Jehovah Jira – My Provider

Got some very welcome news in the mail Wednesday afternoon … the Social Security Administration Office has decided to give my husband’s December benefits after all. ((((THANK YOU ELOHIM!)))) This is a direct answer to my morning prayers; Elohim has heard and He has answered:

Of course the withheld benefits being returned to me won’t come until sometime around March – but at least is will be coming :-D

Wednesday afternoon I called the Tumwater Office to find out how to get the documents the government wants (do they have nothing better to do with their time????), and was told that they can get a certified copy of our Marriage License to me overnight for $50 (!!!!), or I can drive up to Tumwater and pick it up in the office there for a $20 fee … on top of topping off the tank of gas to make the trip; another $20. My Birth Certificate I would need to request from Illinois for another $50 certification/mailing fee; I was born in the Naval Hospital there, and WA State doesn’t handle out-of-State documents: well, shoot, had I known I would be living in the PNW at the time of need, I would have demanded it as soon as the attending doctor spanked my tiny little fanny 62 years ago ‘just in case’. Then I calmed myself down and remembered that when we got our enhanced drivers licenses 2 years ago so we could cross the Canadian Border without hassle, my Birth Certificate had been accepted for that – so I went and dug it out, and sure enough it was a certified copy ;-)

But would it be acceptable to the government harridan at the local office here? I put it in my purse anyway and braced myself for tomorrow’s battle.

Thursday I was at the local Social Security Office downtown bright and early … praying the entire time that Elohim would grace me to bypass the troublesome woman I usually have to deal with and give me someone who would actually be helpful, and perhaps a little kind. He did; the woman who assisted me was polite and kind, and very helpful: my Birth Certificate was acceptable, but I still had to get a certified copy of our Marriage License: my husband’s son said he would drive up from Salem, OR to make the drive to Tumwater with me – he knows I hate freeway driving and it is a long freeway drive from here to there. He also wanted to look at the ceiling crack in the TV room, and see what can be done with that.

Leaving the local office, I decided that before going home, I would check out the Courthouse and see if I can’t get a certified copy of our Marriage License there – I really did not want to drive to Tumwater because I wasn’t sure I would have enough time to get back home before the Grief Support Meet started later that evening. So I went to the Cowlitz County Courthouse and was told I would have to go to the Kelso Courthouse. When I got to the Kelso Courthouse, I was told that I had to go to the Wahkiakum County Courthouse because that was the county where we got married: a total waste of gas, and a LOT of governmental BS if you ask me … but no one was asking. So. I drove back home and decided to call ahead before hitting the road again because last time we were in Cathlamet on August 3^rd, 2018, the hillside at Stella had come down and blocked the road, narrowing the roadway to a 1-way-only passage …

… and I wanted to make sure that it had not been further compromised between then and now. It was open to traffic both ways, so the trip to Tumwater was scraped, but Alex came up anyway and we drove to Cathlamet together; Cathlamet was home for my husband for many years, and that is where we started our marriage and family. The road had been repaired to its full passage and it was a pleasant drive – I always liked that drive along the river. And I always liked living in Cathlamet too; I lived 20 years there – 17 years of those 20 living with my husband and daughter – with Alex staying with us weekends and summers before we sold and left in 1994.

My luv's Senior Class Picture/our 1974 Wedding Picture. Man - I sure miss my handsome gentle giant

I got the certified copy of our Marriage License at the Wahkiakum Courthouse for $6. And gave a shout out to Elohim ;-) And I was able to get back here and downtown to get everything copied, filled out, and sent off to the inquiring administration before the local office closed at 4 p.m. Another long day with a lot of running around, but at least it is d.o.n.e. and the budget, though still tight, won’t be a hair-pulling-stress. Once the $$$$ actually starts coming in. While in town, I ran into Roger who worked with my husband – they were friends – and informed him of my husband’s passing. He was shocked as expected because when we had all visited with each other the first part of August, before the insanity at the Park caught fire and did irreparable damage to our lives, my husband was the picture of health for seniors our age: his death is as surprising to others as it was an unwelcome surprise to us. Roger asked how I was doing, and I said I was doing as well as can be expected: 44 years is a long time to be with someone, yet too short a time to say goodbye to someone you love.

Alex checked the ceilings and said that while the major cracking in the TV room is unsightly (http://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/when-it-rains-here-it-pours.html), it is fixable; and he can do that for me. But we did find a few more cracks:

These cracks had to have happened when I was doing death-watch at OHSU in December 2018 because they weren’t present before then.

Again, he said that they are nothing too significant or worrisome – even along the main center beam – and he can fix them for me. His father would be happy to know that he is being so helpful. And I found some paint cans in the shed too, in all the shades the house was painted with, and it feels like there is enough in each can for the touch-ups required as soon as time and weather allows: the ceiling work first, then the porch steps. Another concern laid to rest; and more praises going up to Elohim :-D

Jehovah-Jira. My Provider Who provides for ALL my needs. I will, as always, be depending on His provision for all my needs. Now more than ever before … and I can trust that He will never let me down. I am a daughter of the Most High God, highly favored, and His grace is sufficient for me.

HAVE YOU LEARNED ANYTHING?

Last night I went to my first Group meet thingee – I normally do not do this sort of thing; I am by nature a loner and avoid group settings. I admit that on occasion I do go to fellowship meets, but I am always hanging out in the back pew or at the back table. It is enough for me to be there; I do not feel the need to be the front and center attention.

Anyway. At last night’s Grief~Share meet, there were only 6 in attendance – 4 actually, beside the program organizers, Jim & Cathy: 3 of us have lost spouses, 2 of us in December of 2018, and the other 2 lost a son this year sometime – and a spouse 2 years ago. We visited a bit to get a handle on each other’s backgrounds, and watched a DVD of how some people have dealt and are dealing with their grieving process. We also received a little study/journaling book that is supposed to help also. Some of the situations we went over last night to ponder throughout this week have to do with the effects of grief:

Effects on emotions and body (sometimes it feels like a grieving person starts to fall apart mentally & physically) * Effects on memory and concentration (I remember one time in September 2018, standing at the gas pump and could not remember my debit pin to get the transaction completed: all I could think about was my husband in ER and that I needed to get there fast; my granddaughter got out of the car and helped me finish up at the pump) * Getting “ambushed” by grief (comes out of nowhere and sucker punches you. A certain song, a specific place, a familiar scent, seeing a shared friend ... anything at anytime can trigger an unexpected and uncontrollable fresh wave of grieving all over again) * Adjusting to “secondary losses” (your first loss is the death of your beloved; secondary losses are loss of income, loss of purpose, loss of planned hopes/dreams, loss of identity, loss of extended family relationships, ect.) * Asking for help from others (a hard thing for lobos like me to do, but necessary) * Dealing with a spouse’s possessions (another hard thing to do; what to keep? What to let go? Do it alone? Or with friends? Quick decisions? Or drag it out for years?) * Preserving friendships (How much can you rely on shared friendships? Can you rely on shared friendships? Should you rely on your friends' husbands for help if/when offered ... or will that cause irreparable chasms in shared friendships now that you are "an available woman" again? Is it wiser to make a clean break and start anew with new friends that won't feel threatened and can better understand what you are going through and facing in your unwanted new life? This is a slippery slope that needs careful attention) * Dealing with loneliness (It never gets easier; so MUCH of your life was intertwined with your spouse, and now the tapestry has been torn beyond repair) * Asking God for help (Always! 24/7/365. all day long and through the night) * Rethinking identity and life goals (Now that "we" are currently "me", what can I do to move forward and have a fulfilling life with a gaping hole in it?) * Relying on God’s strength (The ONLY thing that will sustain me and get me safely through this uncertain and unwanted upset in my life) * Facing fears (Taking steps to get out of the house, mingle to a comfortable degree, and accept 'check-up' calls and drop-bys - for your peace of mind, and the peace of mind to those who love you and need to be assured that you are doing 'okay') * How Grief~Share can help (Little by little ... step by step; those who are grieving understand your grieving and you can all help each other with insights and suggestions that perhaps you hadn't considered yet; or didn't know about because you have never been in this situation before)

Thinking on these things, my thoughts were pricked by a question my husband asked me in October 2018. Though he had been in and out of ER and hospital rooms at SJPH, the severity of his situation was beginning to sink in at this time and he turned to me on afternoon in his bed and asked, “Have you learned anything in all this?” At the time, that question didn’t really mean anything to me other than to think, ‘yeah … I am learning that stress kills. And we are going to put that house up for sale and get as far away from those 2 stressors as we can get!’ And I fully intended to do just that – called a realtor and had her on standby to the end in December 2018. Then in November of 2018, when we knew we were facing certain death unless there was divine intervention, my husband looked at me in the ER room at OHSU after the failed procedure to drain the pseudo-cysts, and said, “I don’t think I’ll be going home this time honey; maybe this situation is how God will work in our family.” That was hard to hear … and to face up to. But it was certainly a very distinct possibility, everything taken into consideration.

I honestly always thought I would precede my husband in stepping off this planet; I am 7 years younger, but my health was chancier … or so we thought until our lives took a serious south turn the tail-end of summer 2018. I was born with weak lungs and have a heart arrhythmia, as well as angina that I was diagnosed with more than 3 decades ago: the angina worried our dentist so much that he refused to do oral surgery on me when a cap broke off at the gum-line 10 years ago. So that broken cap is still not fixed – and won’t be. Another risky health issue. But what can one do when the person who can fix it refuses to chance it? Life – people have to roll with the punches thrown.

Perhaps my husband stepped off this planet ahead of me because Elohei knows time for anyone on earth is wrapping up and I have a job to do that no one else can do. And He doesn’t want that job hindered: it needs ALL of my attention. If my husband were still here, my attention would be divided – that is a certainty. So Elohim called him home. And He expects me to get busy getting busy with the job He has for me to do.

Reflecting on those conversations with my husband, and last night’s meet discussions; my thoughts today kept going back to my husband’s October question, “Have you learned anything in all this?”, and took on a whole new meaning; and follow this thread … my aim in ministering the Gospel, and the grace, of Elohei is not in ministry – my aim in ministry is to bring Elohei glory and honor, first and foremost. Above ALL else. And my follow-up aim is to bear much fruit for the glory of Him I gladly and humbly serve (John 15:8). So, if my purpose and goal in this life is to bring glory and honor to the lover of my soul, my redeemer, and my Savior … then I CAN DO THAT in ANY circumstance I find myself in; even while juggling the complex and unwanted grieving process.

I love to garden. I spend my Winter months preparing for my Spring veggie and flower beds. Fruit bearing veggies and trees require certain conditions to be successfully profitable. Fruit-bearing vines and trees will put out fruit in adverse conditions, but they will do much better and put out much fruit in rich and fertile conditions; they rely on organic conditions to bring healthy and purposeful fruit to favorable fruition. The certain conditions required to bring forth favorable fruit are fourfold (1) connection to the root source (John 15:vv. 1, 4-5, & 8). (2) cultivation/pruning (John 15:vv. 2, 6, & 8). (3) cleansed/clearing of debris (John 15:vv. 2, 8-11, & 14). (4) communication/interaction (John 15:8-11 & 14-15).

During a storm, a fruit bearing tree may lose a branch in the aggressiveness of the storm’s brouhaha; and that branch, losing connection to the living source, will just lie there and die, rotting away. It has lost the root source connection. We, as Christians, are the branches – Yeshua is the root source to the life force of Elohei. In this lifetime we will face many storms … some sweep in and swipe at us, and pass by with nary a scratch and perhaps a mild questioning, ‘what was that all about?’ Other storms, suddenly come at us out of nowhere - hit swift and hard, creating mind-numbing damage and leave broken lives in their wake. And we are left hugging our knees to our chests and crying out, ‘Why? WHY?’ But if we have stayed close to Elohim and are rooted in Yeshua’s mercy and grace, the storm did not sever us from the life force connection. We will, over time, spring back up healthy and strong … and bearing much healthy and prosperous fruit: some of the best tasting apples I have ever eaten have come from storm damaged trees. Hallelujah!

In the gardens and orchards, pruning forces life back into old and withered plants and trees; seemingly at turbo-speed. Whether the pruning be light or aggressive, it is necessary for renewed potency and sparkle as the life force rushes to, and focuses on, that pruned area, making it more productive and lovely. Pruning involves cutting, and cutting hurts: plants and people alike. But there is no way to get around those healing and revitalizing wounds if much fruit bearing is the desired end. And the praise belongs to Elohei Who makes a vibrant and productive life for everything possible when the dreaded shears are applied. When it comes to pruning, the old watchword, ‘pain is gain’ is an undeniable truth.

A clearing of debris, be it in our gardens, orchards, or personal lives is a must. Blockage and/or rot must be removed if clean and healthy life is to continue. We clean our flower and veggie beds at the end of each growing season to refresh the soil and remove the rotting rubbish; likewise, we clear the orchards of deadfall and suckers that infringe on and impede the health of the fruit bearing trees. Should we not pay the same careful attention to our personal lives and clean up those areas that need immediate and careful attention to keep us healthy and productive as well? We must if we want the sap of life (aka Rach Ha’Kodesh) to flow freely through our lives so we can bear much fruit of Elohim (Ephesians 5).

Just as we would commune with and pay attention to the organic health of our gardens and orchards – some verbally communicate, some communicate through gentle and ministering touch – so must we also commune with Elohei daily and LISTEN to the Ruach Ha’Kodesh’s wise guidance. Give yourself wholly to Elohim’s Will so you may bear much fruit. Ask for more fruit! We do not need to know His plan for our lives … we just have to stay connected to Him and submit to His hand on/in our lives; understanding that He knows best what is best for our healthy and prosperous growth so necessary to give forth much fruit. Allow his pruning, even if it hurts. Let Him cleanse your life of anything and everything that will stunt your growth or cause root rot. By doing these things, freely and submissively, you will experience the fullness of Elohei’s peace that passes all understanding. Rest and experience His soothing peace in the midst of life’s hardest and most severe storms. Bend, and bring forth much eternal fruit.

A Christian’s life is NOT going to every church function conceivable, or standing on every street corner crying out as John the Baptist did … though those things are not necessarily wrong things … but a Christian’s life is to live well FOR Elohei with the one life He has given us, so that when our life here on earth has come to a close we may step off this planet and hear, “Well done my good and faithful son/daughter.”

Ending this post with an echoing refrain: “Have you learned anything in all this?” I think it is safe to say that perhaps the Ruach Ha’Kodesh was ministering to my soul through my husband’s medical ordeal during those 4 months leading to his physical death December 14^th, 2018. I am glad Elohei found me worthy enough of His attention that He took the time to call my attention to His purpose so I was able to lovingly and unselfishly send my husband home without undue concern for me, who was being left behind for a short while.

THE BOOK OF ROMANS ~Chapter 2

Before we begin this study, I first want to clarify something … Christians are not to condemn the worldly people, who are carnal by nature and do not know Elohei – or understand the ways of Elohim through grace in Yeshua Ha’Mashiach. But Christians ARE to warn fellow Christians against sinful activity and steer them back to the straight and narrow when they begin to backslide into carnal behaviors again (Luke 17:3; 1 John 4:1; 1 Corinthians 2:15; 1 Corinthians 5:1-13; 1 Corinthians 6:2-3; 1 Timothy 5:19-20; 2 Timothy 4:2; James 7:4).

So, as we read today’s study together, let us remember that there is a big difference between the world and Christians, and that is what Paul is referring to while he writes to the Church. Yeshua NEVER pooh-poohed sinful behaviors and He NEVER told Believers to turn a blind eye to those behaviors. WHAT He DID SAY was to beware of religiosity … religious people condemning those carnal sinners who do not know Elohei or the grace of Elohim through Yeshua. Piously religious people (acting righteous by works according to the Law without accepting Yeshua’s blood atonement/salvation) are sinners without salvation, the same as carnal worldly people without salvation (Matthew 7:5; John 8:1-16; Romans 2:21-22; James 7:4).

Be wise. Be discerning. Be filled with the Ruach Ha'Kodesh so that you judge rightly according to Elohim’s grace and Yeshua’s example.

THE BOOK OF ROMANS ~Chapter 2

“My friend, no matter who you are, you have no excuse for condemning others, for in condemning someone else, you are condemning yourself, for you are guilty of the same misdeeds yourself. We are sure, though, that when Elohei judges in such matters, that judgement will be factual and impartial. When you are condemning another for what you yourself do, do you think that you will escape Elohim’s judgement? How about Elohim’s rich kindness to you? And think of His patience and forbearance toward you. Do you ignore the fact that Elohim’s kindness should lead you to a change of heart?

By your hard and impatient heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath, when Elohim will reveal the justice of His judgments. For He will award to every man according to his works. He will give everlasting life to those who, by perseverance in doing good, have sought to attain glory, honor, and immorality. But on the contrary, to the self-willed who rebel against the truth but yield to lies, He will give wrath and fury. Also affliction and anguish will be the lot of every human soul who has committed evil – to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. And there will be glory, honor and grace to everyone who has done good – to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For Elohim is impartial and treats everyone alike.

Those who have sinned without knowledge of The Law will perish without reverence to The Law, and those who had The Law and sinned against it will be judged by The Law. For it is not the hearing of The Law that makes a man righteous in Elohim’s sight, but rather it is his obedience to The Law that justifies him. When the Gentiles, who do not have The Law, instinctively do what The Law demands, they are as a law to themselves, even though they do not have The Law. They prove that the demands of The Law are written on their hearts. It is their conscience that speaks to them, arguing a case, either condemning or justifying it. This too, will be considered on the day when Elohim passes judgement on the secret thoughts of men, which, according to the Gospel that I preach, will be through Yeshua Ha’Mashiach.

Well, you are Jew by name and you feel secure in The Law, and you boast of Elohei. And you know His Will, and from your knowledge of The Law you can appreciate the more excellent way. You are sure that you are a guide to the blind, a light to those in the dark. You admonish the foolish, and teach the children, for in The Law you have the framework of knowledge and the essentials of Truth. But listen! Do you who can teach others, also teach yourselves? Do you yourself steal while you preach against stealing? You say that one must not commit adultery … but are you yourself an adulterer? You abhor idolatry, but do you at the same time rob the heathen temples? You boast about The Law, but do you dishonor Elohei when you break it? In fact, the Scriptures themselves declare, “Because you sin, the Name of Elohei is dishonored among the heathen” (Ezekiel 36:20).

Circumcision is truly a good thing if you keep The Law, but of you break The Law your circumcision becomes as uncircumcision. And if an uncircumcised man meets the requirements of The Law, will not his uncircumcision be regarded as circumcision? And so those who keep The Law, though not circumcised in their body, can pass judgement on you who have kept the letter of The Law by being circumcised but are otherwise Lawbreakers.

To be a Jew is really not just about the outward appearance. The same holds good for circumcision; it is really not just an outward operation of the body. No, to be a real Jew is to be one from within. And similarly, a real circumcision is of the heart; it is spiritual, not physical. And such a one will get praise from Elohim, even if not from men."

**ROMANS 1: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-book-of-romans-chapter-1.html

WHEN IT RAINS HERE, IT POURS

I drove into town early this morning to mail off the bundles of paperwork various medical businesses this week are demanding … it was costly; $5 a bundle, and I had 3! If it wasn’t for good and close friends I would not have been able to pay the postage because I will not receive any income at all until March sometime; but the paperwork is in the mail now and hopefully the issues will be settled once and for all: PLEASE GOD! It is hurtful to my heart every time I have to make copies of my husband’s Death Certificate and send it out to some governmental/business oriented moron that does not seem to understand or care how hurtful it is to me to keep reliving his death to satisfy their morbid curiosities. And do the same dimwits actually believe that widows have ready funds to cater to their whims? Obviously none of these organizations are talking to each other – or they are just plain heartless: I lean towards the last few words.

That done, I went uphill to Keenagers again today – the message, based on the Good Samaritan gospel story (Luke 10:25-37), was an answer to my morning prayer, the fellowship was good as always, and the songs uplifting … and I broke down in tears missing my husband (probably brought on by the morning’s stressful mailings minutes earlier). It is good to be among friends who understand and need no apologies.

Wes Hampton - Great Is Thy Faithfulness [Live]

Alan Jackson - How Great Thou Art (Live)

Squire Parsons, David Phelps - Battle Hymn of the Republic [Live]

When I got home and checked the mail, I had a notification from the Social Security Administration informing me that my husband had a payment pending at the time of his death that wasn’t sent out, and that I have the right to claim it. But first I have to again rush off some paperwork to them. Within a 5 day period. The letter was sent to me January 13^th, and today is the 16^th. That means I have 2 days to get it back to them. 2 days. So I have to rush out the door tomorrow morning to try to beat the morning rush at the downtown Social Security Office and hope for an extension – if I end up dealing with the steely-eyed-tarter I dealt with previously (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/grief-hurts.html), the extension is highly unlikely. Then I have to rush to Tumwater … a 2 hour drive (my stepson will be going with me because I hate freeway & city driving; he will be driving an additional sacrificial 2 hours up here from his home in Salem, Oregon) … to get a Certified Copy of our Marriage License, and I am hoping that my Birth Certificate Copy will be sufficient (it has the Illinois State Seal stamp on it, so it is Certified already), otherwise I have to call Illinois and get it from that State; which will delay the receiving of it by a few weeks, which will delay the quick reply process demanded by the Social Security Administration. And I am not happy to be sending them my copy of my Birth Certificate – it is the only one I have: but it is what they want. And I will have to send it if the local Office tarter does not act like a decent human being tomorrow and give me that extension I will be asking for. At any rate I have to go to Tumwater. And I hope I will get back in time for the Grief Support Group – I have a pick-up-ride arriving at my home at 5:45 p.m. so the timing will be tight and stressful; I may have to call from Tumwater and cancel the meet …

Alex is doing familial ancestry research, so I scanned and copied off for him some of the family information I have collected over the years; plus his father’s recent Death Certificate, Birth Certificate, and our Marriage License – while I am not his mother, I am his father’s widow and our union is family history, so it applies.

While I was in the TV Room making those copies, I happened to glance up at the ceiling – no particular reason – and noticed a CRACK running the entire length of the ceiling!

And it continued into the hallway too …

When it rains here, it freaking pours.

Help me Yeshua.

During the crack upset, I got my Wednesday “check-up calls”: the first with Alex while we talked about the Tumwater trip tomorrow/family history/ceiling crack; and the second from Tiffany, doing her part to uphold our agreement ;-)

And I reminded myself that Elohim’s grace is sufficient for me no matter what today’s happenings dropped at my feet (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/his-grace-is-sufficient-for-me.html)

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME

Sunday the Grief Support Group coordinator and his wife stopped in after church let out; they wanted to introduce themselves, find out where I lived so they could pick me up for Thursday’s Meet, and no doubt check me out to see if I am a ‘loose bullet’ concerning the grieving process. They were very friendly and informative people, they found our house with no problem, and apparently I passed the inspection ;-) My grief is not handicapping me; and my only real issue with my husband’s passing from this life to the next is learning to deal effectively with Candy and Ron – in other words, learning to get past the sudden and heated anger that rises up in me every time I have to personally deal with Candy in the Park Office; or every time I catch a glimpse of next-door-neighbor Ron. That my husband is dead, and I am now alone and doing what I can to make this alone journey as easy and as content as possible ... with the tedious burden of wading through uncertain financial situations, and having to daily juggle and face serious economic crisis because of petty ridiculous stupidity brought on by paranoia and egomania, rankles. And I need to get past that. Hopefully these grief support meets will help me with that.

The one thought that popped into my head and stayed since my husband passed December 14^th, 2018, is that Elohim’s grace is sufficient for me.

By His strength I am upheld, supported, prospered, and sanctified. When I am at my weakest point, He lifts me up and places me in the safety of The Rock (Isaiah 28:16 & Romans 9:33), where life’s tempests swirl and howl around me; but cannot touch me. When sudden, unexpected emotions overwhelm me and my knees buckle with the onslaught, He comes alongside me and lends His shoulder for me to lean against as we walk together through the turmoil (Isaiah 41:10-11). And I hear Him whisper gently as He hugs me tight against His supportive shoulder, “It’s okay Val: I have everything under control. You just lean on Me; everything will work out. You’ll see. In these days of uncertainty and economic crisis, don’t worry about tomorrow; I will meet all your needs according to My riches in glory: I am well able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or even imagine.” (Matthew 6:25-34, John 14:27, Hebrews 13:5) What a blessing! What promises! What wonderful expectations to look forward to. I am a child of the Most High God, a joint-heir justified in Yeshua, and can rightly expect the fulfillment of these promises (Hebrews 2:1, Hebrews 12:14, 1 Corinthians 6:11, & Ephesians 1:13).

When I stay in Him, He stays in me (1 Chronicles 16:11, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 3:9 & 1 Thessalonians 5:23).

When I find myself harassed by life’s stressors and seek His strength, and seek His presence continually; I find Him immediately beside me, comforting me and rejoicing over me with gladness as he quiets my soul, exulting over me with joyous singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I have heard that singing … and it is beautiful and comforting.

Since my husband stepped off this planet, I have never been alone though we are now 1 instead of 2. Yeshua was and is a constant 24 hr/every day close companion. My BIL and SIL’s were a great comfort in the first days of my alone journey. Cheryl and Mike have continually been present during this time – if they are not visiting, they are calling: daily. They have helped me in ways I cannot put words to, while dealing with the recent deaths of their own parents. That is real love in action, and I hope I will always be worthy of it. My husband’s son came up from Salem every week for a solid month to help me with a couple things around the house I needed help with … and will come again around tax time to help me get that squared away: it is a 2 hour drive one way; a sacrifice I am appreciate of it. Alex does not have to do this – he is not bound to me by blood, and during the 44 years I have been married to his father we have not even really been friends because he has resented me much of the time. But now, I think he realizes that I am really the only family he has. And he is trying to make amends and do what his father would like him to do. I am thankful. Keenager’s – a weekly Senior meet and greet my husband and I enjoyed, and I attend alone now, is a familiar comfort to me. I have worked out an agreeable check-up schedule and routine with our niece, Tiffany, by which a specific phone call at a certain time during the week will be made: if I send a message that I am okay before that day is over, fine; if that call is not made, she will call me; if I do not answer, she will come over immediately to see what is happening. She has nursing experience with the elderly (I can't believe I am using that word to describe me!) and will be a help if I need help. She picked up the house key Saturday afternoon. Most every day I walk around the perimeter of the Park - a mile distance from our driveway and back again: that is what my husband and I walked nearly every day at various places around town, or throughout the county on scenic day-trips when he was still with me. And I am hoping the upcoming Grief Support Group starting on this upcoming Thursday will help me during this period of adjustment I now face.

Monday Elohim sent close friends to me, Cheryl and Pam – 2 women I love, and appreciate more than words can tell. I have known these women most of my life and they are gracious and thoughtful women who are godly examples of compassionate love while going through their own worrisome struggles: when the daughters of Elohim gather together to support and encourage one another, He is there. His presence is strong. And we are thankful for all that he does for us – things we are aware of, and things that are yet unknown. It is good to praise the Lord together.

In my human weakness, His grace is sufficient for me.

BEARD’S RAISIN-WHEAT BREAD Recipe

This bread, adapted from Beard on Bread by James Beard comes from my ‘Recipes I Have Known and Loved’ cookbook by Jane Brody. It is delicious, and the dough is easy to handle, while most whole wheat bread doughs are sticky. If you would rather not use alcohol, just soak the raisins in warm water or apple juice.

                                                                                  

I have tweaked the original instructions and added a few personal hints to make the making if the dough process flow easier, but aside from those small tweaks, the basic ingredients and baking instructions are the same.

Cooked in a new oven … obviously the top got a little too browned and I need to cover with foil a little sooner. Live and learn ;-) 

BEARD’S RAISIN-WHEAT BREAD ~ 2 loaves

1/3 cup Raisins * Brandy or Sherry for soaking raisins * 1-1/2 cups warm Water (105 degree to 115 degrees), divided per instructions below * 2 packages active dry Yeast * 2 Tablespoons granulated Sugar * 4 cups Whole Wheat Flour, preferably stone-ground * 1-3/4 to 2 cups White Flour * 2 teaspoons Salt, if desired * 3/4 cup skim or low-fat Milk * 1/2 cup Honey * 2 Tablespoons melted Butter (or margarine or oil)

Assemble ingredients. Place the raisins in a small bowl, add the brandy or sherry just to cover, and soak the raisins until they are soft and swell. Combine the whole-wheat flour, 1-1/2 cups of the white flour, and the salt.

Place 1/2 cup warm water in large bowl, add the yeast and sugar; stir to dissolve, and let the mixture stand until it is bubbly – about 5 minutes.

Combine the remaining 1 cup of water, milk, honey, and butter. Make a well in the flour mixture, add the milk mixture; blending the ingredients well. Add more white flour if necessary to make a manageable dough.

Turn the dough out on a floured surface; drain the soaked raisins and add to the dough, and knead it for about 10 minutes or until it is smooth and elastic. Place the dough in an oiled bowl, turning the dough to grease the top:

Cover the bowl and let dough rise in a warm, draft-free place (either in an oven with just the pilot light on … or under a towel-draped basket on top of the clothes dryer while doing laundry) until it has doubled – about 1 to 1-1/2 hours.

Rising in the oven with pilot light

Rising on clothes dryer

Risen and ready to shape into loaves

 

Punch the dough down, turn it out, and divide it into 2 pieces, shaping dough into 2 loaves. Place the loaves in greased 9x5x3-inch bread pans, cover, and let rise again until they have doubled in bulk – about 45 minutes.

Bake the loaves in a preheated 425-degree oven for 10 minutes; then reduce the heat to 350-degrees and bake another 30 minutes or so … until the loaves sound hollow when tapped on the bottom.

Cool on wire rack. When cold, slice and bag. Because there is just me now since my husband has graduated to our home in glory, and I don’t want the bulk of my kitchen work to spoil, I half each loaf; wrap those halves in foil, and freeze 3 halves … keeping one half in the bread drawer and thawing the others as I want them.

CROCKPOT KRUPNICK (Hearty Potato and Barley Soup) Recipe

Krupnick with Challah

This is a modern krupnick with more meat and fewer potatoes. If you prefer something a little closer to the original krupnick, add four more potatoes and reduce the quantity of meat to a mere scarp clinging to the bone ;-)

CROCKPOT KRUPNICK ~ Makes 6 to 8 servings

1 large Onion, peeled * 2 Marrow Bones * ½ pound stewed Beef, flanken, or lamb shoulder (I used 2 Lamb Ribs because that was what I had on hand) * 1/3 cup Barley * 3 cans slice Mushrooms (or ½ pound fresh, or 1 cup dried, soaked a few hours) * 5 Carrots, scraped clean and cut crosswise * 2 Potatoes, peeled and quartered * 1 large (28-oz) can Tomatoes * 1 TBSP granulated Sugar * 1 teaspoon Salt * ½ teaspoon Black Pepper * Water to cover

Combine all ingredients in crockpot and cook on high for 6 hours.