This year I enjoyed a Thanksgiving filled with thanksgiving; aside from an empty chair where Bob used to sit, this holiday was almost ‘normal’ 😊
I am thankful I am able to stand, walk, and enjoy this holiday season this year; I cut my driving, and hiking back a couple miles … and that really helped. I did do a few 10 to 14-hour drives, and I did do a few 5-mile hikes – but very few. Bob, if he has been watching me as he glides by on the clouds, is no doubt rejoicing that I am finally learning the art of “pacing” myself (notching the turbo speed down), and practicing patience (granny speed hones patience) 😉
This is the first Thanksgiving since 2018 that I have been able to actually enjoy most of the day. I wasn’t sitting in a hospital crying as Bob slept – and I wasn’t laid up in bed favoring a seriously aching leg.
Thanksgiving 2021 dawned, and faded without a hitch, or a tear.
My Thanksgiving Supper was small, and light on my aging hips 😉
The turkey breast baked to perfection, sliced without being mangled in the slicing, and the entire meal was low in calories: under 800 calories, even with pumpkin pie 😊
When Thanksgiving 2018 came around, I didn’t feel much like eating a holiday Supper – in, or out, of the hospital: my husband’s physical body was dying. Food wasn’t foremost in my thoughts.
Thanksgiving 2019 & 2020 came and went with reactionary baking … but little enjoyment.
2019 was spent in a mental fog of missingness; the pictures from that year showed a haunted face, with empty eyes. I was invited to several homes to be included in the festivities, but decided to stay home and eat solo lobo. I cooked, and ate a decent meal, but I didn’t really taste any of it – I ate for nourishment, and tried to “get in the holiday mood.” First Year Widowhood Memories, unbidden, kept interfering; my heart was having a hard time healing. I cried. A lot; thankfully Yeshua was a constant companion.
2020 was better in the grieving process … but, I spent some time in ER a few days before the holiday slid in, being diagnosed with a degenerate bulged spinal disc; and was laid up in bed with a very painful bum leg Thanksgiving Day. I ate a scaled-back turkey supper that I had baked/froze ahead of time – when I could walk around the kitchen without excruciating pain. That leg pain lasted until the middle of December. But Elohim was faithful - I was able to function; it was slow going, but managable.
When 2021 dawned, I decided to cut back on how hard I push my body. I like to take long country drives – I cut the time spent on the road, by half … and I learned how to use the speed control feature of the car; this took pressure of my driving leg muscles, which cut back on the inflammation of said muscles. I also like to hike: a lot … but, this year, I scaled back on the mileage: instead of 8 to 10-mile hikes, I only do 3 to 5-mile hikes, now … and not every day, like I used to. I am learning to pamper my aging body. I do not like to be laid up in bed for weeks on end ☹
This year at Thanksgiving time, I am enjoying life more fully. Healthier. And less painful emotionally, as well as physically.
I have good people in my life.
Some are old friends; some are new friends.
Some are family members … some are {adopted} family members, who came alongside me in my early widowhood days; and stayed 😊
Some, I see every day.
Some, I see weekly.
Some, I see monthly.
Some, I see occasionally when we cross paths every 6 months – or so.
And some, I only have contact with on FB.
I texted/talked with friends and family members before and during the actual Thanksgiving Day; some were having an early holiday Supper the day before (like me) … and some were just sitting down to Supper, but wanted to say, “Hey Val – thinking of you. Love you!”
And of course, there were those that have no contact with me at all – but I love them, and my thoughts went out to them anyway. I really miss my 7-year old grandson. I miss his face. I miss his voice. I miss his presence. I miss watching him grow up.
I know Elohim's promise to me - He is faithful. I will wait it out ... I don't need to understand: I just need to trust Him. And I do.
After the turkey was portioned out, and stored in the freezer; I watched a couple holiday movies … then, spent the rest of the evening before bedtime, researching and planning mini vaca’s for 2022 – hopefully, I will be able to actually spend some time out of State in lodging; hassle free. If not, I’ll be sleeping in my car when the sun goes down, and looking rumpled the next day. But, one way – or another- I INTEND TO GO, and enjoy my life while I still have it to enjoy; driving is my therapy – getting ‘out of Dodge’ balances every aspect of my life. Some of the anticipated mini vaca’s will be in rattlesnake country in four States (WA, and three others); that is a little intimidating, but Elohim will go with me – and before me: I can do this 😉
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