Just East of Eden : NEW ATTITUDE

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

NEW ATTITUDE

It’s hard to get excited about the day when the day isn’t exciting.

2020 is wrapping up in a few months and there has been little to look back on with enthusiasm.

The last 6½ months have had the tails of too many people twisted into a tight knot of fear as they hunkered in their houses, afraid to go out of it … afraid to invite people into it.

2020 taught a lot of people how to be afraid of everything/everyone: and that fear has made them bitter, resentful, and warped with hyped paranoias.

Life in America has become a real-time-reality-show that is worse than the kardashian freak-show that played out every week for 14 years.

I get bored real easy with stupid and aimless nonsense.

I’m not like everybody else: I rebel.

I rebelled because I don’t live my life in fear; and I don’t allow anyone to tell me what to do, how to think, what mindset to adopt, and who’s agenda to get behind: I never have, and I never will.

I rebelled because while I can – and did – turn the kardashian reality show off when the weekly ridiculousness morphed into a weekly toxic psych floor trauma drama … there is little I can do to avoid the toxic psych floor trauma drama playing out in American streets for the past 3½ months. My phone {updates} the newsfeed I apparently cannot delete – it’s a fixed feature of the phone. FB is rife with biased {team} “updates” I do not want, did not okay, and outright reject. And friends/family that watch their boob-tube-noise-box are chomping at the bit to {inform} me of the day’s current ridiculous madness.

Even if I do get away for home, away from the city … and as far away from mainstream life as I can; there is really no way to avoid hearing about any of it at some point, during my day. Waitresses talk back and forth in tone of mock horror when they share their thoughts; and other patrons, sitting in the booth or at the table next to mine, talk loud enough to be overheard clearly.

It is heavy in the air: like an oppressive wafting shroud – waiting to settle on, and ensnare, whoever/whenever.

What the Spring & Summer of 2020 taught me, was that I have to paddle my own canoe if I plan to enjoy my life.

Spring-Summer of 2020 has taught me that life in America is very uncertain.

I have to determine the course I want to take … and make a beeline in that direction.

It appears that covid is going to be the battering ram the demonrats will employ forever, without end; in light of gazillion governor mandates designed to keep people from enjoying life in full on a daily basis, I have to adjust my life; and further simplify my already spartan lifestyle. I’m starting with my hair – I think I’ll just forget about shagging it, and just let it grow out; probably with shaggy ends because I am tired of dealing with hair salon nonsense:

People have been bullied; businesses have been cowed. That is not the American way.

I'll forgo hair salons and get more serious about self-reliance in every area of my life.

Forced to wait in a stifling car due to covid hysteria. This is not the America I know ... or want.

And I’m tired, too, of dealing with every other business that goose-steps to heil inslee …

The dentist office treated me like a criminal. Ridiculousness designed to humiliate.

What is going on in America is not okay.

And the demonrats have stated they have no intention of ending the madness.

Life in America has significantly changed with the 2020 demonrat powergrabs: people will be shut in their houses indefinitely until obamanite demonrat governors’ agendas are forced through, according to party dogma; and businesses will be harassed constantly until the obamanite demonrat dogmatic agendas become “law”. pelosi and schumer will constantly impede and “impeach!”, holding government and The People hostage every month … because they can (they have nothing of value to impeach on; as was proven earlier this year, but they will do it anyway because they have nothing of value to offer America. They are shameless politicholics) – this is the future as well as the present.

I don’t have time for mindless nonsense.

I don’t make time for aimless nonsense.

So, I am pulling back from the ‘mainstream life’ that left me behind, and makes no room for me. I’m starting to set my life up for what works for me. I’m a simple person, living a simple life with a simple lifestyle – in a world that is anything but simple.

I'm setting my life up to work for me, in this America that is no longer free.

2020 has taught me that I need to stand on my own in a world that is breaking down, because no one else will stand with me: fearful people don’t reach out, they don’t talk anymore (they’ve been out of circulation – they have nothing to say: they don’t talk); they shy away, their eyes look haunted – the sound of their own voice makes them jumpy. Fearful people, trying to make sense in a topsy-turvy world, quickly become depressed scampering down aimless rabbit trails.

I’m including churches in that fearful realm too. I can’t fellowship in a church that is run by the government’s mandates, instead of Elohim’s Word:

A new race - intolerant, special treatment and colorblind ... totally against America.

I don't want to fit into that new race - or this new unfolding Anti-America-amerika.

churches have also gone the route of insanity. My life has changed in ALL aspects.
The Church does not get involved in political agendas - at all.

I’m not like everybody else.

I’ve always been my own person.

I’ve always had a healthy sense of individuality; possibly because I’ve been a Christian 75% of my life – my strength lies in my relationship with Elohei.

I am sold totally out to God - THAT'S who I am. Period.

Life in America – and abroad, since obama’s coup 11 years ago, changed everyone and everything. People are lost in a freak-show world. Thoughtfulness, compassion, creativity, connection … humanity … has fallen by the wayside. The obama years ushered in racism, selfishness, bitterness, destruction, division … and a freefall spiraling into political madness.

I have to distance myself from all that …

I will never apologize for who I am. I will be spending my time continuing to be me.

I can’t afford to be sucked in the global vortex.

I can’t afford to be drafted into the local maelstroms.

In fact, I can’t take on any big stuff right now. My life, right now, is just too complex; my energy is low and the extremities of day to day living run high.

When Bob was still here, I tolerated stupid bullshit better because Bob was my anchor – his peaceful persona grounded me. Now that he’s no longer here, my bullshit meter is mostly in the red zone: I’m not so tolerant of stupid bullshit.

I used to be the woman who had her finger on several different pulses during the course of the day – the woman, too, who had turbo jets on her heels.

Now, I’ve slowed down considerably … and things get done when they get done. I’m lucky anymore if I stay focused on 1 thing throughout the day, and it actually gets done before the day ends.

I’ve learned not to ask more of myself than I can reasonably give to have my days run smoothly.

2020 put an end to optimistic thinking.

Thinking positively, and wishing and hoping, only goes so far when it continually butts up against cold realities. There are different kinds of deaths – and I’ve suffered all of them in 21 short months. I serve myself better if I stop hoping, wishing, and focusing on a different outcome. Some things just never return.

The world I want, no longer exists. I need to adapt a new way to live in the circumstances.

I can create environments that help me step forward and enjoy life in the moment, rather than isolate myself in a comfort zone that hamstrings me and leads to frustrated tension and stress.

I can actively build protected islands of sanity, by being intentional about how I spend my time and energy.

I can live each day as if it is my last day on Earth – with an appreciation of every minute I breathe/see natural beauty/know that I am truly blessed.