I watered my garden area
before leaving for Eden Valley this morning; lilies and parsley are doing very
well 😊
The Eden Valley issue, on the other
hand … is not "doing well"; Eden Valley is not feeling very much like Eden, lately.
It seems like every time I
visit the cemetery there, this year: there’s a new hellish development to deal
with.
After watering the garden
area, I decided to drive to Eden Valley and set things straight on our Plot: I
had posted a few weeks ago, that our Plot had been dinked with … I needed to go
back, today.
WHY? Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/07/ptsd-widowhood-experience.html
As I was leaving the
cemetery, I passed Grandpa & Grandma Smalley’s Plot – and Dad Hargand’s Plot
too … and saw that the shepherd hooks I’d placed there were missing!
Nowhere at all to be seen.
WTH
Is a new
cemetery protocol in place?
Is nothing allowed on our plots
anymore, except headstones, and plastic flowers? I placed a for
curiosity’s sake call to Heather to find out what the new cemetery rules
are: Heather is very rule-oriented, and very pigheaded about her rules
being adhered to. I need to know what those rules are so I don’t step on
her touchy toes.
The “Hi Heather, this is Val. I noticed on my cemetery visits, that Bob’s placement stake had been moved; that is very distressing … and just now, I noticed that the shepherd hooks I’d placed on his grandparent’s & father’s plots have disappeared, as well. I’m curious as to why – call me back when you can. My number is ---” call went straight to voicemail (I spoke in a very calm, very conciliatory tone; I want answers, not fireworks).
I played
phone-tag with Heather all the way back from Eden Valley: she’d leave
voicemails because I was in dead zones along the road … and when I had cell
service again, she wasn’t picking up …
We finally made prickly one-on-one-contact
a little after 4 PM.
It’s hard to
stay calm when speaking with her; her tone is very off-setting. She is a miserable person.
Heather is very clear that
she does not want the responsibility of the Cemetery (every convo starts
with that mention: she’s putting me on notice that anything I say will go in
one ear, and out the other – she’s not wanting a solution) … yet, she will
not pass cemetery duties off to someone more approachable: she bitches and
whines about it, but she also wants the leadership position of being in charge
since this cemetery is a Family Cemetery – and a Historical one, registered
with the County. That’s what keeps her hanging on with a tight grip.
I try to be conciliatory when dealing with her; but it’s hard because her tone is so combative; her mouth is in fight mode right out of the chute. Example: Heather - “Why was Bob placed so far away from the headstone?” Me – “Because that’s where the hole had been dug before I arrived at the Cemetery, 4 years ago (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/between-now-and-then-until-i-see-you.html); I assumed that the arrangement had been made between you and Dave (the digger) because the whole cemetery arrangement was a nightmare scenario with you being so picky about everything. That’s where Dave dug the hole. And that’s why the stake placement is so important …” Heather immediately found offence where none was intended, and broke in with a snippy: “Well, Valerie, I’m sorry you feel everything was a nightmare …” Me taking control of the convo, again, and not letting her turn it into battle of the words: “Heather; you asked, I answered (thinking mentally: I’m not going down that tempestuous path with you, again!). I’m trying to understand the cemetery protocol dynamics at work here. I don’t want to be troublesome, but it is very distressful to see that things are continually rearranged – and in the case of Bob’s Grandparent’s Plot, and his Parent’s Plot; the shepherd’s hooks with hanging floral arrangements I had placed on their plots have been removed, and completely disappeared. I’m just asking why.” Heather: “To make things easier for the mowers. If you aren’t satisfied with that, you could leave the stake where it is, bring a lawn mower to the cemetery and mow the grass on your plot section, by yourself” (there’s that bitch mode making itself felt). I went stone-cold-silent with shaking anger. Her attitude was uncalled for: and totally unacceptable. I had stated several times that I did not want to be troublesome; and I had asked my questions in a conciliatory tone. But, I was also getting tired of her unwarranted bitchiness – best not to say anything for a heartbeat’s space of time. Heather: “Val? Are you still there?” Me (looking into the distance out my front window for a 10 ct. period of silence so I didn’t bite her head off): “Yes, I’m still here (appalled at the insensitivity and lack of compassion); I’m trying to digest what you just said to me. I have no issue with who mows our grass, but you need to understand that our Plot is a cremation plot, Heather … that means that we have to know where every placement actually is, before other placements can be in play – that is the reason for the stake being placed, and left in place. So that we will know before future diggings are made (is she really this dense? No: she’s just really that obtuse with queen-bee-attitude). Like I mentioned before Heather – I don’t want to be troublesome … and I’m sorry you view me that way; but we need to come to some kind of agreeable solution, here, for future family member placements. Grieving is hard enough without the added stressors. I’m willing to work with an agreeable solution to this ongoing cemetery problem.” Heather: “Grieving is hard – remember, I lost my father 4 years ago, too …” Me: “Yes, I remember. I was thinking of that very thing before you called tonight.” Heather: “You could have Bob’s cremains moved closer to the headstone, then you would know where he is without being stressed. We don’t have actual caretakers for this cemetery – everyone that is involved, is a volunteer worker. I could see if there is someone to do that for you; Dave may be willing to do that for you. He did it last time because you were alone, and needed help … and he did it at his own expense” (now she’s slapping the guilt card down). Me (taking the higher road and refusing the guilt tripping): “I wouldn’t have a problem with that suggestion – but I’d need to be there when the transfer is made. I’m still alone (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/still-standing.html); and I still need help getting this done if it’s to be done. I’d be willing to recompense Dave … for last time, a well as pay him this time – if he’s agreeable to help” (I doubt it will cost me that much; but, she had to get her spurs dug in. She’s got a serious anger issue). I also remember that in June of 2019 – I'll never forget her insensitivity during the most sensitive moment of my entire life – she told me that "by State Law, the hole dug has got to be four-feet deep; no exeptions" (What??? For cremains, for Pete's sake!): I stand at barely 5'2", with a 26" arm reach from shoulder to fingertip. There no way I can get Bob's cremains into a four-foot hole without lying flat on my stomach and dropping the cremains the remaining 2 feet depth. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and especially nonsensical, since people throw cremains into the frigging air, or sprinkle them into rivers, lakes, and oceans!! But she is an adamant stickler. Personally, I think she's crazy and more than a bit full of herself. Heather: “I’ll pass your number along to him; I don’t know when he’ll get back to you. It could be a week or so. (Huge drama-queen sigh for impact); we’re country people here (implying I’m a spoiled city girl who wouldn’t understand the pressures she’s under); we all work day jobs as well as working our farm duties. Except for Dave, he’s retired.” Me (ignoring the continual spurring; I want this call wrapped up. Pronto): “I understand country people – I was raised on a homestead in my childhood, so I get the “dawn to 10 PM thing”; and Bob worked away from home for years – and I also worked a 6-day/fulltime job; so I get the “busy weekend thing” (rolling my eyes, and thinking mentally: your situation isn’t that ‘special’ Heather!) … but back to Dave: tell him there’s no rush. At his ‘earliest convenience’ works for me. And could I ask a favor of you?” Heather: If I can do it (big sigh)” Me: “Please, leave the stake where it’s at, until we make the transfer. I do appreciate you taking the time to listen to me.”
Click – I ended the
convo. I couldn’t take anymore open hostility and deliberate inflcition of pain ... and remain peaceful with that devilish harpy.
This whole thing is so unbelievable,
that if I were not personally experiencing it ☹, I wouldn’t believe
it were possible. Bob’s death was hard enough. Placing Bob’s cremains in the Eden
Valley Cemetery was brutal on my emotions – and I’ve been dealing with
the ongoing cemetery drama for four years: every year Heather throws a new wrinkle
into the mix: this year, it’s digging his cremains up … and
relocating them, to make the mowers happy. Those cremains were heavy to lower the first time around ... they'll be heavier now that they have solidified in the elements since 2019; and how am I supposed to lift them from a four-foot depth with a two-foot arm legth????? The whole thing is ridiculously cruel, and really unnecessary. And people wonder why I avoid
{family} interaction!
Every time I have to deal
with Bob’s whacky family members, I wonder if he had been adopted – because they
are just plain strange: he never fit the {family mold} of stiff-necked/easily
offended, uncomprehending/mulish Smalley weirdos.
((((PLEASE GOD. HELP
THIS SITUATION GET SORTED!!!!))))
Bottom line: (1) it would be easier all the way around, to lift Bob’s cremains and place them closer to the headstone (I’m sure the burial box is history, but I hope I can collect all of Bob’s cremains, and make a successful transfer without mega heartache!) (2) NEW RULE strictly enforced by Heather: nothing but headstones and plastic flowers are allowed on Plots, now (3) I really dislike dealing with Heather; she’s so bitchy! I always hang up feeling things are a no-workable-solution-situation with her ☹ (4) I am going to pray that when Heather gives Dave my phone number, he will be agreeable; and this cemetery nightmare with Bob’s shirt-tail- relative (she’s married to Bob’s 2nd cousin; Wally’s son – Wally was Bob’s 1st cousin) will end. This whole thing has been ridiculous from the get-go because Queen-bee-Heather has made everything harder than it needs to be.
I really do not like dealing
with arrogant, antagonistic people, who think they’re a cut above the rest; and
treat me like a dimwitted drone.
Philip Stanley Klein
– ‘Just Give It to God’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBldegpMVDs)
I will not allow
anger to eat at me; we both spoke –
and I have handed it over to Elohim, to work out an agreeable solution.
Philip Stanley Klein
– ‘Lord of the World’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zF6WRkyzAzw)
“Give me a Shabbat miracle, Lord. I’m doing all I can do to honor my
husband! Please put this heartache to bed, Father, and let this thing be done
speedily and effectively. Amen.”
After that contentious phone
convo (her end – not mine), I sorted through the mail I collected on the
way to my driveway …
I think a bit of Shabbat wine is in order – it has been an extremely stressful, and frustrating day; I want to savor the goodness of Elohim’s unfailing love, and I want to reflect on the faithfulness and gracious love of the husband I enjoyed while I had him (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/it-took-while-but-we-finally-got-there.html) – as well as bask in the knowledge that I am greatly loved and highly favored with my spiritual Husband, Yeshua 😉
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