LOST VALLEY ROAD

Today was my Naselle Coffee Hour, day.

On my way to my Thursday Naselle Coffee Hour.

Naselle from Heron Pointe - via WA-4 W; 59 mins.

I had fun; I also met some new people, who were a hoot.

Before I knew it, the hour had flown, and I was on the road again.

I did get a lead on a possible home up for grabs … so, I’m waiting (with a hope and a prayer) to see where that leads.

The house isn’t listed yet.

Leaving Naselle, I decided that instead of driving straight back home, I’d drive the Pe Ell Loop drive; and take a side excursion up a road I’ve been wanting to explore for years 😉

I'm going to explore Lost Valley Road, this afternoon.

I was listening to Bob’s Charlie Daniels CD …

The Charlie Daniels Band – A Decade of Hits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh7BZf7D5Bw&list=PLOlIvUBxGKIRl0VhdmVn8GNdPchPezuOr

… when ‘Still In Saigon’ came on … I was overcome with emotion, and had to pull over and sit for a little bit. That song always brings tears to my eyes, but today swift anger came with the tears. It just brought back memories of the Vietnam War years, where our young men were drafted to fight and die to battle communism and socialism.

It was a bloody mess – the government in Vietnam was patently evil and the things done by those tyrants defies human comprehension.

And our young men returning were violently hassled, spit on, screamed at, and labeled murderers (most notably; ‘baby killers’) by the uneducated, and ‘higher education’ brainwashed, demonrat minions: the same minions who were then and now screaming for the right to murder their own babies.

The hypocrisy was/is disgraceful.

And today the younger uneducated, and ‘higher education’ brainwashed demonrat freaks are calling for communism and socialism to be ushered into America through barak hussain obama’s demented tool, biden and his commie sidekick, cackling hyena harris.

It makes me sad.

It makes me angry.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

I was missing my Kentucky-roots-man.

I am missing America; and hoping She makes a comeback.

So, I had to pull over for a bit and cry it out – that the cost of the loss of lives given to keep communism and socialism at bay; and never introduced into American life – can so easily be trampled into the ground by the deadhead 1960’s throwback losers and their ilk; lost in their self-imposed insanity is an American tragedy flung in our faces by that demon, obama … and his angry partner in crime, michael.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that I had pulled into the parking lot of a thrift store.

I also saw a foyer mirror for sale that I knew I’d be bringing home with me. It was only $5 😉

As soon as my eyes saw it, I wanted it: and I know just the place for it in the house … and it will be traveling with me to my new home, too, when I procure one; hopefully in a year’s time, or sooner 😊

There is always room for a foyer mirror. It’s shabby chic – and I like that. Bob didn’t particularly care for shabby furniture and country décor, but I do: and my new home will be solely my own. I will trick it out in whatever fancy I chose.

New-to-me foyer mirror.

Mirror purchased and stashed carefully in the backend of the Highlander; I was off again.

Turning left at the Raymond circle, I pulled in at Galey’s at the top of the hill.

Galey's from Naselle - via US-101 N; 43 mins.

I decided to top the gas tank there too – that way I wouldn’t have to in Longview … I could just drive straight to my carport and kick my shoes off (there was still a full tank of gas when I parked at home) 😉

I had never gassed up here, so the pump was a little different to operate.

An old-fashioned gas pump.

Lost Valley Road from Galey's - via WA-6 E; 41 mins.

Enjoying the warmth of a sunny drive along the farmlands of Pe Ell-McDonald Road, I turned uphill at the ‘Lost Valley’ road sign – full of exploratory anticipation.

Lost Valley Road Sign, in the leafy roadside shadows.

Heron Pointe from Lost Valley Road - via Boistfort & Wildwood Road; 1 hr. 3 mins.

Bob and I had never taken this turn, so it was a new ‘thing’ 😊

A skinny backcountry road with evidence of log truck activity at some point.

From the Pe Ell-McDonald side, it was a very narrow, and shoulderless road – just thinking of meeting a log truck at this juncture was a little nerve-wracking. I had been seeing log trucks all day long, along the route; logging was in full swing this afternoon.

But God was merciful … and I never met one on this particular road.

(((THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FATHER!)))

Beginning at the Mile 4 milepost, several houses … tucked in at the end of looooong gravel and dirt driveways spread out along the roadway … began to dot the forested landscape.

Houses after milepost 4.

The closer I got to the tie-in-end of Lost Valley Road, the wider the roadway got: and the easier I breathed thinking about those log trucks 😉

Also, more houses showed, in cleared out areas.

It was a real nice country drive.

Definitely a repeat 😊

A fancy hilltop house; a fancy garage/shop lower down the property – with log trucks parked in the graveled area.

Horses enjoying a warm, quiet, summer day; background horse is a heavier draft horse; the feet and bulky size drew my attention – these are BIG animals, used for BIG farm work loads.

An octagon shaped house; the family dog was very vociferous even from this distance.

The tie-in-end of Lost Valley Road; this is familiar territory, so, I turned left.

Lost Valley Road had just rerouted me to a different Pe-Ell way towards home!

Lost Valley Road route ...

It brought me to the top of Pe Pell, via Boistfort junction - where I normally turn towards home! It was an enjoyable side route.

So, I finished my adventurous drive in my ‘normal way’ when I travel that way.

But … I had been wanting to know where the Lost Valley Road went; and now, I know 😉

THE 'BOOK LADY'

Well 😉

Today, I got a new title: “The Lady With The Book”.

It made me laugh.

I like anything that makes me laugh 😊

I have a lot on my mind lately with plans I hope pan out, and that makes me tired … not worn down, just a little sleepy after entertaining all the thoughts running through my mind that keep me up late into the evenings, and wake me early in the mornings.

So, this morning I cleaned house for a bit: seeing those spider webs the other morning kinda jump-started the house cleaning spree of late …

… and after stirring up the dust bunnies, whisking them up, and disposing of them – I sat down in Bob’s recliner and let my eyelids close for a brief 40 winks, only to have my brainwaves shock me back into action with the call to “BINGO!” in an hour. LOL

I jumped up, ran to wash my hair, quickly change clothes … and barely make it across town in time.

I should have stayed home.

I was seated next to a cranky complainer, yawned the entire hour I stayed for my portion of Bingo – and lost every dollar I spent to play ($7). The cards were teasing me … taking me as far as 1 tab open: but they never took me all the way 😉

After that dismal hour, I thought I’d hoof it over to the Country Folks Deli and have a pick-me-up Black-n-Blu Burger (I thought it kinda fit the mood; LOL).

The back parking lot was packed, so I had to drive around the block twice before a space was freed up to nip into. I usually avoid the front end of the deli because Bob and I always ate in that end … right off Commerce main Street. But today, I had no choice.

The front end of the Deli ... it's been a while since I've taken a table in this section of the restaurant.; upstairs in the wine-meal section. This building used to be an old mud-street Saloon.

I like eating here on occasion; and there is a peppy waiter there that makes it a point to wait on me, when I come in. Practically as soon as I sit down, he’s at my table with pencil and pad at the ready. He never forgets what I had the last time I was there, and he’s fun to talk with – very personable and friendly.

Today, before he could get to me, another waiter stopped by my table and asked me what I’d like to drink, I ordered a Root Beer … and he jetted off to get it. Then, Mr. Peppy stepped by, and asked, “Are you going to have the Ranch Burger again with Home fries?” I said, “I’ll have the fries, but let’s try the Black-n-Blu Burger today – I need the cajun spices to wake me up.” We laughed, and he hustled off to place the order.

That’s when I heard my new Name 😉

He must have met my root beer fella on his way to my table, because I heard them conversing … and the convo ended with, “to the table of the ‘lady with the book’”.

I'm referred to as 'the book lady' by the Country Deli Folks waiters. LOL

Since I am the only person who ever goes in there with a book, and reads it at the table; I knew I was the ‘Lady’ being spoken about 😊

Current Read. This is a book series of humorous mystery stories based around small town intuitive cats – does this make an aging cat lady?

Sometimes I will be asked what I am reading: if the waiters have time to chit-chat. Other times, they just quietly ftech and clean around my reading.

I chuckled, and thought, “Well … there are other names some people pin on me; I can live with this one.”

I don’t mind the Title. 

It fits, at the moment 😉

SHEDDING THE COCOON

As those of you who read my Blog knows, I’ve kicked around the idea of moving to a different locale practically since we moved here, to Heron Point.

Bob and I had barely had time to bring the house up to snuff and move in, when management changed hands; and I was a widow 18 months after purchasing this home at Heron Pointe.

I’ve talked to Shay several times these past 30 months about putting the house on the market – but each time, I’ve had to rescind the listings; she’s been very patient with me.

But this time I am going to follow through if I can get a house in the location I desire.

I own this home outright, but Lot Rent goes up $30/mo - every year; basically, for nothing but parking the car under the carport – what I am ‘allowed to do’ with the space my house sits on is very, very limited: I feel money paid for lot rent would be better spent in home ownership with a fixed mortgage rate than the continual $300/yr. increase without end in sight.

It’s just too restrictive here. 

If Bob were still here, I’d tough it out. 

But Bob isn’t here; and I hate being here alone. 

There is no logical reason to hang onto this house. 

My decision to sell and move has been carefully thought out this year; this time around, it’s been thought out without deceitful double-talk, confusing frustrations, or unrepentant heartache… but with more confidence.

Because it’s my decision.

I’m not working with anyone who is going to be setting me up with hidden agendas designed to knock me down: like I was before.

That’s all over.

This year, the decision I’m making – I’m making. 

By myself.

With confidence that it will be carried through to completion.

With the intent to carry it through to completion.

This year, this decision does not revolve around someone else’s schemes, schedules, wants, needs, or whims.

This time around, I’m focusing on my needs.

And this time … I’m making decisions based solely on what works for me: all the way around.

Actively and purposefully moving into my New Life.

There’s no one else I have to consider. 

There’s no one else I have to consult with. 

There’s no one else that I have to put myself aside for.

I intend to go through with my decision.

Bob instilled a lot of confidence into my life.

I need to stand on different ground.

I need to walk paths that lead to new people and new places.

I need to breathe life back into my life – somewhere else where the struggle won’t be so emotionally handicapping.

Of course, everything depends on Elohei: it will be satisfactory if that is Elohim’s Will.

This year, I have people in two counties supporting me, standing with me, praying for me, encouraging me, working with me, and working for me … so I feel this whole endeavor is a win-win situation this time.

I want to be where I – as a person, in my own right – is appreciated.

These people personally know me. 

They know where my thoughts run to.

They know my hopes, and heart’s desire – because we talk; we communicate.

We’re building a nucleus of community. 

They know that I’ll bring presence to their community; I’ll be an asset.

I’ll have purpose.

I’ll have a direction for my life.

I don’t have that here: in truth, I haven’t had that for quite a while – from anyone, for anything.

Though I did – a few months ago – think I could “make Longview my home” … and I honestly did try: in actuality, I am just existing in suburbia; doing my level best to {live} the life that swirls around me. 

I’m just going through the motions.

As much as I try, I am not really content with my “good life” – and it is a good one: Bob provided well for me, and aside from the basic monthly living expenses, my life is pretty good and carefree, all things considered.

However; without Bob in it … in this city that was always his dream, never mine … I am restless, unsettled, and underwhelmed: my life is still one huge question mark.

And no one can change this but me. 

My life needs a total rewrite. 

That rewrite needs an electrifying jumpstart.

I need to allow my journey to captivate me, and lead me into its full plan.

My life here, still revolves around the life I had with Bob here; no matter what I do to make this house my home … the fact remains that we bought this house, in this Park, as a couple: and Bob no longer shares my life with me. It doesn’t matter what small changes I make, inside or outside the house – it doesn’t matter how far I travel away from home base on sporadic daytrips; when I step back across the threshold – the house always reminds me that this used to be shared space. I still picture Bob throughout all the house. The house still echoes with his smiling, laughing, loving presence.

Clearly, if my new life is going to reach its full potential, I’m going to have to remove the solo lobo new life that holds promise of purpose … from the old life, where couple purpose has ceased.

This house used to hold promise.

And I do like it: there are so many windows, it's perfect for me – but where it is situated is not perfect for me. Bob's absence in it is not perfect for me.

Now this house just holds sorrowing memories warring with reined in anger and listless activity that serves no real purpose other than to be in constant motion to stave off the creeping acknowledgement of singleness where there used to be togetherness.

On the downside, when I slow down, and crawl into bed at night – I know that all the day’s activity was aimless; and I am acutely aware that the house is loud with the echo of silence.

On the upside, I am growing into my solo lobo life; and I am actually enjoying the unfettered freedoms to go where I want to go – whenever I want to go/eat what I want to eat – whenever I want to eat it/wear what I want to wear – without viewing my choices through secondary eyes/be friends with whoever I choose – without considering another opinion of said friends/do whatever I want to do with the house, inside and out – without agreeing on neutral ground.

But the house still trips me up. 

The house is parked in Longview.

I will always associate Longview with Bob; Longview was Bob’s dream location. For me, Longview is a major pain in the ass.

I tolerated living in Longview for Bob’s sake; now Bob lives beyond the clouds.

The house reminds me that Bob is missing from my life.

I’m excited about the prospect of moving to a different County.

I’m thrilled I have a strong cheerleading support squad. 

I’m also a little scared about the solo lobo undertaking. Bob always trusted me with the financial arrangements on our other home purchases, and I always depended on him to read the fine print so we wouldn't get shafted ... now I will be making a solo lobo transaction, hoping that I will understand the fine print without Bob's input: I do not want to unknowingly agree to a royal shafting.

But, I’m resolutely confident about it, too.

It’s a good feeling.

I am no longer in survival mode.

I no longer have one foot in each life.

I’m becoming more fully present in the “Now” realm of my dual life.

I fought hard for 30 months to find solid footing, and carry through with Bob’s “live, Val” request. At first, it was difficult trying to make progress forward in a life totally unrecognizable without Bob in it. Currently, it is getting easier – I find that the want to live again is not so hard to contemplate.

It’s time to fully embrace the changes and let my unfolding life get louder than the memories.

I need to make new memories that are only mine. 

I need to physically separate myself from the area we lived our life together for two decades.

I need to wake up to sunlight shining through windows with an unfamiliar view, in a room I entered for the first time – I need to hear raindrops tap dancing on a new roof of a new place I purchased myself, for myself; in a new locale I’m setting solo lobo roots deeply into.

I need to explore new roads/shop unfamiliar stores/eat in an unfamiliar quaint restaurant in an off-the-beaten-track town.

I need to have someone I do not know, break into my solitary thoughts and strike up an impromptu conversation with me ‘just because’.

I need to drink a glass of wine in the cool of an evening on my own porch, of my own house – and stare up at the night sky to marvel at the moon and stars … to the moderate tone beat of the boom box Bob bought me … without being restricted to city {quiet hours} between 7 AM and 9 PM. The only interruption I want to have intruding on my personal time is crickets singing – and frogs joining in, in harmony.

Time For A Cool Change: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JPLJk-UOHc

I need to leave this house; because without Bob physically in it – in all his 6’2” reality – it is no longer a home. I know myself. The only way for me to really move forward, without the love of my life in my life, is to permanently leave the place where we shared love and high hopes of a comfortable retired life.

Bob’s physical death displaced me from the only life I’ve known for most of my adult life.

It’s time now to stop trying to plug the hole in the shaky wall of the old life, and actively get busy building a newer, settled life.

With these realities foremost in the way I consider my new unfolding life, I think my emerging life will find a good {fit} in my hoped-for new locale.

So, that’s what I’m aiming for.

That’s what I’m getting involved in.

Hopefully, the next few months … will bring the results that I want.

And of course; as always, Elohei is in the details.

If He wants this thing to be “a go!” … it will be ‘a go’: it will go through as easily as the previous home buying episodes went.

With Elohim on my side, I can’t lose 😊 

So, that’s what I’m hoping as I shed my comfortable cocoon.

And, as my unfurling wings dry and strengthen; everything is on the table this year.

Everything.

People are praying “as the Spirit leads”.

We’ll see what Elohei deems {everything} to entail 😉