MISSING MY KING BEE

Bob always treated me like his Queen …

I really miss my King Bee.

MOD EMBROIDERED ROSE FLOWER SLIPPERS

FINISHED SLIPPERS. Sizes 6, 8, & 10

My slipper pattern is a modified version of the ‘Slippers for Her’ pattern found here: https://www.yarnspirations.com/red-heart-slippers-for-her/RHK0127-021153M.html.

I didn’t like the way the eyelets went all the way to the sole of the original slipper pattern – so, I shortened them up in the slippers I made. And I didn’t care for the knitted flower trim of the original pattern either … so I cut those entirely, and opted for an embroidered flower design instead. I also used a sturdier type of yarn, since I made my slippers for the Fall – Spring months when more warmth is called for on the feet.

These slippers will be going into my 2019 Bazaar cache. Selling for $8/pr (small/medium) & $10/pr (large).

NOTATIONS: If making my design, use Caron brand worsted instead of Red Heart With Love yarn.

ALSO make these modifications in the body of the slippers:

Row 11: Increase before & after markers.

Row 13: Increase before & after markers.

Row 15: Increase before markers (55 sts/61 sts/69 sts)

Rows 16 thru 22: Work in stockinette st.

Row 23: BO loosely. Leave a long tail to sew up the sole.

BEFORE SEWING BACK & SOLE: Embroider the rose flower design on slipper uppers, tying off or weaving in ends as you wish:

Rose flower graph I found on Pinterest.

Outer Rose flower petals. Duplicate Stitch.

Inner Rose flower petals. Duplicate Stitch.

Flower leaves for Size 6 slipper. Duplicate Stitch.

Flower leaves for Sizes 8 & 10 slippers. Duplicate Stitch.

Finished embroidered slipper.

I enjoyed a beautiful sunset over the Columbia River while I worked ;-)

RAINSTORM, THUNDER, & SPIDERS

This time of year, I like campy old black-n-white’s: and this movie always comes to mind first :-D

When we were first married, I tried explaining it to Bob – but he didn’t understand what I was talking about because he didn’t watch sci-fi movies … and I couldn’t remember the name of this movie: I just remembered the giant spider in the mine.

One day, we were running around, getting out of the house; and decided to go visit a friend. Milo Oxford – he was something else! LOL But, we both liked him and he was a fun guy. I knew Milo before I knew Bob because my parents were mutual friends of some friends he had in Skamokawa, where we lived at the time.

Anyway, 2 months into our marriage, Bob & I ended up at Milo’s house for a drop-in visit, and this movie was playing on his TV. And I squealed like a teenager (that’s what I was), and said to Bob, “This is it! This is the movie I have been trying to explain to you!” LMAO

That was a fun visit. And Bob joined Milo & I in finishing the movie – Bob didn’t become a fan of sci-fi, but he was fans of me and Milo ;-)

Here, in the PNW, today, we got a gully-washer rainfall this afternoon; complete with thunder bouncing off the hills surrounding:

After cleaning house, and listening to the steady beating of the rain, all I wanted to do was relax, and sleep like Rip Van Winkle. LOL

Rain coming down hard - and in sheets that skitter across the roadway and slide off roofs like a waterfall. The neighboring gutter can't keep up with the ferocity.

I had spent the first part of the morning dusting every surface in the house, getting it ‘Fall ready’ – ridding the undersides of the furniture of the dust bunnies too. I switched out the stuff on the fireplace mantle for Fall theme, and put new frames on the pictures …

… and was pulling down the Sympathy Cards given me at Bob’s Celebration of Life Gathering the end of August.

I appreciated what Danny & Terrie wrote – it was so descriptive of Bob:

I don’t know the angry or out-of-control man Bob’s mother & brother Ralph were talking about at the graveside – it was clear to me, and to everyone else listening, that they had NO IDEA who Bob was, or what his character was. They talked him down. In public – trying to besmirch him in front of people who knew and loved him. And that is very telling on their characters :-P Ralph was always insanely jealous of Bob – but I have no idea why his mother despised him (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/between-now-and-then-until-i-see-you.html).

All I know, is that they will be caught in webs of their own making … and it will serve them right. I am glad I will never have to deal with/set eyes on either of them ever again. What they attempted to do was inexcusable.

And it was clear they never knew Bob - they were too wrapped up in themselves, and each other.

Bob was a handsome man.

Bob was a good man. Bob was a happy man, who always had a smile on his face – or would burst out in a belly laugh. I never knew Bob to be somber - or angry. Neither did those who loved him, and really KNEW his character.
(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/it-took-while-but-we-finally-got-there.html).

Bob always made people feel comfortable and never made anyone feel ‘less than’. I always teased my husband about being “the pied piper of people” … people just naturally flocked to him because he had a knack for making everyone feel equal and always went out of his way to buoy them up. Even more so after becoming a Christian in 1981.

It is hard being a widow; I thank Elohim every second of every day that I have good memories of the good man He blessed me with. Bob was love personified.

And that is why Bob is in Heaven.

I’m pretty sure, given the way they behave towards others – especially the way they treated Bob - even in death, Rose and Ralph will get their sorry asses seared.

A LEGACY OF HELL

During barak hussain obama’s 8 year political coup by which he went out of his way to drag the world back to the A.D. 600’s – the Historic timeframe in which islam made its hellish impact on the middle east, asia, and europe (and not in a good way either! The deadly spread of islam far surpassed the purging catholic inquisition), obama also set in motion the devilish erosion of familial structure; as well as forcefully doing his best to eradicate national morals and morale: one of the scandalous fallouts being that the KJV Bible had serious doubt cast upon it when a malicious rumor went viral implying that king James, who commissioned the printing of the KJV Bible, was a rampant homosexual … and that malicious and titillating rumor is behind the blasphemous rewrite of the modern hip lgbt ‘bible’ which teaches that Jesus, himself, was a homosexual and accepts homosexuality as a valid lifestyle and a good life as long as they pay tithes to a church promoting their lifestyle and publicly do good deeds. It is a lie, of course, and a destructive one as THAT is EXACTLY the DELUSIONAL GREEDY RELIGIOSITY Yeshua came to STOP – in short, it is just one ploy of many that Lucifer will use to deceive and destroy the souls of self-centered egotistical people who are content to go to hell and drag as many souls with them as they can.

King James I of England, the Historical king who was fluent in Latin, Greek, and French – and schooled in Italian and Spanish, authorized the translation of the now famous KJ Bible was, and still is, considered by many to be one of the greatest monarchs that England has ever seen: through his wisdom and determination, King James united the warring tribes of Scotland into a unified nation, and then joined England and Scotland to form the foundation for what is now known as the British Empire.

At a time when only the churches of England possessed the Bible in English, King James' selfless desire was that the common people should have the Bible in their native tongue. Therefore, in 1603, King James called 54 of history's most learned men together to accomplish this great task: at a time when the leaders of the world wished to keep their subjects in spiritual ignorance therewith keeping them in physical bondage, King James offered his subjects the greatest gift that he could give them … their own copy of the Word of God in English.

Such a man was sure to have enemies. One such man, Anthony Weldon, had to be excluded from the court. Weldon swore vengeance. It was not until 1650, twenty-five years after the death of James that Weldon saw his chance. He wrote a paper calling James a homosexual. Obviously, James, being dead, was in no condition to defend himself. And gossip-mongers jumped on the scurrilous charge to banty it about. The report was largely ignored since there were still enough people alive who knew it wasn't true. In fact, it lay dormant for generations … until recently when it was picked up by Christless ‘christians’, devoted to barak hussain obama, and his cause … who hoped that vilifying King James, would tarnish Christianity and the Bible that bears King James’s Christian legacy so that ignorant and unwitty seekers would turn away from an accurate Word of God Bible to a more "modern" translation that embraces sin and teaches hell’s doctrine.

It seems though, that Weldon's false account – given so long ago – is again being largely ignored by the majority of Christianity; with the exception of those with an ulterior motive. It might also be mentioned here, that the Roman Catholic Church, was so desperate to keep the true Bible out of the hands of the English people that it attempted to kill King James and all of Parliament in 1605.

In 1605 a Roman Catholic by the name of Guy Fawkes, under the direction of a Jesuit priest by the name of Henry Garnet, was found in the basement of Parliament with thirty-six barrels of gunpowder which he was to use to blow up King James and the entire Parliament. After killing the king, they planned on imprisoning his children, re-establishing England as a state loyal to the Pope and kill all who resisted. Needless to say, the perfect English Bible would have been one of the plot's victims. Fawkes and Garnet and eight other conspirators were caught and hanged.

I wonder when the American People today will take note of the scurrilous traitors among us and rout them out also; starting with pelosi and schummer -ending their national treachery and bitter violence towards the innocent. Ending barak hussain obama’s legacy of hell, the demoncrats are gleefully pushing forward …

1 CORINTHIANS ~Chapter 12

1 CORINTHIANS ~Chapter 12

Brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant in regard to spiritual gifts. This you know, that while you were pagans you sought to worship dumb idols, just the way you had been taught. For this reason, I want you to know this: no one who speaks by The Ruach says that Yeshua is accursed, and no one confesses Him as *Adonai except by the same Ruach.

There are different kinds of gifts, but it is the same Ruach who gives them. And there are different kinds of service, but it is the same Adonai to be served. And again, there are different ways of doing things, but it is the same God Who uses these ways – **different ways in different men – throughout.

To each one is given the manifestation of The Ruach, for the good of all concerned. To one, The Ruach gives a word of wisdom. To another, the same Ruach gives the word of knowledge. One man receives faith and another receives the gift of healing; both from the same Ruach. And so on … one can perform miracles, another can prophesy, another can discern between spirts, another can speak in different tongues; another can interpret the tongues. It it is the one and same Ruach Who is at work, distributing His gifts to each one individually according to His good Will.

A man’s body is a unity, though it has many members. All the members of the body, though many, are one body. So it is with Mashiach. And by one Ruach we have through baptism been made members of one body – Jews and Greeks alike, slave & free – and all have been given to drink at one Source, and the one Ruach.

However, the body, does not consist of only one member, but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I am not part of the body”, would it any less belong to the body? And, if it could say to the ear, “I do not belong to the body”, is it not part of the body just the same? If the whole body were an eye, for example, where would be the hearing? Or, if the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? Now, as things are, Elohei has placed the organs of the body, each one of them according to His own Plan.

If all the parts were 1 single organ, where would the body be? As it is, though, we have many parts, yet only 1 body. So the eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you”; nor again the hand to the feet, “I have no need of you”. But much rather it is the members of the body which seem to be the weaker that are the most indispensable. And those organs of the body which we regard almost devoid of honor, are those we surround with special honor, and the more private parts are treated with the greatest modesty and respect. Those parts in us which are more beautiful have no need of such care; and so Elohei has built up the body harmoniously, giving more honor to those parts that need it the most. There was to be no lack of unity in the body. All the members of it were to be concerned about their common welfare. Then, if one of the parts suffers pain, all the other parts feel that pain; and if one part is honored, all the other arts have found joy in it.

Now you are the Body of Mashiach, and individually you are members of it. In His Church, Elohei has made arrangements: first, Apostles; second, Prophets; third, Teachers/ Also, workers of miracles, men with the gift of healing; helpers and administrators; speakers in foreign tongues, & interpreters. Are all the members apostles? Are all of them prophets? Are they all teachers? Do they all work miracles? Do they all have the gift of healing, or speak in foreign languages, or interpret? As for you, desire earnestly the higher gifts. I will show you a far better way.

**1 CORINTHIANS 11: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/09/1-corinthians-chapter-11.html

*NOTE: Yeshua IS God … and yet, Yeshua is A SEPARATE ENTITY FROM God – There are 3 in the Godhead: Father, Son, Holy Spirit – ALL ARE GOD; yet, all are unique and have defining attributes that work in harmony to make The One True God.

I say this so clarify this link:

http://www.hebrew-streams.org/works/monotheism/2-lords.html

**Though we are all part of the family of God when we get saved, we are not all called to minister in the same manner … and even then, what we are doing now in ministry will change as necessity arises: we no longer belong to ourselves; we belong to Elohim; and He will use us as pleases Him to accomplish His goals for His Supreme Plan. It takes different ways to reach different people, and wise Christians understand that and lend themselves to the winds of The Ruach. We are never to engage in sin, and yet we are to “become all things to all men” (1 Corinthians 9:19-23) that we may reach them with the Good News. In this, we are to be wise. We are to example Mashiach Yeshua in ALL ways - Who is the embodiment of the fullness of Elohei. We do this by relying on The Ruach, Who teaches us all things concerning the way

I AM LOSING BOB BIT BY BIT EVERY DAY

It seems like every day since Bob went Home, I lose more of him every day.

Bit by bit.

It smarts.

I feel like every breath I take in this new life of mine – a life Bob no longer inhabits – puts more distance between us. I am here; and he is there. And the gulf between us is so very vast.

I understand that my husband now dwells in a different dimension: we discussed Heaven together many, many times over the past decades following his 2^nd death & subsequent salvation – I know he is there, in our faraway Home. With our furry companions. Waiting for me to join him.

But in the meantime, during this brief intermission period of our separate lives, life here on Earth marches forward; dragging me along reluctantly with it. And while it marches forward, changes occur.

The newest change in my life will take place soon. There have been so many changes over the past 9 months/17 days/1 hour & 32 mins; but, these new changes are taking place in our home: promises are being collected.

When Bob graduated to a higher level of living in December 2018, promises were made by me to our children and grandchildren. Alex collected all he is going to get for himself & his girls – what is left will now be divided between our daughter (the sister he has always hated & ignored), and her children (the middle & last grandchildren; our grandchildren together). Those promises made, the tail-end of December 2018, entailed ½ our California King-sized bed, the double bed, Bob’s lift chair, and his standing upright toolbox; to be collected when Alyna & Liam moved from their apartment and got a house. They called last night, giddy with the good news that they have secured a house.

So, they will be coming to collect:

Half of our California King-size bed. It is a fancy electronic bed. The room will feel strange with Bob's half missing ... The bed will feel weird. But, {weird} is my new reality.

The spare bed I don't use - and really don't need; the kids have overnight company on occassion (like Liam's brother) - it will be needful and useful in their new home.

Bob's lift chair. Alyna wants this chair specifically. She misses her 'Gramps'.

I did make the promise. I did expect it to be collected.

But now that it is becoming a reality … I am not fully ready.

All I can think is, “More and more of Bob is disappearing from my life every day”.

I WANT them to have these things. I don’t need both sides of the bed now – Bob is no longer here, sleeping next to me. I don’t need the double bed now: I haven’t seen my grandson in ages, and I don’t really have over-night company … when I do, I can haul out the inflatable beds. I don’t need Bob’s lift-chair: I do sit in it, but I don’t need it – there are plenty of recliners to sit in, including my own – I basically sit in Bob’s chair so it does not become a phycological hinderance. I am HAPPY the kids are finally realizing their hopes & dreams, and that life for them is becoming more solidified in their maturing. BUT, I am also saddened to watch my life with Bob shrink to almost exclude him, while it morphs into a life solely amplifying me.

Solo.

THAT saddens me.

I KNOW I HAVE BEEN SOLO for the better part of 2019.

But, it is still an adjustment.

It still seems surreal.

I am STILL, at every turn of my new life, unprepared for the soloing.

I do not like the letting go.

I do not like the losing more and more of my husband, bit by bit every day.

It smarts.

Bob & I have, on occasion – when he was working away from home – lived apart. So, being apart from Bob was something I came to adjust to. But, until recently, I NEVER LIVED APART from Bob: I always knew he was, at some point of every week, coming home.

Now, Bob will never come home again.

During those before alone times, I was, on occasion, gathering homey things to add to our home to make it more inviting and comfortable. For my husband; that was part of my job as wife & mother: to make a warm and inviting ‘nest’ for my mate & family.

But in this new life of mine, my alone time is now all about readjustments & downsizing.

Setting up a solo existence.

Every joint account spanning our 44 years together, that Bob had set up for my safety should anything happen to him … was demolished by new updated legalities … and I was forced, legally (and heartlessly, MPO) to close those familiar accounts and set up new ones. Separate from my husband. Apart. Readjustments. And all those readjustments happened outside the house.

They never really affected our home; our private haven – they just affected my heart.

The downsizing, when the kids show up to collect, will be happening in our home. It will be a downsizing of our private sanctuary. And it will affect my life on a whole new level – watching our life together simply disappear before my eyes as each piece of furniture walks out the door to take up residence in another home, to help ease the building of another private haven.

I will smile and congratulate them on their success and happiness.

And I will cry when they drive off with their secured pieces of remnants of my life with my husband.

I WANT them to have these things.

I am HAPPY the kids are finally realizing their hopes & dreams, and that life for them is becoming more solidified in their maturing.

Me, Alyna & Liam back from our work at the family cemetery – at Bob’s Celebration of Life gathering in Eden Valley, August 30^th, 2019. Rosburg Hall.

BUT, I will also be saddened to watch my life with Bob shrink to almost exclude him, while it morphs into a life solely amplifying me.

Those chosen pieces of furniture driving down the highway and crossing into another State won’t leave my house echoing with their removal … but, they will leave an obvious empty spot in my home like Bob’s absence leaves an obvious empty spot in my life, in my heart.

It will be noticeable.

It will be felt.

The furniture – specifically the lift-chair; can, if I choose, be replaced. Alyna wanted something of her grandfather’s in her home … she chose his chair: I agreed. The chair can be replaced here, if I ever decide I want another one. It is only a chair – that he sat in.

Bob can’t be replaced.

But, Bob seems to be disappearing in my life.

Bit by bit.

Every day.

Even though I believe that my husband is all around me, every day, when I cannot physically see him with my eyes – I know this from what Scripture tells me: "therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every encumbrance and sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us; fixing our eyes on Yeshua, the author and perfecter of our Faith ..."

So, I do know that Bob’s essence surrounds me every day.

And sometimes, I can actually feel his own personal presence. But in this, I have to be extremely careful. I have to be careful not to supplant my need for my husband with my need for Yeshua.

I knew Bob loved me with undying love when he was still with me physically – I believe Bob loves me still; and I believe Bob is still beside me every day of my new life. But, there are days, when I want more; I crave more than just his essence: I want to see him, I want to hear from him, I want to feel him touch me. I want to KNOW that he is still with me … I want to be cloaked in his presence – and those are the danger days.

That cloaking, that seeing, that hearing, the touching … is taboo.

I KNOW this!

I have been a Christian all my life. I know the rules.

I know the dangers and the pitfalls to avoid. I have read and reread the Scriptures – Old Covenant & New Covenant over and over again until my references are dog-eared and worn with constant page turnings. But reading the warnings and dealing with the warnings on a daily basis was never known until now. In my solo life.

Widowhood is complicated. It is tricky.

Temptations come in many forms.

I am not interested in dating – there is only one love for me: Bob. He was, and always will be my one heart’s desire. I am not interested in forging a new life without him in it – and yet, I know I must. And so, I am learning to let go.

Bit by bit.

It smarts.

When Bob was alive – before he was saved, he told me he was jealous of my relationship with Yeshua because it was all consuming: Yeshua always came 1^st, and Bob was 2^nd. Always. It didn’t make my love for Bob any less … just different, on a different level. Now, it’s a juggling act reversed: now I have to make sure that my longing for my husband does not directly interfere with Yeshua’s standing in my life – I don’t think that could ever happen because I am totally devoted to loving Yeshua. But, I am also devoted to loving my husband. It can get very complicated. It is okay to miss Bob. It is okay to feel Bob walking alongside me with Yeshua, too. It is not okay to talk directly to my husband. It is not okay to seek my husband’s approval or advise for the direction of my life – those actions only belong to Yeshua. Seeking input from my husband, now physically removed from my life, is not okay anymore. Making Yeshua jealous for my attentions and affections now would not be a good thing – it could lead to a total separation from Him, as well as from my husband, in the future: I don’t want that! ALL OF MY LIFE has been a walk with Yeshua, planning on spending eternity with Him; I must not allow anything or anyone to interfere with that plan. NO ONE. Not even my husband.

And Bob always knew that.

So, I don’t feel uncomfortable for making that decisive decision to keep my love for my husband in check; balanced against my own eternal security.

But it does seem like every day since Bob went Home, I lose more of him every day.

Some things I have had to let go out of legal necessities. Some things I have had to let go simply because of readjustments – they no longer meld with my new solo life. And some things … like my husband’s presence, which was SO prevalent in the early months of my raw grief, have just changed: they don’t seem so intense anymore; something has changed. I can’t put my finger on it, but something definitely has changed – there is a growing distance between the “feeling” of my husband’s nearness’s.

And it scares me.

There has always been an awareness of Bob in my life … even before we met & married: I was ALWAYS AWARE of him. And I was always waiting for him to show up in my life.

I do not like this invasive distance – this otherworldly separateness – that is making itself known & felt.

I feel like every breath I take in this new life of mine – a life Bob no longer inhabit – puts more distance between us. I am here; and he is there. And the gulf between us is so very vast.

It seems like every day since Bob went Home, I lose more of him every day.

Bit by bit.

And I wonder if this is by divine design.

To safeguard me & my soul.

To force me to “with-eyes-straight-ahead” stand on my own and move determinedly forward in this, my new life. Solo.

Determinedly Solo.

Those chosen pieces of furniture driving down the highway and crossing into another State won’t leave my house echoing with their removal … but, they will leave an obvious empty spot in my home like Bob’s absence leaves an obvious empty spot in my life.

It will be noticeable.

It will be felt.

And when I close the door after them, and look at the empty spot where the lift-chair sat … and wander to the back rooms: the empty room where the double bed was, and our bedroom – where his bed is no longer in residence, next to mine … I must begin, in earnest, to live the new chapter in my new life.

A life my husband is being slowly removed from.

Bit by bit.

The thought makes my eyes water, and my nose burn.

It smarts.

ORAL SURGERY

My day started out with a hope and a prayer … and Elohim was faithful.

I hoped there would be no snafu’s: there wasn’t ;-)

I prayed that Elohim would get me from home to my destination … and back again without undue notice from the patrolling unmarked police cruisers: everything went smoothly.

I prayed that the procedure would be accomplished speedily and with as little pain involved as possible: I was favored.

My view from 'the chair'. LOL The bright, colorful Fall leaves helped redirect my thoughts.

Prepped and waiting for the torture to begin ...

I prayed that the $$$ set aside for this procedure would be enough: it was, with leftover to spare :-D

Just got home a few minutes ago – I feel like a Mack truck is parked on my face ... but, other than that, everything seems to be going as smoothly as possible. There is no noticeable bruising or swelling. The procedure WAS kinda torturous: the hallow shaft did not come out easily; there was a LOT a roughness involved in extracting it. But, it is out now, and I am relieved. The pain – at the moment seems to be tolerable.

My pain killers.

If I don't end up with 'dry socket', the pain really is tolerable. Painful; but doable.

I got a text from Cheryl telling me she was thinking of me and hoping everything goes well; I appreciate her and her thoughts – she is a good friend to me. But I miss cuddling up next to Bob and letting him comfort me.