When Bob’s physical body was dying … and even
after his earthen vessel did die, 1 of my SIL’s would tell people, “she is a
rock.”
But I wasn’t a rock.
I was doing what had to be done in a numb
state of mind because inside I was crumbling and desperately trying to keep it
together.
Bob was my whole world: and my whole world
had been taken away from me. I was scrambling for firm footing.
The “rock” had a hairline fracture that would
significantly widen over the next 3 months after the shock wore off and legal
business had been tended to,
The people who loved Bob and me understood
that would eventually happen – and they never left me alone; even though I had
specifically requested I be left alone for a while. I knew I was barely hanging
on emotionally, and I hate breaking down in front of people. I rarely even
cried in front of Bob. Crying always meant weakness to me … and I hate to
appear weak. But our loving friends hung around and hovered over me after Bob’s
graduation. In the beginning, they just called daily and listened to me cry;
and talk when I eventually could talk without choking on words. In February
they started coming around more often – by April, they were plotting kidnapping
ventures and getting me out of the house and out of my head, as much as they
could. They still do that. LOL
I didn’t even know I had friends that loved
me like Bob did (okay, not quite like Bob did, but close – very close).
I am not very good at being social – being social was Bob’s thing. I am a lobo.
But our friends had been watching me. They understood
that even lobos are not islands unto themselves.
And they were quick to come alongside me and
let me know I was not alone. Even though I was alone.
I honestly do not think I could have made it
through the wilderness without them; and they were dealing with their own losses
too: 1 lost a mother (just a few short months before Bob ended up in the hospital),
and 1 lost a father (just a month before Bob ended up in OHSU). We were all
grieving.
But they called us every day while we were in
the hospitals; local and in Oregon.
Bob left knowing he was loved.
And Bob left knowing I would BE loved when he
was no longer here to comfort me.
I thank God for my friends.
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