Slipping
into bed last night, I got to thinking about the distance from Kerry’s home in the
foothills of Mt. St. Helens … to my house here, at Heron Pointe: until I drove
that highway myself, I didn’t fully realize the distance.
And I also got to thinking about how
self-sufficient I will become when I get my new home in the country.
So, I decided that I’d start standing on my
own – starting with hanging that foyer mirror 😉
The trouble is not with hanging
the mirror, itself: it’s more to do with finding
the studs behind the wall, and securing screws in place to hold the weight
of the mirror.
Kerry, like Bob, knows how to do that by
tapping on the walls and listening for the sound vibrations that tells where
the studs are. Also, Bob would automatically just know by determining how
the house was built – that would tell him exactly where the studs were
placed.
I don’t know any of that.
So, I asked for help: and would watch, to learn.
But, last night, I decided that I would just
have to cut Kerry some slack in his Good Samaritan mercies, and learn by
jumping into the fire and hoping I don’t get burned 😉
This
morning, before pulling out of the carport on my way to Naselle, I called Kerry
and told him I’m grateful for all his help … but “I need to figure this man
stuff out for myself”.
And I do.
When I get to the country, I’ll have to be
self-sufficient.
I want to be self-sufficient: I once was.
I do not want to do what other widows do: get
married to have a man on hand to get things done.
I am capable of getting my own stuff done.
My confidence was crippled, and my gray
matter was sputtering with misfires all of 2019. I missed Bob so much I lost
sense of who I was without him. My life and body missed Bob so much, my brain
was running interference with the missingness, by shutting down my thought
process when the missingness was overwhelming.
Widows and widowers got that; others didn’t.
I appeared addle-minded.
But I was really in survival mode.
My life started getting on track all of 2020.
My confidence was strengthened, and my brain didn’t
have to run interference with my thoughts anymore: I was more engaged in the
moment to moment happening of a daily life unfolding.
I wasn’t asking for help so much.
My life was making a comeback 😊
With the dawning of 2021, I was back in the swing
of things.
Life is humming along – I like that.
I want to keep up that momentum.
So, last night, I decided that I needed to up
the ante in getting back into the swing of things. I am not a stupid woman –
if I don’t know something, I can learn: and using a stud finder
is just as good as tapping on the walls.
I gave all Bob’s drills and drill bits to
Alex and Kerry because they were just too darned heavy and bulky for my hands
and wrists. But, I can buy smaller drills; heavy enough to get the job done –
yet light enough to use, without causing pain to my wrist joint.
I’m pretty sure I can get both at Lowe’s, in town.
By leaving early, and driving over Beaver
Creek Road, I made good time in getting to Naselle 😊
The day was a beautiful blue-sky-day, despite
the smoke on the breeze: though everyone coughed a little now and then, it wasn’t
enough to hurt the lungs or make breathing a painful burn.
On my way back home, I made a detour to Eden
Valley.
I’m not carrying on a convo at the cemetery
anymore; but when I have big decisions to make, or weighty things on my mind …
I will drive out there, and just sit.
I’m not going there as often as I was –
that’s a bittersweet growth in my forward movement.
‘Til I Can Make It On My Own’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHycUpawWh0
It comforts me – I know he’s not
there; but there is a connection of sorts, there.
I miss Bob’s calm and soothing presence; his
cremains are there. That knowledge, is enough to help me sort my emotions.
I miss his voice; I miss our conversations –
though I cannot hear Bob’s voice anymore … I can remember what he sounded like.
I can recall the advice he gave then – and would give now if he could.
It’s oddly relaxing to just sit
there: it is helpful at times.
Leaving Eden Valley, I turned onto Barr Road.
It’s a nice country drive. As I was driving along, listening to Bad Company, a
sign caught my eye as I passed it …
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!
I braked – and backed up, to be
sure I saw what I thought I saw.
I snapped a pic, and jetted it off to my realtor
to be checked out.
Turning off Barr Road, and onto
the Covered Bridge Road, I had to brake and back up again!
Again, I snapped a pic and jetted it off to
my realtor; to see if we can learn more about it and find out how available (as
in price range) it is.
These houses won't last long, so we gotta strike while the iron is hot.
It's been 3 years since the last one was posted.
I was feeling pretty excited, and hopeful –
houses for sale here is pretty rare. Graysriver is the area I hope to relocate
to, but seeing house for sale is rare: most people sell privately to people
they know. Outsiders (aka: not born there), like me, find finding a
house there very difficult.
But, I have been praying.
And hoping.
I am standing on His promises.
And Elohim is showing me He is listening 😊
Even if neither of these houses pan out for
me … I know that Elohim is hearing me; and if it is His Will for me to live in
Graysriver, He will make a way for me to purchase a home there.
There is no doubt – on my part – about that.
Before I turned the Highlander towards home,
I decided to drive to Aunt Frieda’s home and ask if she or John might know
anything about these houses: who they belong to, where exactly are the flood
areas when Winter arrives (both houses are on hills, so the house itself,
would be safe). The houses listed surprised her too, so she went on a
driving tour with me. We agreed the house on The Covered Bridge Road would suit
me best, if it’s meant to be.
If not, she’s agreed to keep her ear to the
ground for other possibles.
And I know I can count on Elohim to clue me
in when the right one comes along 😉
I followed a motorcycle all the way from Mill
Creek Road to Longview. My heart was in my throat because there was a kid on
the back; looked to be about 7 or 8 yo … and very active. He kept
wiggling around to look at my car – and the cars behind me: I mean, he was
turning his whole body around, not just his head.
What was the driver thinking????
Kids riding in cars have to wear seat belts!
Other than the flimsy helmet the kid was
wearing, there was no protection for him at all if that bike tipped, due to all
his constant crawling all over the seat.
It was stressful to watch.
I was glad to get away from that disaster
waiting to happen, and park in the carport.
I made a salad from garden
gleanings: tasty greens (salad and beet leaves), crisp carrot slices, scallions, cucumber, purslane, parsley; nasturtiums, violets, and homemade salad dressing.
SO YUM 😊
After Supper, I reviewed my monthly household
budget; crunched the numbers, and though I don’t have an accurate quote yet
on what I can realistically sell this house for … I am relatively confident
that I can buy a decent home in the area I am aiming for.
On my own.
Standing on Faith; and praying for a hefty down payment.
Today was a good day; full of love, hope, and
encouragement.
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