NEW ATTITUDE

 

It’s hard to get excited about the day when the day isn’t exciting.

2020 is wrapping up in a few months and there has been little to look back on with enthusiasm.

The last 6½ months have had the tails of too many people twisted into a tight knot of fear as they hunkered in their houses, afraid to go out of it … afraid to invite people into it.

2020 taught a lot of people how to be afraid of everything/everyone: and that fear has made them bitter, resentful, and warped with hyped paranoias.

Life in America has become a real-time-reality-show that is worse than the kardashian freak-show that played out every week for 14 years.

I get bored real easy with stupid and aimless nonsense.

I’m not like everybody else: I rebel.

I rebelled because I don’t live my life in fear; and I don’t allow anyone to tell me what to do, how to think, what mindset to adopt, and who’s agenda to get behind: I never have, and I never will.

I rebelled because while I can – and did – turn the kardashian reality show off when the weekly ridiculousness morphed into a weekly toxic psych floor trauma drama … there is little I can do to avoid the toxic psych floor trauma drama playing out in American streets for the past 3½ months. My phone {updates} the newsfeed I apparently cannot delete – it’s a fixed feature of the phone. FB is rife with biased {team} “updates” I do not want, did not okay, and outright reject. And friends/family that watch their boob-tube-noise-box are chomping at the bit to {inform} me of the day’s current ridiculous madness.

Even if I do get away for home, away from the city … and as far away from mainstream life as I can; there is really no way to avoid hearing about any of it at some point, during my day. Waitresses talk back and forth in tone of mock horror when they share their thoughts; and other patrons, sitting in the booth or at the table next to mine, talk loud enough to be overheard clearly.

It is heavy in the air: like an oppressive wafting shroud – waiting to settle on, and ensnare, whoever/whenever.

What the Spring & Summer of 2020 taught me, was that I have to paddle my own canoe if I plan to enjoy my life.

Spring-Summer of 2020 has taught me that life in America is very uncertain.

I have to determine the course I want to take … and make a beeline in that direction.

It appears that covid is going to be the battering ram the demonrats will employ forever, without end; in light of gazillion governor mandates designed to keep people from enjoying life in full on a daily basis, I have to adjust my life; and further simplify my already spartan lifestyle. I’m starting with my hair – I think I’ll just forget about shagging it, and just let it grow out; probably with shaggy ends because I am tired of dealing with hair salon nonsense:

People have been bullied; businesses have been cowed. That is not the American way.

I'll forgo hair salons and get more serious about self-reliance in every area of my life.

Forced to wait in a stifling car due to covid hysteria. This is not the America I know ... or want.

And I’m tired, too, of dealing with every other business that goose-steps to heil inslee …

The dentist office treated me like a criminal. Ridiculousness designed to humiliate.

What is going on in America is not okay.

And the demonrats have stated they have no intention of ending the madness.

Life in America has significantly changed with the 2020 demonrat powergrabs: people will be shut in their houses indefinitely until obamanite demonrat governors’ agendas are forced through, according to party dogma; and businesses will be harassed constantly until the obamanite demonrat dogmatic agendas become “law”. pelosi and schumer will constantly impede and “impeach!”, holding government and The People hostage every month … because they can (they have nothing of value to impeach on; as was proven earlier this year, but they will do it anyway because they have nothing of value to offer America. They are shameless politicholics) – this is the future as well as the present.

I don’t have time for mindless nonsense.

I don’t make time for aimless nonsense.

So, I am pulling back from the ‘mainstream life’ that left me behind, and makes no room for me. I’m starting to set my life up for what works for me. I’m a simple person, living a simple life with a simple lifestyle – in a world that is anything but simple.

I'm setting my life up to work for me, in this America that is no longer free.

2020 has taught me that I need to stand on my own in a world that is breaking down, because no one else will stand with me: fearful people don’t reach out, they don’t talk anymore (they’ve been out of circulation – they have nothing to say: they don’t talk); they shy away, their eyes look haunted – the sound of their own voice makes them jumpy. Fearful people, trying to make sense in a topsy-turvy world, quickly become depressed scampering down aimless rabbit trails.

I’m including churches in that fearful realm too. I can’t fellowship in a church that is run by the government’s mandates, instead of Elohim’s Word:

A new race - intolerant, special treatment and colorblind ... totally against America.

I don't want to fit into that new race - or this new unfolding Anti-America-amerika.

churches have also gone the route of insanity. My life has changed in ALL aspects.

The Church does not get involved in political agendas - at all.

I’m not like everybody else.

I’ve always been my own person.

I’ve always had a healthy sense of individuality; possibly because I’ve been a Christian 75% of my life – my strength lies in my relationship with Elohei.

I am sold totally out to God - THAT'S who I am.  Period.

Life in America – and abroad, since obama’s coup 11 years ago, changed everyone and everything. People are lost in a freak-show world. Thoughtfulness, compassion, creativity, connection … humanity … has fallen by the wayside. The obama years ushered in racism, selfishness, bitterness, destruction, division … and a freefall spiraling into political madness.

I have to distance myself from all that …

I will never apologize for who I am. I will be spending my time continuing to be me.

I can’t afford to be sucked in the global vortex.

I can’t afford to be drafted into the local maelstroms.

In fact, I can’t take on any big stuff right now. My life, right now, is just too complex; my energy is low and the extremities of day to day living run high.

When Bob was still here, I tolerated stupid bullshit better because Bob was my anchor – his peaceful persona grounded me. Now that he’s no longer here, my bullshit meter is mostly in the red zone: I’m not so tolerant of stupid bullshit.

I used to be the woman who had her finger on several different pulses during the course of the day – the woman, too, who had turbo jets on her heels.

Now, I’ve slowed down considerably … and things get done when they get done. I’m lucky anymore if I stay focused on 1 thing throughout the day, and it actually gets done before the day ends.

I’ve learned not to ask more of myself than I can reasonably give to have my days run smoothly.

2020 put an end to optimistic thinking.

Thinking positively, and wishing and hoping, only goes so far when it continually butts up against cold realities. There are different kinds of deaths – and I’ve suffered all of them in 21 short months. I serve myself better if I stop hoping, wishing, and focusing on a different outcome. Some things just never return.

The world I want, no longer exists. I need to adapt a new way to live in the circumstances.

I can create environments that help me step forward and enjoy life in the moment, rather than isolate myself in a comfort zone that hamstrings me and leads to frustrated tension and stress.

I can actively build protected islands of sanity, by being intentional about how I spend my time and energy.

I can live each day as if it is my last day on Earth – with an appreciation of every minute I breathe/see natural beauty/know that I am truly blessed.

I can do this solo lobo, if solo lobo is the only option left.

None of this can be attained without a new attitude (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7hz27gZTSE).

So, with those thoughts running through my mind, I got dressed and got busy.

I washed the car.

Car cleaned up as smooth as glass ... no more ash.

I cut the corn stalks down; and chopped them down to a size that works for the garbage can.

And I watched a brownish-orange butterfly, when I took a break in the breezeway-carport.

Nice day; brownish butterfly. Possible Northern Crescent Butterfly.

And I prepared to make more snowflakes for my windows this Winter 😉 I like snowflakes … I am a snowbaby.

Started 2nd round of snowflakes.

Snowflake pieces cut out, felt pen ink washed away, and set to drying ... 

2019 taught me to survive.

2020 taught me to grow and thrive.

2021 is an unwritten chapter – and everything is in play.

With a new attitude 😉

SUNDAY~FUNDAY #20: Deep River & Eden Valley

I was reading FB posts this morning while waiting for the coffee to finish perking; people were posting and commenting on pictures of Deep River … and that got my heart to longing to revisit that place and trip down Memory Lane for an hour or so.

So, I drank a cup of coffee, posted a post asking how the weather was that way; and dressed for the daytrip.

After being trapped indoors under a stinking cloud of wildfire smoke for a week-and-a half, I was itching to get out and about on a Sunday~Funday daytrip (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/09/fire-in-skysmoke-on-water.html).

The recent rainfall has helped tremendously in clearing the smoke and refreshening the air (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/09/rainy-shabbat.html).

I was outside earlier this week, but my lungs suffered for days following (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/09/smoke-ice.html).

This morning, with the air quality being so favorable – a {10} reading – I figured it was safe for me to get outside, and have the car’s air conditioner running, too.

My lungs are doing fine, and the owie to my foot settled down too, so I busted out and broke loose this morning :-D

I stopped at the Baker’s Corner gas terminal to wash bug guts off my windshield … and noticed there was a gritty ash cover on the car; I hadn’t noticed it before now, because I haven’t been out and about until now. I’ll have to wash that off tomorrow – the weather should be warm enough yet to do that: a forecast of 63-degrees tomorrow around 10 AM.

When I reached Cathlamet, a notice popped up on the car’s dash …

FOR WHAT ??? - the notice never explains WHY!

It is frustrating that I am never ‘notified’ WHAT needs "maintained”. But I do know that oil changes are frequent – and cars overheat: not sure WHY cars overheat, but I know they do. So, I was concerned.

I called David, a guy friend, and explained the situation and asked if it was safe for me to continue on to Rosburg … or should I get my ass back home and park the car until I can get it into Dick Hannah’s Maintenance garage. He said he thought it might be an oil change issue, and that I should be okay to run my butt off today.

He said not to worry.

Guys know these things; so, I continued on down the road.

But, the further down the road I got, the more concerned I got.

The dash board notification didn’t go away.

The bright warning triangle troubled me.

And Elohim intervened, and set my mind at ease – He’s great about soothing my troubled thoughts😉

He dropped a thought into my thoughts … and I listened: I was passing the church between Rosburg and Deep River, so I nipped into the church’s parking lot, and explained to the pastor and another guy named Kyle, about the warning triangle and how I’d really appreciate a man’s input. Yes, I used the Widow Card – not for sympathy, but for information and knowledge, since Bob is no longer here to ‘do’ or ‘explain’.

This is what Christians are supposed to do: help one another. Especially Widows and children. So, I utilized that understanding: Elohim led me there, and I was helped … and for future references, shown where things were under the hood of this particular car. I do not want to get married again so I have a man to keep my car in top running order.

Valley Bible Church; Rosburg. Very helpful, friendly people - country folk generally are.

The Highlander was checked, and I was shown where the oil dipstick is located.

I appreciated those men’s help and said so.

I thanked them with a smile and a wave, and drove off.

A little bit down the highway, I turned off the main road and onto the Deep River Road.

The town of Deep River was a fishing community, originally founded in 1890, by Finnish immigrant fishermen. Eventually Swedish immigrant lumberjacks began to settle in Deep River also; they drove log pilings into the marshland and river edges, and built houses atop the pilings – later a store, arcade, and a hotel was built. They even laid a wooden plank roadway to make getting in and out of Deep River easier. Deep River was a booming community alive with activity. The Deep River Cemetery was established on a hill above the town. And a church was built at the bottom of the cemetery hill.

Plank roadway at Deep River.

Deep River gravel road. 1961.

Deep River Hotel.

Deep River: what was left of the town in the late 1970’s. It was practically a ghost town; very little was still standing - and that was in serious disrepair.

Demolishing of Deep River Store. 10-07-2016.

Last time we were here, there wasn’t more than 2 or 3 houses – and those looked like they should be condemned. The whole place was a mud-hole.

I hadn’t been here since I was last here with Bob & our 3 yo grandson Aza, in the summer of 2017. This was a painfully hard memory. (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2017/06/hell-peddles-hell.html)

The church and cemetery are the only thing left of the town itself. I think there are 2 houses left, being lived in by die-hards. The cemetery is still used by members of the Lutheran church. The cemetery is small, and last count was 200 burials. The church and cemetery are not listed on County or State Rosters … and there are no Historical Markers pointing the way, so they are only found by those who know where to look for them.

I never visited the cemetery with Bob. We drove past it, but we never drove up the hill: I was curious about it; I’ve always been curious about it.

Deep River Lutheran Church; directly across from the cemetery road.

People must park along the roadway below and walk up the long drive because there is no parking room once up there.

Most of the headstones’ script is in the Finnish and Swedish language.

It’s a narrow strip of land that wanders into the background trees.

Leaving the church and cemetery behind, I drove the road back to the main highway; remembering Bob driving his dad’s Harley along this road, with my arms wrapped around his torso and my thighs hugging his thighs. Man! The memories that thought invoked 😉

Bob Sr's Harley. We always borrowed it in 1974.

In 1974, the river was full of boats, net shacks, and very old plack walkways.

I wish I had known Deep River in its heyday. I liked going there with Bob before it completely disappeared.

I had noticed when I drove through Graysriver earlier, that Duffy’s had had its Menu Board set up on the gravel flanking the highway; and the parking lot was full of cars … and I made a mental note to stop there to eat.

So, I did :-D

I eat here every time they are open; they aren’t always open, so this is my special treat for myself when they are.

I love the bohemian interior – SO ME 😉

I ate my oyster burger and potato salad on the ‘honeymoon deck’, as usual, and listened (not eavesdropping, just couldn’t avoid the loud chatter) to drunken travelers around me – no joke: everyone who got out of their cars and walked with me into Duffy’s were already leaning heavily; and they ordered vodka mixed drinks as soon as they entered. It would have scared me being on the road with them again, if I wasn’t heading to Eden Valley after eating.

The couples had come up this way from Seaside, Astoria, and Long Beach; escaping to road and drink following covid and wildfire home entrapments. People are desperate to escape this hell that has been unleased on the world. They had a long drive back home, and I hoped they all made it.

Me?

I headed to Eden Valley to have conversations with my dead husband.

I guess I’m kinda ‘leaning heavily’ too, in a different way, to find solid footing in my own circumstances and situation.

All our plots have been stripped!

I had placed these bouquets August 30^th … darn it!

Bits of Bob’s arrangement was strewn about.

I think a herd of elk passed through …

I saw sign of elk on the gravel when I parked the Highlander.

Some crushed berries from Grandma’s bouquet.

The spotty remnants trail led to the back fence.

I'm going to lift everyone's arrangements off-ground.

Talking about the day ...

Glancing around before I left, I noticed that another cross had joined the Tor’s marker on the Brueland Plot area. Poor David; these appear to be his parent’s; and the markers are obviously handmade, and show that they were worked with loving care. My heart went out to him – he was so kind and thoughtful when he helped me prepare of Bob’s Celebration of Life last August; he made my hard day a whole lot easier.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/between-now-and-then-until-i-see-you.html)

I’m asking Elohim to make his days a whole lot easier; he deserves a blessing for his compassion towards me.

The stick is for actual location identification

On my way home, I got to thinking that I really need to know what type of maintenance my car needs … and when it needs it: the mechanics at Dick Hannah do the work for me, but they never explain anything to me like Bob would. I need to know, so that I know how much wiggle room I have when that stupid dash board message pops up.

AND JUST LIKE THAT, Elohim provided the answer :-D

Direct answer to my prayer was waiting for me at home, in the mailbox: it came in the AARP Magazine 😉

**SUNDAY~FUNDAY POSTS (2020) –

#19 - https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/09/sundayfunday-19-bobs-bd-cape.html

#18 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/08/sundayfunday-18-fort-columbia.html

#17 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/08/sundayfunday-17-lunch-on-steamboat.html

#16 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/08/sundayfunday-16-ive-earned-my-wings.html

#15 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/07/sundayfunday-15-longbeach-illwaco.html

#14 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/07/sundayfunday-14-julia-butler-hansen.html

#13 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/07/sundayfunday-13-haydu-park.html

#12 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/06/sundayfunday-12-fathers-day.html

#11 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/06/sundayfunday-11-kalama-waterfront-walk.html

#10 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/05/sundayfunday-10.html

#9 – https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020_04_27_archive.html

(plus 1st thru 8th SUNDAY~FUNDAY links)**