THANKSGIVING 2021

This year I enjoyed a Thanksgiving filled with thanksgiving; aside from an empty chair where Bob used to sit, this holiday was almost ‘normal’ 😊

I am thankful I am able to stand, walk, and enjoy this holiday season this year; I cut my driving, and hiking back a couple miles … and that really helped. I did do a few 10 to 14-hour drives, and I did do a few 5-mile hikes – but very few. Bob, if he has been watching me as he glides by on the clouds, is no doubt rejoicing that I am finally learning the art of “pacing” myself (notching the turbo speed down), and practicing patience (granny speed hones patience) 😉

This is the first Thanksgiving since 2018 that I have been able to actually enjoy most of the day. I wasn’t sitting in a hospital crying as Bob slept – and I wasn’t laid up in bed favoring a seriously aching leg.

Thanksgiving 2021 dawned, and faded without a hitch, or a tear.

Baked Spicy Turkey ingredients.

Butter mixture pushed under breast skin, and skin pinned down with toothpicks.

Foil covering because roaster lid not high enough.

Into the oven with a hope & a prayer ...

Perfecto!

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/11/spiced-roast-turkey-recipe.html)

My Thanksgiving Supper was small, and light on my aging hips 😉

Spicy turkey, sweet potato, stuffing with red onion & peas, pumpkin pie – 773 calories. YUMMY!

The turkey breast baked to perfection, sliced without being mangled in the slicing, and the entire meal was low in calories: under 800 calories, even with pumpkin pie 😊

When Thanksgiving 2018 came around, I didn’t feel much like eating a holiday Supper – in, or out, of the hospital: my husband’s physical body was dying. Food wasn’t foremost in my thoughts.

Thanksgiving 2019 & 2020 came and went with reactionary baking … but little enjoyment.

2019 was spent in a mental fog of missingness; the pictures from that year showed a haunted face, with empty eyes. I was invited to several homes to be included in the festivities, but decided to stay home and eat solo lobo. I cooked, and ate a decent meal, but I didn’t really taste any of it – I ate for nourishment, and tried to “get in the holiday mood.” First Year Widowhood Memories, unbidden, kept interfering; my heart was having a hard time healing. I cried. A lot; thankfully Yeshua was a constant companion.

2020 was better in the grieving process … but, I spent some time in ER a few days before the holiday slid in, being diagnosed with a degenerate bulged spinal disc; and was laid up in bed with a very painful bum leg Thanksgiving Day. I ate a scaled-back turkey supper that I had baked/froze ahead of time – when I could walk around the kitchen without excruciating pain. That leg pain lasted until the middle of December. But Elohim was faithful - I was able to function; it was slow going, but managable.

When 2021 dawned, I decided to cut back on how hard I push my body. I like to take long country drives – I cut the time spent on the road, by half … and I learned how to use the speed control feature of the car; this took pressure of my driving leg muscles, which cut back on the inflammation of said muscles. I also like to hike: a lot … but, this year, I scaled back on the mileage: instead of 8 to 10-mile hikes, I only do 3 to 5-mile hikes, now … and not every day, like I used to. I am learning to pamper my aging body. I do not like to be laid up in bed for weeks on end ☹

This year at Thanksgiving time, I am enjoying life more fully. Healthier. And less painful emotionally, as well as physically.

I have good people in my life. 

Some are old friends; some are new friends.

Some are family members … some are {adopted} family members, who came alongside me in my early widowhood days; and stayed 😊

Some, I see every day. 

Some, I see weekly.

Some, I see monthly.

Some, I see occasionally when we cross paths every 6 months – or so.

And some, I only have contact with on FB.

I texted/talked with friends and family members before and during the actual Thanksgiving Day; some were having an early holiday Supper the day before (like me) … and some were just sitting down to Supper, but wanted to say, “Hey Val – thinking of you. Love you!”

And of course, there were those that have no contact with me at all – but I love them, and my thoughts went out to them anyway. I really miss my 7-year old grandson. I miss his face. I miss his voice. I miss his presence. I miss watching him grow up.

I know Elohim's promise to me - He is faithful. I will wait it out ... I don't need to understand: I just need to trust Him. And I do.

After the turkey was portioned out, and stored in the freezer; I watched a couple holiday movies … then, spent the rest of the evening before bedtime, researching and planning mini vaca’s for 2022 – hopefully, I will be able to actually spend some time out of State in lodging; hassle free. If not, I’ll be sleeping in my car when the sun goes down, and looking rumpled the next day. But, one way – or another- I INTEND TO GO, and enjoy my life while I still have it to enjoy; driving is my therapy – getting ‘out of Dodge’ balances every aspect of my life. Some of the anticipated mini vaca’s will be in rattlesnake country in four States (WA, and three others); that is a little intimidating, but Elohim will go with me – and before me: I can do this 😉

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME

Sunday the Grief Support Group coordinator and his wife stopped in after church let out; they wanted to introduce themselves, find out where I lived so they could pick me up for Thursday’s Meet, and no doubt check me out to see if I am a ‘loose bullet’ concerning the grieving process. They were very friendly and informative people, they found our house with no problem, and apparently I passed the inspection ;-) My grief is not handicapping me; and my only real issue with my husband’s passing from this life to the next is learning to deal effectively with Candy and Ron – in other words, learning to get past the sudden and heated anger that rises up in me every time I have to personally deal with Candy in the Park Office; or every time I catch a glimpse of next-door-neighbor Ron. That my husband is dead, and I am now alone and doing what I can to make this alone journey as easy and as content as possible ... with the tedious burden of wading through uncertain financial situations, and having to daily juggle and face serious economic crisis because of petty ridiculous stupidity brought on by paranoia and egomania, rankles. And I need to get past that. Hopefully these grief support meets will help me with that.

The one thought that popped into my head and stayed since my husband passed December 14^th, 2018, is that Elohim’s grace is sufficient for me.

By His strength I am upheld, supported, prospered, and sanctified. When I am at my weakest point, He lifts me up and places me in the safety of The Rock (Isaiah 28:16 & Romans 9:33), where life’s tempests swirl and howl around me; but cannot touch me. When sudden, unexpected emotions overwhelm me and my knees buckle with the onslaught, He comes alongside me and lends His shoulder for me to lean against as we walk together through the turmoil (Isaiah 41:10-11). And I hear Him whisper gently as He hugs me tight against His supportive shoulder, “It’s okay Val: I have everything under control. You just lean on Me; everything will work out. You’ll see. In these days of uncertainty and economic crisis, don’t worry about tomorrow; I will meet all your needs according to My riches in glory: I am well able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or even imagine.” (Matthew 6:25-34, John 14:27, Hebrews 13:5) What a blessing! What promises! What wonderful expectations to look forward to. I am a child of the Most High God, a joint-heir justified in Yeshua, and can rightly expect the fulfillment of these promises (Hebrews 2:1, Hebrews 12:14, 1 Corinthians 6:11, & Ephesians 1:13).

When I stay in Him, He stays in me (1 Chronicles 16:11, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 3:9 & 1 Thessalonians 5:23).

When I find myself harassed by life’s stressors and seek His strength, and seek His presence continually; I find Him immediately beside me, comforting me and rejoicing over me with gladness as he quiets my soul, exulting over me with joyous singing (Zephaniah 3:17). I have heard that singing … and it is beautiful and comforting.

Since my husband stepped off this planet, I have never been alone though we are now 1 instead of 2. Yeshua was and is a constant 24 hr/every day close companion. My BIL and SIL’s were a great comfort in the first days of my alone journey. Cheryl and Mike have continually been present during this time – if they are not visiting, they are calling: daily. They have helped me in ways I cannot put words to, while dealing with the recent deaths of their own parents. That is real love in action, and I hope I will always be worthy of it. My husband’s son came up from Salem every week for a solid month to help me with a couple things around the house I needed help with … and will come again around tax time to help me get that squared away: it is a 2 hour drive one way; a sacrifice I am appreciate of it. Alex does not have to do this – he is not bound to me by blood, and during the 44 years I have been married to his father we have not even really been friends because he has resented me much of the time. But now, I think he realizes that I am really the only family he has. And he is trying to make amends and do what his father would like him to do. I am thankful. Keenager’s – a weekly Senior meet and greet my husband and I enjoyed, and I attend alone now, is a familiar comfort to me. I have worked out an agreeable check-up schedule and routine with our niece, Tiffany, by which a specific phone call at a certain time during the week will be made: if I send a message that I am okay before that day is over, fine; if that call is not made, she will call me; if I do not answer, she will come over immediately to see what is happening. She has nursing experience with the elderly (I can't believe I am using that word to describe me!) and will be a help if I need help. She picked up the house key Saturday afternoon. Most every day I walk around the perimeter of the Park - a mile distance from our driveway and back again: that is what my husband and I walked nearly every day at various places around town, or throughout the county on scenic day-trips when he was still with me. And I am hoping the upcoming Grief Support Group starting on this upcoming Thursday will help me during this period of adjustment I now face.

Monday Elohim sent close friends to me, Cheryl and Pam – 2 women I love, and appreciate more than words can tell. I have known these women most of my life and they are gracious and thoughtful women who are godly examples of compassionate love while going through their own worrisome struggles: when the daughters of Elohim gather together to support and encourage one another, He is there. His presence is strong. And we are thankful for all that he does for us – things we are aware of, and things that are yet unknown. It is good to praise the Lord together.

In my human weakness, His grace is sufficient for me.