Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Thursday, January 6, 2022

CHEETAH BOOTS & FLOWERS

Cheetah Boots – a frivolous practicality.

I bought these cute little boots in November of 2020.

I was out and about, just dinking around – meandering in and out of shops; casually snooping around unfamiliar towns, meeting new people, and generally wasting as much time as possible out-of-house before returning home to eat supper and fall into bed.

This is my chosen solo lobo habit, when weather permits. I’ve never before had so much free time on my hands; and after the initial shock of finding so much time on my hands, I’m finding that I rather enjoy it 😉

I remember the town I was in. I remember the store I was browsing through. When these cheetah print boots snagged my peripheral vision, I backtracked. I held them in my hands contemplatingly; weighing the pros and cons of walking out of the store with them.

I liked them. I wanted them. But, would the purchase be practical?

Then I laughed – I am sure people around me were wondering why I was standing in the aisle laughing. I didn’t care: ((((I)))) knew why I laughed as I held those boots. When I exited the store, those boots were with me.

When Bob retired in 2012, the kids and grandkids immediately asked Bob if he was going to start wearing sweat pants all the time … and if I was going to start wearing animal print clothing. Bob and I laughed, and assured them that if we left the house – we’d be suitably attired; so as not to embarrass them 😉

When I was talking with my granddaughter yesterday afternoon, I mentioned to her that I was thinking about changing my life as much as I can: a total redo, sans change of name, or address (I won’t go that far). Elohim made it clear to me that Longview is to be my home (and Bob wanted that, too, before he stepped off earth). And I like my Name. My birth name is hard for people to pronounce, so I don’t mind agreeable replacements … but, ditching the name Bob gave me August 27th, 1974, is not optional.

Alyna was supportive of my decision. She understands my reasons. I was thankful. Then I told her about the cheetah boots, and we both laughed. She said she’d noticed that I am starting to wear makeup and nail polish – all of her life, she’d never seen me wear makeup or nail polish. When I explained why, again she understood. She also said that if wearing some makeup, nail polish, and cheetah boots, make me feel lively again; she’s happy for me. I am thankful 😊

These are small things; but they are things that buoy my spirit, now that Bob is no longer here – they cannot replace Bob, but they help stave off the missingness.

Practicality is an individual concept.

Every time I get out those cheetah boots, I chuckle. I laugh out loud when I think about the eye glasses in the dresser drawer (the funky glasses Bob inadvertently ‘chose’ for me 4 years ago), and the bits of jewelry I’ve collected, too.

Glasses Bob 'chose' for me. LOL. They echo my personality. I'll always treasure the private joke that led to my wearing them – they are a good memory.

Though I do not have a wardrobe full of animal print clothing – my limit is the boots and a light cardigan sweater – the image of cher’s Laverne character dances through my thoughts when I pair thoughts of boots, cardigan, glasses, and jewelry together. I do not wear all of it together … but the image does dance through my thoughts making me laugh out loud.

Add to the mix that I live in a Mobile Home Park – and I’m practically howling with irony at the twists and turns my life has taken since buying the house in 2017. The laughter has a bittersweet sound, but at least I am laughing again without bursting into tears.

Cher's character, Laverne; I can assuredly assure everyone that I will never got this far, even though I do get a bang out of Laverne’s shenanigans ðŸ˜‰

I think I’ll slip those cheetah boots on to visit the post office downtown today; that should add a little dash to the foyer … and give the long line of people waiting, something to talk about later on. 

Laughter is good medicine 😊 

Flowers are good to lift spirits, too. 

I planted some pots of flower bulbs in the Fall: some have started to make a showing already, and that will brighten the gray gloomy days of early spring before the sun pushes the cloud layer back.

A life redo forging ahead.

Changes ahead …

Peppy cheetah boots to add a dash of wild confidence.

Flowers to please the eye, and brighten days.

That’s a pretty good start already to the unfolding of whatever 2022 holds.

Wednesday, January 5, 2022

LIFE IMPACTS

Today’s post is inspired by things that impact our life.

Today’s post is also an encouragement to remember that no matter what happens in our lives, there is always an up-side 😉

Two days ago, I was notified that someone I used to be very close to was in the hospital – as was her husband. For several hours, conflicting reports were sent my way; family secrets were revealed, angry tears flooded my ears, frustrated musings significantly warmed the airwaves. By the time I set the cell phone on its charger to recharge, I had a roaring headache.

Last night before I went to bed, I was notified that said persons mentioned above were pulling through, after all. My feelings are mixed (1) I know this couple, and their family: they live on drama … if they aren’t “dying!” they don’t how to live; for true (2) I don’t like their trauma drama; and I resented being pulled into it. Again; on the pretext, “it’s real this time” (3) There is a valid reason these people are no longer an active part of my life.

IF they were truly “fighting for their lives!” (which conflicting report should be believed?), then I felt sad for their family; if on the other hand, this was just another jacked-up trauma drama episode

These are people that will run through the house screaming, “Fire! Fire!” – and when everyone is standing outside in bare feet, in freezing weather, they will laugh at their childish behavior and say, “Just joking, hahaha.”

Them being in the hospital is factual.

Them “dying!” is the glitch.

Before you think me heartless, let me clarify: they are always dying. For 40 years it’s been the same scenario.

This time, I’ve reached my limit.

I don’t want to be dealing with this anymore.

I have my own traumas I’m working my way through.

I haven’t seen these people for years – and my life has been less stressful; that is a good feeling.

So, last night I made another culling decision: I blocked everyone involved: on social media sources, as well as from my phone. That action made me realize that there isn’t much of my old life left in my new life anymore.

Actions have consequences – consequences have impact.

I don’t regret the culling. And I don’t care if people think that is a callous thing to do.

 I.d.o.n’t.w.a.n.t.d.r.a.m.a.i.n.m.y.l.i.f.e.a.n.y.m.o.r.e.

Sometimes I think the best route to take, is to make a clean break – a total break (from everyone) – from the life I know … just wipe it out, and start completely fresh. With no guilt, of any kind.

I think I’ve reached the point where it would be an easy thing to do; I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. The primary gain would be peace of mind, and tranquility in the golden years of my life.

Yes, I think that may be the best route to take as I journey through 2022.

I feel freer already 😊

Talking about being ‘freed up’ – a gal pal called yesterday and said there had been a landslide on Ocean Beach Highway, near the County Line.

Land slides impact daily life. Ocean Beach Highway is a busy roadway, and the alternate road routes are iffy this time of year.

Ocean Beach Highway; landslide mark - Jan.3rd, 2022
Ocean Beach Highway landslide debris; looks a little past County Line, towards Cathlamet.

Ocean Beach Highway is open again.

https://tdn.com/news/local/state-route-4-reopens-in-wahkiakum-county-after-debris-slide/article_3fc2e2d5-85b2-5d05-9f1a-19ab4967dea5.html & https://www.chinookobserver.com/news/five-feet-of-mud-cover-ocean-beach-highway/article_7958f2b0-0b80-59a7-a560-8dafa1968c5e.html

And I just received an invite to supper with friends out Coal Creek.

Good friends, that treat you like family also impact daily life 😊

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

FOOD BANK SUGGESTIONS

I've worked at several Food Banks ... and always asked WHY the bags or boxes were filled with stuff low-income families couldn't actually use.

The answer was the Law forbids the Food Banks to supply anything other than what was being packaged.

It burned me up!

It still burns me up.

There has GOT TO BE A WAY to give these families what they really needand I’m gonna make it my mission to find a way through the nonsensical red tape.



PRAYER IS A LIFE LINE

THANK GOD FOR THAT PERSON That prayed for me!

I would not have survived otherwise.

There were days, in the winter of 2018 following Bob’s passing from this life to the next, that I could barely function ... prayer wasn't even on the agenda. And I am a Prayer Warrior! But, I just couldn't. On those rare days when I tried, all I could eek out was, "Help me, Yeshua. Please. Help me. Thank You."

I was a walking zombie.

For the 1st time in my Christian walk, I was lost.

Floundering.

Drifting.

Missing Bob with a pain so acute and so deep, I numbed myself to survive the loss of his presence in my new life.

I didn't want to feel.

Prayer involves feeling ...

Later in 2019 - in March - when I started venturing out of the house; and started shaking off the numbness, friends (and even strangers neither one of us knew), would hug me and say, "I've been praying for you."

Yeshua had helped me, as I pathetically eeked out in my weak cry for help: He pricked those people's thoughts and opened up their hearts to me - to keep me always in their thoughts and prayers.

Though I was unaware of their prayers, the prayers strengthened me and nourished my soul. They literally saved my life.

I am grateful.

STRENGTH IN WEAKNESS

***3 years ago*** 

I didn't feel strong.

Bob's physical body was dying - I was barely holding on; I had to be brave for my husband's sake: so his spirit could confidently leave without being worried about leaving me behind. Alone.

I didn't feel strong.

But people were watching. They saw "a rock" - they missed the hairline fracture that had begun when our nightmare started. They didn't see that the hairline fracture was spreading and deepening. Widening. Undermining everything.

I didn't feel strong.

But people were watching.

And while learning to say goodbye to the love of my life, I began to comfort those around me who also were learning to say goodbye to their loved ones. The young woman, who was her father's choice to make medical decisions for him when he no longer could: through Bob's open room door, I heard her crying and telling the doctor, 'This is SO hard!' ... I kissed Bob's hand, and walked across that hallway, and stood with her while she cried and told the doctor to honor her father's DNR request. I didn't feel strong - but I was her strength, in her hour of need.

Another time (when Bob was being attended to by his nurses who bathed his body and helped him get through the vomiting nausea), I went to the Lounge in the center of the hallway between rooms, to wait until I could be with Bob again and not be underfoot; and a woman, about my age came into the lounge too. I could see she was visibly shaken and trying to keep things together. I put my knitting down, and she sat down next to me. Cautiously, I spoke, saying, "I can see you are pretty shaken; I don't know where you stand concerning prayer, but I am here for you." She grabbed my hand and said, "I am open to prayer; I am a Christian." She told me her situation, and we prayed. I did not feel strong - but I was her strength in her hour of need.

Other times, Yeshua sent people to me. They were my strength when I did not feel strong.

Be open.

Be available.

What seems to you to be a horrible ordeal in your life, is often the very situation where you are needed to be needful to someone else in their situation.

Healing is not always a spectacular event.

Monday, January 3, 2022

PNW VOLCANO WARNING for 2022

 

Mt. Hood, Oregon

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/volcano-mount-hood-could-spell-25815855?fbclid=IwAR2dvvCZ6sZ2DSFlrSwHTm3RAceu6VmTB8fmS7LO-BoiwxV2IQdEG7SOvC0

Researchers say that the active volcano, near Portland, OR, is on track for a disastrous 2022 eruption. Mt. Hood is the fourth most threatening volcano in the entirety of the United States of America.

But, researchers have been saying that predicting the eruption of Mt. Rainier – and “the big one” of an earthquake that could shear OR and CA off the PNW shorelines, for decades.

I’ve been in WA State since 1965, and people were expecting the eruption and earthquake then; it’s now 2022.

This new prediction could happen.

And, it could also not happen for another 57 years of my lifetime.

Be prepared … but still LIVE; don’t sit around wringing your hands and wailing. What will be, will be.

Sunday, January 2, 2022

SHOCK GREETED MY EYES

WOW.

Now, I know WHY that Christmas Eve asthma attack was so stinking severe.

Tomorrow is furnace filter switch-out day ... but, I decided to do it a few minutes ago - no particular reason, other than I had free time to use.

When I pulled the furnace grill down to switch out filters, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Shocking; and kinda scary; no wonder my lungs shut down! This is an unusual buildup: front and back.

I've been changing these filters every 2 months since we bought this place in June of 2017: I've NEVER seen a filter as clogged up as this one.

The filter switch out is on schedule ... every 2 months. The next switch-out is scheduled for March: it may happen in February.

I don’t know what the heck has been floating through the air, but instead of changing filters every other month, I think I may start switching them out EVERY month - the Filters I buy say that they are good for 3 months, but with my asthma I’ve cut the time between changes down by 1 month "just because".

Every 2 months - like clockwork; last change was November 2021: with weak lungs, I never deviate.

Seeing today's ugly mess, I'll be cutting the "safe" duration time to a much slimmer margin.

This is a very good Filter; and from the first pic, you can see it does a GOOD job of pulling lung inflammation things from the air that surrounds me: seeing it that clogged up is concerning.

Maybe when the contractors get done fooling around with that rat trap next door, I can go back to every 2 months - but as long as they are s-l-o-w-l-y “remodeling" that filthy pig of a "house", I'm going to be hedging my bets on longevity.

I am still shocked that the filter looks like it does ... thank GOD I do not adhere to the packaging claim! This really is a GOOD Filter, but 3 months would do me in.

Honest to God ... staying in-house will kill me quicker than covid.

And – oh yeah – there is a flood warning posted too for our entire region.