YOU'RE GOLDEN, BABY

This morning, I went to two different Fellowships with Chrystal – both in the same town, a street apart: the second one was her uncle’s church.

Chrystal is Holland’s cousin – and also my friend. The first Fellowship started at 10:30, which is earlier than Oak Point’s church, so I didn’t spend too much time with makeup this morning: just simple, quick applications 😉

Maintenance tools ...

‘Gentle’ for eyebrow line; ‘Glory’ for lid color, ‘Groovy’ & ‘Adventurous’ for liners; ‘Glam Brown’ Mascara, ‘Coral Ember’ Crème Blush, & 'Nude Intense' Lipstick.

'Liquid Gold' Nail Polish, & 'Crystal Clear' Topcoat polish.

There has been a lot of manipulative hassling going on with the Oak Point church for the better part of the fifteen months I’ve attended there every week – four times a week: there is an old 89-year-old-harpy there, named jeannie, who has gone after the pastor e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.2.4.h.o.u.r.s.a.d.a.y. – basically forcing the board to get rid of him: no valid reason, other than he can’t be broken by her continual attacks. She needs to be in control – I, personally, feel she’s demonically possessed and fueled by pure hatred. Holland is a board member. Yesterday, the pastor resigned (just tired of the constant attacks) … and I left (also tired of the continual maliciousness): Holland stayed. Strike 1, against our budding relationship. He called me last night – I said I was never going back to Oak Point church; and during the course of the hour-long phone call asked him to join Chrystal and me at his uncle’s church the next town over. He promised he’d meet us there: it was an olive branch move.

Or so I thought.

He pulled a no-show, and called later with a lame-assed excuse. Strike 2. So, I said, “We can be friends Holland, but no more dating. Trust is a sticking point with me – when someone breaks trust with me, I’m pretty much done; broken trust can never be fixed.”

So, that’s that. Holland is history … BUT I am thankful for his place in my journey. He helped me smile again – with feeling. He helped me heal. My brief interaction with him, taught me that I can comfortably accept attention, advances, and affection from men – other than Bob; for that lesson I am thankful.

I’m okay with the break, and moving forward as a happy, carefree Senior single 😉

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

Already there is trouble in Paradise.

Honesty is a HUGE THING with me.

And any man in my life has to put me first, before anyone else.

Now, I understand that Mr. Complication wasn't aware of the second point ... but he certainly knew about the first point, because he's heard me stress it e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y., for 15 freaking m.o.n.t.h.s. - not specifically to him, but as a GENERAL RULE in my life.

The honesty thing today may not seem like a big deal to him; but it is a big deal to me: and I made SURE he got that message tonight around 5:30 P.M. And quick on the heels of that message I added, "and another thing, while we're 'clearing the air' ... any man who wants me in their life needs to MAKE SURE I come next in their life after Christ: Christ FIRST, because that is how it is with me; and I damned well better come in SECOND after Christ, because that is how I treat my significant person – if that's too hard a line for you to follow, then I am not the one you need. I know what I bring to the table. I'm not afraid to eat alone – better alone, than feeling insignificant. These 2 things are not a request: they are A REQUIREMENT!"

‘A Timely Message’ Post: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/a-timely-message.html)

Building a relationship is never easy, but SERIOUSLY?????

It's elementary, Sherlock.

Meatloaf – ‘Life Is A Lemon & I Want My Money Back’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KanegVORJYE)

UPDATE: Around 8:41 P.M., Mr. Complication called with an apology – and a promise to not hide anything else from me ever again, thinking he’s protecting me. And, he’s going to go to Fellowship with me tomorrow, at a different gathering; he’ll meet me there after taking care of a certain problem (afore mentioned problem #2, mentioned above).

It’s an olive branch moment 😊

A TIMELY MESSAGE

The majority of my Shabbat Rest was peaceful, today.

Fallout from last night's rain storm.

My 2nd Angel-Wing Begonia is blossoming.

These will go with me, tomorrow; I'll keep one aside for Becky.

Happy to get Becky's text.

No sad December 14th, this year.

The text is a timely message: next Wednesday is my 4 Year Widow Date. I’m glad I’ll be spending it laughing this year, with a long-standing friend who loves me like a sister; and I’ll get to catch up on news concerning her husband, that I love very much (like a goofy brother) – her kids, and toddling granddaughter, and the Fall vaca-trip they took down South. This year I am actually looking forward to December 14^th 😉

Things got a little sideways around 5:30 P.M., and I put Mr. Complication back on ice, for a while. He may think he’s ready for a relationship with me, but I think he needs more reflective time. There is a lot going on that I can’t get into at the moment, and it is pressing on our budding relationship; putting us both in a very difficult spot individually (we do not agree on it, at all); and once my intuition kicked in – and my suspicions were confirmed (not another woman – just some social nonsense that needs to be settled), I sent him a Dear John text … and that grabbed his attention real quick.

‘Trouble In Paradise’ Post: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/trouble-in-paradise_10.html)

He immediately got on the phone, “Hey Baby, what’s up?”

I said, “My temper is up.” And I explained why – colorfully, and in minute detail so he couldn’t possibly misunderstand what I was saying. After several times of listening to his interjecting lame excuses; I just broke in saying, “Holland. Holland! You are not listening to what I’m saying …”, then, I just ended the convo with, “We aren’t talking the same language. I think we need to cool our jets for a bit until you figure out what you really want. I think you want a lukewarm tea type of woman – and I’m not that. I’m a hurricane when the wind blows the wrong way. I want a man in my life that doesn’t hide things from me, thinking he’s protecting me: I can protect myself. I want a man in my life that puts my peace of mind and happiness before anything, or anyone else – and what I hear you saying is that you aren’t with me on this, in this situation. I know you’re in a tough spot … but I am not; I don’t see this situation resolving itself, like you do. I’m done with that, and I’m done listening to excuses.”

I’ll miss him.

He really needs to spend some time thinking about what he really wants. And he needs to decide for him; not to get back in my good graces. As long as the problem stands between us, he’ll be on ice (not as a friend, but there will be no future for us to go beyond friendship): there will never be any agreement concerning the divisive circumstances – we just see it too differently. I will not enter into a relationship where I will be unequally yoked.

MAKING IT {OFFICIAL}

Bonnie Raitt – ‘Love Sneakin’ Up On You’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG_Ii8_J9xg)

A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN 4 DAYS!

I didn’t want it to happen.

I fought it.

I denied it.

I did everything in my power to ignore his advances … and make it go away.

But, Fate won’t be denied.

Everything came to a head when Holland was in the hospital with kidney stones, a few days ago. I have known for a year that he has been flirting with me … but I wasn’t ready to let go of the memory of Bob. About two months ago, Holland got bolder in his attempts to catch my attention – and I kept shutting him down. Gently. Firmly.  Two weeks ago, Holland actually texted me, spelling out clearly what his intentions were:

Holland's bold Text; 11-22-22.(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/11/complications.html)

I pulled over to the side of the road and stared at the text for a good 15 minutes before responding. I cried. I did not want this. Friendship – yes; romance leading to marriage – NO.

I even flat out told him to “look elsewhere – I’m not interested in romance; I still love Bob”: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/11/it-aint-me-keep-searching.html).

Mr. Complication was persistent.

I don’t even know when things changed on my end!

All I know … is that things did change … from my adamant denial on Thursday – (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/think-pink-breathe.html) – to agreeing to a “coffee date” on the following night (he had released from the hospital around 1 AM Friday morning). I got a text simply saying, “I’m home. We have to talk.”

Things spiraled into {official dating} in turbo speed.

The past three evenings … sandwiched between small-scale home Christmas décor, hiking, my Monday & Tuesday Life Coaching Meetings, and Sunday Fellowship … have been enlightening, exciting, informative, and moving quickly towards building a permanent life together (not sure when that will be ‘official’). We’re not rushing into anything, but permanency is being discussed. We’re Senior Citizens – there’s not a whole lot of time to pussy-foot around 😉

We have a lot in common.

I find myself smiling when he calls, or texts; we are friends – I like spending time with him. Though he is very different from Bob … there are similarities of character. Friends think it’s cute when they hear him call me ‘Baby’ (they don’t know that’s Bob’s pet name for me; and I didn’t cry when I heard Holland say it to me). I didn’t pull away when he touched me, like I thought I might: Bob’s the only man that has ever held my hand, or hugged me, in 48 years; 4 of those years, I’ve been a solo lobo widow quite content to remain single – Holland has changed that. The kisses are quick and tentative pecks, and Holland is understanding. This dating thing is unfamiliar territory to me. He gives me space to breathe and get comfortable with these quick paced changes; he is not rushing me. He is allowing me to set the pace. I appreciate that.

Holland’s been on fire for 15 months – my feelings are sparking.

I never expected anything like this. I never encouraged it. I’ve been blindsided by the Love Bug.

Christmas Cactus is spreading big time, and blooming all over.

The first casualty of the season ...

Finally using the Christmas Angel, I bought at a Garage Sale 2 years ago ... I like it.

Christmas decorations in place, for 2022 Season.

The router doing the funky chicken dance; Friday night. GRRR. It got replaced last night (Monday).

New Read started & finished before midnight.

A frosty morning walk along the dike hike trail; Saturday.

Mule deer on Old Pacific Highway.

Time for new slippers; the stone floor in the kitchen tore the bottoms out of this pair!

Meeting The Family; Sunday Morning.

Jogging Santa.

'Official Date' Nights; Sunday, Monday, Tuesday ... and ongoing ;-)

Bonnie Raitt – ‘Thing Called Love’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTzDrB16y5E)

Tom Petty – ‘A Face In The Crowd’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O7amyo0ABU)

Holland likes my 'fun side' (the flashy 'Redneck Princess' side of me); & he put this smile on my face.

I called my kids and got their input on the situation; I heard, “Go for it!”

I feel that if Bob is watching this thing unfolding, he is smiling and applauding this next step forward in my New Life.

My laptop has been on the fritz since Friday evening: the router needed to be replaced. Holland came by tonight to see what he could do; and got it up and running 😊

And because my laptop background pic is of Bob … he got a closeup view of the man he has been competing with for ownership of my heart. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t appear to be uncomfortable. He knows there is room in my heart to make a space for him; he knows because I have told him that.

He also heard me say (one Sunday Fellowship Day), when I went forward for prayer, “I am asking prayer for direction in my life. I want e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. God has for me.”

Holland knew something I did not know. Holland waited for me – he will still wait for me, as long as it takes (which, all of a sudden, is a short period of time).

I did not want this. I did not sit around waiting for it. I actively discouraged any flirting. But Holland waited 35 years for this … and my heart is softening, and ready to take the plunge with all the complicated risks. This is a new experience; and yet I am totally comfortable leaning into it 😉

I am comfortable with Holland; and more than a little surprised that I am totally comfortable with the love he has just for me.

Thank You, Father, for the divine provision.

Thank you, Bob, for making me hear your approving encouragement when I didn’t want to.

Thank You, Yeshua, for Your peace that passes all understanding.

Thank You, Ruach HaKo’desh, for the tie that binds.

Mr. Complication & Me; we made it 'officially known' yesterday afternoon.

Bonnie Raitt – ‘Something To Talk About’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5SNQr7k380)

Holland was not 'thrown' by seeing Bob's face for my 'Background' Laptop Pic (the first time he's come face-to-face with Bob - 2014). I am fortunate to be so unconditionally loved by the two unexpected men, Elohim favored me with.

I am no longer denying the inevitable.

Fate always has its way 😉

2023 is going to be very interesting.

THINK PINK & BREATHE

I woke up to snow on the ground, here, this morning.

7:30 AM

I had a car maintenance appointment in Kelso around noon – the street looked fine, so I kept the appointment 😉

I decided to wear pink today. A lot of pink 😊

On my way out the door, I grabbed my latest read, and stuck it in my purse – it’s a good read, and it keeps my attention; I’m already ¾th’s way through it.

Keeping everything in the pink range of color.

'Primrose' Lipstick & 'Pink Quartz' Lipgloss; and 'Grape' nail color & 'Crystal Clear' topcoat.

Car maintenance appointment this afternoon ....

Driving back home, I topped the gas tank, and noticed the price has gone down a bit … and I also got an invite to lunch at the Indy Diner on Industrial Way 😊

A breather with the gas prices.

Blue Burger; Indy Way Diner.

Listening to Christmas music while driving home on Old Pacific Highway, those pesky peacocks were stopping traffic again. They really need to have their wings clipped! They are pretty – but they are also a nuisance.

These peacocks are going to cause someone to wreak.

I had barely gotten around the pesky birds, when I got an incoming text: Mr. Complication was in the hospital ☹

That bit of news was additional complication. He has the key to the building where the Jam Sessions are held – people needed to be told the session would be canceled. Another friend texted me and told me that the roads would be too risky, and everyone needed to stay home; I agreed … but I also texted back saying the people who would be showing up (those used to driving in the iffy weather) still needed to be told the session was canceled: I needed to get into the hills and meet them with the news when they showed up (some people are weird about giving their phone numbers out).

So, that’s what I did.

And I’m glad I risked it because the roads were really not that bad, and people did show up. I arrived safely, and the news was relayed. I really didn’t have much to tell them, other than he was in the hospital.

Not a lot of snow.

The drive home was a little dicier – there was ice under the slush; but I drove very cautiously, and managed to get back home in one piece 😉

A bit icy, and a lot slushy; I drove very cautiously over that hill.

The entire drive over the hill - and I didn't care if the drivers behind me were getting angry.

When I got home, I ate Supper and decided to see if I could find out anything more about Mr. Complication’s situation. I spent hours on the phone (no one knew anything more than I did). When I got an actual person on the hospital line, I even went as far as hinting that I was a “close friend” (and I would have had the info if the test results had come in faster); all I managed to get from mutual friends was that he’d been throwing up earlier at his house, and drove himself to the hospital with severe pains, he thought was an appendix attack.

Hearing how severely he had been throwing up – immediately sent my thoughts into flashback mode, remembering Bob violently throwing up before I rushed him to ER that horrible day, that landed him in ER with a death sentence hanging over his head.

Around 9 PM, Mr. Complication texted me that he had been diagnosed with kidney stones. OUCH! Again, flashback memories hit fast and furious. I literally had to school myself to calm down and breathe calmly.

All the memories and feels that went with those memories were crowding my thoughts: Bob’s situation spiraled out of control because he didn’t feel the pain like a normal person would (so he missed the warning pains), and an infection set in that could not be controlled; which led to his physical death … Mr. Complication feels the ouch; he will fare better than my Mr. Wonderful did.

NO! I do not love Mr. Complication! But, he is a friend, and I don’t like to think of him suffering that kind of pain. I hope that this affliction will be tended to quickly, and that he will be on the mend speedily.