PERIOD OF ADJUSTMENT

I was asked earlier this morning how I will get through the holiday season. The person asking really wants to know – she says people are uncomfortable with her grief: she is struggling with the loss of her son, as well as her husband: people decorating for the holidays season upsets her – her grief is so strong. Plus, people are already beginning to set her up for ‘surprise dates’: THAT IS NOT OKAY! This person is wondering, ‘does anyone ever find happiness again? Peace? Joy?’

This is what I posted:

{{It takes time - I am into this Widow Journey 11 months/4 days/45 minutes - and it takes time. Yes, people are uncomfortable: and it is upsetting to me that I have been abandoned to flounder on my own ... and I have literally lost my entire family in 10 months’ time due to bitterness and outright hatred directed towards me: that is on them and Karma knows their addresses; I don't have time for asses and I don't make time for assholes. On the whole, everyone who knew Bob is grieving his absence in their lives, so I do try to make allowances - but sometimes, moving on and moving forward is the best solution to long-standing issues.

I have had well-meaning people tell me, "have you thought about dating? Bob would not want you to be alone" - this was said to me BY MY SISTER 2 weeks into widowhood: I haven't spoken to her since. At Bob's Celebration of Life, in August, his Uncle's 2nd wife, came up to me and said, "You may not want to hear this just yet, but, eventually you may start dating again ..." I knew she meant well, BUT - it was insensitive and inappropriate: I said, "Thank you, I appreciate what you mean; BUT Bob is my Forever Man. I will never date again. I will never remarry. Bob IS my husband. Bob is the only man I have ever loved, or will ever love."

I fell in love with Bob's face when I was 10 years old, and he walked past me ...

Bob; 17. 1967

.... I met him face-to-face 7 years later, dated him, and married him 4 months later:

Our 1^st date – April 1974

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/04/our-first-date-reflections_19.html)

Our Wedding Night at Judge hall’s home – August 27^th, 1974 (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/when-we-married-in-1974.html)

ALL of my life has been with Bob - Bob was a wonderful man with a beautiful soul and loved me unconditionally; and he went out of his way to please me in all things: Bob left mighty BIG SHOES to fill; there will never be another Bob. No one can ever fill the shoes still under our bed ... is it possible to find happiness again? Depends on the kind of happiness you are looking for - I have found happiness in sunsets again. In hikes again. In long daytrip drives again. IN life again. But, I am not looking for love again. Or even sex again. Bob fulfilled all those requirements 100%; and then some! There is no point in me trying to replace that - that avenue would only lead to disappointment all the way around. Bob gave me enough happiness in the Love Department to last me the rest of my life. I am not shopping for a replacement.

Is it possible to find peace again? Absolutely! But, again, it depends on the peace you are seeking. Bob & I found peace during the months it took for his spirit to free itself from his earthen vessel - and that peace still carries me forward. Yeshua gives me 'peace like a river' and 'all is well with my soul' - I KNOW where Bob's spirit IS, and I am at peace.

And joy? Joy is hard to describe - I rejoice that my husband is no longer in pain. I rejoice that my husband i now living life more fully than he ever lived life before ... in THAT I find joy. So, I suppose, that since the description of JOY is "rest of mind" & "happiness" ... I have joy in my life. And having had the "great pleasure" of Bob as my husband for 44 years, JOY has been a constant all of my life: Bob is still my husband - joy will remain a constant in my life.

I am still trying to figure out the Holidays. All of the holidays from Labor Day to New Year's Day (August 30th, 2018 to December 14th, 2018) were spend watching my husband slip away from me: those holidays will always be hard for me to face and get through. But this year is better than last year, when I was bumped from Wife to Widow in a heartbeat, and everything was so new and so raw (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/widowhood.html).

This year is waaaay better than last year, this time. Next year will probably be even better. And so on, and so on. But, this time of year will always be sad. Thank God for the memories of happiness, the comfort of peace, and the constancy of joy in my life!

YES! It IS possible. But the Period of Adjustment takes time.}}