When people hear ‘widow’ they envision a rich life of luxuries.
That is not my life.
Yes, I have a car that is free and clear.
Yes, I have a house that is free and clear.
But the car and house require maintenance …
maintenance requires money.
I have just enough income to ‘get by’.
No more than that.
One burp at any time in any month and my
finances takes a hit.
So far, since August, it’s been several burps
a month.
Each burp has been an expensive ‘hit’.
I’m tired of crying.
I’m tired of counting pennies to scrape by
every month.
I’m tired of the never-ending “man-stuff”
that needs to get done … with no man in-house.
I miss MY man!
Bob was my Mr. Fixit: he could fix anything; and he did. While he was still here, on Earth. He maintained the car, tinkered with things around the house that needed righted, and every year – like clockwork – he cleared the gutters and checked the roof … and looked the other way when I hired a window cleaner: 1 person at a fair price.
Anything I need done now, will need hired
help with a BIG price tag.
I miss my man.
I miss my life.
I miss the sanity before biased covid
mandates destroyed the economy and turned everyone into money-grabbing morons.
August: I had to have my windshield replaced – insurance picked up the
bulk of the bill, but I had a $250 deductible that had to be paid
out-of-pocket.
I also had dental work done, and though I had
faithfully saved every month of 2020 for the dental visit and had the monies
available, there was an unforeseen $300 increase to the dental quote due to covid
restrictions and the want to “get it all done now because I won’t be back”: I can’t
go back to a business that treats me like a criminal.
A $550 ‘hit’ to the monthly budget. I shifted
some funds from the Tire Money in savings to cover the difference: now the tire
fund is weak. And the tires concern was what was pressing on Bob’s final
thoughts.
Bob’s final words to me were, “I love you, Honey”,
“make sure you always have $2,000 Tire Money at hand”, and “keep the house, Val”.
The tire money being short is worrisome; I
feel I have let Bob down by dipping into that … and I do have a leaky tire,
that is concerning.
September: It was time to get the car into Dick Hannah for scheduled maintenance.
The mileage warranties are quickly wrapping up, and I am paying more and more
out-of-pocket for things I have no way of knowing for sure even needs to be
done – Bob would know; I am not Bob. If I am told the work needs to be
done, I have no choice but to take them at their word.
September was a $100 ‘hit’.
By far, the softest hit.
I buy groceries in bulk, so the freezer and
pantry are still holding up pretty good, and I am still eating healthy.
October: This month, I needed to buy new glasses – gotta have ‘em;
they are not optional. But because of covid mandate madness, I have had
to switch optometrists … with a ((((surprise)))) $300 hit to my finances. New
doctor, new pay scale.
Also, in October, it was time again to
replace the car license tab at $108: grand total, another $408 increase
in my monthly budget tally.
The rainy weather made it easy to sit it out,
and cool my heels at home … but the budget got washed down the drain along with
the rainwater.
When November rolls around, again due to covid
mandates, I will have had to go with a new window washer/gutter cleaner outfit because
my original fella has moved; and the person he set his customers up with (me
being 1 of them that he introduced him to), has pulled a ‘no-show’: no
appearance, no phone call, no text … nothing. Very bad business route.
The new outfit sent their people out this
afternoon to look my house over and get back to me with a quote: $400 for
45 minutes work! Double what I normally pay. I mean, window washers clean
the windows with a spray solution, and whisk it off with a squeegee, for Pete’s
sake – the gutters are sprayed out and the debris sent down the drain pipe.
If my regular fella had 1 customer every day for 1 month, his net income was
$6,000.00. Pretty good pay. If he had 2 or more customers in a day, it was a
very good month.
But this new outfit is double that for the
same amount of work. Forty-five fricking minutes = $8.90 a minute! WTF
A series of serious burps in a short 4 month
span of time has cost me a $1,458.00 drain with a poverty wage income; I have
had to seriously cut back on gas and groceries since August.
People seem to think that because I am a
widow, I have money to set fire to; but I don’t.
It TAKES ALL YEAR LONG to gather
a meager savings against necessities and unforeseen happenings.
Yes, I go on daytrip drives; but the car Bob
bought 3 years ago, gets very good mileage, and I can do my daylong escapes on
less than ¼ tank of gas most of the time. I pack a bagged lunch and carry a
cooler full of choice beverages in the car – when the month is tight, I drink
bottled water.
I don’t need much to make me happy and keep
me balanced.
Lately, I’ve been sticking close to home
(maybe a 5-mile radius) because the wiggle room in the monthly budget has been
severely drained.
I really need all this unscrupulous
covid-crazed-money-grabbing to slow down! I can only rob Peter to pay Paul for
so long, before there is nothing left for anyone.
I had hoped, this month, to be able to start replacing
the money I shifted from the Tire Money Savings in August – I need to have that
safeguarded in case the slow-leaking tire starts seriously hemorrhaging air. I don’t
like to feel like I have let Bob down: in anything, at any time. I know Bob is
no longer here; and I also know that Bob, in his final days stressed to
me the things he knew I would need to know after he was no longer with me.
Every second of every day I rely on his
forever love for me: I need to draw on that just to make it through each day.
Thank God, Bob loved me richly! His love is still paying productive dividends.
I have finally, after 18 months, begun to
sink my roots into the life Bob setup for me in the town he loved: it is not my
choice for locale, but it is what it is. And the house is paid for free and
clear; and I have made the final decision to remain where I am at, as long as I
can. I am making our home MY home, and I am trying to carve out some kind of
happiness as best I can, given all the circumstances, and situations that have occurred
over the past 22 months …
22 months; 2 days ago.
The car is paid for, free and clear too, and
hopefully it will last as long as I will – when the maintenance warranties are
ALL up in 2024, I will take the car to Les Schwab for maintenance work/tires, like
Bob always did with the other vehicles: Bob always trusted Les Schwab, and
there is no reason I shouldn’t.
I am trying, Babe; but sometimes I get so fricking
tired of keeping it together all by myself.
I MISS you!
I miss US.
I love you.
Forever ~ OX
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