Just East of Eden : HE LIKED THAT

Sunday, April 19, 2020

HE LIKED THAT

I'm struggling with today: LOTS of memories built around this date on the calendar; didn't matter what year. But April 19th, 1974, was the most important memory because that date was the beginning of our lives together. It was our first date night.

As I mentioned in earlier posts, my mother wasn’t happy with me that I was bucking her and going out with Bob against her concerns. My way of thinking was that she’d never been concerned before about anything I did – why was this date enough to set her teeth on edge? Well … because it would embarrass the family. And that was taboo. We were raised bohemian and could basically do anything; as long as it didn’t embarrass the family. Me, choosing to go out with a separated man – who may end up staying married in the end – would be an embarrassment to my mother.

And I didn’t care. My parents and siblings, with their own choices, had … and were … embarrassed/embarrassing me. And no one was worried about that.

So.

Bob would be coming: and I would go.

He called me around 6 PM telling me he’d be calling for me around 7 PM; and I said, “Just honk your horn and I run out to your truck.” I did not want a showdown on this particular night.

Bob showed up on the front porch, promptly at 7 PM. He refused to honk for me, and instead walked up the front porch steps and knocked – I answered the door – my mother gave him the evil eye … and I rushed Bob out to his truck.

He was reaching to open the passenger side door, when my hand got there first. On purpose. He went around to the driver’s side, got in and asked me what I’d like to do. I asked him, “Anything?” He grinned, and said, “Anything.” So, I said I had friends in Longview who were moving into their apartment, and I’d like to help them if I could. He said, “Okay.” I grinned wider, and said, “Good, because I didn’t dress fancy.” And off we drove.

Neither of us were dressed fancy, but I really hadn’t dressed in anything more than my patched ‘lucky’ blue jeans, and one of my stepfather’s polo shirts. For my first date with the man of my dreams! Bob was wearing jeans too, with an open-neck brown-print-on-cream shirt. Nothing fancy. We were both playing it cool: no pressure. He liked that.

I don’t know what Bob’s plans were for that first date – I never did ask, and he didn’t volunteer info – but, I’m pretty sure helping people move into their apartment was not in his thoughts. But, he gamely went along with it. By 9 PM, my friends and all their worldly possessions had been moved into their new home. Bob was comfortable with my friends – and they were comfortable with him. People always liked being around Bob: Bob was a people-piper; he just had a personality that put everyone at ease ;-)

We left the apartment and Bob suggested we go get a pizza. I agreed. Pizza was perfect! If there was any messiness or awkward eating moments, it wouldn’t matter. Eating pizza is messy, and can sometimes be awkward :-D

Bob took me to Pietro's Pizza by Industrial Way, where we bought a half pineapple & half pepperoni pizza and 2 Lowenbrau beers. Bruno (who later opened a pizza parlor under his own name and brand) was the beer tap fella: we all became fast friends, and remained fast friends through the years until he retired. Our kids and grandkids literally grew up together, we were in his pizza place so much.

But, today, 46 years ago, we were eating pizza at Pietro’s and getting to know more about each other. There was no awkwardness to get past – other than me being very independent and insisting I open my own doors and pay half of the meal tab. Bob was a gentleman and felt he should open my doors and pay for the evening out; I was a very liberated teen and explained that I did not want to be beholden to anyone for any reason: I would pay my share, and fend for myself. That way, as the evening progressed there would be no demands made and no faces slapped. Bob laughed, and understood my point of view and respected it. I was always straight-up, and straight-forward with Bob. From the get-go. He liked that.

I was 7 years younger than Bob: I was 17 – he was 24. I really didn’t know much about him. At all. I did not know his family background; I did not know his High School “star’ status. I think he liked that. I was out with him because he interested me – I wasn’t fawning all over him because of who his family was; or because he’d been a bigwig in his high school days. If I fawned over him (and I did), it was because he had piqued my interest when we were thrown together by fate at his house, a few weeks earlier … and because he had caught my eye and stole my heart 7 years earlier; and I never got over that. He liked that.

Our 1^st Date. April 19^th, 1974.

What I liked was that I never had to question Bob’s interest in me. Ever. There was never any doubt at all about his intentions – he liked me. A lot. From the first meeting; and he went out of his way to get that message across to me.

But I was cautious.

He was still legally married.

And Gloria was cunning; she didn’t want him … but she didn’t want anyone else to have him either.

Bob was a good-looking man.

Bob. 1974.

He was well-built and handsome of face. He was kind, generous, gentle, and attentive. I couldn’t understand why she jumped the fence. But, even at 17, I understood that there are things that happen behind closed doors that only the 2 people involved know about. And that is what was causing the breakdown. It was none of my business. I didn’t ask – he didn’t volunteer: it was their business. And it was being taken care of.

But, marriage and divorce being a complicated matter – especially with a child involved, I was no fool. Gloria could come back and restake her claim. That was a very real possibility.

I was stepping out cautiously.

When we got back to Cathlamet from Longview, the night was still young: midnight seemed a long way off. I threw caution to the wind and we made love that night. Our first date night. And I didn’t feel any guilt at all. It was MY decision: there was no putting out because Bob had put up. I had early on drawn a line in the sand and Bob had respected that line. Now, I was stepping over the line; of my own free will. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again - I wasn't passing up this chance to be with him. Completely: no demands put on him for declarations he wasn't ready to give. No recriminations. Just tonight. It was my choice and he would be absolved of any fault if things went south. He liked that.

I loved Bob. And Bob was ready to be loved. He was the oldest of 6 kids – and he’d been legally bound for 6 years … but before I came into his life, he’d never been fully loved. He’d never had anybody’s attention focused solely on him. I gave him all my attention – without putting demands of ownership on him. He liked that.

From the moment our eyes met over his driver license, in the Spring of 1974 – until the time we said our final goodbyes in December of 2018, looking into each other’s eyes … my attention had been focused on him. He liked that.

Bob was not a vain man, but he did like that I loved him deeply and that I put him above anyone and everything else: except Elohei, of course. I tried valiantly not to cry those final hours; but sometimes I couldn’t stop the tears. And always, there was that smile beaming across his face when he looked into my eyes and tried to instill strength in me during those trying times. And I would look into his eyes, and touch his face, and remember that first date. The conversations we had that first night … and all the nights that followed for 44 years together. Remember how we walked, hand in hand; happy to be together, even after 44 years together. I couldn’t stop the tears. I wanted to be brave – I was brave. But my heart was already missing him, and was longing for the happiness we shared: all the moments he took my breath away.

It’s now 15 months/5 days/8 hours & 25 minutes since I last held Bob’s hand and we looked into each other’s eyes. If it were not raining, would I have escaped to enjoy a long drive in the countryside, instead of feeling my nose burn with the onset of tears to come? I don’t know. Would I be inviting friends over for Supper if there were not a lock-down in place? I don’t know.

What I do know, is that April 19^th has arrived … and Bob will never arrive again.

Today, I wanted to remember this First Date date, with a pizza salute to the man of my dreams and the love of my life. But because it is such an emotional day for me, I didn't want to drive into town and risk breaking down in public during pickup: so I put feelers out. I posted this post on FB's Takeout Food - Central Cowlitz County: {{Pizza places that will deliver to Heron Pointe in Longview? Bruno's won't deliver "that far out" ... it's only 10 minutes, for Pete's sake! The girl on the phone said "our insurance won't let us deliver that far out." Today is a special day for this widow. I'd really like a Pepperoni Pizza. My husband loved pizza.}}

And a kind woman and her husband answered ... AND DELIVERED TO MY DOOR :-D They refused to be repaid the money the pizza cost, or gas costs for running it out to me. THEY WILL BE BLESSED.