SURVIVAL IS NOT A CHOICE

When Bob’s physical body was dying … and even after his earthen vessel did die, 1 of my SIL’s would tell people, “she is a rock.”

But I wasn’t a rock.

I was doing what had to be done in a numb state of mind because inside I was crumbling and desperately trying to keep it together.

Bob was my whole world: and my whole world had been taken away from me. I was scrambling for firm footing.

The “rock” had a hairline fracture that would significantly widen over the next 3 months after the shock wore off and legal business had been tended to,

The people who loved Bob and me understood that would eventually happen – and they never left me alone; even though I had specifically requested I be left alone for a while. I knew I was barely hanging on emotionally, and I hate breaking down in front of people. I rarely even cried in front of Bob. Crying always meant weakness to me … and I hate to appear weak. But our loving friends hung around and hovered over me after Bob’s graduation. In the beginning, they just called daily and listened to me cry; and talk when I eventually could talk without choking on words. In February they started coming around more often – by April, they were plotting kidnapping ventures and getting me out of the house and out of my head, as much as they could. They still do that. LOL

I didn’t even know I had friends that loved me like Bob did (okay, not quite like Bob did, but close – very close). I am not very good at being social – being social was Bob’s thing. I am a lobo.

But our friends had been watching me. They understood that even lobos are not islands unto themselves.

And they were quick to come alongside me and let me know I was not alone. Even though I was alone.

I honestly do not think I could have made it through the wilderness without them; and they were dealing with their own losses too: 1 lost a mother (just a few short months before Bob ended up in the hospital), and 1 lost a father (just a month before Bob ended up in OHSU). We were all grieving.

But they called us every day while we were in the hospitals; local and in Oregon.

Bob left knowing he was loved.

And Bob left knowing I would BE loved when he was no longer here to comfort me.

I thank God for my friends.

TRYING TO FIND BALANCE

My husband liked food.

All the Hargands’ like their food.

All of the Hargand’s (with the exception of Bob's mother, who, in MHO is seriously too thin) are seriously overweight … me included.

After Bob graduated to our celestial home on December 14^th, 2018, I noticed in February that I had shed a remarkable 25 pounds!

Even though I was eating every day.

My eating habits had changed – Bob liked his meat and potatoes type of meals with deserts; me, not so much. I am happy with soups, stews, and casserole type meals. I do like cookies & peanut butter on saltines though, and THAT would be my downfall no matter what I do to curb the weight and rein it in.

My double chin is gone and I don’t look like a chipmunk with stuffed cheeks anymore.

That is good: VERY GOOD :-D

But my weight has been holding steady ever since then; if I could drop another 25 pounds, I’d be tickled pink: still overweight, but I understand that at 62, a little extra weight isn’t necessarily a bad thing: (https://www.theseniorlist.com/blog/four-reasons-extra-weight-older-adults/)

So: I am trying to find a balance.

I have started a calorie counting regime every day to tally the meals I eat … MORE discernment is needed in regards to what I eat, when I eat it, and how often I enjoy it: I can still eat what I enjoy, but I just have to spread it out a bit more throughout the months. That I can do because now that I am only 1, my meals get broken down into serving sizes and frozen for future meals. Thank God I have 2 freezers.

This is how I eat now, and how I also freeze future meals: 1/4 of my plate holds a palm-sized portion of protein (either animal meat or bean ‘meat’ based); 1/4 of my plate holds a fist-sized portion of whole grain food stuff (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/whole-grain-foods#section14) – here I have to be very careful because my body does not digest whole grains, but rather causes internal damages: so I have to be very selective and very, very careful to break it down to safely eat it so it does not tear me up inside; the last 1/2 of my plate is piled with veggies (I love veggies – Bob not so much). Bob always 1/2 a plate of meat, and the rest of his plate was filled with a good portion of a desert and/or a fruit, and very skimpy on the veggies – unless, the vegetable was potatoes. LOL

Reportedly, women should also be getting at least 20-25 grams of fiber a day into their bodies (men shouldn’t?). Thankfully, there are food stuffs other than the dangerous “ify” whole grains, that I can actually eat … and that I actually enjoy eating ;-) (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/22-high-fiber-foods#section23) That these foods are safe for me to eat, and safe to make their way through my body without causing havoc in their wake, is a mega plus. The idea is that fiber psyches the body into believing it is full – and that curbs the need to feed the ever-hungry-appetite.

But losing weight isn’t enough to be healthy.

Eating well, exercising, staying hydrated, & sleeping well are also important in staying balanced.

Well … I am eating well; and watching it closely in that area of my ‘balanced’ strategy.

And I am staying hydrated – I drink a LOT of coffee, which is a dehydrator, but I balance out my joy-juice cuppa’s with vegetable and fruit juices, as well as bottled waters. So, I feel I am good in that area.

Sleeping well is a bit of a struggle since Bob is no longer with me in the flesh. Since he left me behind, I figure I average about 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night, and sometimes (not always), I manage a short 1 to 2 hr daytime nap when my battery runs low and needs a recharge. So, I do know that I am lacking in the sleep department, but don’t know exactly how to remedy that besides asking Elohim to send Bob back to me. And THAT is never gonna happen.

I have taken major steps towards an actual exercising regime. I used to be an exercise maniac, but when Bob retired and was home all the time, exercise – except for our daily walkabouts and monthly mountain hikes – fell by the wayside. I settled into his sedentary habits. Now, he is no longer here, and I need to get back to giving my body a full body workout again.

SO …

I have started exercising to Senior Exercising Videos, and I called David this morning to draft him into a scheduled walking exercise routine. He agreed, and we begin tomorrow morning at the Lake across from RAL High School. David is an old friend of both Bob & I … and he is retired to now, so he was a natural choice. Still … picking up the phone and asking him to go with me was a HUGE STEP out of my comfort zone for me: had not Bob instilled in me confidence, I could not have done it. It is a beginning :-D

All my gal pals have had knee surgery and are scared to overuse their brand-new-knees. Go figure.

Several of my senior friends have told me they go to dance classes at the Senior Center, but I dance around my home to the background beat of golden oldies blaring from the speakers while I cook or do housecleaning chores, so I am good in that aspect ;-)

On the  other hand concerning exercise, I figure if I manage muscle (legs, hips, shoulders, chest, abdomen, and arms) strengthening exercises as exampled in the videos I use at 8 to 12 repetitions twice daily (as well as tacking on the climbing my porch stairs, and carrying heavy loads like groceries or gardening things) at least twice a week; and if I manage balance training exercises like walking heel-to-toe, standing from a sitting position (which I do constantly every day, all day), as well as the other recommended simple senior balance exercises (https://seniorsforseniors.ca/best-exercises-to-help-seniors-maintain-their-balance), I will be doing my body and myself huge favors that will pay off in dividends like a healthier life and the ability to continue living independently in our home until Elohim calls me home too.

Do any of these activities I do add up to the recommended 150 to 300 minutes of physical activity the medical field says seniors NEED? I don’t know … I never tallied up the time spent doing any of them. Maybe I will start keeping a tally sheet.

But WHATEVER I do, my goal is to shed some more pounds and get back to a healthy weight again (https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/average-weight-for-women#relationship-between-weight-and-height), using common sense; remembering that I am now 62, not 22 ;-)

Starving myself or driving my body beyond the limitations is not in the present notations … trying to find balance IS.

GOODBYE RAVELRY; AND GOOD RIDDANCE

So ...

My day was going splendidly, UNTIL I opened my FB Page and saw Ravelry political nonsense come on on my news feed:

Ravelry is a handcrafting group for Pete's sake; and I have been a member since it started.

But, NO MORE!

I do not hand craft to take a political stand; and when some hand crafters like certain Revelry members decide to use their group as a forum for racial hatred and political divisiveness ... I am outta there >:-P

I also sent a message to the morons on their soap box: {{REMOVE ME FROM RAVELRY. And Ravelry can be assured that I will be banning Ravelry for racism, inclusiveness, intolerance, anarchy, slander, and outright hatred towards a race they abhor based on nothing more than a racist political bias, as well as pandering to a specific political party that is known to be Anti-American on every level.}}

I had no idea Ravelry had a hate towards "white" people.

Don't those moronic snow-blinded lemmings KNOW that 'white' is NOT an actual skin color ... and that attempting to slander/ban someone based on a non-issue is the height of a supremacist mindset?

FOR WHAT ITS WORTH

Hmm ... this music video was blocked on my February 11th Blog Post.

So, I guess I will re-post it now, today.

Watching Steven Still's fancy footwork cut a rug, I can, in my mind’s eye see Bob when we went dancing :-D

Two different songs … two different musicians to entertain the 2 of us – My husband liked Steven Stills; I liked Neil Young.

Our daughter told me in February that she cried when ‘For What It’s Worth’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp5JCrSXkJY) came on the radio the other day. She said she remembers her Dad singing that song in the car when the track came on. She misses him.

We all miss him.

A TASTE OF SUMMER

STRAWBERRY BREAD.

I baked all day today.

First off, I made and baked Challah … (http://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/07/low-cholesterol-challah-shabbat-bread.html)

I normally braid my challah, but I was in a hurry this morning, so I skipped getting fancy and just baked the bread.

While the challah cooled, I got the strawberry bread – I have finally gathered enough strawberries for – underway. I have been faithfully checking and picking the strawberries I grow in my strawberry jar here at home, and was happy to see that there was the exact amount I needed for the recipe. I found a recipe for strawberry bread online, so this afternoon, the bread was made, cooled, and stored away in the freezer for a taste of summer in the winter months ahead.

The recipe is posted at the end of this post.

I substituted Stevia & yogurt for the sugar in the recipe. A LOT of stevia packets were used to equal the amount of sugar being substituted:

I also lined each mini loaf pan with foil to make cleanup quicker; it was tedious, but necessary as I am also very frugal, and want to reuse the pans ...

==Strawberry Bread Recipe ~6 mini loaf pans

Ingredients

·         3 cups all-purpose flour

36 to 48 individual Stevia serving packets (equals 2 cups regular granulated sugar original recipe calls for)

·         1 teaspoon Baking Soda

·         1 teaspoon Salt

·         1 teaspoon ground Cinnamon

·         1 cup Vegetable Oil

·         4 Eggs, lightly beaten

·         1 teaspoon Vanilla

·         2 1/2 cups diced Strawberries

·         6 ounces of Yogurt

Instructions

1.   Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Spray loaf pans with nonstick cooking spray.

2.   In a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, combine the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Stir in the vegetable oil, eggs and vanilla. The batter will be thick. Stir in the strawberries.

Elohim blessed me with just enough strawberries from the strawberry jar to make the bread with.

3.   Place the batter in the prepared pans. Bake until a tester inserted in the center comes out clean – 35-45 minutes for small loaf pans or about 60 minutes for large loaf pans. Cool the loaves in the pans for 10-15 minutes before turning out onto a cooling rack to cool completely.

Batter equally divided among mini loaf pans.

Strawberry bread baking; pans fit the oven with room to spare.

First cooling.

Foil removed came away cleanly from the bread.

Final cooling.

Double wrapped & labeled for the freezer. These little loaves of summer goodness will be a very welcome taste of Summer in the Winter months.

Not only will these tasty summer-filled breads push back the gray days of winter months, they are also FULL of healthy goodness as this link explains: https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/foods/strawberries

1st CORINTHIANS ~Chapter 5

If Christians would get back to DOING what SCRIPTURE TELLS them to DO, the Church would not be so weak.

The pastor is NOT GOD - the pastor is just a man, and we do not answer to the pastor; we, as Christians, answer ONLY to Elohim.

"Going to Church" is for The Church to gather to worship/praise Elohim, exhort Elohei, amplify the Body, be Yeshua's example among the Body, expect to be visited by The Ruach, expect a blessing/healing, and be strengthened to move forward as Ambassadors of Yeshua so that we can be effective in getting His Gospel message our to a dying world.

We do not gather to worship the pastor or to praise him and his family!

We do not gather to turn a blind eye to open sin and slap backs during networking contacts!

We are NOT to preach the message of vineyard ministries!

If Christians would get back to DOING what SCRIPTURE TELLS them to DO, the Church would not be so weak.

********************

It is generally reported that immorality is practiced among you, such immorality as is no found even among the heathen. They say that one of you has taken to himself his father’s wife. And you seem to be proud of it, instead of being sorry about it and expelling from your membership the man who did this shameful deed. For my part, I am present with you in spirit even though I am absent from you in body, and I have already passed sentence on the man who has done this, just as if I were present. Therefore, call a meeting in the Name of Adoani Yeshua Ha'Mashiach, and I will be present with you in spirit by the authority of Adonai Yeshua Ha’Mashiach. We would then hand this man over to Lucifer to be physically disciplined, in order that his spirit may be saved on the Day of The Lord.

It is not right that you should boast about this case. Do you not know that a little yeast leavens the whole lump? Therefore, clean out the old leaven, so that you may be as a lump of fresh dough, unleavened. For Mashiach, our Passover, has been sacrificed for us. So let us celebrate the festival with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth, not with old leaven of vice and wickedness.

In a letter I wrote that you should not associate with immoral people, I did not mean that you should not have anything to do with those of the unchurched world who are immoral or greedy, extortioners or idolaters. For to that, you would have to leave this world altogether. No, I wrote to say that you must not associate with anyone who is a so-called-Christian “brother”, if he is immoral, or if he is a miser, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a swindler. One should not even eat with such a person.

What business have I to be judging outsiders? It is not for you to judge those within the church? And it is Elohei Who judges those on the outside. In conclusion, expel the wicked man from your congregation.

**CORINTHIANS 4: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/06/1st-corinthians-chapter-4.html

FIRE BLIGHT PRUNINGS

Yesterday was laundry day, so as soon as my eyes were fully awake and it was safe to be noisy in the neighborhood without complaints, I jumped into some clothes and went outside to tackle the infected apple trees before my day got away from me.

I wasn’t looking forward to the task as I knew I would have to prune my Patio Apple Trees pretty severely; and that action may well kill them. But if I want to keep them alive, the cuts had to be made now:

I removed a lot of apple tree limbs from my 2 patio Apple trees – and lost the few apples that did set, as well. I normally get enough apples for 6 apple pies through Winter into Spring, but there will be no apple harvest this year ...

I know it is the wrong time of the year to be pruning fruit trees, but they had both been seriously struck with the apple tree killing disease, ‘fire blight’ – and severe pruning is their only hope of survival at this point …

They look so naked and forlorn. Poor things.

Then I fertilized all the veggie beds.

Hopefully, the added boost will give the struggling plants some of what the absent sun has been holding back:

These Comos should be pretty tall by now, but the gray skies and yo-yoing temperatures keep everything confused and stunted.

I found another volunteer petunia coming up in one of the Yellow Parrot Tulip bowls …

And I got excited when I saw a colorful fruit set blossom on my eggplant!

In truth, I did not expect this eggplant to get as far as it has in this wet and humid PNW climate. It is struggling – but it is also thriving :-D

If I get just 1 eggplant, I will be happy. At least I now know that I can grow them here.

I bet Bob is smiling down on me; watching my personal growth, & my garden’s growth, as my experiments are starting to hit pay dirt.

And saying to Yeshua, “Will You look at that? My lady is a winner”.

Only Bob could ever see me as a lady ;-)