FALL CHANGED IT ALL

It was the Fall of 1966. Specifically, the September of 1966.

Fall was in the air, and Cupid was everywhere, being kept very busy by the students in both schools.

The High Schooler’s would walk down to the Elementary Grade School cafeteria for lunch; they would walk down after the younger students had finished their lunches. I was standing by the corner of the building, watching some of the Middle School kids playing tennis … AND THEN … Bob walked past me.

Bob’s Graduation Picture; 1967.

ALL of my attention was snagged by his presence. He was pure masculinity, and delicious eye candy: my heart whispered, “He’s the one.” The entire school year, I took up residence at the corner of the school building, just to watch him walk past me in the noontime hour. I was a skinny little thing – not noteworthy at all, and Cupid’s dart with my Name on it never struck the heart of the Love of My Life. 1966 eventually morphed into 1967 with the New year, and HE (aka, The Face) graduated. He never walked past that school corner again ☹

I did date before Bob, but none of the other fellas ever touched my heart the way HE did; two came close … but my heart would always whisper, “They are not him. He is the One”. Those poor guys never knew they were being pitted against a face without a Name. LOL

I had grown up quite a bit between 1966 and 1974: I wasn’t a little skinny waif, anymore. And by an ironic twist of fate, I met HIM again 7 years later – and this time, he DID notice me 😊 Joy and jubilation!

We dated exclusively, every night after Bob got off work as well as weekends; my parents and siblings never saw me unless it was a dashing blur as I changed clothing. By the end of August, we were married; we shared 44 Autumn’s together, before the last Autumn of 2018 began his journey Home Beyond the Clouds.

Wedding Pic; August 27th, 1974.

Riverside Park in Lexington; the last place Bob ever walked this side of Heaven. We had been walking here for decades – September 2018.

My nose still burns, and my eyes tear up, when Autumn rolls around … but, I’m getting better at dealing with this time of year. I’ve aways enjoyed Fall and Winter, and I’m starting to enjoy those seasons again. They are strange to experience without Bob, but in a way, I AM still experiencing them WITH Bob: Bob will always be a part of me. As long as I breathe, the memory of Bob will always be a vital part of me; everything I think, feel, say, contemplate, and enjoy – is immediately infused with a memory I shared with Bob. It can’t be helped. That’s just the way it is. From the first moment Bob came into my life, he WAS the main focus of my life; it was an instantaneous, living thing: I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.

And death has not killed it. I loved him then. I love him now.

But I am beginning to embrace a New Life, and the realities of a life without Bob in it. That is what Bob wanted – and expected of me. I’m sure he is smiling and nodding his head in approval, with these new steps I’m taking forward. They are awkward but painstakingly necessary. They are scary, yet exciting. They dovetail the Past and the Present, making space for a Future.

And I am learning to love Fall and Winter all over again, too.

HOLDING TIGHT TO MEMORIES

Anniversaries are moments that mark the landscape of your life: 1^st Date Anniversaries, Wedding Anniversaries … Death Anniversaries.

Tonight, would have been my 48^th Wedding Anniversary, if Bob had not been called Home.

Though Bob was ready and willing … taking that marriage leap was a huge deal for me. I couldn’t afford to anticipate, expect, or rely on anyone – all that involved trust … and trust, at all points in my life sans Bob, had been seriously broken.

Bob had a high wall to scale.

But he did it; he patiently, and systematically broke through my reserves and proved to me time and time again that he was trustworthy. And so was his unconditional love. He (and it) never wavered: even to his last breath, he was proving to me – and verbalizing to everyone else – his love for me.

My faith in his love was never misplaced; or shaken. And I never gave him reason to question my love for him.

Our love was the real deal.

For four decades.

Bob’s loving embrace always made me feel safe.

Protected.

Beautiful.

Worthy of love.

Completed.

The loss of his comforting touch could have left a devastating hole in my life – had I not been so thoroughly, and faithfully loved for 44 years before his spirit stepped off this Earth.

The touching never stopped – until his breathing stopped.

The memories of our life together still evoke safety, and protection.

Bob’s love still burns bright in my life.

The old dovetails comfortably with the New.

I love you, Babe.  

Always ~ OX

HEARTS

This afternoon was a scheduled lunch date with Becky – there won’t be another until October. Next month, Becky and her family are going on a 3-week vacation down South; she promised to take a lot of pictures and regale me with the details next time we get together. I can’t wait! It sounds like it is going to be a blast 😊

I am hoping to get to the Mountain for an Anniversary trip; if I stick close to home and am extremely frugal with gas $$ … I should be able to pull it off.

But, this morning, we stayed on the moment. Our hearts were in tune.

It was kinda cool today with the river breezes, so I wore jeans and a tee: we aren’t fancy gals, and I was planning to drive into Castle Rock afterwards to get my hair trimmed. I like to keep it tidy. I think I’ll forgo the Shag cut this time, and grow it out for a while. I like long hair down my back … and my hair is thin enough without having it thinned in the shag style.

This is The Plan anyway. We’ll see how long this change of mind lasts 😉

After lunch – and my trip to Castle Rock, I got a text from Ramona on the upper end of Wahkiakum County: the sister sleuthing will be happening a little sooner than anticipated. I’m okay with that; the early break from daily routine will be very welcome.

Armchair detectives (Ramona/not my sister, Linda, Becky/not today’s Becky, & me).

We’ll be sharing tidbits of our lives over this past week, and putting our thinking caps on to ferret out the guilty parties in the {whodunit} mysteries we indulge in once a week. Hahahaha

I look forward to these get-togethers. The gals are a hoot, the intrigues keep things interesting, and the time spent redirects my thoughts as my hands get some much-needed rest.

It’s been a very busy few days … once I get started designing and crafting, I don’t stop until I literally run out of steam. Bob used to force me to rest now and then – now my friends, do 😉

MOD Chevron Seed Stitch Cardigan Finished - Boy; knit. NB

Preemie Baby Sets; warming Vests, Beanies, & Booties to match; last set finished this past weekend.

Sock Bag x5; finished this past weekend.

Jacket & Hat Set Completed last night (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/08/mod-knit-bulky-baby-jacket-earflap-hat.html); I’ll have a matching Girl Set by this weekend ...

I’ll be working extra hard this month on designs – I need to stay busy and keep my mind occupied, and free-flowing-tears at bay. August is always a hard month for me. Bob was born in August 1949. We married in August 1974. Our daughter was conceived somewhere between our Wedding Night and the first week of September 1974. August was the month Elohim decided Bob would begin his journey Home in 2018 … and I laid Bob’s cremains to rest in the Family Cemetery in August 2019. August is filled with a lifetime of memories; it is a very hard month for me.

So, I am thankful for my artsy-fartsy gift Elohim favored me with. And I am thankful for my equally loud and rambunctious/wittily sarcastic/flamboyant, and sheltering Friends, who shower me with love; and compassionately (gently forcefully) get me out of my head, out of my house, and into the countryside. Friendship is the sharing of hearts.