LOVE SIGNS IN THE SKY

I woke up to blue sky this morning, so I hurried up and made the bed while coffee was perking. Then I jumped into my jeans and pulled on one of Bob’s old polo’s … filled Bob’s coffee thermos, filled my travel mug with coffee, grabbed a baggie of saltines for snacking … and hit the road :-D

Blue sky showing through the kitchen skylight!

I decided to satisfy my gypsy bone and go for a drive; and wore one of Bob's polo's.

I gotta get out of this house!

The only plans I really had was to simply drive a couple back roads – I’d be out of the house, escaping the crowding four walls; enjoying the countryside from behind the Horizon’s steering wheel.

That was the plan.

As I drove Ocean beach Highway, along the Columbia River, several fully loaded log trucks blew past me – apparently logging operations have not come to a halt with inslee’s ‘cease and hunker in’ mandate; it’s comforting to me, to know that I am not the only person bucking the political hysteria.

I also caught sight of a love message in the sky; so I pulled over in a turn out and captured it in my sights ;-)

I took this giant-sized-heart-shaped parting of the clouds as a love message from my gentle giant: I’ve been missing him. I love you too, Babe ~ OX

A little out of Cathlamet, Pam called; so I pulled off the highway and into the gravel parking lot at the Julia Butler Hansen Game Refuge sign, and chatted with her a while: first words out of her mouth when I said, “Hello”, were – “You’re on the road, aren’t you?” Then her next words were, “The woods are shut down – they’re posted saying they are closed to the public." I didn’t even ask her how she knew I was driving when she called … and I didn’t wonder at the closed woods statement: my friends know me well. That call shot down my plans to find a quiet logging road to trek a bit: or even just to park and drink some coffee and munch some crackers in the quiet solitude of nature. We made plans for walking later this week, and traded ideas for dinner parties when this virus hysteria blows over.

She asked if I’d heard anything about Trump talking about the death toll in NY and body bags being stored in refrigerated trucks: I haven’t. I haven’t been paying too much attention to the news lately. I’m sick and tired of the political sniping and virus hysteria. I told her I’d “check on it when I get home” … and I did: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmHemuctKiY & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2043Oy6leeo

But

I still can’t let myself be pulled into the political hysteria.

I’m dealing with a LOT of my own stuff right now; I don’t have time  … or the inclination … to get caught up in the political messiah syndrome politicians, doctors, cops, truck drivers – or any of the rest who believe they are more important to the human race than anyone else, are caught up in. I do not applaud the human race; the human race (politicians, doctors, cops, ect.) are who got us in the mess we are currently in.

I stand by what I stated in earlier posts: this is a virus … viruses happen. people die. Physical deaths on the scale of a pandemic such as this one, are always the result of a societal breakdown following a break with Elohim. History bears this out: people do not want to hear that; they want to continue in their own stiff-necked ways and blame everyone but themselves. I don’t make time for that type of mindset. I have better ways to spend my time than wasting my time with those who don’t take the time to soul search.

Soul adjustments are what is needed.

People don’t want to hear that; they do not want their boatload of fantastical bullshit rocked by the hard realities of truth.

I can walk away and do something that benefits me, since I am the only one who cares about me. I am not going to be dictated to on how I should behave during this chaotic time, by those who can’t even straighten their own lives out, and continually pander to- and push for- wickedness. And especially NOT by those who continue to post on their FB Page about how dead they feel/how dead they have always felt/and how they wish they were dead – if they are that dead set on claiming death as their comfort, why the hell are they worried about actually dying?

So, today I focused on ME ... and went for a drive.

I like getting out of the house on a soothing drive; to relax my mind, and sooth my tired body, and refresh my world-weary soul.

I admit I am openly defying State mandate.

And I don’t give a rip.

So after the call ended, and heading into the woods was scrubbed, I decided to check on something I had been told a few months ago: I changed direction, and drove to Skamokawa’s Fern Hill Cemetery.

The cemetery may be the safest place to be right now … no pun intended.

I drove there from Ingall’s Road, where I spent the first five years of my life in Washington State. Passing the spot where our home used to stand, I smiled when I saw these skunk cabbages. All winter long, all the kids (15 of us) waited for Spring to arrive and we could wage friendly wars on each other with those hefty stinky missiles. The guys were especially competitive combatants, lying in stealthy wait under the cover of low evergreen boughs and fallen trees to sneakily attack unwary trail travelers. And sometimes they got a little too carried away with the strength they aimed and fired with; but it was all in fun, and they were quickly forgiven:

Skunk cabbage. The trails behind the barbed wire fencing weren’t this muddy back then. This looks awful now, but it was pretty grassy and had much more foliage back then.

A horse is in this field now, where Joe Cook used to grass feed his heifers. There used to a small grove of trees here with pussy willows we kid’s used to climb like monkeys.

Montgomery’s driveway; looong road where the Montgomery Ranch used to be at the very end, on a high hill with lots of field spread out around it. It was the local hang-out place where we all learned to ride horses, ride motorcycles, and shoot rifles. We had a blast ;-)

All of us kids used to tramp all over their fields. Ingall's Road, Skamokawa

Finally reaching the cemetery, I saw that Eddie Moss had indeed died. On his birthday – he was 84 years old. He didn’t look old at all last time Bob and I saw him together. He was in a wheelchair last time I saw him at Big Lots last Spring, and seemed to be getting around with no trouble at all. There were some memories passing through my thoughts as I looked at the headstone. I’ve known the Moss family as long as I’ve been a Washingtonian. Eddie was a big guy – tall and hefty, a man who left the city to make a home for his family in the country. 84 years is a good long life.

It saddened me to think that this small square in the cemetery holds all but Linda, the baby of the family …

Moss Plot ... triangular placements. Doug, forefront - Leora, back left - Eddie and Margaret, back right.

The day was still young, and I hadn’t even really moved the gas gauge marker, so I turned the Horizon towards the place that always brings me comfort.

The KM slide area is still being worked on, and still only has one-lane traffic passage. I hadn’t realized until today that the slide area is just a few feet from Bjornsgard Road … barely up this side of the KM’s flank. I thought it was further up KM, but it’s not. It’s literally just out of Skamokawa:

KM Mountain elevation marker: more of a big hill, than a mountain.

Leaving the KM behind, and coming up on Fossil Creek Road, I got this beeping message pop up on the car dashboard …

I thought I had gotten away from this harassment, but even the car was trying to slap thumb screws on me.

It had started raining heavily and steadily by then, and I started considering turning back towards home. But the blue sky I could see through the wiper cleared-windshield lured me forward. I could see the river was up – there was high water everywhere … some of it even creeping onto the blacktop in places, and I considered the risk of continuing forward. I decided that if there was water crossing the road when I got to Rosburg, I’d turn around and go back home.

The rain had stopped, and the roadway was clear; even though the river was high. I kept going forward:

Altoona-Pillar Rock road was clear.

Graysriver high water.

My memories could see Bob & Doug floating this river on inner tubes tied together with a cooler full of beer attached, during the 1974 River Run event. A good memory of the two of them laughing and being young.

I needed this drive today. I'm in the car; what harm can I possibly be to anyone ...

Altoona-Pillar Rock road. Eden Valley just around the corner ...

"Country road take me home": Bob represents 'home' to me ... this road takes me home.

Crooked Creek is high water – spilling over onto the road today in a few places.

Rainwater doesn’t drain very well here in the valley.

I passed two county vehicles on Eden Valley Road – white, with official looking decals on their doors. I don’t know if they were out there making sure the drainage ditches stayed clear; or if they are relatives living in the valley and working for the County. All I know is they were coming from the cemetery area … and a portion of the Smalley’s live around the bend following the cemetery; at the very end of Eden Valley Road. Bob and I have never met the younger generation.

The sky was a beautiful blue, and the clouds were white and fluffy, even though it was windy at Eden Valley Cemetery; tree tops were being whipped back and forth, the butterfly wind-chime I secured to mark Bob’s remains placement was tinkling melodiously, and I was comforted standing there experiencing it all. I felt that I could even feel Bob’s presence.

And then I KNEW Bob was present; my Babe let me know in a way that only he could, that he was seeing me. He let me know too, that Yeshua had heard me :-D

Laughing at Bob’s lofty joke; crying a little too, because I miss him down here.

First the giant heart in the sky … now a big ‘hang ten/hang loose’ toggle in the sky. MAN! I miss and love my big guy!

I never stay long when I come here – just long enough for my heart to make a connection, and just long enough for my thoughts to get some comfort: balance.

While I was in that area, and still in a mind to drag the drive out, I thought I’d drive the loop road and make the Covered Bridge a part of the drive too – I always like to go through that old thing :-D

Country roads make me happy.

Covered Bridge Road ... aka, Loop Road

Graysriver. Loop Road.

Daffodils. There must have been a homestead farm house here at some point in time.

Going through the Covered Bridge via Loop Road entrance.

It was after 3 PM, by then; the rain was picking up again and I was getting hungry: so, I turned towards home …

Heavy rainfall dangerous.

More than a few 5^th wheels and RV Buses were headed towards the beach. I heard Longbeach was closed … apparently not. And I must have passed at least fifty – or more – loaded log trucks between Longview and Graysriver … and back to Longview again.

Doesn’t look like Cathlamet is locked down any more than Longview is.

Columbia River along Ocean Beach Highway.

Ships anchored across from Germany Creek Road at Stella, waiting to be cleared for docking in Longview. Ocean Beach Highway

Driving over KM Mountain, there are times – like this afternoon – when I get a sense of detachment leaving Graysriver and Eden Valley behind; kinda like my emotions drop a ‘that was a lifetime ago’ message into my thoughts.

And it was a lifetime ago.

But lifetimes overlap.

Those overlaps gave me glimpses of love in the sky today to comfort me. I am blessed.

I love you, Yeshua.

I love you, Babe.

Always ~ OX

HAPPENING DAY

The first thing I saw this morning, was a parting of the gray clouds that have been ever present the past few days: a parting of the gray is a welcome sight ;-)

This little patch of turquoise sky was like a kiss from Heaven. I LIKE kisses :-D

As the gray clouds were slowly opening up, a teasing glimpse of a small spot of turquoise did a LOT for my psyche. I like color in my day – and turquoise is my birth month color :-D

The day's forecast told me to expect a 60% chance of more rain, so I've decided to treat myself to a pot of hazelnut flavored coffee, keep my eye on the parting of the gray clouds, and started preparing my Fall Bazaar cache with some {quarantine baby boom} items ;-)

I checked my FB Page first and caught up with messages before I started designing and crafting.

A LOT was happening in America today.

My phone was buzzing with updates …

An elderly woman in a hospital was killed by another patient who freaked out over social distancing (https://nypost.com/2020/03/29/elderly-woman-dies-after-being-shoved-for-not-social-distancing-sources/).

Armed vigilantes freaked out about out-of-towners showing up on their island, and chopped a tree down, trapping a man and his friends on his property to keep them all quarantined – people are losing their minds due to the hysteria governors are fanning due to conflicting medical reports put out (https://nypost.com/2020/03/29/armed-vigilantes-chop-down-tree-block-driveway-to-force-neighbor-into-quarantine/).

Earlier in the morning, as I was making the bed, I remember thinking that it is a shame, and a National disgrace, that a country which claims to be a Christian Nation, would have churches closing their doors nationwide – bowing to governors instead of honoring Elohim. And where are the Christians: WHY are they not boldly refusing to be trapped in their homes instead of gathering to worship Elohim and pray for healing … for themselves, their loved ones, their country?

It made me righteously mad!

Americans – Christian Americans – have THE RIGHT given them BY Elohim, and BY our Constitution and Bill of Rights to worship our God anytime we want to … wherever we want to gather. The government has no right to stop us.

And I remember thinking that I will have to seriously reconsider the depth of faith of those churches locally that have issued ‘stay at home!’ notices, and closed their doors. The world is watching Christians to see if we believe what we preach. It embarrasses me, and makes my heart cry that what the world is seeing is cowards who do not trust the God they claim to trust to keep them safe through this virus thing.

Pastors (and I use that term loosely concerning career minded minions afraid to stand bold for Elohim), being backed down by governors who are using this coronavirus to further their own selfish aims and sew up their political campaigns … and allowing themselves to be hamstrung by fear – and foisting that fear off onto their congregants is shameful. Fear has NO PLACE in a Christian’s life.

The world is watching.

Do they not believe what Scripture tells them? Are churches just social clubs, after all?

Scripture tells us that Elohim “has not given us the sprit of fear; but of power, of love, of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

AND THEN … my phone alerted me to another newsflash update: it is reported that a man named Tony Small, in Louisiana, openly defied his state governor; and held Sunday services as usual :-D

(https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/488318-louisiana-church-defies-coronavirus-recommendations-to-hold-service-for-300)

GOOD!

That bit of news lightened my heart, and fortified my spirit.

The 1^st Amendment of our American Constitution, and our Bill of Rights … gives us – The People – the right to gather together – unimpeded, if that be our choice to do so; to worship our God, to encourage one another to be strong in faith and hope in these hard times; that important and LEGAL RIGHT prohibits the making of ANY LAW pertaining to the establishment of  federal or state religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging (curtailing, making difficult, or halting) the freedom of speech, infringing the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peacefully assemble, or prohibiting the petitioning of a governmental redress of grievances.

cuomo is campaigning hard in his brown-nosing appeal to become biden’s coveted vp pick (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVMc7I8r0mY). 

WTH??? Just the other day he was on media sources CRYING that his mother would die because there are NO ventilators available in NY! He was recently bitching angrily, saying that he had to “make choice between who lives and who dies because President Trump has NOT SENT ANY ventilators or masks” … and now, he admits that he has them – but he doesn’t want to use them yet???

This is SO TYPICAL of socialists – whip the masses into a frantic hysteria, and then sit back and play innocent.

This schmuck is campaigning; plain and simple. He’s bullshitting the obamanite lemmings to score campaign points. It’s shameful!

The rumor mill has been leaking for weeks that pelosi, cuomo, and Inslee are all being seriously considered as biden’s vp choices after biden consulted obama.

pelosi has campaigned hard, for 3-1/2 years: every one of her ‘sure wins’ have been losing campaigns – the latest was her disastrous impeachment grab and her bully attempt to run the Senate.

cuomo has been campaigning hard for at least a week.

And now, here in the PNW – inslee – showing his socialism colors, has jumped into the game a few days ago with a state-wide shut-down, his stupid lgbtq bill that is pure political bullshit; and now he is hoping to score demoncrat points by issuing his ILLEGAL nazi demand for neighbors to snitch on neighbors for county favors. Socialists, communists, and nazi's employ these tactics.

WA STATE NOW A FULL-BLOWN SOCIALIST STATE – inslee, being the lemming demoncrat that he is, is following party orders to instill socialist pressures.

inslee has seriously undermined our rights, and actively promotes the far-left agenda. He needs to be VOTED OUT!

It may have been mean of me, but I did bark out a laugh when the newsflash about that moron, kathy griffin, popped up: it appears that kathy griffin has been struck with coronavirus symptoms. KARMA dimwit ((BOOM!)).

That mouthy moron thought it funny to post pictures of herself holding up a mock bloody head of President Trump, arrogantly and mean-spiritedly calling for his death (blindly obeying the demoncrat hatred) … and now, she is bitching  … and STILL attacking President Trump, because she “was scared” she “may die”?

Death doesn’t seem to be tickling her funny bone anymore (https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/story/2020-03-26/kathy-griffin-coronavirus-test).

Shaking my head at all the cluelessness being highlighted in today’s updates, I finally shut the phone off, and sht FB down for a bit: I can only take so much nonsense anymore.

I kept working on my design … while wearing comfy PJs ...

Rib on Boatneck Sweater

Many hours later, and several Youtube ‘Rosemary and Thyme' sitcom movie videos later, I had finished both the front and back of my design:

Body completed on MOD Boatneck Sweater; F & B worked exactly the same. 1 YR sizing

As I was rolling them up to store until I make up the sleeves; possibly tomorrow, I got notifications that two singers had died from coronavirus complications today …

Joe Diffie (https://www.usnews.com/news/entertainment/articles/2020-03-29/country-singer-joe-diffie-dies-of-coronavirus-complications)

Joe Diffee – Pickup Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I51JXpcLwk

Joe Diffee – Honkey Tonk Attitude: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7qIFK1jZOM

Joe Diffee – Third Rock From The Sun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlAa0IGCXCw

Joe Diffee – A Night to Remember: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-d9f_BS594

And ‘Rock-n-Roll’ songwriter/singer, Allen Merrill also died of coronavirus complications –

(https://www.vulture.com/2020/03/i-love-rock-n-roll-writer-alan-merrill-dies-of-covid-19.html?fbclid=IwAR1rTtpDPs2erxme7zKDJJyR-7LuGU5_acD7S3SfW2Dy2IKTxUADiba9TSg)

When Bob and I were dating, we’d go to Stella tavern sometimes to play pool; Bob would hand me a handful of quarters to play the jukebox and pull tabs.

I’d always punch this song’s number in, and dance my way across the floor to where Bob was racking the cue balls; singing and dragging Bob into a dance with me ;-)

Good times.

Hot summer nights.

Jukebox jumping.

The loud smack of the cue balls being blown all over the table.

Bob laughing while I danced around him with my pool stick singing, “I love rock-n-roll; put another dime in the jukebox baby …”: and whooping when I scored with a game win.

Allen Merrill – Touch, Too Much: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPelyeNqvw0

Allen Merrill – Heaven ‘N Hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwpK9_wf90Y

Allen Merrill – Toughen Up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUqDbz1Q1Dw

Allen Merrill – Shake Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fIp6n1Aohg

THE LOOK THAT WROTE OUR STORY

I looked at Bob.

He looked at me.

Standing in his kitchen: 10 PM; 46 years ago – last night, today. Love striking fast and furious was the last thing on either of our minds. Still, it struck … and we rolled with it.

And we liked what we saw ;-)

We liked what we were feeling.

A chance meeting.

Happenstance.

Fate.

The midnight hour was fast approaching … time for teenage Cinderella to wrap up the convo with Prince Charming; and head home.

He walked with me.

I walked with him.

And our galloping hearts were recklessly on their way into the future.

As soon as the present (back then) was wrapped up.

Old relationships of betrayals to end.

A new relationship to begin.

Hope catapulting our wounded hearts out of the night and into the day.

The dawning of March 28th, 1974, set things in motion that we couldn’t turn back.

Our young hearts took on lives of their own and were aiming for a brighter future.

And it was too late to look back …

What followed with the dawning of March 28^th, 1974, was a future filled with 44 heady years of passion that still burned as brightly, and hotly, when our life together ended … as when our life together began; deep abiding love that stayed a steady and faithful course; easy friendship ties that bound tightly; parenthood joys, and disappointments; and adorable grandchildren. 

Of course, as all married couples do, we had our {moments} of occasional strong dislikes when we strongly disagreed with each other – which always moved us towards marital growth and made us dig our roots in deeper to withstand the tough times of upheaval, Bob dying twice in a short 7 year span early into our married life, financial uncertainty that came with unexpected upheavals: and the years of unrelenting angst our grown children still nourish.

But always – always – love for each other was the stabilizing factor in our life together.

Our lives were casually thrown together with a big bang effect, the evening of March 27th, 1974.

The Maker of the stars liberally seeded our bruised young lives with fresh hope as March 28th, 1974, unfolded.

But there were still loose ends to be tie up before our life together could really kick in (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/03/46-years-ago-tonight-love-walked-in.html).

Our 44 years together really was an amazing time of blessedness, despite the occasional teeth-jarring ruts along the long and winding road that led to the December 14^th, 2018 solo journeys – Bob’s beyond the clouds, and mine to continue alone, until I too, am called Home.

Bob’s physical absence in my life has left a nameless void (there are no words in any language to adequately explain how I feel) in my life, and I struggle every day to learn how to live without falling into that void.

So, I write.

Writing helps keep me balanced between the past and the future as I walk the shaky tightrope of widowhood. As I inch forward, one small step at a time, I am trying to figure out how to effectively live my life the best way I can … without the greatest man I ever knew, in it.

Bob was a big man.

Bob had a big heart filled with love for me.

Bob wore mighty big shoes.

Bob’s unconditional love lifted me out of the ordinary, and gave me an extraordinary life in a private world we created just for us – while we lived in this twisted world … where real love and traditional marriage between a natural born man, and natural born woman, seems like a foreign concept.

I want our grandchildren to mature and live their own extraordinary lives.

I want to live my life in the now, in a way that honors the man I loved; the man I still love. The man I have always loved, since I was a slip of a girl at 10 years old and married at 17. I want to live my life moving forward while still reminding the living of the memory of the man I still love; the man, whose DNA our grandchildren carry into the future.

Their futures started with a look.

That look wrote Our Story.

And so, I write.