It’s cold today – not in a bitterly cold …
yet … but, it is cold. It will in the mid-30’s by nightfall, and 27 degrees
by sunrise tomorrow: there will be frost glazing my world when I greet it in
the morning.
However, for the moment, in this moment,
I am looking past tomorrow morning and towards Spring activities.
I’ll still be gardening.
I’ll be gardening until I can’t do it
anymore: but, I also want to expand my horizons when it comes to daytrips
and roadtrips.
And pray to God that this option
will still be available to me after January
2021 dawns. The obama-biden-pelosi-harris cartel isn't very promising for a hopeful future.
Bob and I used to get out and about every
month – sometimes several times a month, depending on available $$$ and
speculated destinations.
Most of those daytrips, and roadtrips, were deep
into the backcountry.
I love being in the backcountry … and
Bob knew all the backcountry in the WA & OR states.
I still love the backcountry.
Getting into the backcountry is tricky now.
I do not know the routes Bob used to drive (he
knew 150 routes to reach 1 place: very confusing to me); and Bob knew how
to read the landscape. He never got turned around, or lost. Bob was my personal
human computer and GPS.
Now Bob is gone, and I am leery of heading
into the wilderness solo lobo.
I do have GPS tracking in the car and on the
phone – but they are unreliable when it comes to accurately getting someplace I
have programmed into their data banks.
And the backcountry wilderness areas are exactly
that: uncivilized. There is no one to help you in a pinch. Traffic is
spotty, and the nearest town is literally hours away.
So.
That avenue of adventuring is no longer an
option for a solo lobo widow.
I have to think with practicality now.
I have to plan more specifically.
I have to rethink how I like to adventure.
I’m going to have to stick to the foothill
regions of my beloved mountainous areas, and try to like being a lowland girl.
The lowlands are a much safer place to explore
when you are companionless.
Yes – there is still the possibility I may
get lost … but the lowlands are civilized areas: gas stations (gas and
on-the-spot information when required), auto repair available if I need it,
hotels if I misjudge the mileage or burn through my gas with endless country reroutes
– and need to hole up for the night (and risk looking totally incompetent
when handed my key-card: Bob always handled reservations, door key pickup, Wifi
code/password access): all necessary stuff for a solo lobo widow
trying to rebuild confidence and trying to recapture some semblance of excitement
and enjoyment out of a fragmented life.
I have to rethink alternate enjoyment
destinations, and psych myself into giving them an honest ‘try’.
I have to consider the “what if’s” – even if
I do not live my life solely in the realm of ‘what if’.
Bob believed I was capable of doing anything – those were
his last words to me, “Honey, you and I both know … anything you set your mind
to do is as good as done”. His encouragement is a welcome echo 😉
I will, over my 5-month-hiatus period from
now until March, be gathering destination(s) information (only 2 familiar states
for now); and trying to figure out time and mileage from here to there.
I’ll have to gather information about the landscape
and possible weatherwise situations that may … or may not … become a concern
enroute.
Bob would know this stuff: I am not Bob.
Most people were learning this stuff in their
20’s: in MY 20’s, I was juggling a husband, 2 kids (1 of them with autoimmune
issues; both of them ADHD); dealing with an overbearing MIL, a crazy
ex-wife, and a bullying BIL. We were not able to start enjoying vacations – or even
a mini vaca – until the grandkids came along; and those were camping events which
we all enjoyed. Honestly, hotel stints didn’t occur until Bob retired 7 years
ago, and camping was becoming difficult for us.
So, there is a lot I have to learn.
And I will be getting a crash course lesson.
I will have to work out an ‘adventuring budget’
(thankfully, financial matters were always my responsibility in our
marriage, so I’m good with that), without Bob’s seeing-into-the-future
insight (I’m not so good at figuring the ‘what if’s’ – that was always Bob’s
thing; extra clothing considering the region, extra $$$ considering road
incidents - anything unforeseen). I will need to be on my toes so I
am not taken advantage off; in any way/sense/form enroute, or at destination
point.
I know how to read maps … but I do get thrown
for a loop when detours change the mapped route. County Roadwork always takes place
during heavily traveled Spring and Summer months – always. It’s like counties
live to make it nearly impossible to enjoy visiting new places and funnel some
of your $$$ into those new places.
Detours didn’t bother Bob.
But detours do bother me.
Anyway …
From now until March, I am going to be looking
into new adventures, jotting the info down, and working out a budget to make
those adventures a reality. Then, I am going to write the place names on slips
of paper – place them in a lidded jar – and when March comes around, pluck a
slip of paper out and head off in that direction: I will do this as long as
there are slips of paper in the jar, the $$$ is available, and the weather
permits.
This new ambition is way different than the
way Bob and I always started our adventures.
But, e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. is way different
that what we used to do, since Bob has been gone.
I have to roll with that difference.
I have to realistically start piecing a new
life together.
As more and more of my life with Bob falls
away from me, I have to let it go … and set my face and thoughts towards a new
life.
A new life I never anticipated, and don’t want.
A new life that I have got to make lasting
peace with, embrace, and start living as each day unfolds.
The new ambitions will be different.
The new ambitions can be exciting.
The new ambitions are scary.
New ambitions: totally doable.
That feature of my new life settled, tonight
I started reading a new book. It’s one of the books I bought at garage sales
this past Summer. It’s a thin book, and it reads quickly.
I’ll probably finish reading it later on in
the bedroom (if it lasts that long), and be ready to start a new book
tomorrow 😉
