MAKING IT {OFFICIAL}

Bonnie Raitt – ‘Love Sneakin’ Up On You’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG_Ii8_J9xg)

A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN 4 DAYS!

I didn’t want it to happen.

I fought it.

I denied it.

I did everything in my power to ignore his advances … and make it go away.

But, Fate won’t be denied.

Everything came to a head when Holland was in the hospital with kidney stones, a few days ago. I have known for a year that he has been flirting with me … but I wasn’t ready to let go of the memory of Bob. About two months ago, Holland got bolder in his attempts to catch my attention – and I kept shutting him down. Gently. Firmly.  Two weeks ago, Holland actually texted me, spelling out clearly what his intentions were:

Holland's bold Text; 11-22-22.(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/11/complications.html)

I pulled over to the side of the road and stared at the text for a good 15 minutes before responding. I cried. I did not want this. Friendship – yes; romance leading to marriage – NO.

I even flat out told him to “look elsewhere – I’m not interested in romance; I still love Bob”: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/11/it-aint-me-keep-searching.html).

Mr. Complication was persistent.

I don’t even know when things changed on my end!

All I know … is that things did change … from my adamant denial on Thursday – (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/think-pink-breathe.html) – to agreeing to a “coffee date” on the following night (he had released from the hospital around 1 AM Friday morning). I got a text simply saying, “I’m home. We have to talk.”

Things spiraled into {official dating} in turbo speed.

The past three evenings … sandwiched between small-scale home Christmas décor, hiking, my Monday & Tuesday Life Coaching Meetings, and Sunday Fellowship … have been enlightening, exciting, informative, and moving quickly towards building a permanent life together (not sure when that will be ‘official’). We’re not rushing into anything, but permanency is being discussed. We’re Senior Citizens – there’s not a whole lot of time to pussy-foot around 😉

We have a lot in common.

I find myself smiling when he calls, or texts; we are friends – I like spending time with him. Though he is very different from Bob … there are similarities of character. Friends think it’s cute when they hear him call me ‘Baby’ (they don’t know that’s Bob’s pet name for me; and I didn’t cry when I heard Holland say it to me). I didn’t pull away when he touched me, like I thought I might: Bob’s the only man that has ever held my hand, or hugged me, in 48 years; 4 of those years, I’ve been a solo lobo widow quite content to remain single – Holland has changed that. The kisses are quick and tentative pecks, and Holland is understanding. This dating thing is unfamiliar territory to me. He gives me space to breathe and get comfortable with these quick paced changes; he is not rushing me. He is allowing me to set the pace. I appreciate that.

Holland’s been on fire for 15 months – my feelings are sparking.

I never expected anything like this. I never encouraged it. I’ve been blindsided by the Love Bug.

Christmas Cactus is spreading big time, and blooming all over.

The first casualty of the season ...

Finally using the Christmas Angel, I bought at a Garage Sale 2 years ago ... I like it.

Christmas decorations in place, for 2022 Season.

The router doing the funky chicken dance; Friday night. GRRR. It got replaced last night (Monday).

New Read started & finished before midnight.

A frosty morning walk along the dike hike trail; Saturday.

Mule deer on Old Pacific Highway.

Time for new slippers; the stone floor in the kitchen tore the bottoms out of this pair!

Meeting The Family; Sunday Morning.

Jogging Santa.

'Official Date' Nights; Sunday, Monday, Tuesday ... and ongoing ;-)

Bonnie Raitt – ‘Thing Called Love’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTzDrB16y5E)

Tom Petty – ‘A Face In The Crowd’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O7amyo0ABU)

Holland likes my 'fun side' (the flashy 'Redneck Princess' side of me); & he put this smile on my face.

I called my kids and got their input on the situation; I heard, “Go for it!”

I feel that if Bob is watching this thing unfolding, he is smiling and applauding this next step forward in my New Life.

My laptop has been on the fritz since Friday evening: the router needed to be replaced. Holland came by tonight to see what he could do; and got it up and running 😊

And because my laptop background pic is of Bob … he got a closeup view of the man he has been competing with for ownership of my heart. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t appear to be uncomfortable. He knows there is room in my heart to make a space for him; he knows because I have told him that.

He also heard me say (one Sunday Fellowship Day), when I went forward for prayer, “I am asking prayer for direction in my life. I want e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. God has for me.”

Holland knew something I did not know. Holland waited for me – he will still wait for me, as long as it takes (which, all of a sudden, is a short period of time).

I did not want this. I did not sit around waiting for it. I actively discouraged any flirting. But Holland waited 35 years for this … and my heart is softening, and ready to take the plunge with all the complicated risks. This is a new experience; and yet I am totally comfortable leaning into it 😉

I am comfortable with Holland; and more than a little surprised that I am totally comfortable with the love he has just for me.

Thank You, Father, for the divine provision.

Thank you, Bob, for making me hear your approving encouragement when I didn’t want to.

Thank You, Yeshua, for Your peace that passes all understanding.

Thank You, Ruach HaKo’desh, for the tie that binds.

Mr. Complication & Me; we made it 'officially known' yesterday afternoon.

Bonnie Raitt – ‘Something To Talk About’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5SNQr7k380)

Holland was not 'thrown' by seeing Bob's face for my 'Background' Laptop Pic (the first time he's come face-to-face with Bob - 2014). I am fortunate to be so unconditionally loved by the two unexpected men, Elohim favored me with.

I am no longer denying the inevitable.

Fate always has its way 😉

2023 is going to be very interesting.

RAINY SHABBAT

We finally got rain!

While I listened to the rain fall, I did 5 loads of laundry (I do laundry every 2 weeks to make full loads); and worked on another preemie gown, until sundown.

I also watched a movie:

Kathy Bates & Tom Skeritt – ‘Bonneville’ movie: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZqp8uuDQr0)

I never saw it before; and I could have done without the push of the mormon religion threaded through the movie – but other than that, it was enjoyable as the rain softly fell outside my window: I like Kathy Bates, and I recognized the truck driver’s arm without seeing his face 😉 I knew it was Tom (I watch movies a lot 😊 while I’m crafting). The scattering of the ashes was predictable from the get-go. I should have done that, and saved myself a 3-year-migraine dealing with his crazy family member who plays god with the Cemetery, in Eden Valley – when she copped an attitude, told me to dig Bob’s cremains up and move them to make her happy, that was it: I closed that Chapter permanently. And I haven’t been back to Eden Valley, since. I don’t make place in my life for tyrants.

My “Chapter Closed” Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/08/chapter-closed.html

In this New Chapter of My Life … if I could find 3 friends to go on a State-hopping trip with me across Country – from Coast to Coast, I'd do it in a heartbeat!

I’d like to do it for the scenery, as well as to prove to myself I’m brave enough 😉

Me and my brave cousin Linda, who had ridden across Country in the mid-1980’s, and stopped to say 'Hi' on her way to California (I'm on the backend).

And if the demonrats don't totally destroy the economy between here and then; I plan on doing a little closer-to-home-State-hopping Solo Lobo, in the New Year: the car is still running – and so am I 😊

But, today, the rash seems to be healing – not so itchy, and kinda popping and drying out. Weird … but I am thankful; I want it g.o.n.e. Especially from my face.

Rash appears to be healing ... it's crusting over.

Now, to kick back and enjoy a peaceful, quiet Shabbat Eve.

CHAPTER CLOSED

Following heather’s tempestuous phone convo last night, I woke up this morning with different thoughts running through my mind; and one of them was to leave Bob’s cremains where they were placed in August 2019 – there’s no sense of digging them up to make that Eden Valley harpy happy: she wouldn’t be happy anyway … she’d only find something else to bitch about. She finds an offense in every word, every phrase, every sentence – and tries to scree silent thoughts so she can argue that too, before a word is even spoken.

And I’m not a people pleaser. I am not going to bow and scrape to the smalley’s.

I believe in karma. I believe that what heather been dishing out to me these past 4 years, will turn back on her threefold.

The other thought was “pray for your enemies” – that’s a hard one, but I’m learning to do it since becoming a widow. I’ve had lots of practice these past 1,311 days: I can do it.

Another thought dropped into my morning thoughts, was, get up-wash your hair-wash your face-get dressed … and go to Fellowship; don’t allow the trials and tribulations of the world keep you from experiencing the joy of Elohim’s goodness. What is of Earth is temporal – but what Elohei can give me, is eternal.

Chrystal Lewis & Ron Kenoly – ‘Beauty for Ashes’ song:(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEDvSFGZt9I)

The coffee shack was doing bumper-to-bumper business this morning.

Ultimately Bob is with Elohim, and that knowledge is what made today’s decision an easy one to carry through on – it doesn’t matter where his earthly remains lie; ultimately, he (the true him) is with Elohim … and on the Day of Resurrection, Bob’s cremains will rise anyway: no matter where it lies, or whose remains might get placed on top of his cremains at some future time. Bob’s earthly remains will rise anyway to be joined with his spirit when Yeshua returns to Earth.

And two scriptures came to mind … Elohim highlighted these scriptures to me at the start of this new year: “let the dead bury their dead, you come and follow Me”, and “be still and know that I am God” – which I interpret to mean, “be still/rest/let Him deal with it”. I can do that.

Yeshua is my Husband, and He will work things out for my best end; I don’t have to understand it. I don’t have to be given a detailed outline of how He will accomplish it. I just have to know that He is doing it – and have faith that it is getting done.

And as far as the smalley family is concerned; I’m d.o.n.e. That attitude of pig-headedness, no empathy, no compassion, no consideration for anyone else … runs deep in the smalley family, and I’ve reached my limit with heather’s crazy bitchiness.

It’s time to move on with my life. This chapter has no place for me in it; anywhere. I'm tired of the open hostility.

Switched out the skirt for shorts to wear to the cemetery, this afternoon.

I'm closing this contentious Chapter of my Life ...

What is going on in Eden Valley under heather's tyrannical iron fist, is inexcusable

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/07/ptsd-widowhood-experience.html)

A phone call from cautious Dave won't be happening ...

The mindsets I've been dealing with these 4 years is ridiculously over the edge.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/08/work-miracle-for-me-lord-eden-valley.html)

That means leaving the cemetery behind, leaving the smalley’s behind: and moving forward onto bigger mindsets, and better things. That branch of Bob’s immediate family is the strangest people I’ve ever had to deal with, so I am effectively closing that chapter on that portion of my Life.

Apparently, the shepherd hooks allowed to remain in place on family plots are selectively chosen ... and decided.

This will be my last living & breathing trip to this cemetery.

A doe and fawn ran through the cemetery as I was leaving.

And that episode of my life with Bob is finished.

I’m moving on. And I hope I never again run into anyone like that family. So help me, God.

Cream – ‘Strange Brew’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUOmmVoMQis)

I know where Bob is; and I’m surrounded by a huge host of those who went before me – Bob is one of that heavenly host crowd that surrounds me, now. He and Yeshua walk beside me, every single day.

I do not have to bow and scrape to the smalley family.

Driving away from the Past ... and into a more peaceful Present & Future.

That is ended today. It’s finished.