UNQUESTIONABLY LOVED

So ... it's been a busy couple of days 😉

Our Plan was to get married Christmas Day after Christmas Supper at Holland's brother's house - the Redmill Family would gather ... and his nephew, who is a Pastor ... would be available to marry us in our home following Supper: the nephew came down sick. He sounded awful on the phone.

Needless to say, no marriage happened. But we did have a great Holiday, anyway - we aren't hormone-driven teenagers that were devasted by an unforeseen delay 😊

The next day, when Holland came to visit, he said: "How about we drive to Reno the first week of January? You said you like long drives, and this way you would get a honeymoon, too." Isn't he the sweetest guy?!

So, that is what we will be doing in a few days. We have spent the past 3 days getting ready to share our lives together: I've been freeing up space here .... and he's been hauling stuff from his place to here ("our" place). Hopefully, by the 5th, every lose end will be successfully 'tied-off', and we can turn the car's nose towards Reno.

I am still more than a little surprised to have found love again. I truly never believed it possible - Bob was my whole world most of my life; I loved him with all of my being (and then some); and was nearly undone on every level when Elohim called him Home. Love, for me, died when Bob's physical body died. It took a loooooong time for me to heal, and start getting on with "getting on". I wasn't interested in another man - men, in general, didn't interest me. I wasn't watching men. I wasn't encouraging men. I laughed off flirtations, and flat out told them to look elsewhere.

I.w.a.s.n.t.i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t.e.d.

But Holland was persistent.

He was a fast friend - and I felt comfortable around him: he knew my feelings about my husband, because I talked about Bob nonstop. He also flirted for 12 months, and I held him off: I wasn't interested. My heart still belonged to my husband, and I couldn't see that ever changing: I didn't WANT that to change. 14 months into our friendship relationship, Holland gambled with a text he sent me: he flat out told me how he felt ... and I agreed to "a coffee" around Thanksgiving time. Then, we went for a drive to his old stomping ground area, in Vader - and it was an enjoyable afternoon. But it spooked me. I didn't want to feel anything for Holland: I wasn't ready to let go of Bob's memory. I told Holland to "look elsewhere - I'm not the one you want". He said, "I know what I want; I'll wait for you. You'll get comfortable with the idea of Me." Cocky thing, wasn't he 😉

Then Holland ended up in the hospital, and I was more than spooked - I was downright scared: I knew then that I had true, and deep feelings for Holland. I couldn't imagine life without him, if the thing that landed him in the hospital, spiraled out of control. So, when he was back home and texted me: "We need to talk", I agreed. We needed to talk. And that was {IT}; December 5th changed everything, we were both "in deep". That Coffee Date morphed into planning a lifetime together 😊

My heart is big enough to hold the memory of Bob's love ... and the implantation of a new love. The "unimaginable" suddenly became my future focus. And sometime in the first week of January, that future focus will become a reality. Holland loves me - there's no doubt whatsoever about that (he told me he's been waiting 35 years for me)! He is a good man. He is a Godly man. Elohim, personally (against my express wishes/I wasn't looking), put him in my life (everything but neon arrows pointed to him, saying, "this is HIM - the one I've chosen for you"); and I know Bob would like him. Holland tells me I'm good for him, and I know he's good for me (he checks ALL the boxes): we are a good match. Our 15 month friendship has become sweeter, and more lovingly intimate.

So, NO: 15 months is not "moving too fast". Elohim & Holland think it's too long, since we are both Senior Citizens living on limited time. I started dating Bob in April, and married him in August; 4 months is a lot shorter than 15 😉

I am greatly blessed, and highly favored. THANK YOU, FATHER!!!!

We can't wait to add his Name to mine ... which is a good thing, because we are acting like silver-haired teenagers. We are Christians – this wildfire needs to be Legal. ASAP 😊

 

Dan Seals – ‘I Saw You In My Dreams’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWEoe9PSYWA)

Dan Seals – ‘Only You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHBx4AOY2HA&list=RDBHBx4AOY2HA&start_radio=1)

George Straight – ‘I Cross My Heart’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihqEuk7PCU4)

Tracy Byrd – ‘Love Lessons’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tqd5UAjEVXA)

Marty Stuart – ‘Till I Found You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ9lgv015n8)

Marty Stuart – ‘Little Things’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57nHU-giuMw)

Bellamy Brother’s – ‘I Need More of You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvMXBeF9f2c)

Exile – ‘I Can’t Get Close Enough’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYUv3Rxw-sA)

Ronnie Millsap – ‘Daydreams About Night Things’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CDybdzdoKw)

Exile – ‘Kiss You All Over’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpiBdB6yJC8)

Marty Stuart – ‘Burn Me Down’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4sW5J8fjzg)

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

Today is the first day of Winter.

I woke up this morning hoping that today would also be a day of positivity; so, I determined to be the first in line at the local Security Office, downtown. I did not want to be sitting for an hour (or longer) in an over-crowded room, and later be dealing with an irritable and stressed-out assistant.

I washed my hair, but didn’t style it – or mess around with makeup. My hair was flat, and my face was bare … but I was in and out of the office in under 20 minutes 😊

Elohim was merciful: nothing will change with my benefits when I remarry, and I don’t even have to change my last name on the check mailed to me. But, I think I will hyphenate it: keeping both my married names to honor both men who honor me with their love to me. Ditto for the Bank Account.

In a phone call, I discussed this with Holland after I left the building; and he’s okay with that decision. It makes sense – as a widow, I still need to have Bob’s Name and Social Security Number attached to me in case there are any more surprises like the Pension Plan I started receiving last year.

I’m glad Holland is an understanding man.

I’m glad Holland is a confident man and knows he is not in competition with Bob.

I’m glad I’m at this place in my life. I am a blessed, and highly favored woman. It is good to be a daughter of the Most-High God 😊

I didn’t know, until recently, why things always fell apart when I tried to move forward with my own understanding – and desired outcomes. Now, I know. And, as I told Holland earlier today, I am still surprised by the Plan Elohim had for me that kept me bound here until I took notice. I am amazed that I am getting a second chance to be loved unconditionally by a good man. I am startled to feel love towards another man 😉

Holland just laughed, and said, “Well Baby, that’s because I love you; and I waited a long time for you. But, I’m glad I don’t have to wait any longer. As soon as I get things settled on my end, we’ll get married – BTW, what kind of wedding ring do you want?”

So, we talked rings; and things for another hour 😊

Holland told Jake a year ago that he was going to marry me – they were standing around talking, and Jake said, “It’s strange, but she feels like a sister to me. Like she’s family.” And Holland said, “That’s because she is your sister – and she’s going to be family: she doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to marry her. Val is going to be my wife.”

Rascal Flatts – ‘Bless The Broken Road’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZp6pmgbZyU)

Rascal Flatts – ‘I Won’t Let Go’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW9zMSwKIdU)

When Holland and I first met, I was coming out of the widow-daze-fog … and I had some pretty strong opinions about life in general. Holland and Jake were fast friends, and they helped {ground} me (kinda like Bob used to): they listened – offered encouragement, and sometimes soft advice from a different outlook on the topic being discussed – they didn’t crowd me – they prayed with me and for me – they gave me unconditional friendship, and true agape love.

Holland watched me struggle … and come to terms with letting go (of the crippling love that kept me tied to Bob, and of some of my hard and fast opinions) – he listened to my words as my heart healed; he watched me grow in spite of myself.

He heard me pray with tears running down my face, after the Eden Valley Cemetery debacle: “Help me God! I don’t know how to unlove Bob – for so long Bob was my whole life. I know I have to cut my losses and move forward, but this letting go is hard!

I.don’t.know.how.to.not.love.Bob.” 

My “Chapter Closed” Eden Valley Cemetery Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/08/chapter-closed.html

He said it hurt him to hear me hurting so bad. How could he complete with a strong and deep love like that? So, he kept his love for me to himself: until this November.

John Michael Montgomery – ‘I Can Love You Like That’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS2zOqG1sIo)

John Michael Montgomery – ‘I Swear’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3cxv0RYnMQ)

Things started coming together and falling into place when Holland was hospitalized; it scared me that he was so ill – that he could possibly die. I was panicked at the thought. I knew then, that he meant more to me than a “just a close friend”. He’d been flirting with me for a solid year; he flat out told me what he felt towards me … maybe it was time to stop running from it, and just let happen whatever would happen.

Celine Dion – ‘Because You Loved Me’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpZkY47-cVI)

I’m a better person because of Bob’s love, in my other life – the life that died when Bob’s physical body died.

I’m also a better person unfolding in this New Life, because of Holland’s love.

My heart is big enough to hold all that love 😊

My new life will be enriched with Holland’s permanent presence in it. I’ll have love again. I’ll have roots again. I’ll have family again. I’ll have purpose and a sense of direction again.

Life will be sweet again.

And pictures will be taken, no matter how anyone looks or feels; pictures matter – and someday, those “NO! Don’t take that picture of me!” will be all that’s left to hang onto. Pictures matter.

Blake Shelton – ‘God Gave Me You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGXHWqlH_dc)

Kenny Chesney – ‘Me & You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3cxv0RYnMQ)

When this afternoon’s phone convo ended – and it was agreed I’d join Holland for his family’s Christmas Supper, Sunday evening, my heart was light and my soul was happy. Holland’s is really turning the heat up in his courtship dance, and his comments and questions to me made me think of this Blake Shelton song:

Blake Shelton – ‘Doin’ What She Likes’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04WRI-0odjk)

That song cracks me up every time I listen to it 😉

And before the convo ended, I said, “I love you too … don’t burn the house down trying to please me.”

I was laughing so hard thinking of the visuals of this song, that when I put the phone down and turned the ignition on, tears were running down my face 😊

Now, I’m going to light the Hanukkah candles, and later on watch Hallmark Christmas movies.

Love is in the air 😉

RED PICKUP IN THE WIDOW’S DRIVEWAY

There is no privacy in Heron Pointe Mobile Home Park – the houses are barely 6 feet apart … and everyone is nosey.

Holland’s red pickup has in my carport practically every day since around Thanksgiving time 😉

The neighbors are curious: they are used to seeing my carport empty. Until recently, I’ve been gone every day for the past four years, from the time I wake up until I get back home to fall into bed. I’ve been enjoying Daytripping adventure, and making friends in the three counties I frequent.

This house has not been a friendly place for me since Bob passed into Glory, and there has been no reason for me to stick around, so I was gone most of the daylight hours. Bob only lived in this house with me for 18 short months – I’ve lived in it for 48 months solo lobo … so, technically the house is more mine than {ours}. And though I decided last year to start making it “a home for me”, now that remarriage is on the table, I’m not sure how that decision will turn out: the house is a real nice house, and it’s paid off; but there are bad memories connected to it, and perhaps Holland and I will want to settle down to married life elsewhere. I’m okay with that, if that is what we decide to do.

Holland spent a few hours here, with me this afternoon. This is the Christmas week, so I wore colors that fit the week’s theme 😊

Bare minimal today - sparkly 'Lt. Lilac' eyebrow, 'Plum' eyelid, 'Brown' liners; 'Auburn' Eyebrow Gel & 'Deep Violet' Mascara; 'Nude Burn' Creme blush, ‘Primrose’ Lipstick & ‘Rose Quartz’ Lipgloss.

Glittery 'Sparked' Nail Polish & beaded bracelet.

Red pickup in the Widow's driveway ... hahaha.

We talked some more; getting to know each other more. Until recently our relationship has been built on friendship – but we are entering into a more intimate relationship now, so we need to know each other deeper. So far, we are in agreement on most issues either of us have brought up. Our marriage will have a Christian foundation, we'll be in it for the long haul; no divorce, no cheating, and no attempts to change the other into an idealized version of someone other than the version we are marrying – if one of us decides to change, it will be a personal decision, not a forced thing. Both of us have been married; my husband Bob’s earthen vessel died, and Holland’s marriage ended in divorce decades ago. Both of us are rusty at the dating game: I wasn’t interested in dating … and Holland has been waiting for me (seriously), so we are spending time getting to know each other before we make the big leap forward in faith.

Holland is actively changing his whole life for me. It’s a little scary to have that much power over someone, but I am not taking advantage of that generosity. I am however, thankful he is leaving Oak Point behind. Holland is showing his love for me in doing this big move; and I am, in love, careful not to push further than necessary.

Elohim has blessed me with a love I never sought – never asked for – and never expected to feel again. I intend to be worthy of the love entrusted to me.

We are good for each other. We are a good match 😊

The future looks very promising. I am blessed.

After Holland left, I called the Portland Office for the pension plan Bob set in place for my provision, and asked how remarriage would affect that: it won’t … so, that’s one less thing I have to “get settled” before we make the big leap.

Then I listened to some songs that fit the current mood in my small corner of this world 😊

Vince Vance & The Valiants – ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8HWHd0EYJA)

John Legend – ‘All of Me’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngq5Aw0Q6rQ)

Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani – ‘You Make It Feel Like Christmas’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6wj78JNsQk)

Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani – ‘Nobody But You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqyZowxfSe4)

Blake Shelton – ‘Anywhere’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcLSjQx8GXA)

Blake Shelton – ‘Doin’ What She Likes’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04WRI-0odjk)

Shania Twain – ‘You’ve Got A Way’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n0tBhJOlSk)

And I finished the bottoms of the slippers I had crocheted the other night:

Slippers to match my Winter Pj's.

Tomorrow I will drive into town, and God willing, the Office there will be open (and not closed due to ‘covid-flu’), so I can “settle” that business - I want to talk about this important issue, face-to-face, not to a recording. We can’t make an immediate plan for our future (and Holland’s red pickup can’t be parked permanently in the carport) until this final hurdle is cleared.

MEETING THE FAMILY~BIG DAY

I mentioned three days ago, that I had agreed to a {Sunday Church & Lunch} “date” with Holland, so this morning I was up bright and early to be ready by 8:40 A.M. It was pretty nippy, so I wore jeans and a pullover sweater.

Sunday “Date” Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/greensleeves.html

I also knew I’d be meeting “the family” before church sevice: I know several of his family members already, so I felt comfortable about meeting three more 😉

What I didn’t know was how important this meeting would be.

Creativity cache ...

 

‘Gentle’ for browline, glittery ‘Conquest’ eyeshadow & sparkly‘Navy’ accent & liners; ‘Auburn’ Eyebrow Gel, and ‘Cobalt Blue’ Mascara; ‘Nude Burn’ Crème blush, tinted Lip Balm & 'Rose Quartz' Lipgloss.

Off to meet 'the Family' ...

When we got to Kelso, and met with his nephew at his mother’s house, I was immediately embraced and made to feel like part of the family nucleus: “So. You’re the one Holland has been bending our ears about.” It was a comfortable environment, and a good hour’s visit with good people. I passed inspection (friendly, not overly curious), and was invited to the family Christmas supper, along with Holland.

This morning’s Sunday service message was of course about the miracle that happened in Bethlehem more than two millennia ago. The pastor also mentioned that his brother, who had been suffering with cancer, had passed during the night exactly as he (his suffering bother) has prayed he would: in his sleep, and immediately in the presence of Yeshua.

When the pastor mentioned that, Holland reached over and held my hand – he had heard me many times, over the past 15 months, relate how I had prayed when Bob was in his final hours on Earth that Elohim would be merciful and favor Bob with a peaceful passage from this life to the next while he slept: and that is exactly what happened, as I watched Bob take his last breath four years ago, the morning of December fourteenth. Holland is a gentle bear of a man; gentle and compassionate, and always ready to comfort me. I know he loves me – and I am thankful Elohim has favored me with two insightful men to walk through this life with … my old life, and my new life 😊

After service, we walked hand and hand to his pickup, and he said, “Your hands are so little” – and I replied with a laugh, “Yes; I have baby hands – I literally have to buy kid gloves.” And he said, “Well, I like your little ‘baby’ hands … and they fit your nickname, ‘Baby’”.

We talked all the way from the church parking lot to the restaurant, where we were to meet Jake. Enroute, I found myself suddenly engaged! So, from today forward, I now consider Holland my husband in Name until we sign on the dotted line that will garner him all the benefits of married life 😉

I called my granddaughter with the news so she could pass it on to the rest of her household, as they come in from work. She said, “Are you sure about this?” And I said, “Yes.” She said, “But, last week you said that he was on ice because you felt he wasn’t upfront with you …” And I replied, “He was. But he explained why he wasn’t upfront; and I understand his reasoning – and that will never happen again. Things have changed in that situation, and circumstances are being resolved as we speak: he is literally turning his whole life around to make things right. He really is a good man. And he’s finally ‘seen the light’.” She said, “You’ve only known him a few weeks, grandma.” And I answered, “We’ve known each other for fifteen months – and he had flirted twelve of those fifteen months: we are not strangers, we’ve just stopped pussy-footing around. I married grandpa four months after meeting him face-to-face, and we had a wonderful run of 44 happy years. This thing with Holland may seem like it’s moving fast, but fifteen months is a lot longer than four; and he never rushed me – he isn’t rushing me now.”

My life is never dull.

And it seems to move at turbo speed when it decides to move 😊

The issues that frustrated our relationship last week have been resolved, including the trust issue – which, to my way of thinking, is the main issue … concerning everyone’s place in my life. Holland {gets} that now. Some people never do; and that’s why my inner circle is very small.

No immediate plans to marry are in the works, as there are financial legalities (for both of us) to be settled, before we can move forward in that direction; and that could take months to resolve. But, we are moving forward with our relationship.

After Holland dropped me off at home, I finished a pair of house slippers; lit the first candle of the Hanukkah menorah; and started a new novel …

Knitting house slippers; 1 pair on 1 needle for a perfect fit.

First night of Hanukkah 2022 - last night will be Christmas Eve.

New Read.

Today has been a B.I.G. Day 😉