FIND ME A PREACHER ~ WHEN WE MARRIED IN 1974

Wedding Night - 9 p.m., August 27th,1974 at Judge Tom Hall's house in Skamokawa. It was a Tuesday. It was sweltering hot. Gerald Ford had moved up from Vice President to President of the USA after Nixon was implicated in a Constitutional Crisis and forced out of Office.

There was a lot going on in the world that day.

But in our small corner of the world, my mind was focused on finishing up my work shift at the Nursing Home; doing a quick change of clothes at my parent’s house, and picking up the Marriage License at the Court House. My mother had signed the permission waiver for me to get married back in July; she had to legally sign because I was legally underage … and Bob was legally a grown man. He was 24. She signed because she knew I would simply leave and go live with Bob if push came to shove – and Bob was glad she signed because he loved me & wanted me with him; and he could legally have been jailed if push came to shove, and my parent’s started asserting their parental angst: regardless of if what we were doing was consentual or not. And I WAS CONSENTING; I loved Bob. I just wanted to be with Bob – and if getting married was the way to do it without upsetting everyone; or getting Bob arrested – then I would get married. These things don’t matter today … but in 1974, they mattered: what we were doing was a big deal. Everyone – Bob, the parent’s, the Law wanted us married asap. So, I was picking up the Marriage License after work.

Then I walked down to Bob’s house to get Supper underway before the work crummy (a work van) pulled into his driveway – Bob was working for Durrah & Martin Logging Co. Inc., and drove the crew to work, and back home again, every morning.

We had bought our Wedding Bands one hot, sultry night in July; Bob was really pushing for marriage, and I finally caved ;-)

The reason Bob was so persistent was not only because of our age difference (which was a big deal in the 1970’s), but also because of an incident earlier that day, that had him worried. I was just finishing up my shift at work – I worked in the kitchen; and Jerry, one of the guys on staff, was hanging around the kitchen that day: I knew he wanted to ask me out, and I didn’t know how to turn him down without hurting him (I never had so many bees buzzing around me before! It was unnerving). He really was a nice fella, and if Bob wasn’t the man meant for me specifically, I would have gone out with Jerry. But, I was actively dating Bob. I LOVED Bob. Just as I was about to clue Jerry in … Bob showed up. His timing was perfect, as always. The two sized each other up: Bob not happy to see another bee buzzing around his flower, and Jerry was not happy to see, Bob at all – he wasn’t aware that I had been dating anyone; but seeing my eyes light up and sparkle when Bob came into view, clued him in. And Bob’s self-confidence, backed up by his sheer height and bulk, backed him down – he didn’t want to go toe-to-toe with the love of my life. I left with Bob, changed clothes, and we booked for Longview, where we ate pizza at Pietro’s & washed it down with a lager. And later on, we bought our wedding rings while strolling Commerce in Longview, where Bob pulled me to a stop before the big display window of Zale’s Jeweler’s Shop (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/he-said-id-like-to-make-it-with-you.html), before we headed back to Cathlamet. I STILL was not sure marriage was a good idea, but I WAS SURE I LOVED BOB and wanted to go through life with him. ONLY HIM. I prayed our marriage would be happy, secure, and long … I had never seen a happy, faithful, or lasting marriage: and THAT is what scared me about marriage. I did not want Bob & I to end up hating each other, like other married people end up doing.

Bob’s 1^st marriage had JUST ended weeks earlier, for Pete’s sake!

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/04/magic-man.html)

But Bob assured me that would never happen with us – Bob told me that he knew, the night before he married Gloria, that he shouldn’t marry her … but, he felt obligated to go through with it (this was 1968 & the nuptials had been printed on the Society’s Page of the Oregonian; he felt trapped): he also told me that he had no such misgivings where I was concerned – I never held him to marriage … and I think that was what appealed to him, really: I just loved him, with or without a permanent tie; and the 2 plain gold bands – my choice – were safely tucked away in their white Zale’s Jeweler’s boxes in the top dresser drawer in Bob’s bedroom. They were just waiting to get slipped on our fingers.

My wedding band; and the 1974 Zale’s Jeweler’s box – does keeping that 45 year old box make me a ‘hoarder’? ;-)

A year ago, I asked Bob to cut the ring off my finger because I was gaining so much weight during my menopause years, that it was seriously cutting into my finger. I  told him "we know we're married - a ring is just a ring; but I NEED my finger." He agreed. Bob had lost his ring in the hills of Glenoma, WA decades ago, when he was logging - he got so sick that Winter, that it literally fell off his hand and fevered, he didn't notice it was gone for days ... by then, it had been trampled into the muck and was gone forever. We didn't need rings to know - or to show - that we were married.

When Bob got home, he and Ralph were sitting in the driveway on folding chairs, enjoying the river breeze after a hot day in the stifling woods; I feasted my eyes on Bob before handing him a cold beer, and sat down on the edge of the front porch. Bob thanked me with a wink, snapped the cap off his beer; took a long swallow, flashed me his 100-watt sexy smile, and asked, "Did you get it?"

I said, "Yep." And snapped the cap off my beer.

Bob took another sip of his beer, and asked, "Would you like to get married tonight?"

Apparently, Bob didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary to slip that little gold band on my little finger ;-)

I smiled, and said, “Sure. Tonight would be fine.” Getting married would put the period at the end of the sentence in the narrative that had become our daily life – and the parents (both sets) could start breathing easier. We had, since May, been acting like a married couple: in every way. The only difference was that I went home every midnight, at curfew; so the digital alarm was always set for 11:30 p.m., to make sure I was walking through my parent’s door promptly at midnight. I was only 17; and my parents were very strict about that. They weren’t idiots, though – they knew what was what between Bob & me. And Bob’s parents weren’t stupid either – Bob’s mom just hated me, and wished I’d go away; Bob’s dad was worried for Bob … it was that 7 years age gap thingee, that had him concerned: it was a legal snafu.

Ralph was startled ... apparently Bob had not shared this news with his brother. So, stunned, Ralph excused himself and walked up to his house at the upper end of the family property.

Bob & I finished our beers: then we went into Bob's house to call the local Judge, Tom Hall, to ask if he could marry us that night: he could – at 9 p.m.

So, we ate Supper, softly laughing when we thought of our parent’s reactions when they heard what we were about to tell them after supper.

I called my sister to ask if she'd stand up with me: she would; and would meet us in Skamokawa at 9 p.m.

And Bob called his long-time friend, Bruce, to come stand up for him. Bruce lived in Longview – so 9 p.m. worked for him, too.

Then we called our parents' and told them that if they wanted to be at our wedding, they should meet us at Tom’s house in Skamokawa at 9 p.m.

Oh Boy! The parents' were p.i.s.s.e.d.! My mother was upset because I was ruining her big wedding plans she had set in place for September (her idea for my wedding, NOT mine) – and Bob’s mom was upset because it was now very clear that I wasn’t going to ‘go away’ after all.

It was a small gathering: the Hall family, Bob’s parents & my parent’s. Ramona, Bruce; my brother, Mahlon. David Almer, a friend was there (not sure to this day who told him what was happening, but he showed ;-)). Doug wasn’t there … and we really did not expect him.

We were both laughing. I was telling Bob, "This is your chance to escape - if you want to bolt, now is your opportunity." He laughed and said, "I'll stay by your side. Always."

I hadn't planned on having a Wedding Bouquet because I am allergic to flower pollen, but my stepfather grabbed me a bunch from a friend's flowerbed, as he & my mother were driving to Judge Hall's home in Skamokawa to witness our Marriage; so I used them ... and prayed they wouldn't screw up my Wedding Night - blowing my nose & wiping my eyes was NOT what I was looking forward to that particular night. LOL

Vows spoken - the Deal sealed - with a kiss of lifelong promises.

Mr. & Mrs. - a lifetime set in motion by about 10 minutes of vocal exchanges. Our lifetime lasted 44 years ... when"til death do us part" became our new life in different life realms.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/widowhood.html)

Happy! And we were both fiddling with our rings ;-)

But, even though Doug did not come to our wedding, he was still a part of it: while we had been exchanging vows & signing on the dotted line …

…. he had, with shaving cream, sprayed "Just Married" on the truck doors & rigged a metal garbage can to fall out of the back-end of Bob's '56 Ford pickup at some point – and when it did, the racket it made when it hit and bounced along the blacktop; made us both startle. LMAO

Doug had also, at some point that night, put shaving cream & snus (snoose) between our sheets, and sprayed “Married” with shaving cream in big bold letters across one bedroom wall (misspelled, so that every time we saw the stain on the wall, we would start laughing): we eventually painted the walls.

THEN ... just to further prolong the inevitable (and looked forward to), Doug waited until we had cleared the icky sheets, remade the bed, and was getting comfortable between the sheets ... he reappeared, AND PERCHED ON THE DRESSER, LAUNCHING INTO A LENGTHY DISCUSSION on nothing in particular, while we were trying to pretend we had more than nothing in particular ON - he just perched there, wasting time, and trying to annoy us. I started giggling, because I KNEW what he was doing; and Bob finally - after 3 cigarettes - got irritated and asked, "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

I still laugh when I think of what an imp Doug was being on our Wedding Night; Bob won me, for sure ... but Doug wasn't going down without making himself felt ;-)

And later on, around 2 a.m., I woke up - glanced at Bob’s digital clock – and jumped out of bed like I’d been tased, saying, “Bob! Get up! Oh, man … I am in SO much trouble! Crap! Crap! CRAP! I missed curfew big time – the 11:30 alarm didn’t go off. We are so screwed …” I was running around the bedroom, snatching clothes and yanking them on, when Bob groggily sat up: AND STARTED LAUGHING. I said, “This is nothing to laugh about Bob! We’re in big trouble.” Bob reached out and pulled me down next to him, and said, “Relax, honey. We got married tonight, remember?”

I must have been more tired than I thought, to forget getting married. LOL But, in my defense, we didn’t have a fancy wedding … and I had never spent the night in Bob’s bed before (hours, yes; but not the night): I was always walking through the door at my parent’s home at exactly midnight, so when I woke up next to Bob at 2 a.m., I was momentarily confused.

It was a new experience ;-)

I slipped back into bed, snuggled against my husband, and we managed to get another hour of sleep before Bob had to get up and go to work at 3 a.m.

Every night following, Bob was finally able to get a full night’s sleep before starting his long work days. He was no longer sleep deprived ;-) He was a happy guy in every way: he had his Queen Bee safely in his hive - a wife who loved him, and practically worshiped him: LOL; a clean house to come home to/relax in, after work; good meals on the table when he came home (if he stopped for drinks with the guys after work, getting home late, he got a burger wherever he was); laundry done-folded-and put away every Friday without fail; and, he could finally sleep the nights through without the midnight curfew interruptions.

We were both happy - we both knew we had a GOOD THING happening in our life :-D

And we laughed about those 2 Wedding Night events for 44 years.

The song, ‘You’re Having My Baby’, by Paul Anka, was the top song of 1974 … and that was the news we were facing by the end of September 1974: our “honeymoon baby” daughter, Stacey had, between our Wedding Night and the end of the first week of September, been conceived.

She would have arrived sometime in June ... but I got impatient, and hurried her arrival a bit ahead of schedule ;-)

And all I can think now, is that I wished I had agreed to have those other 5 children Bob wanted – there would be more of him walking around today.

Life is short.

But, you don’t recognize that when you are young.

I love you, Babe.

Always.

OX