessly and
passionately in love.
The summer of 1974 kicked off 44 years of “hungry
for your touch” lovemaking that never got old. Even when Bob was laid up in
hospital beds the final months of his life here on earth, we couldn’t stop
touching each other – his hand would reach for mine, and I’d stand for hours by
his bedside holding his hand and touching his chest where it didn’t hurt. I
even, at one point, lifted my shirt and placed his hand on my breast because he
was missing that kind of touch – and we both had tears running down our faces; it
was an intensely poignant moment. It was hard to face that this life … and
all the pleasures we had enjoyed together in this life … was ending.
We let go slowly.
We touched every chance we got.
I love you, Babe.
Always ~ OX
